Sunday, April 27, 2014

Literature Review #8.

Literature Review #7.

Doctor Sleep (2013)

Excellent, loved it, can't wait for the movie.

A 40 year old Danny Torrence, and a 13 year old girl who's more powerful than he was as a kid go up against a Manson Family of lifeforce vampires lead by "Rose The Hat", a crazy bitch who wears a top hat.
Hi-jinks ensue.
And shenanigans.

Eh, didn't care for the Alcoholics Anonymous booster bullshit.
Danny pisses away the middle part of his life being a stinking drunk, so, by middle age, he finally crawls out of it with the help of AA, and they're Christian, and King is semi-religious, so AA it is *eyeroll*.
But, whatever, it grated, but it didn't gag me.
I could let it go.
Some critics couldn't.
Ah, well.

Analytical stuff-
I can't get other writers to talk shop with me.
Not the deep clockwork stuff, anyway.
There's not a logical reason I can calculate, so, I've assumed it's irrational ego shit.
Either they think I'm dogshit on their boots, and not worth talking to; or, maybe I'm better, and don't know it, and they're threatened by me.
Either way, phooey.
But, listening to King material read aloud in MP3 format, I can concentrate, and see the clockworks of the story in my mind, and go "ah, that's how he does that....I do that too! I'm on the right track!".
It helped me feel a lot better and secure about my thing I'm doing.
So, this book was invaluable as well as entertaining.

No one helps voluntarily, I have to fuckin' mind-meld it out.
*Sigh* way of the world, way of the world...

Anyway, thanks, Unca Stevie!

The audiobook is read by Will Patton, who played Quentin Glass in "The Punisher", which starred Thomas Jane, who also played the lead in "The Mist", by Stephen King.
I like little bits of synchronicity like that.

Technical stuff-
Why audiobooks lately?
Reading is a pain.
A literal physical pain.
If it's a thick book at all, I get hand cramps holding it open, and I get neck cramps from either looking down on it, or up at it, and the looking up at it from below pose hurts my arms and hand even more, and I can't find a comfortable position that can be held for hours at a time, so I'm tossing, and turning.
And I REALLY hate stopping and starting, I like to go through big chunks.
I'm a gorger in all forms of experience.
If I didn't have to eat, shit, and sleep, I'd go through non-stop.
Some of the Dune books I killed in a day like that.
And it fucking killed me back. I used to bounce back quicker in my 20's.
But, audio, I can have it read to me, and I can lay back, and get cozy.
I'm that lazy muthafucka I always used to make fun of.
Well, fuck it, I'm about as old as Danny Torrence, and my body is starting to crumble a little.
So, audio whenever possible nowadays.

No way in hell there won't be a movie, or miniseries of this.
John Cusack has said he'd like to be Danny.
Chloƫ Grace Moretz would have been good for Abra 3-4 years ago, dunno who they'd get now.
NO idea for who'd be Rosie The Hat, but the casting call for that would be HUGE.

Shining 3, whatever it would be called, would have to be about a grown up Abra, so another 20 years minimum of real time would have to go by, and King would be in his 80's, so...if he's not up to it, maybe Owen King, or Joe Hill could do it.
We'll have to see.

I'm tempted now to go through the whole Dark Tower series....but that would be a truly huge chunk of time, and I can't devote it right now.
Some day.

And, that's the end.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

Happy third observed Arbor Day!

The start of REAL spring.

The snow is dead, and the trees are budding.

As I said on "Calender Day", this, and Darwin Day, are about the only ones of a handful of holidays I can stand, and about the only two with real significance.

So, like I said last time, go hug a tree.

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Thursday, April 24, 2014

Flicks I've watched (Part 30)

Part 29.

Okay, let's start with the good, and work down towards the bad.

Tenchi Muyo: War On Geminar (2009-10)

See here, and here.

Shit, turns out this has actually been out for awhile.

Anyway, fucking loved it!
Now I'm craving a marathon of all the old Tenchis again.
*Sad sigh*
But I got shit to do.

Anyway, this must be the best one of the Tenchiverse by far.
Here, Kenshi is the Tenchi clone, like Seina was in GXP, and this has the most characters, and the biggest scope, and the most intricate plot of all of 'em.
And yes, the girls end up being Kenshi's harem.
It'll feel like a Tenchi show, you won't notice the difference.
The magic is there.

