I really friggin love the 80's (part 2)

All right, so VH-1 did a trilogy of these, so, I got two to go starting now.
So, here's part 2...

1980

American Gigolo

*Eye roll*
Oh, goody...this unleashed Richard Gere on the world...*sneer*

Too Close For Comfort

My folks watched it, but I left the room to go play or somethin.
I faintly remember a grouchy old man yelling.
But, it didn't feel amusing, like when Archie Bunker was doing it.
Meh...

Devo's "Whip It"

Ah, you glorious geeky bastards!
Didja know Mark Mothersbaugh was the musical director for Rugrats?
Yep...

Richie Rich

I watched this...but...it doesn't stick to my memory so well..
I liked his robot.
The dog was a little annoying...
And I always thought his Butler, Cadbury, had something to do with the chocolate eggs...

Grey Poupon

Jayzus, did this ever become a meme...

Superman II

Kneel before Zod!
'Nother frikkin meme.
Great fuckin' flick though.
The duology rivals Star Wars.
Although, I part with most people, I like 3.
I think 3, while weaker than 1-2, has its highlights, and makes Superman a solid trilogy (ignoring 4).
Well...look at it this way, it serves its trilogy better than Spiderman 3, or a lot of other part threes.
And, it's got Pryor!
And they did these timeless masterpieces all without CG.
And they never raped Superman with special editions.
And Smallville's pretty popular, so, Superman's prequel didn't suck.

Plastic Man

Plastic Baby fucking ruined it.
Worse than Scrappy Doo.
Worse than Jar-Jar.

Flash Gordon

Star Wars was supposed to be Flash Gordon, but Lucas couldn't get the rights.
I'm glad he didn't, I liked this campy take far better.
It looked like the 1930's serials jazzed up a bit.
That's what it should be.
And Queen, man.
"Flash!!! AAA-AAAHH!!".
Loved it.
They're doing a remake, I want nothing to do with it.

Michael Jackson's "Rock with You" (from his 1979 album Off the Wall)

I repeat the Jackson rant.
I stand by it.

Real People

Oh, yeah, the first reality show.
I never saw it.
But...harbinger of the horror to come.
This, and "real life".

The Blues Brothers

Haven't seen it all the way through yet.
Sorry, so much other stuff to see, and read, and download, haven't gotten to it.
It happens.

Eight is Enough

I didn't know what pablum was, or sappy, or y'know, didn't have much of a vocabulary to wrap my hands around certain concepts as a kid, but I just knew, certain...flavors..of show gave me an annoyed, bored, irritated, antsy kinda feeling, that I had to get the fuck away from the TV when they were on.
This was one.
Pablum.
Tripe even.
And I know I say "insipid", a lot, but that's what a shitload of 80's TV was.
And music, and film.

Solid Gold

Meh.

Satin jackets

Nyeehh...

Stir Crazy

Pryor! Yayy!
Although, his wife said he was coked up on this one.

Private Benjamin

Meh.

Alice

What I said about "Alice doesn't live here anymore".
Also, man, this thing was on forever.
Haven't seen it since it ended though.
Weird.

Friendship bracelets

Meh.

Cheap Trick's "I Want You To Want Me"

Fun little ditty.

Hungry Hungry Hippos

Yet another game my friends had, and I didn't.

Friday the 13th

Didn't get to see it back then, obviously.
Halloween with gore, basically.
And, Drew Barrymore got gutted in "Scream", for not knowing Jason's MOTHER was the killer.
Yeah...I own the VHS-es of this series, cuz I thought I needed the homework for "Freddy vs. Jason", when it finally came out.
Turns out I didn't.
Not a fan of the Jasons.
Much more a Freddy person.

1981

Dynasty

Didn't watch it.
Goddamned REFUSED to watch it.
Shut myself in my room when that glitzy melodramatic horseshit was on.

Smurfs

Oh, man...
I don't need to say it, let Robot Chicken tear into them.
That encapsulates my feelings on Smurfs well enough.

Journey's Escape

I loved me some Journey.
Lotta people, especially metal-heads, think they're corny as shit, I dug 'em.
Wanna fight about it?

On Golden Pond

Meh...boomer flick.

Billy Squier's "The Stroke"

Huh huh huh.

Endless Love

SNKKT, ptoooey!

Magnum, P.I.

Wasn't into it for some reason.
Watched it a few times, it wasn't BAD....
Musta been opposite something I did watch.
I dunno.

Rick James' "Super Freak"

It's a celebration, bitches!
Show Charlie Murphy your titties!

Iron-on decals

I thought these were the coolest things.
And I only had like...4 of 'em in my whole damned life.
Really, Dad?
Iron on patches were gonna break us?
*Eye roll*

The Fall Guy

Didn't watch it.
Sorry, folks.

The Rolling Stones' Tattoo You

...was "get off of my cloud", on this one?

Fernando Valenzuela

Um...ball player, right?

Hart to Hart

Tripe.
Didn't watch it.

Benetton

Didn't care.
I was ahead of dopey Benetton on race.
Race always seemed like a goofy concept to me.
Ever since Fat Albert, when I was little, people were just people to me.
So, hey, it worked.
Another thing I admire Cosby for.
That's why I may seem so careless on the whole racial/cultural identity stuff in past entries.
I just think we need to get past the whole deal of segregated cultures.
"This movie/music-style is black, this one is white..".
Ah, bullshit.
There should be white rappers, black rockers, let the barriers all melt away, and let everyone do everything.
I see big dents in that starting to happen already, thanks to generation Y.
Or, "the millenials", as they want to be now.
Whatever, hurry up, humanity.

Benson

Caught it in reruns on WLVI.
Eh, s'okay.
Had Odo on it.
And Neelix!

Jelly Belly

Fuck yeah.

Jelly shoes

Doesn't ring a bell.

Clash of the Titans

Another one that rates up there with Star Wars.
Man, I was a lucky kid!

Simon and Garfunkel's concert in Central Park

Wasn't on my radar.

Mommie Dearest

Hilarious.
Yes, I'm a straight man who is amused by Mommie Dearest.
Get over it.

1982

Fame

*Nose crinkle*
Nyeeeh...
The "Glee", of its day.
Bleh.

Annie

Yeah, I saw this...mixed bag, rolled my eyes through most of the songs, but you got the bit at the end with the bridge, and the helicopter that had tension, I dug that.
There was some dark stuff in there.
Well, Little Orphan Annie came from the depression.
All the shit from the depression had an edge.
Popeye, Batman, The Shadow, Green Hornet, Dick Tracy, Loony Tunes, pretty cool era.
Well, except the grinding poverty...

Steve Miller Band's "Abracadabra"

Hell yeah.
Loved anything that was run through a synthesizer back then.

Tootsie

Wasn't into it then, seen it since, good flick.
Dustin Hoffman's pretty fuckin' cool.
I even forgive him for Ishtar.
In D&D terms, he has enough hit points to shrug it off.
Warren Beatty, not so much.

ColecoVision

I didn't know anyone who had this, but via videos, and screenshots, the graphics were comparable to my Atari 400.
2600 was more widespread, and popular, but the graphics were just ass.
Total ass.

Colecovision, good though.

John Mellencamp

"Jack & Dianne", was good.
Yeah, Mellencamp's cool.

Wayne Gretzky

Didn't care.

Laura Branigan's "Gloria"

Branigan could do no wrong.
I fucking miss her.

The Toy

Pryor again.
Little corny and maudlin in places, but overall, okay.

Conan the Barbarian and The Beastmaster

Conan is a fucking epic masterpiece.
It barely even needs to be said.
They're trying to get a remake going.
Fuck you, Hollywood.

Beastmaster, I dug it as a kid.
It doesn't quite hold up to how I remember it, but still good.
Rip Torn is a magnificent bastard in it.

Men at Work

I dug 'em.
Both their hits.

