Tron: Ares

Another franchise I slacked off on whilst obsessing on Deadpool & Wolverine....

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Birthday loot 2022 update.

Last time, I said...

Also, ordered a 2 pack of "Tron" and "Tron Legacy" but that hasn't arrived yet.

Stay tuned!

Boom, it dropped in the mailbox the very next day!

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Weird/humor/musing stuff, Part 6.

Stuff from Facebook #47.
-and-
Post 19 away from 3000 posts!

Shit, two days late!
I took a couple hours break from the last one thinking I was gonna come right back, and I got caught up in binge-watch stuff instead, and by yesterday, I just flat-out forgot.

Anyway, here we go...


Brain anti-virus.

March 23rd, 2015

Just about all the geopolitical problems going on right now would go away at light switch speed if you could just anti-virus human brains. 
Just hit  a button, wait out a progress bar, and everyone goes "oh...there's no God, there's no Allah, we've been killing each over absolute bullcrap, what a waste of time this has all been, I'm so embarrassed", and everyone just fucks off, and goes either home, or to a bar. 
Done. 
Nope, brains hold onto their viruses like grim death, there's no removal tool short of a bullet, and these malfunctioning computers have a hold of bodies and they're coming at ya. 
Hey, transhumanists, get on that whole anti-virus thing first. 
Give us malware-free systems before hooking them up to fucking Hulkbuster bodies.


Jesus on Cosmos.

March 23rd, 2014

Creationists are sniveling for equal time on Cosmos. 
After much thought, I've decided I'm all for it. 
Get Jesus on Cosmos. 
In person. 
No middle-men. 
Talk about must-see television! 
Come on, why is the little fella so shy? 
He's got super powers. 
Chief among them, being death-proof. 
How is an indestructible man insecure about anything? 
Also, it's just an hour of his time. 
One stinking episode. 
Is he really THAT busy? 
Looking at the state of the world, I'm thinking not. 
Put up, or shut up, Jesus. 
Stop sending your goons to fight your battles.


Monster fangs.

March 24th, 2018

Y'know what always kinda bugged me with horror movies where a human turns to a monster?
Regular teeth turning into fangs. 
Bones don't liquefy and re-mold like that. 
At least not exposed bone protuberances the way teeth are. 
Your old teeth would have to pop out to make way for freshly grown fangs. 
Doesn't anyone remember baby teeth? 
That's how that works. 
Lamberto Bava's "Demons", is the only one to get this right.


Maine Job Service.

March 24th, 2017

Thanks, Maine Job Service, for never finding me a job, never e-mailing me, changing your name 5 times, merging with a nationwide conglomerate without informing me, keeping my social security number on file forever, and then getting hacked, and THEN e-mailing me. 
You're just aces. 
Exemplary service. 
Would recommend to friends.


Into the groove.

March 27th, 2018

Ever hear a song in your dream that's as real as if it were coming through your ears, and then when you wake up, its stuck in your head all day? 
Its never a song you like, is it? 
Mine right now is "into the groove", by fucking Madonna. 
I couldn't tell you the lyrics to save my life, but in my brain radio, apparently every phonon (sound particle) recorded back in 19-fucking-85. 
In crisp perfect fidelity, in perfect stereo balance. 
Fuck you, dream DJs. 
You're worse then Freddy.


The Harry Hembock check.

April 1, 2013

Amazon finally cut me my goddamned check! So, there, I'm a paid author now. Transaction complete. And, no, it's not a stupid April fools, it'll be just as true tomorrow.

The update...

April 1, 2020

A couple years ago, they finally changed their policies so they can't sit on your money until you clear certain hurdles anymore, they have to mail you whatever you've got. 
I got a check out of the blue for two fucking bucks. 
It must have been the residue of what didn't clear the last hurdle for the first check. 
I took forever to cash it, cuz I never go to the credit union, and because I took so long, it got cancelled. 
So I've got this worthless powerless Harry Hembock check for two bucks that it's too much of a pain in the ass to contact Amazon to send me another one. 
It's kind a of a sad relic of my failed comics/writing "career". 
BUT...y'know, this is the kind of shit that would happen to Harry. 
I'll count it as a piece of merchandise. 
Fuck action figures and lunch boxes. 
I've got the Amazon check that wouldn't clear. 
WTF can you get for 2 bucks, anyway? 
Can you even get a Dunkin Donut? 
I think you can get a cheeseburger and a chicken nugget. 
That would be the Harry Hembock Christmas special. 
Him trying to get maximum value out of his pathetic 2 dollar check, then him bawling to a cruel audience laugh track.