If you're an anime geek, and you haven't gotten into Tenchi, I really don't know what the fuck you're waiting for.
I gotta drop Jupiter on your head?
Come on.

Amelie (2001)

Loved it.
Cute as hell.
Dunno why it took me so long to see it.

One of those ones that doesn't boil down into a couple paragraphs, and a lengthy book report on it would spoil it all.
Just watch it.
It'll make you happy.

The Beaver (2011)

Y'know, I liked it.
And I kinda hate that I like it, cuz of the star, but, yeah, pretty good.
Not at all what you expect from the ads.
If Hollywood made this, it'd be cutesy, and have a pre-packaged predictable ending, but man, does it take a dark turn.
Kudus for having some twists, movie.

The Passion Of The Christ (2004)

See here.

Mentioned this in "Oh-Em-Gee-Three!!", and I figured "y'know, if I'm gonna keep comparing religious flicks unfavorably to this, I'd better sit down, and watch the fuckin' thing".

So I did.


It's everything I expected, and nothing more.
Wasn't shockingly bad, wasn't shocking period, didn't move me, didn't tear jerk me, every sentiment it threw at me was blatantly manipulative, and came from a mile away.
Propaganda, through and through.
People who liked this are idiots.

Man, if "The Demon Murder Case", fucked me up at 8 years old, can you imagine what this thing did to 5-year-olds forced to sit through it by their creepy parents?
Holy shit.

So, anyway, I saw this because of OMG3, then I saw "The Beaver", because it was "the other Mel Gibson flick".
Like, they bookend pre and post meltdown.
I have no desire to see "Apocalypto".

Then, I saw "Amelie", because I always meant to since two-thousand-fucking-one, but something always stopped me.
Then, it got so far behind, I forgot, and the memory finally came back to me.
Like "48 Hours".

And "Geminar", well, just because.

So, that's those.
Up to date.
See you next time.

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Tuesday, April 22, 2014


So, here we go again.

Another cinema inspired religious revival.
Time to get out the knives again, and wade into the fray.

Noah (2014)

First off, I haven't seen any of these flicks, and I'm not going to.
Does that hinder my ability to dissect these films?
Yes, and no.
Yes, in that I can't rate the writing, direction, and performances, no, in that...come's the same old shit.
It's Malibu Stacy with a new hat.

First, I gotta mention the controversy surrounding this particular flick.
The Christians hate it, because of the departures from the biblical account.
The Atheist hate it, because, well, come on.

So, who's going to see this thing?
Soft-Christians who don't really know the Bible, never attend church, but collect their X-mas gifts, and Easter eggs.
Which, is a lot of fucking people, when you think about it.

Same lot that got sucked in by "The Passion Of The Christ", actually.
How'd that work out?
Oh, right....*mean smirk*

Now to the "same old shit", portion of this review.
My breakdown of the Noah story from "Oh-Em-Gee".

...and we get Noah's Ark, where God commits genocide, not just on the people that pissed "him", off, but on millions of innocent children, and animals.

Say, couldn't an all-powerful God just make all the assholes have simultaneous spontaneous heart attacks, or something?
You would think.
Or , heck, teleport 'em into the sun, and atomize 'em.
No smelly body cleanup that way.

Nope, apparently, drowning everything in lots and lots of water is more "dramatic", or...something.
This omnipotent entity, who shouldn't even give this much of a shit about humans in the larger scale of things, cares about impressing people.

And, nice of him to leave the traumatic nightmare of all that cleanup to Noah and his kids.
Imagine finding a bird-pecked child up in a tree when you go apple picking.
Now imagine a present like that every day.

And from "Oh-Em-Gee-Too", re: "Evan Almighty",....

Hollywood, don't take evil Bible stories, and make 'em cute anymore.

Stop making "cute", comedy period, wouldja?
Take this saccharine Capra-crap, and blow it out your asses. 

If you're gonna spoof religion, have some fucking balls, like in the Python days.
No one's got any fucking balls anymore.

So, anyway, see again my rant on the "real", Noah's Ark.
That's some vile apocalypse-wank, but Hollywood had the balls to lay it steaming in our laps.

Apparently, they took my advice to heart, but not in the way I intended.
Instead of making a cute comedy, they made it serious again.