KangaROOS

The shoes, right?
I might've had a pair, didn't pay attention to my shoes, just so long as they kept the rocks and glass out of my toes.
Still feel that way.

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior

Ah, Mel Gibson, you crazy, drunk, Nazi.

T.J. Hooker

Didn't watch it.
Cop shows were tripe in this era.

The Pointer Sisters's "I'm So Excited"

Eh.

An Officer and a Gentleman

Fuckin' Gere again.
*Eye roll*
What a trout.

G.I. Joe

Wasn't into it.
Figured out pretty quick, even without the vocabulary to frame it, that there was something spooky and ominous about the Military Industrial Complex, and that this whole thing was a commerical for war.
A big thing that clicked for me, against that whole "rah-rah!", deal, was noticing the playground bullies had that whole drill sergeant demeanor going on.
Wasn't my vibe.
I don't mind it now as a relic of the past, I can enjoy it as fiction, but at the time, lines were being drawn.
I was very aware that various ideologies were competing for my heart and soul like divorcing parents.
It was a queasy thing.

Musical Youth's "Pass the Dutchie"

Managed not to even hear it back then.
Meh.
Not into Reggae.

Pink Floyd The Wall

Missed out.

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Best Trek movie ever.
Countless books and websites have been written on it.
Don't need my rant.

1983

Richard Simmons

Drag queens tell him to tone it down.
Richard Simmons or glory?

Lionel Richie's "All Night Long (All Night)"

Meh, s'okay.

Staying Alive

Peyooo.

Klondike bar

Good product, annoying ad campaign.
I much prefer Chipwich.

The Thorn Birds

Went out of my way to miss that shit.

Risky Business

See above.

Sunglasses

Oh, come on, they weren't invented then, it was long before.
Well, I had me some.
A cheapo pair of yellow rimmed plastic Superman glasses.
Went through a phase of wearing 'em everywhere.

Why, I do believe...I wore them at night.

The Day After

Yikes, glad I didn't see this when I was little.
Shit!
...aw, damn, it had Gutenberg, didn't it?
Why was he in everything?!!?!?!??!
Well, at least his flesh fell off.

The Outsiders

Caught this on HBO, always dug it.

Cujo and Christine

Eh, not King's best stuff.
Mainstreamie Jaws ripoff spookum stuff, nothing challenging.
Pet Sematary, It, Stand By Me, Talisman, that's when he got back on track.

Snausages

I used to think the ad was hilarious.
I dunno, hit me just right the way the dog said snausages.
It was the voice, or something.

Chicken McNuggets

Oh...*drool* I don't even CARE if they're made of baby chicks, or whatever the legend is.
I could pop 20 of the fucking things like potato chips.

That's not something sexy to admit to, but there it is.

Stray Cats' "Rock This Town"

Yeah, they were pretty cool.
Brian Setzer came back in the 90's with the whole swing revival thing.
That was cool too.

Donkey Kong

Game was fun, cartoon was an abortion.
It was distinctive for being the first Mario thing put to film though.
Well...unless you count the creepy live action guy in the Donkey Kong game ads.
There was also a Donkey Kong cereal.
It was flavorless, and cut your mouth worse than Cap'N Crunch.

Culture Club

Nope, Richard Simmons is still even gayer than Boy George.
Anyhoo, yeah, he was a damn good singer.

Yentl

Ehh...

KISS takes off their makeup

Oh, man, this was a really big deal for some reason.
Like, unmasking Vader big.
Then, it finally happened and...eh.
Just some guys.
Okay...

Martina Navratilova

Didn't care.

Fraggle Rock

We got HBO for this.
Couldn't tell you if it was worth it.
I mean, it was Muppets, it was cute, glad I saw it, added to my happy memories.
But HBO was a wad of cash.
Well, I saw a million great flicks, so, it wasn't for Fraggles alone.

V

This was fucking epic at the time.
Hasn't held up to my memories, but, still pretty good, and very ambitious compared to the painful drivel that was on TV most of the time.
This made Robert Englund famous just before Freddy hit.

1984

The Karate Kid

Yeah, I loved this as a kid.
As a jaded adult, I can see how it ripped off Rocky, from stem to stern.
But, I still look on it fondly.
The sequel, eh...
Loved it then, looking back, a bit over the top.
Course, the "karate kid incident", probably colored that a bit...

Van Halen's 1984

Glorious.

The wave

Dumb.
Get it outta my face.

The Cars' "Drive"

Liked "shake it up", "magic", and "you might think", better, but this one's good.

Beverly Hills Cop

Overrated.

Cagney & Lacey

Tripe.

Menudo

Didn't they birth Ricky Martin?
All I can remember...
Oh, and then they had this like, mini-show in the commercial breaks of the ABC saturday morning cartoons in the buffer between shows where they'd play a Menudo video.
The theme was obnoxious.
Menudo on AY BEE CEE!!
Menudo on AY BEE CEE!!
Menudo on AY BEE CEE!!
Blaugh.
Oh, they sang the song to "cities of gold", and "Spartakus", I think.
Yep, they did.

Scratch and sniff and Trapper Keeper

Scratch and sniff was my second favorite technology next to shrinky dink.
Brilliant.
Humanity is at its best doing things like this.
Politics, and war, not so much.

Trapper Keeper, didn't use one until high school, and then had a new one every year.
Mostly got used for toting Harry comics from study hall, to library, to study hall.
Kind of a hardware version of a laptop now I think of it.
The gadget pouches, the little insert dictionary and atlas that came with it...
Yeah, cool.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Oh, wow, I love this series of films.
It's very special to me.
I've ranted this before....

Hey, guy in the ICU waiting room...

How I spent my summer.

Things that don't give me nightmares.

Self-esteem (with Dr. Freddy)

Why was I born?

But, for this one, I'll go into specific memories.
Steve "again, of the Karate Kid incident", was spending the night at my house, and Ma was babysitting some friend's teen daughter, so, the girl wanted to see the marathon on HBO of the first two Nightmares, so, me n' Steve had to go to bed early, and Steve snuck out to peek, and I snuck out after him, and we saw the scene where Tina gets killed, then we got caught, and sent back to bed.
Well, I get woken up in the middle of the night, and Steve, who saw Creepshow before me, who saw Return Of The Living Dead before me, who saw American Werewolf In London before me "and lemme tell ya, he rubbed it in", woke up bawling his head off.
He'd had a fuckin' Freddy dream, and really thought he was gonna fuckin' die.
Part of me feels sympathetic, I'd had my brushes with sobbing nightmares too, but...here's a guy who'd been all cocky about his horror movie courage, and Freddy gets to him?
Freddy never got to me, I always dug Freddy.
Even moreso from then on.
Anyway, I finally would later see part 3, Dream Warriors, with my other friend "he with the snotty big sister", on his Cinemax, and man, that one was another life changer.
Really, with breathless tones, I uttered during the end credits "that's the best fuckin' movie I've seen in my life!".
And at the time, it was.
It had literally everything.
Blood, tits, jokes, scares, laughs, cutting edge effects, it advanced the story, gave you likable characters you could actually relate to, had celebrity cameos to ground it in our world, and then a pounding metal single for the end theme, it just hit every note for a cool movie period.
I was just blown away.
I really think it was the first R rated movie I saw begining to end, that wasn't some boomer-aged melodramatic sob story piece of bullshit.
It was really for me.
It was mine.
My friend shrugged it off like it was a trifle.
Man, he didn't get it.
After that, I was old enough to be able to follow the series on VHS.
What a joy.
What great years.

Thompson Twins

Yeah, "doctor doctor", was good.
Like me some Thompson Twins.
Their attempted comeback in the early 90's with "sugar daddy", not so good.