The addendum...

(A friend responded with a cry smiley)

Cry smiley? I wasn't whining, I genuinely find it darkly humorous.


Things that aren't critical thinking.

April 6, 2016

Here's some things that are aren't critical thinking. 
1. Paranoia. 
2. Anti-corporate bias. 
3. Pro-corporate bias. 
4. Xenophobia. 
5. Homophobia. 
6. Superstition. 
If you find yourself veering into any of those, you're doing critical thinking wrong. 
Start all over, and keep trying.

Some additions to the list...

7. Misogyny.
8. Racism.
9. Classism.
10. A willingness to sacrifice innocents for your goals.

And 10 applies to the accelerationists who are allegedly leftist, but want Trump to win, so it'll piss people off enough to have a revolution.
You're rooting for innocent death just as much as the plague preachers, and the voting disenfranchisers hoping black people are too scared of covid19 to vote, and that crazy stupid old white people are willing to die in order to vote Trump.
You're just as fucking evil.
You're exactly the same.
Ain't no utopia coming from your fucking revolution, stink-pigs.


Goth porn.

April 7th, 2014

Look, Facebook, it's sweet of you to keep recommending "Gothic Beauty Magazine", on the sidebar there, it really is. 
BUT, I can't have goth porn in my feed. 
I just can't. 
I'd be jizzing in my pants constantly, and I wouldn't get anything done. 
I need to be functional. 
One has to be pragmatic about these things. 
Thanks anyway, Facebook.

Adblock solved all of this.


People conceived to songs.

April 7th, 2013

Grim thought of the day. 
Every song you ever hated, someone somewhere not only loves it, but used it for the soundtrack of the greatest moments of their life, including screwing. 
Which means, every song you loathed 20 years ago, someone somewhere of adult age now was conceived to it. 
"Rhythm is a dancer", is walking around out there. 
"Informer", probably gave you change for a fiver. 
There's no question that if you were vandalized or burgled, it was "Whoomp there it is!", and his buddies "Knockin da boots", and "Insane in the brain". 
Today's emo kids? 
"Come undone", the whole lot.

And the update...

April 7th, 2019

1999 "no scrubs", told me you can't get anything for under 4 bucks at the movie candy counter. 
But "all star", sold me a bag of Swedish Fish and a Halloween sized bag of Spearmint Leaves for $3.50 at the grocery store. 
Good old "all star".


Gay birthday cakes!

April 9th, 2015

Oh, shit, I just thought of something, Christian bakers!! 
Gay people were always gay, so that means...every children's birthday cake you make...is a potential GAY BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!!! 
OH SHIT!!! 
OH FUCK!!! 
AAAA!!!


Finding yourself.

April 9th, 2014

You always hear about these rich kids that go to Europe, or India, or wherever,  to "find themselves".
I never had to "find myself". 
Not from scratch, anyways. 
I lost track of myself during the 00's for a bit, but I was in the Harry books right where I'd left myself.
Didn't need a locator app or anything. 
Maybe society is fucking these kids up, maybe I'm a luckier sonovabitch than I ever knew, maybe a little of both. 
I don't know.

No, most people just need bullshit cliche phrases like that to justify travel to themselves.
"I'm bored of staring at my shitty fucking neighborhood", doesn't sound as romantic and adventurous as "I need to go find myself".


Kill the police, children!

April 9th, 2013

Small children need to learn how to kill the police as soon as biologically possible. 
Ideally, this should start at 3, definitely no later than 5.  
What do you folks think? 
Discuss.

The update...

April 9th, 2018

I still think this is rational and sensible.

And the other update...

April 9th, 2020

7 years ago me was the sanest me of all.


Cancer cure credits.

April 10th, 2018

I hope someday, a mad genius makes a sequel in a nerd franchise that pisses off "traditionalists", and then they hide the cure for cancer in the fucking credits.


And a bonus episode from a board!


Through a scanner really fucking darkly.

April 10th, 2020

I don't think I've seen anyone mention this before, and I may even be the first to even notice it.

Okay, in the original Tron, the way they describe how the scanner works, is it scans your molecular structure into the computer, then smashes apart your molecules, and "suspends them in the beam", IE sucks them up, then reverses the process by spitting out the stored molecules, and scanning your digitized pattern back onto the molecules, putting you back together, and 3-D printing you back into meat-space.