Hollywood, go back to the cute comedies.
I take it back.

So, yeah, this story doesn't get less disgusting or foolish, no matter how you dress it up.
I'm not going to stare into the heart of some big special effect, and go "woooowww, I so totally believe in this now!! It's suddenly not nonsense!!".
Go ahead and ad pornstars, and interactive dancers popping out of the walls of the theater on rollerskates, Noah's Ark still sucks donkeys as a story.
The core morals will still be gross a hundred thousand years from now.

And it's not harmless drivel, people do fall for this crap.
And then that gets used in bad ways.
Always does.
Louisiana just announced they want to make The Bible the official state book.
Fuck you.
If it were the Koran, you'd all be shrieking, and ripping your hair out.
Church/state separation, muthfuckas.

It's not harmless.
To quote Carlin for the zillionth time "it's all bullshit, and it's all bad for you".

And I'm sure there are people reading this thinking "tch, Miiiike, can't you just accept it as a movie?".
Would you go to "Mein Kampf", the movie?
Would you really?
Would friends telling you "Johnny Depp puts in such a tear-jerking performance as teenage Hitler, you're really missing out", sway you?
I would hope not.

Is it over the top to compare The Bible to "Mein Kampf"?
Um...not of you really actually think about it instead of knee-jerking.
Christianity is responsible for its genocides.
Open a history book.
There's authorization for genocide right in the fucking Bible.
Look at all the people Moses and King David wipe the fuck out without batting an eye.
Shit, "Noah", is a genocide!!
Slavery, totalitarianism, thought crime, it's all in that damned book.
And it ain't con, it's pro.
Pretty damned fascist.
If you don't know it's in there, you haven't read the thing, or you did through some foggy fucking goggles.
I don't know what to tell ya.

It ain't getting my money.
Any more than Chick-Fil-et, or "Ender's Game", or The Salvation Army.
Kiss my ass.

God's Not Dead (2014)

You know what would prove the assertion of this title?

God showing up.

Muthafucka just steps down from his cloud, and gives an interview.

That easy.

Nope, instead, we get Kevin Sorbo and Dean Cain playing cartoon super-villain atheists for Christians to boo and hiss at.

Oh, well, that's me converted.

This title protests too much.
Why would an omnipotent entity need defending, much less it be a worrisome concern that he can die?
It bespeaks a deep seated insecurity.
It subliminally admits the contrary.

Especially with the lack of what I pointed out at the beginning.
Any proof of God movie really needs God.
Anything else fails instantly.

And if God showed up, it wouldn't need a fucking movie, the news would have it.
It'd be on every channel and website.
You couldn't fucking miss it.
Trust me.
Just look back at how ubiquitous 9/11 was, then add a factor of 10.

So, explain why I even need to see this.
You can't.
I don't.
Once again, it's the same old crap.

And it ain't getting my money.
If it's getting yours, you're a sucker.
Even if you believe in this shit.

Heaven Is For Real (2014)

Another insecure title with no hard proof.

What proof do we get?

Same as in "The Demon Murder Case".

In fact, just from the ads, and what I've heard of the book, tells me this is the angelic mirror image of "The Demon Murder Case".

A kid being coached, and his parents making a buck.

At least this time, his big brother isn't trying to get off for a murder wrap.

Heaven is for real?
Don't give me hearsay, show it to me.
Open the fucking portal.
"It doesn't work that way"?
No, it never does, does it?
Except when it does, like Luke 24:1-51, and Mark 16:9-19.
But all those other times, you gotta die.
Because we say so.

Now, here's a case where your ticket money unquestionably goes into the hands of charlatans.
You can believe this shit with every fiber of your being, and these people are still crooks.
And if they aren't, what the fuck do you have to DO to be a hoodwink???
How blind does faith have to be to be dangerous??
Is there really no limit?
Anyone waves a cross around, you're on board?
Again, I don't know what to tell you folks.

So, I saved this shit for today, so as not to pee on Easter, but come on, folks, really?
These three stink-bombs are the source of the big revival?
Enough for Louisiana to pull its shit with everyone applauding?

Just fucking wow.

I don't want to be on this planet.
Every passing second makes it worse.

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Monday, April 21, 2014

Flicks I've watched (Part 29)

Part 28.

The Demon Murder Case (1983)

See here, and here.