My Little Pony and Glo Worm

My little pony...*grumble*...
Well, at least no one died in a late-night sale of the things like Cabbage Patch.
Ohhh, yeeeaah, I remember...there was a fuckin' TV movie of My Little Pony, and...I watched it for some fuckin' reason...and it was really fucked up..
Seriously.
Like, it was DARK.
There was like, this villain with a hood, and red glowing eyes, and he had this magic sack full of evil purple smoke that would turn the My Little Ponies into these fuckin' demon monster horses to pull his chariot of evil, and they were like all rotoscope animated, and fuckin' real looking compared to the style of the ponies...
Oh, yeah, and the sack of evil beat like it had a fuckin' heart in it, there was that too.
Keerist...
Some really subversive bastard got ahold of that script, man.
I shit you not, this happened.
Course, the ponies win in the end somehow.
The power of love, or some goofy horseshit.
Hey! Horseshit, ponies, heh heh!
Ahhh...
Oh, I remember why I watched it, Ma was babysitting the neighbor girl.
Heh heh, then it was this evil thing that I ended up getting a kick out of.
She was horrified, of course.
Made it all the sweeter.

Oh, and Glowworm...it glowed..*shrug*...meh.

Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me"

Good one.

Splash and Bachelor Party (both starring Tom Hanks)

Fuck "Van Wilder", or any of that, nothing tops Bachelor Party in that genre of zany sex romp.
Just go watch it.

And Splash, Ron Howard's...well, second flick as director after "Night Shift", if I recall correctly.
Lotta people pretend it's his first.
Daryl Hanna was lookin' good in this, but, with my punk kink, I like her better as Priss in "Blade runner".
Oh, and "Night Shift", is a much overlooked, but cute little film, that you should all check out.
Michael Keaton's first movie, stars Henry winkler, Shelly Long is cute and not a cold fish in it.
I dig it.
S'better than fuckin' "Pretty Woman".
Which is probably on this list, so I'll save my rage for then.

Gremlins

Man...speaking of My Little Pony being fucked up....get a load of this.
It starts off as a christmas-y movie, like something Capra might've shot, then it morphs into a monster movie complete with splattery blender and microwave oven kills.
...and they marketed this flick at KIDS.
There was plush toys, color books, a cereal, trading cards, candy...
I really don't think the marketing people genuinely understood what had hit them.
I dunno, maybe there were some boomers with some yippie subversiveness still left in them, and they were still kicking up silt in the man's machine.
It was this weird little period of rebellion for awhile.
I liked it a lot.
Shit, Speilberg was in on this as an executive producer, he knew what was going on.
What happened to THAT Speilberg??!?!
Now he turns guns into walkie talkies.
Man, what 20 years does....

The Burning Bed

And speaking of that, what happened to THIS Farrah Fawcett!?!?

Tina Turner

Now...am I the only evil one who, when Ike finally died, thought the headline should've read "Tina victorious!"?
Come on, can't just be me.
Can't be.

Stirrup pants

I don't know what button these pushed in my reptillian hindbrain, but they were hot to me.
I want to dig up a truckload somewhere, and force my future wife to wear them all the time.
Maybe I shouldn't admit to that...it'll scare her away...
Kidding! Kidding! Hahahaha!!
Wheee!

Billy Idol

Ain't nothin' bad about being Billy Idol.

Revenge of the Nerds

Apparently, the little sidekick dude from "American Splendor", got a lot more out of this than I did.

1985

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

I'm Robin Leach, and you're not!!
Haww haaww fucking haaaww!!
Eh, somethin' like that.
Right?
Ain't that how you remember it?

Rambo: First Blood Part II

Lump this in with my rant on G.I. Joe.
And I liked First Blood, too.
This one got all Reaganomics on me.

Crack epidemic

Wasn't interested.
I remember thinking when I heard about it "rock cocaine, crystal cocaine, liquid cocaine, toothpaste cocaine, bubblegum cocaine, who cares? I ain't gonna use it, it's not a part of my life, why do do I gotta hear about it?".
Crack wasn't an issue in fucking Maine in the 80's.
I rolled my eyes, and moved on.

Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)"

Man, did the dude who sang this become a fuckin' mess.
Can't I enjoy any little ditty on the radio without some friggin human tragedy attached to it?
Thanks, VH-1.

Teen Wolf

Lame.

Inspector Gadget

My grandfather dug it.

Remington Steele

Tripe.

Falco's "Rock Me Amadeus"

Dug it.

Jenga

Coulda sworn this was a 90's thing.
Eh, the punch-able boomer yuppies in the commercial put me off it for awhile.
Played it since, it's okay.

Tears for Fears

"Shout", and "everybody wants to rule the world", are all I can rememeber.
Oh, yeah, there was their little late 80's/early 90's comeback "sowing the seeds of love", that one was dreadful.
Them, and Thompson Twins, should've quit while they were ahead.

Bobby Knight

The coach, right?
Douche.

The People's Court

Jayzus, I dug this back then, then there was awhile that it was gone, and I missed it, now there's like 5-8 fuckin' judge shows that've taken its place, and I wish they'd all be blown up by the Joker.

Dionne Warwick's "That's What Friends Are For"

Ehhh...

227

They don't rerun this on any channel I have, it probably hasn't held up.

North and South

Didn't care.

Foreigner's "I Want to Know What Love Is"

Good one.
Either for just the tune, or for paying attention to the lyrics, and getting depressed on Valentine's day.
Oh yeah, eat your fucking heart out, Morrisey.
Mainstream pop will send you over a window ledge quicker than anything you could dredge up, ya poser.

Mr. Belvedere

Tripe.
You think "two and a half Men", is bad?
Check this shit out.
Well, fuck, "who's the boss?", is even worse than this, hence my rating of "uber tripe".

New Coke

The flag of surrender to Pepsi.

They can't ever take that back.

Jem

Well, I guess girls needed a superhero, it sure wasn't gonna be fucking Madonna, Wonder Woman had retired, and everything else was a pure insult to girls, like the ponies, and the Cabbage Patch Kids.
So, while it wasn't my bag, I got nothin' bad to say about Jem.
Shit, look at what the girls got now, fuckin' "Bratz".
Weep for your daughters, America.
Gut wracking sobs like a baby.
Go right ahead.
You earned it.

Weird Science

Ah, yes, Danny Elfman was a rock star for a bit, children.
Yep, it happened.
Check Youtube.
As for the flick?
Great.
The rom-com for nerds.
It doesn't suck.
It still holds up.

1986

Pee-wee's Playhouse

Well, I more or less ranted my Pee-Wee rant in the last one.
Great show.
The original "Pee-Wee Herman Show", stage show, turned HBO special, was a tongue in cheek adult parody of kid shows, but Pee-Wee/Reubins transitioned seamlessly to a sincere kiddie show host, and it worked.
Even without the adult jokes, it was about letting your freak flag fly, and exploring your imagination.
That's good for kids.
I wish it were still on.
I put it up there with Mister Rogers for self-esteem building.
And hey, Cyndi Lauper sang the theme!
See how it all connects?

Jolt Cola

You don't see smartass upstart-ery in products like this anymore.
Well, not hardly.
"All the sugar, twice the caffiene", emblazoned right on it.
Then, the pendulum swung the other way, and everything got relentlessly pussified.

Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet

"Livin' on a prayer", was on this, right?
I really dug it then.
Looking back, wow...what a horrible message it had.
But..I didn't pay much attention to lyrics then.
It was all about riffs.
Heh heh, my uncle called him "John Blow Jobby".
HAHAHAHAAA!!

L.A. Gear

Ah, fuck off.
The song in the commercial made me want to stab someone.

Paul Simon's "You Can Call Me Al"

Meh. It's cute. Not a favorite.

Soul Man

The movie?
Doesn't ring many bells.
Well, it's got "soul", in the title, so it's probably some schlock with ghosts/angels.
Fuckin' Americans, and their compulsive obsession with ghost shit.
It's 2011, and there's like 10-15 fuckin' ghost shows on.
Detectives who talk to ghosts, detectives who are ghosts, reality shows with utter dipshits running around with night vision cameras saying something grabbed their balls...
Look, if the night vision isn't seeing the ghosts, why are they fucking using it?
Ghost shit...for fuck's sake, people.