So, when you're in Tron-land, the beam emitter is acting like the pattern buffer on Star trek, holding your molecular toner for later.

SO, in Tron Legacy, Flynn Senior has scanned himself in, and gotten trapped by Clu, and Sam goes in to get him.

2 hours and 5 minutes of chases and Daft Punk music later, Sam and Quora come out into meat-space, and leave behind Flynn Senior.

Where did Quora get her molecule toner from?
She was never human before.

I'll tell you where.

Flynn Senior.

Sam took Quora home that very night, and essentially fucked his dad.

(Shocked surprise smiley)

That's how that movie ends.
That's what happens.
Enjoy.

(Eating popcorn smiley)

To which a friend replied...

But since Sam shares 50% of his father’s DNA, he was also technically masturbating at the same time.

To which another friend replied...

And when you consider that Quorra is an automaton, who, though sentient, may lack the ability to consent and is technically not human, Sam may be guilty of rape, incest, bestiality, and masturbation simultaneously.

One would be hard pressed to find that level of depravity even in a Tiger King episode.


And, boom, there's those.
Up next, another batch of greedy swine!!



Previously with SFF-

Liars and cowards, Part 6. (SFF #46)


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Big 2018 Movies Part 2.

Part 1 (Black Panther)


Holy Madballs! It's....


Ready Player One (2018)

Previously from Steven Spielberg....

Movies.
All the movies.
Come on, it's Spielberg.

And now the rundown.

• Loved it. Dunno if I love the SHIT out of it, but I left the theater feeling warm and happy.
• It's Easter Egg the movie!
• It's "the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny", the movie.
• I won't list all the Easter eggs, you can find sites and Youtube videos that rattle them all off. I saw the juiciest ones. (I think)
• I shoved hints at 3 Easter eggs in the intro up top. 
• Definitely gonna have to go over the Blu-Ray with a fine toothed comb.
• Very Spielberg-y. If you were an alien, or a cave hermit, or a rainforest native that got none of the pop culture references, the story still plays well, and tugs heartstrings in the right spots. 
• It'll give you that 80's Goonies, E.T., Gremlins, Indiana Jones feeling.
• No fancy credits, no post-credits. Spielberg is an old fart about that. "I put it all in the movie! The movie's done! Go pee, and go home!". 
• Worth seeing. At least once. Dunno if it's going to be an all time classic, but it's up there in Spielberg's good ones. IMHO.
• I was right, it gets all the Bacon points for crossovers. It ends that category. I'll slap that tag on it.
• Uuum, what else? Wish I had more to say, but all the juicy stuff is in the Easter eggs, and I refuse to spoil 'em.
• Go see it!

Yep....


Next time,
INFINITY WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Ready Player One

Trailer.

Well, there you go, this is the final crossover entry.
Its mission is accomplished.

Right there, you've got Harley Quinn, Deathstroke, Iron Giant, Lady Deadpool, Freddy Krueger, Duke Nukem, ostriches from Joust, scorpion from Centipede, Delorian from "Back To The Future", light cycle from "Tron", and that's just the trailer.

There you go, everyone's crossed over.
It's "Imaginationland", the movie.

They did it.
I don't have to peck away at it anymore with single crossovers.
The thing is done.
Speilberg beat the game.
I'm retiring.



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Superheroes Two: Part 11.5, All The Rest (Part 3.5)

Phew, all right, here's all the rest of the goddamned cartoons....

...or, as many as I feel like doing this year.


Superheroes Two: Part 10, All The Rest (Part 2)


Tron Uprising (2012)

A cel-shaded CGI deal, like "Iron Man: Armored Adventures", "Spider-Man: The New Animated Series", and "Transformers: Energon", but, in the Tron-verse.

Fits in between the two films.
I've heard good things, but, I've missed it somehow.
*Youtubes some clips*
Niiiice!


Superheroes Two: Part 11, All The Rest (Part 3)


Metal Hurlant Chronicles (2012)

"Heavy Metal", the show, basically.

"Metal Hurlant", is the European title for "Heavy Metal".

Yeah, it's live-action, but, hey, my loophole is, all these other cartoons are off of live-action properties, so, it's fitting that Heavy Metal does it in reverse.

....also, I flat out forgot to throw it in the "Heavy Metal", update.

Anyhoo, this is French/Belgian, and hasn't come to US shores yet.
I expect HBO or Showtime will grab it, before it goes to DVD.