Youtube finally had the whole flick, so I finally sat down, and watched this piece of shit.

Oh, it's miserable, it's just fucking miserable.
I had to riff at it to get through it.

A G-rated, fucking no-budget, no-effects, ripoff of "Exorcist", down to the letter.
"Exorcist", without puke and cussing is pretty stale.
The one obvious difference, the framing story of the real life case, which was just a stupid asshole trying to get off on a "the devil made me do it", defense, after killing some pushy douche who was making a clumsy sloppy play for his girl.
Or, so we're told.
You don't know what the fuck to believe.

Dig the opening crawl to this travesty....

"This film contains some fictional scenes depicting demonic possession. It is suggested by the stories of people who claim to have witnessed so called demonic possession. These claims are not accepted by religious or medical authorities who attribute such behavior to different spiritual and psychological causes".

Translation: you're about to see a bunch of steaming fuckin' bullshit. Put on your galoshes, and your clothespin, and grab the fly swatter.

Cloris Leachman's character of the skeptical reporter was about the only one I could stand.
And the judge who threw the defense out, and gave Kevin Bacon 25 years.
Everyone else was an indignant credulous idiot.

Hey, dummies, even if possession were real, you have to PROVE it.
Hearsay, and feelings aren't evidence, fuckfaces.
The superstitious among us still haven't learned this.

Oh, yeah, I learned Dick Clark executive produced this cow pie.
Yes, THAT Dick Clark, I IMDB-ed it.
For SHAME, Dick.
*Head shake*

I'm SO ashamed this piece of schlock scared me as a kid.
Glad I finally saw it, and conquered it though.

And on that score, on to.....

Burnt Offerings (1977)

See here, and here.

Yep, I wanted to finally whup this one too.

Creepy, moody, overall spooky, but....toooootal ripoff of "The Shining".
Right down to the creepy photographs being the final frame.

Oh, and Dan Curtis (of "Dark Shadows", and Jack Palance "Dracula") directed this.
Had his style all over it.

Interesting to see.
Again, glad I saw it to conquer it.
Nowhere near as bad this time.
Didn't bother me at all.
At least it was decent, and had cool actors, and was entertaining.
"Demon Murder Case", was fuckin' torture.

Tales From The Crypt (1972)

See here.

Um, not totally terrible.
I expected a lot worse from the reputation.

Not quite as good as "Tales Of Terror", and/or "Twice Told Tales", but not exactly "Torture Garden", level corny either.
Nothing great, but watchable.

Not as good as the 80's reboot for sure.
Or "Creepshow".

I didn't remember where or when I saw this before, but I'm pretty sure I've seen it.
Scenes rang a bell.
It clicked.
Well, now my memory is recharged.

Vault of Horror (1973)

See here.

"Tales From The Crypt 2: Electric Boogaloo".
There's even a scene where a guy sits down to read the novelization of "Tales From The Crypt", complete with the poster art on the cover.
*Comedy trumpet*

Tch,...yeah, not as good as "Tales".
Which was already kinda cheesey.
It's...almost "The Monster Club", bad.
Yeah...'s got Tom Baker.
He's always cool.
It's about all you can look forward to.

Well, least now I've seen it.

So, there, that's those.

Still blocked on QD chapter 26, so needed something for my brain to do.

Read More......

Happy 25th birthday, Game Boy.

Best game at the launch was "Tetris".

"Super Mario Land", and "Castlevania Adventure", were okay, but man, those teensy sprites gave you eyestrain.
And no backlight on the screen.

Remember all the extra accessories you had to buy to make the thing playable?

An external rechargeable battery, a screen magnifier with lamp, and a man-purse to keep all the fuckin' games in.

Portable gaming has come a long way.

That little guy holds every game I ever owned (including Gameboy) on one SD card, with room for MP3s, movies, photos, books, etc.
Color, backlit, TV output, FM radio, microphone recording, 6 hour battery charge.
Bow to Dingoo.

BUT, Gameboy paved the way.
So, thank you, Gameboy.
You great-grandpa of portable consoles.
25 years is a millennium in computer evolution.

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Sunday, April 20, 2014

Jade Shade vs. Funster, by Paladin.

D'oh! Week and some change late on this one too.
I keep thinking "I'll post it along with the next chapter", then I get stuck on the chapter I'm on.
I ought to just toss them up.