Ghostbusters, that's the only good thing to ever come of it, because it was snarky and wiseass about the subject, and it had science solving the problem.
And, it had Bill Murray.
Same goes for Scrooged.

Oh, shit, couldn't help it, I peeked on Google, it was the one about the guy who painted himself black to get into college.
That's even fucking worse.
Holy shit.

Rainbow Brite

What I said about girl toys being insulting, and bimbo-fying?
Right here.
Yet, again, Robot Chicken took care of this.

The Bangles' "Walk Like an Egyptian"

'Nother fun little ditty.

Y'know, David Lee Roth describes the 80's perfectly.
"The music SMILED, the hair SMILED...".

Aside from looming nuclear disaster, it really was a great time.
Shit, why can't we learn that now?
Why has simple stupid terrorism ruined everything?
Being nuked by the Russians was a more catastrophic prospect.
And look at the fuckin' depression.
Fuckin' Superman was born out of that.
Yep, Beastie Boys were right, you gotta fight for your right to party.
Look at the sourpusses that ran us into the ground in the 00's man.
Villains right out of a fucking John Hughes movie.
Wake up, everyone.

Dallas episode "Bobby Ewing Comes Back To Life"

Couldn't manage to give a fuck.

Howard the Duck

Dreadful, but...I liked it as a kid.
It had a fuckin' monster at the end, that's all I needed...*shrug*
Remember, chronologically, this is BEFORE I saw Freddy 3 on Cinemax.
This is the sort of cinema drivel I had to survive on in between Jedi, and Nightmare.

About Last Night

Never saw it.

The Mystery of Al Capone's Vault

I had Harry rant about this in a MSTisode, but man, Geraldo is really just a piece of shit.
Just utter shit.
No redeeming qualities.
Pure shit.

Ocean Pacific

Don't care.

Gloria Estefan's "Conga"

Eh. S'okay, not a favorite.

L.A. Law

Never watched it.
Refused.
Boomer shit.
Yuppie boomer shit.
Didn't know anyone who watched it.
Would've dumped 'em as friends.

The Golden Child

Remember what I said in the last one about Eddie Murphy having long gaps of disapointment between his good stuff?
Right here.

Double Dare

I rolled my eyes at this goofy show back then, but, in hindsight, it's a helluva lot less humiliating than the wretched reality shows we've got now.
Although, the assholes on those shows would've been the children on this show.
So...they were preparing us.
Laying the foundations for the purer evil.

Garbage Pail Kids

Well, by now, you know my rant on Cabbage Patch kids.
So, you can only imagine how joyously I recieved the arrival of these.
Holding that first packet of cards from the first series in my hand instantly told me that the subversive weirdo community had come through yet again, but also, that the mere existence of it as a product meant there were millions of kids like me who felt the same way.
It was wonderful.
I collected the shit out of 'em.
Even after Cabbage Patch sued to have the likenesses changed.
I took that as their admission of shame.
Not only were they exploitive douches, but they couldn't take a fucking joke, and were tyrannical bullies about it.
Add Xavier Roberts to the list along with the other bitch-titted tyrants.

Michael Jordan

I got nothing bad to say about him, but I don't idolize sports people, so I got nothing superlative to say either.
*Shrug*
Seems like a nice enough guy...

Don Johnson's "Heartbeat"

*Roars of laughter*

Joe Isuzu

David Leisure.

Live action Quagmire.
Ended up on "empty nest".
Bleeaagh. Bad show.
He deserved comic roles in good movies, they never quite came along for him.
Fuggin' showbiz.

The Fly

Great horror flick.
Caught this on VHS, they were finally allowing me to see shit then.
Cronenberg rules.

1987

Beauty and the Beast

Oh, man, this was sappy tripe.
Its fandom needed to be beaten with a car bumper.
Shit like this laid the seeds for "Twilight", I'm tellin ya.
It's the same shit.
Nothing's new.

Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again"

Meh, pretty generic.
Rather have it on in the background than a lot of other shit though.
Wouldn't have minded some Whitesnake to break up the alterna-doldrums at my second stint at Toys R Us, that's for fuckin' sure.

Oh, yeah, this had the chick thrashing around on the hood.

Right, okay...

Scruples

*Laughs*
Stupid game.
Stupid yuppie game.
At my first stint at Toys R Us, some yuppie came in wanting this, I had to tell him, they hadn't made it in a friggin' decade.
He kept insisting that they must still have it, and that I should scour the storeroom for the fuckin' thing.
Well, I didn't have much else better to do, so I did.
The guy was very disheartened not to have his precious Scruples game.
Man...
*Laughs* Ah...Scruples *head shake*

The Fat Boys

One of the few rap groups I liked.
Them, Tone Loc, Digital Underground, y'know, the fun ones, the gangsta shit...not so much.

Flowers in the Attic

Incest.
Hey, you women bought this shit, you're the gross ones.
Us guys just want lesbian threesomes.
You creatures with vaginas, you're just sickos.
Sick.

How do you live with yourselves?
You should be ashamed to be what you are.
How'd you like that?
That's what it feels like, feminists.
Think about it.
Oh, but incest is still gross, and V.C. Andrews was a fuckin' hack.
Case closed.

LL Cool J

Meh.

Predator,RoboCop and Over the Top

Why do they lump some together like this?

All right, Predator, cool.

Robocop, cool, and brutally satirical.
Eerily prescient.
About corporations, and the media, I mean, we don't have Robocops and Ed-209s yet.

Over The Top...I liked the song.
Well, both of 'em.
"Winner takes it all", and "meet me half way".
The movie...meh.
Watchable on a boring sunday morning, but not a fave.

Doc Martens

Didn't have 'em.
I was never cool.
I made my peace with this a long time ago.

Michael Jackson's "Bad"

Jacksons rant again.
You know the drill.

Full House

Worst shitcom ever.
Yep, every time we rotate back to 87-89 things start to go to shit.
It's like there was some big conspiracy meeting where the mission statement was "well...people are having too much fun, the threat of nuclear annhiliation hasn't sucked the life out of them like it did in the 50's, so...how can we make life miserable again?".

Less Than Zero

Never saw it.
Liked the Bangles single off it though.

Jody Watley

Meh.

Remote Control

Best gameshow ever.
MTV cancels everything good they ever make, and keeps the miserable insufferable shit on for literally decades.
Fuck MTV.

Biker shorts

Yhep, plum smugglers.
Fuckin' men riding around like they were smuggling plums.
Blechh.
Never saw chicks with 'em on, like I wanted.
Fuckin' life.

Thundercats

The last gasp of Rankin/Bass as a studio.
Sad.
I really dug "The Last Unicorn", and "Flight Of Dragons".
Just a bitch that no one could fuckin' compete with Disney then.
Everyone that tried, died.
It's an even bitterer pill, considering what total dogshit Disney was putting out in this period.

Raising Arizona

Ah, Coen Brothers.
You helped the 90's suck less.
Thank you.

Suzanne Vega's "Luka"

Liked the dark lyrics, but um...the tune was sappy.
Loathed "Tom's Diner".
Droning and repititive as fuck.
Cute girl, good set of pipes, songs that could strip paint.

A Different World

Miserable.

Genesis' "Land of Confusion"

Dug it.
Plus, the video slammed Reagan, so, sweet.
I miss Spitting Image.
Some of the most brutal satire I ever saw.
The Brits really know how to do that shit.

Steve Guttenberg

Ranted about him before in "Coccoon", and "The day after".
He's just the pits.
And why was he in everything??
I couldn't fathom it THEN, looking back, it's even more inexplicable.

The Princess Bride

Masterpiece.
The perfect movie.
Told my personal story about it here.