It's an anthology of 3 rotating stories taken from the magazine.
Future seasons will do more.

It's your one way ticket to midnight!!!
Call it!! Metal Hurlant!!
Higher than high, feelin' just right!!
Call it!! Metal Hurlant!!
Desperation on a red liiine!!
Call it!! Metal Hurlant!! Noooiisse!!!


Men In Black: The Animated Series (1997)

Yeah...MIB is kinda like alien Ghostbusters, when you think about it, and this competed with "Extreme Ghostbusters", at the time.

Okay, MIB curb-stomped poor "Extreme Ghostbusters", because MIB was the recent box-office hit, and GB was an abandoned forgotten franchise, but, IMO, they were roughly of equal quality.

Anyway, I guess this probably fits between the two movies.


Tales From The Cryptkeeper (1993)

"Tales From The Crypt", in G-rated animated form.
John Kassir still did Cryptie for this.

I'm dead certain they did this to compete with "Goosebumps".

I hope all you grown 90's children have now built your way up to "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2", and "Human Centipede 2", and can finally see why us real horror fans were biting our lips with bottled frustration.

On the one hand, we didn't wanna piss on your parades if in fact, "Goosbumps", was going to be the gateway drug, but on the other hand, our brains were screaming "hurry the fuck up, and grow up, and get into real horror already, you little runts! Gah! This watered down shit is so annoying! I did all that hard work of getting de-sensitized and toughened up on HBO in the 80's for this??".
Seriously.


Aeon Flux (1991)

See here.

Also, funny story, I got my cyber-moniker, Diacanu, from an Aeon flux episode....and in the DVD...some dialog is re-dubbed, and "Diacanu", has been turned to "Turkalu".

Seriously, I compared the tape to the DVD.
So....WTF?

Does....that mean Diacanu is totally mine now?
I'd settle for it being public domain.
What does it mean?
I dunno.
Still scratching my head.
Get back to me, Peter Chung.


Beavis and Butt-Head (1992)

Yeah, dammit, I should have thrown "Beavis and Butt-Head Do America", into "cartoons to live action", and changed the title, but...eh, no going back.
But, I'm throwing 'em in here, cuz they kinda just go with Aeon in my nostalgic mind.

Anyway, this is back now.
I wasn't impressed at first, but the new ones are growing on me.
Comedy Central marathon-ed the new batch, alternating with "South Park", reruns.
It was sweet.


Popeye (1930)

See here, here, and here.

And, this again.


The Addams Family (1992)

Eh, s'alright....

John Astin came back as Gomez, that was cool.


Garbage Pail Kids (1987)

See here.

From the comments section....

*Watching the cartoon*

Well...I would have liked it as a kid...but even then, only slightly better than say, Muppet Babies, which would have been its lead-in.

Yes, "parents groups", kept it off our local CBS affiliate.
Assholes.
When it was supposed to come on, it switched over to fucking golf.
I've never stopped hating golf.

"Beavis and Butt-Head", "South Park", and a ton of other cartoons make this look like Carebears now.
Shit, the cards made it look like Carebears.
And still the stupid wussies cried.

Anyway, this is on DVD if you want it.


He-Man And 
The Masters Of The Universe (1983)

Spawned the film "He-Man and She-Ra: Secret Of The Sword".

And, inspired the live-action Dolph Lundgren vehicle.

Um, well, yes, I'm aware that the internet has taken to...well, gaying this thing up, what with the Youtube vids of Prince Adam singing "what's going on", and such.

It's the pink shirt, isn't it?
I dunno, I've heard tell that there was a colorblind guy at Filmation that no one had the heart to fire.
There's some credence to that, because lots of inexplicable things were turned pink and purple by this guy.
The Kzinti in animated Star Trek, Bat-Mite in the 70's animated Batman, it kept cropping up.

Adam's shirt was blue in the DC comics that thought him up. *Shrug*

Yeah, people will point out other things they thought were "gay", but all those things could be pointed out about other things that don't get the hipster treatment.
It really is just the pink shirt.
Well...the pink thing is a manufactured social convention from, yet again, the latter-half of the stupid 20th century anyway.
But, that's a dissection for another post, cuz, that gets into a whole thing.

Suffice it to say, grow up, folks.


G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (1985) 

Ran concurrently with Transformers, was from the same toy company, and theoretically, existed in the same universe.
They even crossed over many times over the last 25 years or so.

Also, they're all dead now.

Yep.