Anyway, nice!

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Happy belated 10th anniversary, The Punisher!!

It was yesterday.
I was so obsessively wrapped up in trying to get Jade-Shade chapter 26 written, I forgot everything else.

Well, said it all in past reviews...
See here, here, here, and here.

And there, 10 years since this, and Freddy vs. Jason.
My favorite films of the 00's.
Now I can move on.

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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

And oh yeah, happy anniversary of a tragedy.

The Boston Bombing.

I'll be damned, it wasn't a white guy.
It was two Chechens.

Who saw that coming?
Who even knew they had a beef with us?
Well, let's just assume the whole planet hates the US.

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Saturday, April 12, 2014

Adding to my collection (Part 19)

Part 18.

Consider this also the second addendum to summer movies 1.
The first being "flicks I've watched #27".
For the "why?", of that, see below.

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

As referenced last time, I took a Bullmoose trip after seeing Cap 2, and these flicks are what I grabbed.

Okay, this was a fall movie, but its part of Marvel Cinematic Universe, and thus goes with Iron Man 3.
So...I think of it as part of the summer movie set, just arriving late.

Dammit, I should have seen it at the theater.

Anyway...rundown format..
  • Now THIS was the fucking Thor movie!!
  • Vastly superior to Thor 1.
  • The first one was an origin issue, this feels like a really, really, good middle issue of the comic.
  • Almost as good as Avengers.
  • Natalie Portman's character still isn't that great, but she gets more to do than all the fuggin' Star Wars prequels put together.
  • Do you like Kat Dennings? Well, you're getting more of her.
  • Did you like Loki in Avengers? You're getting way more of him.
  • Did you like "Man Of Steel"? This was a smidge better. 
  • Again, dammit, I should have seen this at the theater. 

I mean, my life isn't ruined that I didn't see it on the big screen, it's just a "see it when everyone else is", kind of thing.

So, that's in the (Marvel) collection where it belongs, anyway.

And speaking of collections...

Return To Nuke 'Em High 
Volume 1 (2013)

See here.

Finally hit DVD!

I dig it!
Of course I do, it's fucking Troma!

The first Lloyd Kaufman Troma of the 2010's!!
The first one since Poultrygeist.

Sort of a sequel and remake at the same time.
The Tromaville nuclear facility is torn down, and replaced by a food company that's just as toxic as the old nuclear plant ever was.
Continuing the theme of peeing on agribusiness started  by "Poultrygeist".

Anyway, virtually the same stuff happens to a new batch of kids.
This time, the lead characters are a lesbian couple, instead of a hetero couple.
And, the Cretens are mutated from the glee club, instead of the honor roll kids.
And, there are lots of new side-plots and characters, and the culture references are updated.

Speaking of those references, it's the usual Troma grab bag of those, that deliberately make the flick a time capsule.
Right up to the Colorado Batman theater shooting that happened right as they were making it.

Let's see...on a scale...not quite as good as Nuke 'em 1, but it's hard to compare, they're different just by the time that's passed, and nostalgia adds glitter to Nuke 'em 1...anyway, better than "Terror Firmer", not quite as good as "Citizen Toxie", (although I suspect both parts together will balance it out), almost as good as "Tromeo & Juliet",  juuust about as good as "Poultrygeist".
Yeah, it hovers around there.

Oh, and of course, it slaughters Nuke 'em 2, and 3.
Although, it does reference them.
There's a similar joke at the beginning to ignore them as in "Citizen Toxie", to disregard part 2-3 of that series.
BUT, at the same time, Lisa Gaye and Brick Bronsky pop up in the background as their characters.

Pretty good, but it feels like half a movie.
The really good shit's gonna go down in part 2 I think.
You're buying an episode.
But...ever since "Tromeo", they feel like episodes of "the Tromaville show", anyway.
I'm fine with it.
It's a reunion with friends every couple years.

I also wanted "Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic", and Bullmoose's site said they had it, but..nope.
PPPT! :-(
Ah well...

And...that's the end.

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Friday, April 11, 2014

Big Summer Movies Part 2. (Part 1)

Big summer movies part 1.

So, first up...

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

See here, and here.

So, we're right in the middle-guts of phase 2 now.
As opposed to dipping our toes in with Iron Man 3.