1988

Big

I got nothing bad to say about Big.
Oh, and also my Tom Hanks rant from "bosom buddies".

Growing Pains

Almost as horrible as Full House, but it unleashed Kirk Cameron on the world, thus making its legacy far worse.

MTV's Headbangers Ball

Enjoy it while you can, rockers.
I'm Future-man here to tell you, rock/metal is doomed.
This shit comes along, called "alternative".
And the record companies as one dump all their metal acts for this shit, and the radio stations don't even let you have the choice of it, they just shove it up your ass.
And MTV not only aids in shoving it up your ass, they relentlessly mock rock, like they weren't the ones pimping it the past 10 years.
Fucking phonies.
You're screwed, Headbangers Ball.
It's a setup.
But you know what, grunge granolas?
You're next.
And not even in ten years.
Try six.
Then they toilet flush you for Britney Spears, and the mainstream music scene never comes back to its proper shape as something valid ever again.
But, this thing called the internet comes along, and democratizes the media, and everyone can have what they want, so fuck MTV.
But...until then, if you're into metal, you're in for a lot of pain for awhile.
A long goddamned while.
It's gonna be a helluva wait.
Stock up on CDs.
It's a loooooong winter comin'.

Ripped jeans

I always had mine ripped up from playing.
Ripping 'em on purpose just seemed such a desperate act of poser-y to me.
I was right.
Again.
People are fucking lame and sad.
They bought designer jeans, and Cabbage Patch Kids.
Nevermind the pet rocks, and EST courses in the 70's.
Dayum...

Beetlejuice

Okay, the only other good ghost thing besides "Ghostbusters", and "Scrooged".
Tim Burton was riding high in these years.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Eh, it's good.
It's got the famous meetup of the Warners and Disney characters.
I like it, but...it ain't beloved in my heart like a Princess Bride, or a Stand By Me, or somethin.

Billy Ocean's "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car"

Mehh...this was the song for "license to drive", I'll forever associate it with that schlock.
Plus, they played it to death.

Jamaica national bobsled team

Didn't pay it any heed.

My Two Dads

Tripe.
I saw Greg Evigan walk by at Epcot Center once though.
So...that's the only celebrity I saw that I can remember.
Ohhh, no, I saw Bruce Campbell at Borders a couple years back.
I didn't have my movies on me for him to autograph, so I raced home to get 'em, hoping the signing would take a couple hours, but, I was too late, he was gone when I got back.

Oh, and my other brush with celebrity, was Richard Dawkins replied to one of my posts once.
It was a quickie, and he didn't seem too impressed with me.
I don't blame him.

Garfield stuffed animals

Ugh...they mean the suction cup ones on the car windows, don't they?
Man, that was dangerous and stupid.
I saw some crazy-old-lady car in the 00's that had stuffed toys totally blocking up the back window.
This compulsion still goes on.
WTF is wrong with people?
All these broken brains running around.
And you meet 'em all in fucking traffic.

Beaches

Myeeh....

Charles in Charge

Painful tripe.

A Fish Called Wanda

Friggin' great.
Naked Jamie Lee Curtis before she became the poo-poo-yogurt lady.

Ickey Woods and Bash Brothers

Huh?

Hypercolor t-shirts

Didn't have any.

Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me"

Ah, yep, Hysteria, that's when I got into them.
I dug every track on that one.
Played the tape to death.

Young Guns

Didn't care.

R.E.M., Jane's Addiction, and Sonic Youth

The 90's start to loom again.
Although, I liked some R.E.M, and Jane's Addiction.
Can't remember Sonic Youth, so I must not've liked 'em, so they must've blew.

But yeah, it was coming, it was barreling down, the darkness.

Vice President George Bush elected President of the United States

*Shiver*

Chia Pet

*Eye roll*
Yep, we come full circle back to pet rock type shit.

Tracy Chapman

Meh.

Coming to America

Meh, this one was all right for a Murphy flick.

1989

Weekend at Bernie's

Oh, man, come on!
*Eyeroll*

Doogie Howser M.D.

Well, this was schlock, but Neil Patrick Harris is a cool guy.

Samantha Fox's "I Wanna Have Some Fun"

Hot chick, crappy song.

The Clapper

*Eye roll*

Field of Dreams

S'okay, despite being all boomer-y.
James Earl Jones is cool.

Pete Rose

Didn't care.

Biz Markie's "Just a Friend"

S'okay, liked "spring again", better.
His voice and verbal delivery are so funny in the chorus, I can't describe it.
Look it up.

Thirtysomething

*Grooooaann* fuggin' boomeeerrrss!!
I wanted to kill everyone in this.
With a chainsaw made of lightsaber.
Well, I'm a thirtsomething now, and they can't blame their age that they were drab, and lame, and whiny.
Nope, it was them.
I mean, granted, this was just a shitty make-believe show, but it had an audience of millions, so it connected to people that were really like this.
Horrible.
I dunno if "the big chill", is on the next list, but fuck that shit too for the same reasons.

Yuppie

The phenomenon, or was there a movie I missed?
Well, fuck the yuppies.
The preppies turned into the yuppies, and they raped our economy.
And they still think they're "top talent".
Line 'em all up against a wall.
Get the sentient AI gatling gun that enjoys its work.
Ain't got one?
Fucking invent it.
Come on, you IT geeks out there, what do we have you around for?

Richard Marx

Asscrap.

Driving Miss Daisy

Well, Morgan Freeman's good in just about anything.

Zsa Zsa Gabor slaps a cop

Get over it.
This is when the news started to get fuckin' lame.
The celebrity shit was starting to trickle into the real news more and more.
We lost that war.

Guns N' Roses' "Patience"

Yeah...all the metal guys thought they had to do these fuckin' slow ballads to show the snooty critics what ARTISTS they were.
Fuck the snooty critics, you're never gonna please those fucking monsters.
Let 'em fuckin' rot in the cancer that they're MADE of, and stop punishing my ears.
Just fucking ROCK, wouldja?

Rock N Roll Flowers

Ehh...more pet rock shit.

The Beastie Boys' Paul's Boutique

Wasn't on my radar.

Bo Jackson

Didn't care.
So, this guy can play TWO sports I don't watch?
Whoopidy doo.

Designing Women

Tripe.

York Peppermint Pattie

Oh, come on, these were around a lot longer, and so was the ad campaign.
Really sloppy, whomever compiled this shit.
Eh, they're all right.
Lindt blows 'em away though.
But, that's not fair.
They're good for cheap candy.
Although, candy ain't cheap anymore.
It's fuckin' ridiculous.

House of Style

Burn it down.

"Lifestyles of the rich and famous", "cribs", "house of style", "the fabulous life of ...", it's all the exact same shit.
Stupid poor people watching money dance around they can't have.
That's what "love boat", was too.
And "Dallas", and "Dynasty".
Hateful television.
Fuck you.

Choose Your Own Adventure books

These were around way before this, and I dug 'em.
Liked the "Zork", series way better than the actual "choose your own adventure", brand.
Better writing, more creative.

When Harry Met Sally

Boomer flick.
Pass.

Pretty much what I said last time, loved the 80's.
Happy times.
But, this time around, there was more of the creeping crud that the lame hollow 90's represented.
Not looking forward to those lists.
Or...maybe I am....it'll be fun to tear into that shit.

And I repeat the rants for "walk like an Egyptan", and "headbanger's ball".
The gist of 'em, anyway.

Well, on to part 3 of the 80's...

Read More......

NLHH:DD: Wikisode- Legion Of Liberty.

Keek Ahss!


Read More......

I really friggin love the 80's (part 1)

Ah, the 80's.
The decade I wanted to start with in the first place.
Lot of fond memories of this time, let's see if that nostalgia was warranted, or if it was a dreamlike haze created by selective memory.