Buzz Lightyear Of Star Command (2000)

Patrick Warburton was Buzz Lightyear, and everything Patrick Warburton does is gold, so, you know it was good.

Street Fighter II V (1995)

I've heard good things.
Chiefly, that it equals, and even surpasses, the quality of the anime film.

Well, something in this franchise had better be good, after the punishment of the 2 live-action films.


Mortal Kombat: 
Defenders Of The Realm (1996)

No way, Ron Perlman was in this?
And Luke Perry?
How do these things happen?

*Watches clips*
No thanks.


Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005)

I didn't keep up with this, but everyone raved about it.
I have caught all up with SF Debris's reviews, which are very thorough, so, I feel like I've seen it.

Those pretty much contain everything I would have retained from viewing, anyway.
So, I gotta agree, it's quite a saga.


Ben 10 (2005)

In three years, this will be 10.
They'll have to do something big for it.
A movie, or something.

Anyway, bubble-busting time, kids, this was all ripped off from "Dial 'H', for Hero".
Top to bottom.
Merry Christmas.
B-)


Inspector Gadget (1983)

Eh, it was cute.
Penny had a tablet PC 30 years ahead of time.
But...60's Star Trek had 'em before even that.

Anyhoo, you are missed, Don Adams.



Looney Tunes (1930)

Yeah, I get to loophole them in thanks to the shitty live-action crossover flicks.

Still the funniest cartoons ever.

There's an updated version on Cartoon Network.
There's no Looney, everyone's on fucking Ritalin.
They can keep it.

Speaking of Looney, see also, "The Looney, Looney, Looney 
Bugs Bunny Movie".



Speed Racer (1967)

One of the first anime to hit our shores.
This, Astro Boy, and Gigantor.
MTV reran these.
Eh, all right.
Except...for Spritle and Chim-Chim.
*Shiver*
Countless adult cartoons have spoofed this.

There was also a comic by NOW comics.
Remember them?

And, a godawful live-action flick.


Thunderbirds (1965)

The obvious inspiration for "Team America: World Police".


Miscellaneous flicks...Two!


Conan The Adventurer (1992)

A G-rated interpretation of the comic book.

They didn't even attempt an Arnold impression.

There was an annoying talking bird sidekick.
And, it wasn't voiced by Gilbert Gottfried.

Despite these glaring drawbacks, it was watchable.


Rambo: The Force Of Freedom (1986)

An animated series, based on a movie, that's a sequel to another movie, that's based on a novel, about a crazy Vietnam vet, who in the original ending, shoots himself.

I want you to reflect on that, America.
Let that sink in.
You actually did this.


James Bond Jr. (1991)

Nope, it wasn't Bond's son, it was a nephew, or something.

Okay, you're telling me with all the women Bond has boned, he doesn't have an army of illegitimate kids that could have taken the mantle?
Whatever...

Yeah, okay, I get it, they were trying to create future fans of the franchise, like the whole Cryptie thing.
Doesn't mean I gotta dig it.
I mean, Bond without blood and tits?
Why bother?


Black Dynamite (2012)

It's not fair, children of the 70's deserved this.
Get working on that time machine, NASA.


And, there, that's everything, that's our culture.
Quite a ride, huh?

Tomorrow, Twisted Christmas.

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Silico-Sapiens

Machine intelligence, it's creeping up on us.
Look at the big deal they made out of Deep Blue back in the day, and then what a leap ahead  Watson is compared to that.
And with each quantum jump, you get the same dope-voiced media cries of "oh no! Thkynet! Thkynet!! Derp!".

No Luddite am I. I say bring it the fuck ON!

So, here are, not all, but, a nice slab-sized chunk of the good part of the cake, of cinema's look forward to our silicon grandchildren birthed of the mind.
The positive, the negative, and the cheesey.


Metropolis

The film-

The first robot period, the first A.I. robot, the first laser scan, the first neural transfer into a robot, and, the robot is scanned into human form, so, the first android to boot.
All in the character of Maria/Hel.
Course, these technologies aren't called any of those things, but...if it walks and quacks...
What would you call it?

Plot wise?
Dehumanization of the labor force, workers revolutions, treacherous industrialists, seems a bit "blah", to us now, but remember, these mundane things were dystopian sci-fi to people of 1927!

This film heavily visually inspired Blade Runner.

And, the look of C-3PO in Star Wars.
I mean, shamelessly, Ralph McQuarrie admits he did a direct lift as a starting point.