  • Now this feels like phase 2. Iron Man 3, Thor 2, those felt like aftermath cleanup flicks.
  • Yep, it truly is Avengers 1.5.
  • Easily a hundred times better than "Captain America: The First Avenger".
  • Actually...a bit better than Avengers. But, only because it can stand on its shoulders.
  • Black Widow has a juicy role in this. You'll love her.
  • A lot for Nick Fury to do this time.
  • I'm...not a fan of Robert Redford, so, I didn't care that he was there. He doesn't suck. I'll give him that. 
  • Without spoiling anything, holy shit, does this leave the Marvel universe in shambles!!
  • I knew all along who Winter Soldier was. I am a comic book geek.
  • And on that score, come on, you should know too, if you remember the first movie well enough.
  • Wow, this takes on the whole NSA creeping fascism of our real life government head on. No pussyfooting there.
  • There was a little kid to my left, and a couple rows back,  that kept making deliberate audible boredom noises during the non-explodey bits. Don't take kids younger than 13. They will be bored. 
  • There was an old couple to my right that kept whispering plot information to each other. What were old farts even doing there?
  • Okay, by now, doesn't everyone know to stay after the credits for a fucking Marvel movie? This was yet another time, where everyone filed out like zombies as soon as the first fade to black. A smattering of people stayed for the first stinger, and then most of those bozos hustled out, it was only me, and three other people who stayed for both stingers. Hey, you paid 8 bucks, watch the whole fucking movie, dipshits. What, you got better places to be? Huh? Got a nail appointment? Got a tax return coming? Sit down, dummy! Keee-rist! Ah, well, I got rid of the annoying oldsters and youngsters.
  • It's long. You may want to plan a lunch. I dashed out the door without having eaten at 11:30, and I had to buy a cereal bar at Bullmoose to keep from passing out. Holy shit. 

So, yeah, overall, age 13 and up, you'll have a blast, 5 year olds, and 60 year olds will be bored snarky assholes.
Leave them at home.

Might just be the best Marvel to date.
"Age Of Ultron", will probably crush it though.
Scarlett Johansson and Chris Evans have hinted as much from their reaction to the script.

Up next, Spiderman...or X-Men, whichever comes first.
(Interestingly, those were the only trailers before this flick)

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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

The shit on my walls (Part 5).

A mosaic of the latest Paladin Jade-Shades, and Hyla's Chokecherry logo (the black and white sketch to go with the others).

Goes above Jade Shade cover 2,  and replaces the Jade Shade mask mark 2 protoypes.

I couldn't decide on which of them to go with, so, I was like "fuck it, let's do all of em!".

I'll admit, early on, I was struggling every chapter of the way, trying to find these characters, trying to get them to come to life in my mind, and talk to me as easily as the Harry Hembock days, and I knew it would click sooner or later, and it finally did right at chapter 24.

Everyone came to life, and the series became itself for me right there.
So, those pics help even more with that.

I look up at my posters, get ideas, put 'em in the story, Hyla and Paladin make art, I put those up, get ideas from those, those new ideas become more Hyla/Paladin pics, and so on, and so on, and the chapters come easier and easier.
I've turned the corner now.
It feels natural now.

But, hey, fellas, keep 'em coming.
Let's transform my walls into a self-regenerating Jade-Shade cocoon.

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Monday, April 7, 2014

Jade Shade, Chokecherry, and Dr. Herbert. By Paladin.

From chapter 24.

Awesome! Nailed it!

And here's the long-delayed test sketches for Dr. Herbert.

I dunno what took me so long on posting those.
Apologies all around.

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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Happy 15th anniversary of Krazyfool's Den Of Delusion!!!

Last year.

Krazyfool's Den Of Delusion.

The Krazyfool Show saga.

That last one is the real 15th anniversary party.
Check it out. ;-)

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Quantum Dissolve: Chapter 25. (Streetsweepers meet Krazyfool)

Dr. Herbert knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy...

Anyway, phone calls were made, and e-mails were sent, and he got Jadie and Chokie booked on a show.

It was a web show filmed out of Lentilville.

The Krazyfool Show.

Based on a skit on an obscure blog, fans of the blog re-enacted the first two episodes, and then took it from there, turning it into a real show.

The first episode, had Christina Ricci, Cyndi Lauper, Jeff Goldblum, Warren Beatty, and Danny Devito.
Well, celebrity impersonators playing the roles in the skit, anyway.