I very vaguely remember it turning '80.
Tucked away in an attic somewhere, I have a snowman Christmas ornament made of felt that they made me make in school for the occasion, and "1980", was all over the place back then, but, I never grasped the significance at the time.
Just a bunch of random numbers it seemed to me.

After the flop the 90's turned out to be after similar brouhaha, and what a delusion all the "the millennium doesn't really start until '01!! People celebrating '00 are stupid!", stuff was, and reading up on how much pure bullshit was involved with the creation of the Gregorian calender,...I was right as a kid.
I always was.
Just another damned day.
But decades are nice for chopping time up into imaginary bits to have illusory power over, so let's plow ahead with these lists.

The 70's took me from ages 0-4, 80's took me from 5-14.
From nursery school, to Sweetser.
So, let's check it out.


1980

The Love Boat

Tripe.
I knew it then.

Caddyshack

All I remembered at the time was the dancing gopher.
Now, I appreciate it as a damned good classic flick.
I don't quote it to death like older-X'er yuppie swine, but...good flick.

The Vapors' "Turning Japanese"

Heh, heh, they're talking about masturbating.

Punk and preppy fashion

Punk hair freaked me out back then.
Didn't help that the stupid dopey media played into that anyone with colored hair was a scary violent shady person.
...course, also didn't help that the PUNKS played into that they were violent shady people so everyone would go fuck off.
But, in hindsight, I can relate to that.
Now, oh man, punk girls are a fantasy of mine.
Eh, I'm not badass enough.
Plus, I'd have to wear the costume too, and I don't do costumes.
And, at 35, I'm a geezer.
Relatively speaking.
Ah, well...
'Nother missed opportunity.

As for the preppies? Fuck 'em.
Fuuuuck 'eeem.
*Sneer* *Finger*

Strawberry Shortcake

All right, it was my mission as a little boy to despise all girl toys, and girl toy commercials, and Strawberry Shortcake WAS vapid and insipid, BUT...I do like the core concept of scented toys.
They should have gone further with this.
Yeah...they had scented Play-Doh in the 90's when I worked at Toys R Us, and also slimes with stinky smells for boys, but, that came too late for my childhood, and, it only hung around for that little bit of the 90's.
They should keep that stuff around.
It's just a neat idea.

The Blue Lagoon and Brooke Shields's Calvin Klein ads

Heh, heh, I told my Blue Lagoon story in the 70's.
Well, I'll go into a little detail,...weird damned movie.
I never got the ending.
Were they dead?
In a coma?
Dead, I guess...
Weird, weird damned movie.
Brooke Shields nudity though.
So, hwah hwah hayooo!!

Designer jeans

Tch, yeah, let's ridiculously over-price stupid cheap-ass common denim cuz a designer jackass sewed their dorky name onto it.
People are dumb.
It didn't get better in the 80's.

Air Supply's "All Out of Love"

Treacle.
That aspect of music didn't get better.

Pat Benatar and Deborah Harry (of Blondie)

Hot enough to roast flesh.
Holy shit.
You look at old pics of them all young and creamy, and...son of a bitch...
*Regrets having jeans on, squirms*

Who shot J.R.?

Didn't care.

9 to 5

My Ma dragged me to this under heavy protest.
Well, my toddler crush, big-boobs, was in it, so, in the end, I figured "what the hell?"
HEY, it's pretty good.
Actually funny.

Urban Cowboy

Izzat the one with the mechanical bulls, or the one where Bob Balaban blows John Voight?
Either way, yuck, no thanks.

Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust"

Meh, not one of their better ones.
Much prefer "we are the champions", or "Flash", or "don't stop me now".
Stuff with a little more oomph to the chorus.
This one was just kinda repetitive.

Kenny Rogers

Yep...he existed.

Xanadu

So...what was the thinking?
They were trying for, like, a 30's-40's style musical updated to the 80's with 80's music?
Ehh....no.
No thanks.
It has a cult though.

Airplane!

Holy Grail, Jerk, and this one, funniest movies ever.

The Sugarhill Gang's "Rapper's Delight"

The birth of rap....eh...*grumble*
I like a couple raps, but mostly, not my bag.

Actually...the first rap was in Deborah Harry's "rapture".

So, hey, blacks got even for whites stealing rock n' roll from them.
Let's have racial harmony now.

The Pretenders' "Brass in Pocket"

Eh, listenable.
Chicks' hot.
Probably a granny now.
Tch, the predator of time...

Mattel Electronic Football

The first portable video game.
Well...barely.
Just a tad more advanced than Merlin, really.

The Miracle on Ice

Don't care.

That's Incredible!

Ugh.

Y'know those Discovery Channel specials that show human freaks?
And you know how Tosh.0 shows extreme stupid human behavior?
And you know those BBC shows that show what tech is coming up the pike?

Well, moosh all those together, with a slant towards the freaks and morons, and have insipid bimbo hosts of each gender that talk like game show presenters, and you have "that's incredible".
Evil television.
Short lived, but little did I know, it was a trial run for more ominous things to come.

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Ahhh, the masterpiece of the Star Wars saga.
And even the special-special edition hasn't managed to ruin it.

Star Wars shit dominated my play life for a long damned time.
Which isn't so bad, cuz Star Wars had a little bit of everything.
Cowboys, knights, wizards, princesses, black knights...

A better, happier, introduction to human myth than religion, if you ask me.
And thankfully, Star Wars had a higher place in my little world than that stuff, so it never stuck.
Always been grateful for that.

1981

Cable Television and MTV

Man, MTV really was something when it started.
Heartbreaking to see it now.
But y'know...it doesn't matter.
All the old videos are on Youtube any time you want 'em.
And new good music is on offer through your friends via Facebook, or Twitter, or whatever you use, so, let MTV die.
Doesn't matter.
The playgrounds that let creativity grow, and disseminate, always change, but they're always there.

As for cable in general, came into my life just in time.
Can't imagine my life with just network TV.
Unbearable.
I caught up on so many great films thanks to HBO, TNT (back when it was like TCM), WLVI, USA, A&E (back when it was like TCM) and, scrambled Cinemax Friday night boobie flicks got me through puberty.
Fond memories.
Now...cable is better in some ways, worse in others.
I miss the frontier days of these technologies.
More adventurous and fun.
Well, there's always the next tech, we've got Youtube now.
As I said about MTV, the playgrounds change...

Well, like my grandmother with CB Radio, and me now with the blog.
It changes, yet it doesn't.

Porky's

Infamous for its raunch, the movie you weren't cool until you saw, even against parental permission...ESPECIALLY against parental permission.

Now...quaint, dated, antiquated.
But, it spawned American Pie, which spawned...I dunno what the kids are watching nowadays, but it all started here.

Well...a little bit with Animal House, too, I guess.
And Animal House has held up better.
FAR better.

Reagan assassination attempt

Ranted about that here.

Pope John Paul II assassination attempt

I used to think he was "the good pope", but from everything that's come out, screw him.
Sinead O'Conner was right all along.
Didn't need to be shot though.
Arrested, yeah.
The new Pope even more so.
But, apparently, we live in a world where superstition holds so much sway, that there are actually people above the law because of it.
Disgusting.
Your average person should wither with shame because of it, and demand it change.
But, apparently, we aren't even THERE yet.
Pitiful.
How pitiful it all is.
Don't care if I'm offending anyone, you'll see I was right.

The Royal Wedding

The fairy tale they made out of this was just fucking obnoxious.
They're trying to do it all over again with William's wedding, I saw a collector's plate commercial.
Almost heaved.
People love their bullshit, don't they?
Literally, they LOVE bullshit, like they love a cute baby.
It's a weird unnatural emotional attachment to these dumb awful things.
Disturbing aspect of the human mind.
I've never ceased being horrified by it.
I'm grateful for that.
Better to be horrified, than hypnotized.

Luke and Laura

Ranted about that here.
In short, yuck.