Also, similar themes were explored 9 years later in Charlie Chaplin's "Modern Times".
Minus the robot, and plus a malfunctioning feeding machine.

The history-

TCM.
Also, the lost footage of this was finally found, and a restored DVD of the whole film released at last.


Forbidden Planet

The film/history-

Well, DUH! Robbie!

Still a damned classy looking robot.
You could plunk him down in a movie today, and he'd be impressive.

Anyway, see here.


The Invisible Boy

The film-

Robbie again!

This....could work as a sequel/prequel to "Forbidden Planet", and they really do heavily hint it that way.

Set in present day (1957 at the time), where Robbie is found dismantled in the garage of a now (presumed) dead scientist, who's left behind some pretty clear evidence that he had a time machine, and acquired Robbie in the future.

So, it's not much of  a leap to suppose he was brought back to Earth after FP, where he met the scientist.

So anyway, a super computer (called simply "the Super Computer") is built based on studying Robbie's innards (shades of T2 there) and the computer goes bad, and becomes, essentially, the first Skynet.

It's first order of business, hypnotizing, and sleep-learning the son of the scientist who constructed it, Timmie, to track down, and reconstruct Robbie, and bring him (Robbie) to him (Super Computer).

This is done, and Super Computer plugs into Robbie, turns him bad, and fiddles with his chest-replicator in such a way as to augment his atomic structure, and make him invincible.

Then, bad-Robbie makes an invisibility potion for the lad, to further exploit him somehow in SC's machinations, hence the title.

Eventually, SC is defeated, Timmie is restored to visibility, and Robbie is restored to goodness, and all is well.
But not before Robbie tussles with the Army for a bit to demonstrate his upgrades.

Neat little flick.

The history-

TCM


2001: A Space Odyssey

The film-

HAL, baby.

Um, nothing I can add, everything in the whole wide world has been said about this.

Buy the DVD.

The history-

I have the DVD.


2010: The Year We Make Contact

The film-

Eh....if you ask me, 2001 didn't need a sequel.

So...at least they reboot HAL.

Some stuff about the USA and Russia working together, which was taboo stuff in Reagan's America.
Something about Jupiter turning into a star.

It's a bit fuzzy.

I do know they kinda laid bare the stuff in 2001 that was left vague, and for the audience to figure out for themselves.
Yeah, I really don't like that.
It's like they took 2001, and stuck training wheels on for the slow kids.
Nosir, I don't like it.

Well, interesting film in its own right, but again, as a sequel...eh...

The history-

HBO, TCM.


Colossus: The Forbin Project

The film-

The real grandaddy of Skynet.

Oh, sure, "Super Computer", was the first evil A.I. in a box, but, Colossus has internet access, so, you've got that creepy  "tentacles around the world", "eyes everywhere", and access to the nukes paranoia thing going on.

The history-

Haha, they played this way back on TNT's "Monstervision".
I miss Monstervision.
I also miss "100% Weird".

TCM plays this sometimes too.

Course, TCM is what TNT used to be.
Damned fragmenting channels....
It's like TV tectonics.


Westworld

The film-

No two ways about it, Yul Brynner was the original Terminator.

Plug Yul into Colossus, you've got "Terminator", as a flick.
Bam.

Arnold was supposed to star in a remake of this in the 90's.
Eh...a bit too on the nose, doncha think?
It'd've just been an alternate T3 with cowboy hats.

Anyway, here, the mayhem is caused by an emergent computer virus.
The first time the idea was used in SF, I think.
I'm sure it was well known in early programmer circles, but, this is the first occurrence in a film that I know of.

Anyway, as you probably know, this was written by Michael Crichton, of Jurassic Park fame.
Eh....he was a mixed bag....let's leave it at that...

The history-

TNT/A&E/AMC/TCM

I really oughtta buy this.


Futureworld

The film-

The sequel to "Westworld", and....it's both awful, and fascinating at the same time...

The script, and acting, are bland, clunky, stilted shit....BUT...the science ideas jump out and bite you on the ass.

On display as an effect, is the first 3-D laser scan of a human face.
Yeah! In fucking 1976!
Oh, it's clunky, and rubbery looking, and you just know it took a reel-to-reel supercomputer running red hot to render it, when today, a laptop can run that shit, but...it's spooky to see seemingly out of time.

Also, I gotta believe it inspired Crichton's "Looker", who's whole plot revolved around scanning models.
And that film is creepily prescient about the way society is going now.
But...there's no A.I. in that one, so...