The second episode, featured time travel hi-jinks with Steve Torrent, Karen Torrent, Wuboe, Harry Hembock, Spruce, El Flatulato, Anubis/Fulcrum, Jake Prong, Celine Prong, Dr. Daniel Suede, Johnny the donut man, and Volcano Guru, and was quite the mind-bender.

The third episode, was the unwritten lost episode, with Harry Hembock, Spruce, and Jake and Celine Prong, that would have updated and completed their stories.
But, now, of course, it did.

So now, Jadie and Chokie were booked for episode four.

A limo picked them up at a pre-determined location, and took them to the studio.

They entered the building from the back, and wandered the hallways passing several departments with oddly labeled doors inspired by the blog that was the basis for the show.

"Writings and ramblings", was the writer's room, "Krazyfool's art page", was the art department, "media secion", was the control room, "winamp skins", was wardrobe, "links", was the green room, and finally, "Krazyfool's Nook Of Discussion", was the set of the show.

Jadie and Chokie were shown to "links", where they sat and watched the show from a monitor.

The announcer was screaming.
"It's the hallelujah, holy shit, biff bam boom, anything goes KRAAAAAZYFOOOOL SHOOOOOWW!!!!
With tonight's special guests, The Jade shade!! Chokecherry!!
With the Krazyfool orchestra and the usual cavalcade of characters!!!".

Krazyfool emerged on stage from a chute that ended with a giant Krazyfool head with dry ice smoke coming from the mouth. An effect of a synthesizer deepened voice going "MUUAAHAHAAA!! MUUAAHAHA!!", was dubbed over for the duration of Krazyfool's exit from the giant mouth.

The announcer screamed once more.
"Now here's your host FUUUCKINGGG KRAAAAAZYFOOOOLLL!!!!!!!!!".

Instead of a canned applause track, sounds of moaning and orgasming were played.
Krazyfool seemed oblivious to this, and jogged up to his mark with a sarcastic deliberate stupid grin on his face.

The monologue began.

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you today.
Well, let's cut through the bullshit and get to the monologue shall we?.

First of all, its the fourth annual celebration of G.I. Joe Memorial Day, the day that G.I. Joe died from their stomachs caving in.
This happened 29 years ago, but finally became a national holiday in 2010.

Man, I'll always remember where I was when G.I. Joe's stomachs caved in. I heard about in on the elementary school playground, and I cried, and cried, and cried. I might have even peed a little, I'm not quite sure now.

But one thing's for sure, this is something that totally really happened.

Also, this is the 15th anniversary of the first episode of this show!!".

The audience hooted.

"That's right, back then, times were different. We've come a long way. The I-Mac gave way to the I-Pad, Yahoo gave way to Google, Geocities and Winamp died off, Monica Lewinsky vanished into obscurity, Viagra spawned a legion of other knockoff boner pills, and when's the last time you heard of John Rocker?

Also, there was 9/11, some dictators died, some expensive wars bled the country bone dry, and we still don't have a moonbase, or a Mars ship. But, hey! But, Hey! Streaming porn, kids!!".

The audience hooted again.

"Well, I said all the really good topical shit last episode, so how's about we get this show underway?"

The audience roared.

Krazyfool ran to his desk.

"So, our only guests tonight, are Jade Shade, and Chokecherry, the superhero duo that call themselves The Streetsweepers, I'll get right to that, but first, this commercial".

The tape played of the Krazyfool ad for "Pob", and while it did, the producer signaled Jadie and Chokie to head out to the set, and take a seat.

"And we're back!!".
Krazyfool said as Jadie & Chokie took their seats.

"So, let's jump right into questions".
Krazyfool said.

"Oh, let's!".
Snarked Chokie.

Krazyfool proceeded.
"Well, this is your first official interview, all other info the mainstream public has gotten about you guys, has been from network news, and second-hand reports. What would you like people to know about you? And where do you think the news has gotten it all wrong?".

Chokie jumped in.
"Well, the tone kind of annoys us. We're treated like a joke. Like we're a cute human interest story, like party clowns doing community service work at a children's cancer ward. Even after all we've done. All the good changes we've made to this town. We don't expect much from the mass media, so, it doesn't hurt, or even surprise us, does grate. Better they not talk about us at all. Leave us the fuck out of your sideshow. We've got important work to do".