Rick Springfield

"Jesse's girl", right?
Yeah, that was a good one.
Singalong alone in the car kinda one.

Arthur

My parents pissed themselves laughing watching this.
Seen it now as an adult..ehhhh..it's aaaalriight...*shrug*

I hear they're remaking it with Russel Brand.
Well...that'll be interesting...

The Greatest American Hero

Wish I could say I was into this as a kid, but, I was a superhero snob after Superman, and couldn't get with the idea of a dude who couldn't control his powers, and flopped around all slapstick-y.
Joke got old quick for me.
Dad loved it though.
Wish we coulda shared that, but I was a little prick.
Well, SyFy marathon-ed it recently, and it was fucking great.
And I love the theme.
Great show.
Y'know, looking back, I think I subliminally absorbed a lot of this for Harry.
Hmm...

De Lorean DMC-12

Underrated, and overrated.
It's the paradox mobile.
Fitting that they made it a time machine.

Rubik's cube

Yeah, I did the "peel the stickers", trick.
Too hard.
Or, I was too dumb.
I hated the nerds that could not only solve it, but fast, and even set speed records on the fucking thing.
I hate my inferior brain.
Just smart enough to see the dumb in everything, not smart enough to fix it.
*Sigh*

Kool & the Gang's "Celebration"

Eh, s'okay.

Fridays

This was the shitty prequel/spinoff to SNL, that's only remembered for Andy Kaufmann going off script, and causing a riot on it.
Michael Richards took a swing at him during that.
And they were shocked to find out later, he was this explosive hothead?
Short memory on most people.

Stripes

Okay.
But Ghostbusters was better.

Bosom Buddies

Man, who knew the guy in this would end up with a garage full of Oscars?
You never know.
There could be a shitty show on right now, with a future star worthy of the title, who makes a future film classic that justly lives forever.
You just never know.
Facts like that give me little flickers of hope in the sea of darkness.

John McEnroe

Nut.
Fuck him.

Hall & Oates' "Private Eyes"

I dug Hall & Oates.
That's it.
Just did.

Members Only

Meh...*bored middle finger*

Atari

Oh, man, YES!
This, and VHS, and cable saved my fucking sanity, and made childhood a joy.

The Jeffersons

Ranted about them in my "Good times", rant in the 70's.

Raiders of the Lost Ark

There aren't enough positive adjectives, it's just perfect.
And yes, RAIDERS of the lost ark.
Not "Indiana Jones, and the raiders of the ark".
You're an asshole, George.
A fuckenasshole.

1982

Mullets

Meh.

VJs

Didn't care, wanted the damned music.

Toni Basil's "Mickey"

Ah, yes, 'nother sweet creamy young 80's chick.
MM-mmm!

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Didn't see it in its proper time.
Depressingly out of date when I did finally see it.

The J. Geils Band's "Centerfold"

Has a damn good riff, and drumbeat.
And chicks in the video.

Square Pegs

Ugh, anything my friend's big sister was into was poison.
This was one of 'em.
Saw reruns, was right to hate it, missed nothing.

Rocky III

When the series started taking a turn into Toontown.
"Eye of the tiger", was indeed the thrill of the fight though.

Ozzy Osbourne

Ooooozzyyyyyyy!!!!
*Metal gesture*

Joan Jett's "I Love Rock 'N Roll"

Mmm, 'nother creamy chick...DAMN the chicks in the 80's were smokin!
And I noticed.
I was a horny little kid.

The Dukes of Hazzard

Too rednecky, wasn't into it.
Had a lotta family pressure to like 'em too.
Didn't.
Sorry.
Cheese.

The Go-Go's

Oh, Jesus, okay, my friend's big sister liked 'em, so I hated 'em, and their music WAS treacle, but...wow...if I knew what little skanks they really were behind the scenes, I woulda totally changed my tune.
Yowza!
The marketing wizards behind their bubblegum image totally missed some big bucks not letting them be themselves.
Stupid assholes.
Bill Hicks nailed it, marketing people are "the ruiners of all things".

Olivia Newton-John's "Physical"

I would have plowed Olivia Neutron Bomb.
Or, tried, dammit.

A Flock of Seagulls' "I Ran (So Far Away)"

The Vice City song.
I worship Vice City.
But I send my prayers to Joe Pesci.

Trivial Pursuit

I sucked at this.
I much preferred Scrabble.

Keytar

I have nothing bad to say about keytars.
I have nothing bad to say about keyboard guys.
I think they SHOULD be out there dancing, and getting the same love the guitar guys do.
If you disagree, you're a prick.
So there.

Joanie Loves Chachi

Abomination.

Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man

Loved the games, but as a dopey kid, was more into the make-believe "world", of the games.
Y'know, the albums, the cartoon, the color books, the toys, all that shit.
Probably cuz I sucked at the game.
It let me still be hip to the trend.
Although....I did finally get good at it on Atari at 11-13, got all the way up to the keys, and the limes.

Course, today's games, the soundtrack, the cartoon, they ARE the game.
The game looks like a cartoon, and the music is IN the thing.
It's all mooshed together.
So, I was ahead of my time in digging that stuff, just the tech hadn't caught up to make it real yet.

But, I had faint visions of it getting there.
I didn't quite know why games couldn't look like a real show, or why you couldn't seize control of a show, and shoot characters you hated.
Didn't grasp the science of it.
But, I had ideas along those lines.
A lot of us kids did.
The smarter ones grew up and pulled it off.
Always been the idea guy, not so much the nuts n' bolts guy.

Anyway, yeah, goes back to Pac-Man, this "multimedia", stuff.

Tommy Tutone's "867-5309/Jenny"

A toe tapper.

Dungeons & Dragons

Never got to play the game.
And I'm the kind of geek that shoulda.
I got all the social shunning as if I were a D&D player, I may as well have had fun with it.
Ah, well.
Loved the cartoon show though.
But again, that would be the game now.

Oh, yeah! There was that whole kerfuffle from the church assholes that it was the gateway to Satan worship.
I was down in Florida in 1990, and they still had fucking infomercials about it.
Creepy.
People are fuckin' nuts.

Poltergeist

Second scariest movie after Excorcist.

Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five's "The Message"

Doesn't ring a bell.

Silver Spoons

My mother wanted my childhood to be like this.
Well...wasn't so much.
I didn't mind.
*Shrug*

Oh, funny thing, there was an episode where Ricky accidentally hacks into the defense department, and sees a top-secret plane, but the funny part, is either him, or his nerd friend says that "someday, we'll use computers for shopping, everything".
Lol.
Got Amazon a couple mouse clicks from here.

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

Yhep, 'nother one that made me bawl.
Damn you, Speilberg.

Hmm, had Drew Barrymore's Playboy pics on the old computer...shoulda kept those...
How 'bout that, Ricky?
Didja forsee cyberporn?
Why, I bet not!

Well...no, I bet someone did forsee it, they had porno Atari games...people have always strapped sex onto every new technology....

1983

National Lampoon's Vacation

Great flick.
Back when Chevy was funny.

Family Ties

Ehhh...mixed bag.

Diff'rent Strokes

Has NOT held up.
Gary Coleman became a bitter little man.
I wish he'd found true happiness before his death.
Lotta tragedy vibes hang over that show.
And it's not even one of the great shows, so it doesn't even have that to show for it.
All that pain and death for nothin.
*Shakes head*

Cabbage Patch Kids

Aw, shit....

Okay, an isolated incident of bad behavior, or stupidity, on the news here and there let me feel like good and evil were distinct, easily identifiable, separate, and balanced in the universe, and that destructive wicked stupidity was "over there", somewhere.
I was very happy with that illusion for a long time.
VERY happy.

But...Cabbage Patch Kids ruined that for me.