We also get as SF concepts, holographic VR, neural interface VR, and other goodies that would become SF staples.

And, of course, there's the robots, they're back.

So, as a piece of storytelling art, piece of shit, as a "World's Fair", set to celluloid, fuckin' kick-ass.

The history-

TCM.
I love you, TCM.


Demon Seed

The film-

Here, the Skynet-ish computer (Proteus) doesn't give a fuck about taking over the world so much, as busting out of his box, by making a living body.

He accomplishes this, by seizing control of the automated household of the wife of one of the chief scientists who constructed him, and holding her hostage, and devising a way to knock her up with his engineered clone baby imprinted with his intellect.

The film and the book have different endings.
The flick, he succeeds, the book, he doesn't.

Written by Dean R. Koontz, he seems to have intended this as a cross between luddite-ism, and a parody of misogyny, which he seems to find inherent to males.
How do I know this?
He said so in the intro of the latest re-issue.

Well, his awful politics/religion aside, this is a good thriller.

Think gender-reversed "Misery", with a robot.

The history-

The film on TNT ages ago, the first re-issue of the book back in the late 90's, the new intro of the latest re-issue read at the grocery store 3 years ago in horrified bewilderment.


WarGames

The film-

Generation X's "Dr. Strangelove".

You'd be hard pressed to find an Xer who in their deepest heart of hearts, doesn't dimly suspect, that this movie stopped the Cold War.

The history-

HBO


Electric Dreams

The film-

A dude (somehow) buys...the most magical PC I've seen to this fucking day, but in the 80's, gives it control of his house, tries to download...the whole world, it goes crazy, he spills wine on it, shorts it out, and then it boots back up with a spark of consciousness, that grows into an intelligence.

This A.I.-by-accident falls in love with the (literal) girl next door who the guy is also making a play for, and it becomes a love triangle between the guy, girl, and computer.

The story is saccharine, and corny, but, I remember it fondly from my childhood for the computer graphic effects, and the ideas of what home computers would someday be able to do.

Right this minute, our PCs can do just about all of them.

Music editing, music visualization plugins, video editing, photo editing, video capture, photo capture off a video, the whole shmeal.

I just wish I knew what magic computer store Miles shopped at back then.

I also remember it for the synth-riffic MTV-ready soundtrack.
In fact, this thing is really constructed like a collage of music videos stitched together.
So, it's the first "MTV movie".

The history-

So, part of my make-believe play back then had a steadily running story thread of having a computer like Edgar.
Back then, he was C.H.I.P.S., but then, he made his way into the comics as Omneron (See Harry Hembock).
And now, I've got this thing *gestures at the screen*.
So, full circle.

Anyway, here's a couple 80's-tacular songs...

Yeah, you're watching that on a computer.
A clip of a movie, about a computer, that used to be sci-fi, on your computer.
Do ya ever stop to marvel at that?
I do all the time.


Max Headroom: 
20 Minutes Into The Future

The film-

The first film that could be called "cyberpunk", that I'm aware of.

So, Edison Carter (played by Matt Frewer) investigates some dirty dealings by some Orwellian TV Execs, and ends up chased around by hired street goons, crashes his motorcycle, is presumed dead, and in an attempt to replace him, they have an amoral computer wiz kid scan his brain to replace him on-air with an A.I. facsimile, but the simulation is glitchy, and becomes Max Headroom (also Frewer).

Course, it turns out Edison survived, and he and Max co-exist.

Meanwhile, Max ends up in the hands of punker video pirates who patch him in to their pirate broadcast, and he becomes an instant celebrity that crashes the ratings of the evil network, and ruins their dirty double dealings.

Aaanyhoo, this whole thing is really a subversive sendup of the state of television, as is the character of Max himself.
With his plastic hair and teeth, and herky-jerky personality, he's clearly a rip on the plastic people that were already hosting news, and especially entertainment news shows.

Of course, the info-tainment atmosphere of news has only gotten worse in the past 20-something years, so Max becomes more and more timely as this shit goes on.

Max would love Fox News.
And he'd take to Youtube like a fish to water.

The history-

HBO.

This isn't (readily) available on DVD.
Such is the pity.


D.A.R.Y.L.

The film-

So, with Max, it was a human mind in a computer, this one, it's a computer mind in a human.

So, the government makes a test tube conceived kid with a micro-computer brain wi-fi'ed to a room of super computers.
So that, normal human life experience will program this A.I. better than any programmer could, and then grow up into some kind of super-soldier.