Some audience members tittered and giggled.

Chokie looked out in the general direction of the voices.
"Why is it funny? Our outfits? Jade Shade's mask? My makeup? Would you respect us more if we wore three piece suits? Why? Some of the worst criminals on Earth wore suits. Why is that automatically respectful? Your brain has just been conditioned that way, it has nothing to do with actual reality. It's just clothes. Get over it".

Still the tittering.

Jadie jumped in finally.
"How much would we have to do for it not to be funny? Save the Earth from an asteroid? Would that do it? How about if we threw all the nukes in the sun? Would that do it? Would that make us 'real', superheroes? Why aren't we 'real', now? We've saved lives, we've stopped bad guys. Isn't that the job description? Whatever you're expecting from us, I'd like to hear it".

"I wouldn't", Chokie said with a sneer and an eyeroll.

"Moving on!".
Krazyfool jumped in.
"Let's talk about some of your exploits".

"Let's", Jadie said.

Krazyfool pulled out a blue card.
"Okay, I'll rattle off a list of your biggest antagonists so far, and you give me a one to three sentence impression of them".

"All right then".
Jadie said.

"Sounds like fun".
Chokie added.


"Piece of shit. Dead. Good riddance".
Jadie answered.


"Farcical con-man".
Jadie answered.


"Tragic. Haunts me".
Jadie answered.

"The Prodigious Mass".

"Ditto Phidippus-Dude".
Jadie answered.

"The Ultranational".


"Comrade Crimson Crossbow".

"Nazi in hippie clothing".
Jadie was still answering.
These were the ones before Chokie entered the scene.


"Lunatic. Pathetic. Where he belongs".

"Mr. Sleepy Seeds".

"Ditto Hadesburster".



Chokie nodded along with that one.


"Your tax dollars at work".


"Ditto Hadesburster".



"No comment".
Chokie finally chimed in.

"...okay topic".
Krazyfool said, swapping cards.
"Okay, your philosophy, and/or goals".

"Purify this cesspool".
Jadie grumbled.

"Make the world a better place".
Chokie said.

"Bullshit!!", a haggy voice shrieked from the audience.

"Ah, dammit...", Krazyfool mumbled.
"Almost made it through this one".

"You decorated queers crippled my Ricky!! We don't want you Halloween faggots!! We want real cops!! Go away!! Go back to Frisco!!".
The woman shrieked.
She looked to be about 56, but life had beaten her to hell.

"Is this a bit?".
Chokie asked.

"Sadly, no...", Krazyfool murmured.

Krazyfool tapped an intercom button on his desk.
"Security? Security?".
"Uh oh..".

Just then, a hurled object gashed open Krazyfool's forehead, and knocked him cold.

The camera followed it to the floor, revealing it to be a red, white, and blue shield.

Chokie screamed angrily.

Red flaming arrows began to riddle Krazyfool's desk, and the stage curtain, and the whole place was alight in no time.

"It's an ambush!!! Damn it!! I should have known!! I hate these stupid media things!!".
Hollered Jadie, as he fired back with his green crossbow bolts.

Audience members, crew people, and both cameramen started running around like headless chickens, and the cameras aimed to the floor, so only feet could be seen.

Gunshots started popping off.
Murmured apologies from Chokecherry to JS, muffled by the gunfire.

Finally, static, and a test pattern.

Dr. Herbert watched the clip yet again, and then looked at the front page of the latest paper.

Krazyfool's studio burnt to the ground.

Everyone evacuated, and/or rescued.
Even the asshole detractors in the audience.
Tearful thankful testimonials from same assholes.
Singing a new tune now.

Ultranational, and Comrade Crimson Crossbow, beaten into hamburger, and in the hospital.
Looking at a big sentence after they recovered.

He played the clip of the half-show again, and then followed with a side clip of I-Phone videos of the interviews of the rescued attendees.

He checked his e-mail, and had a message from Krazyfool, enthusiastically offering to have them on again the second they had new filming digs.

Before, he admired the hell out of these kids.
Now, he loved them.

He choked up a little.
He had hope now.
This was really going to work.

He ran to their room go tell them.

He walked in on Dusty treating Irma's burns.
He was punched in the stomach with guilt.

He kept his distance the rest of the week.

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