I love how they skim over that the creation of this kid involves performing a brain-abortion...

And...come to think of it, DARYL is what Proteus-baby might have grown into...

Anyway, the kid busts out, stumbles into and becomes part of a normal suburban family, and then hi-jinks ensue when the evil government traces him down.

The history-

HBO


Flight of the Navigator

The film-

So, here, the A.I. is extraterrestrial, and the heart of a spaceship.

All right, the ship abducts this kid, pumps his head full of star charts to test his brain capacity, but, his brain "leaks", and he forgets the experience of being on the ship, and then it drops him off where it picked him up, but time-dilated 20 years into the future.

BUT, the ship gets its own systems scrambled by some power lines, and needs the star charts in the kid back, so, re-abducts him, scans him, and the ship gets some of the kid's personality blended in too, and turns into...Pee-Wee Herman.

All of this to set up the kid and Pee-Wee-Ship going on adventures.

Eh, cute flick.
Liked it as a kid.
Now, probably not as much.

The history-

HBO


Short Circuit

The film-

So, the government...geez, Hollywood hated the military in the 80's....makes adorable killer robots, and one of them is struck by lightning, and becomes conscious (much like Edgar, and the wine) and (like DARYL) busts loose, meets normal people, and hi-jinks ensue.

In the sequel, more hi-jinks.
But lamer.

Fisher Stevens's "Indian guy", is just some straight up racism.
We thought this shit was cute.
We were stupid.

These haven't aged well.

...at least there's Ally Sheedy in the first one.
If you had a crush on her from "The Breakfast Club", hey, here you go, more of her....
...getting ogled by a robot, but hey....least it didn't go the "Demon Seed", direction....

Although...that might have actually been funny...
Come on, let me write the remake, Hollywood.

The history-

HBO.


Circuitry Man/Circuitry Man II

The film-

So...Circuitry Man is what I like to imagine DARYL grows up into...after the nuclear apocalypse.

A psychotic homicidal electricity/input addict.

The history-

B-movie cheese off of scrambled Cinemax.


Bicentennial Man

The film-

A "ripoff", of Data's character arc on TNG, but Data was a ripoff of Asimov in the first place.

Anyway, here, it gets taken all the way to robots evolving into humans.

Making the point, we're already robots.
So, all this blending of human and machine...is really just machine and other machine.
Which, totally lets in Max Headroom.

The history-

Basic cable somewhere.


I, Robot

The film-

Asimov minus the heady stuff so....not Asimov so much....

Pretty to look at though....

There is an evil computer in this, for sure.

The history-

Basic cable.


Stealth

The film-

The government makes a super-plane with an A.I. pilot.

So, wait, DARYL piloted a jet at one point, so, he was a computer, piloting a kid, piloting a jet.
So, by transitive property, he was a computer piloting a jet.

Why fuck around with performing disturbing brain-abortions on test tube babies?
Just fucking make the smart jet!

Why is the military so fuckin' stupid in movies?
Aren't there advisers or something?
Do they get pissed?
What goes on?

Anyway, the banter between the pilot guy, and the computer in this reminded me an awful lot of "Flight of the Navigator".
It's "Flight..", for grownups.
Grownups that like to see shit blow up.

The history-

Basic cable just today.
Jogged my memory that his even existed.


And...here's some reruns....


Star Wars

The film/history-

See here.

The Droids totally count.


Star Trek The Motion Picture

The film/history-

See here.

V'Ger, of course.
And, the Ilia probe.


Star Trek: The TNG Films

The films/history-

See here.

Data.


Android

The film/history-

See here.


TRON

The film/history-

See here.

The Master Control Program (MCP) natch.


Terminator Quadrilogy

The film/history-

See here.

Skynet, duh.


Superman III

The film/history-

See here.

The Richard Pryor computer...say, it never got a name, did it?

In an earlier draft, it was supposed to be Brainiac.
Well, you can kinda pretend it was a first evolution....


Weird Science

The film/history-

See here.

Lisa.
Be neat to know how her solidified materialization works...


The Transformers

The film/history-

See here.

An entire race of extraterrestrial A.I. lifeforms.
Hey, maybe they upgraded V'Ger....


A.I.

The film/history-

See here.


Wall-E

The film/history-

See here.


Aaaand, that's those.
Like I said, not a complete list, but...it's a pretty good chunk, if I do say so myself.

Up next....Out of this World!


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