First of all, they're fucking ugly.
Anyone thinks they're cute, they're not right.
Mentally, that is.
Second, they're expensive, always were.
Fifty fuckin' bucks, even in 80's dollars.
Outrageous scam.
So, they're ugly, and you're payin' out the ass for 'em, which makes ya extra mental.
So, the whole phenomenon was nuts to start with...

But....on that first black Friday, where mothers were on the news literally beating the shit out of each other for the things, in hoards, like a scene from "the crazies", or "28 days later", and I think someone fucking died....think I heard that...

...It was then...I knew, I really knew, that something was deeply, fundementally, WRONG with human beings.
All of them.
Everywhere.
As a species, something was broken.
I've been looking for it ever since.
I have some good leads, thanks to neuroscience.
It's been a dominating obsession with my life, this quest.
I probably should have taken psychology in high school.
Woulda come in handy.
But, I was unaware I was on this quest.
Until fairly recently.
So, it's been sloppy trial and error.
I'm getting better though.
I will find it.
Then a nuts and bolts person can fix it.

But yeah, Cabbage Patch Kids.
Cabbage Patch Kids did it in for me.
That was the final straw.
Lot more disturbed sleep since that moment in history disrupted my moral universe.

Michael Jackson's Thriller

I repeat my Michael Jackson rant from the 70's.
But, absent a time machine, and stuck with this reality, still a good video...

Flashdance

Oh, yes...this unleashed the Joe Eszterhas plague on the world...
Skookktt, ptooey.

Duran Duran

Rio, hungry like a wolf, yeah, their stuff was catchy.

Valley Girl

*Sneer*
Millions of fuckin' dunces suddenly had a lingo to emulate.
Son of a bitch...*head shake* we've not yet seen the full extent of the cultural destruction this caused.

Pat Benatar's "Love Is a Battlefield"

Ah, Benatar, there's the antidote to mall bimbo cunts, a goddamned real woman.
Take notice you repulsive pop princesses of the 90's-00's she could actually sing.

Scarface

The inspiration for Vice City.
Did I mention I worship Vice City?

The A-Team

Eh...
Wasn't a fanboy for it, I could take it or leave it.
Oh, heh, there was one time, they were trapped in a warehouse, and they built a fucking forklift out of junk, and powered it by burning,...I shit you not, fertilizer.
My friend's dad goes "so, you think horseshit could really get that going?".
My dad goes "nah, nothing short of BULLshit would burn hot enough".
Heehee, that about sums that show up for me.

Def Leppard's Pyromania

I wouldn't catch up to them until Hysteria.
Good band though.

Eddie Murphy Delirious

I haven't seen this, but I've seen "Raw", and that one sucked, and gets me on the topic of how full of himself, and unfunny Eddy Murphy got during the late 80's.
I guess it wasn't as bad yet here, but yeah, his material got to be about bragging about all the pussy he got, and little else, his movies went downhill there was this long stretch...until he did Nutty Professor, and Donkey, I never thought he was gonna be funny ever again.
He goes through cycles.
Still overall, even with the peaks and valleys, one of the better heirs of the Pryor legacy.
Him, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, maybe Kat Williams if he keeps evolving.
Yeah, I like Murphy.
He's like, the Stallone of comedy...a lot of dissapointments, then out of the blue...wham!...another random masterpiece.

Dexys Midnight Runners' "Come on Eileen"

I was naive to this, but apparently, a lot of folks sang this with lyrics that made it sound like a bukkakke party.

Jerry Falwell vs. Larry Flynt

(Mortal Kombat voice)
Larry Flint wins! Finish him!

Knight Rider

Y'know...your memories of this are better than the show was.
Don't dig up the reruns, just don't..leave it be....

WarGames

This has held up.
The Cold War was stupid.

Wacky wall walker

Invented, of course, by Doctor Fad.
Meh, unimpressive, frankly.
Suckerman was more bang for the buck in the "sticking ugly rubber shit to your glass patio door", department.

Styx's "Mr. Roboto"

Thank you very much, Mis-ter Roboto, for helping me escape, when I needed to!!

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

The toys were great.
The fictive universe as originally conceptualized was Tarzan, meets Conan, meets Flash Gordon.
The Filmation cartoon...odd....
And what was with Prince Adam's pink vest and purple tights?
Well...people forget now, but, there was this sort of brief mini-movement by liberal psychologists to try to de-homophobia-ize the colors of pink, and purple.
I mean, seems rational, they're just colors, right?
Didn't work.
He-Man looks gay now.
And its a miracle that being a fan of that cartoon didn't get one pounded on the bus by redneck children.
But hey, it was the 80's, weird time.

Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Ahh, yes, the saga is complete.
I was 2, 5, and 8 when these came out.
Well, a lot of online geek assholes slam on this one, but screw them.
Leia's metal bikini, Jabba, Han finally unfrozen after 3 years (that felt like a fucking decade when you were a kid) the unmasking of Vader, I felt like I got my ticket's worth.
I almost levitated out of that fucking theater.
Anyone who says that movie let them down as a kid is a fucking liar.
If you saw it as a jaded teen, or adult...oh well *shrug*
And if you aged into a sourpuss that hates this flick now, oh well *shrug*
It was better'n stupid fucking A-Team or Dukes Of Hazzard, or whatever you thought was so great, so kiss my ass.

My only complaint...that another one didn't come out in '86.
Seriously, I waited for it.
You're an asshole, George.
A fuckenasshole.
Two shitty Ewock TV movies, then nothing, then special editions, and prequels.
Well, least there was the Thrawn novels.
Woulda been happier seeing those on the big screen with Mark, Carrie, n' Harrison, and no damned prequels.
Man...you're really an asshole, George.

1984

Breakdancing

Didn't care.

Footloose

Didn't care.

Madonna

Ugh...
Ranted about her here...
And she was part of that whole "my friend's big sister likes her", deal, as well as the whole miserable hateful mall bimbo bitch deal, but let me really tear into her when I get up to Cyndi Lauper...

Corey Hart's "Sunglasses at Night"

Love it.
Builds up to some good guitar riffs, kick ass.

"Where's the beef?"

Meh.

Bruce Springsteen's Born in the U.S.A.

Meh.
I didn't like that you were like, legally required to like this, or you'd get fucking lynched on the playground, and the teachers would let 'em.
One of the few times in my life I had to put on a front to survive and get along.
Vowed never to have to do so again.
And I haven't.

Mary Lou Retton

Had a little mini-crush on her.

Webster and Punky Brewster

Both awful shows.
But Soliel Moon Frye was a little pistol, and grew up into a really cool chick with absolutely no child star problems.
In fact, her life was such a cakewalk, it almost makes me angry.

Huey Lewis and the News

I have nothing bad to say about Huey Lewis and the news.

Miami Vice

The other inspiration for Vice City.
Did I mention I worship Vice City?

The Terminator

Keeck ahss.

Transformers and Care Bears

Why'd they lump these together?

Care Bears were miserable annoying creepy little shits.
Robot Chicken punishes them enough, my rant isn't needed.

Transformers made my frikkin childhood.
Loved the shit out of 'em.
Loved the movie.
Like I said in the 70's, it was my Woodstock.
A lot of my generation seems to agree, its fandom garnered it a 25th anniversary bells-n-whistles DVD.

Wham!

Really? No one knew George Michael was gay?
He did jazz-hands with those little pink gloves, and everything.
George Michael, or glory?
Seriously, you can't have both, so choose.
Hurry.

Prince

I almost got a beating for not being into Prince.
Prince!
Can you believe it?
Jesus.
I thought he was prissy, and "when doves cry", was creepy.
Hey, that's how I felt then.
Apparently, I wasn't hip to him being some major pussy hound, therefore a sexual hero to some kids.
Didn't see Purple Rain, didn't get it.
It was R, my folks forbade me from R flicks at that age.
*Shrug*
So, being a good boy almost got me murdered once.
Wouldn't be the last time.
Tch...
Well, Dave Chappelle's skit on him is my vicarious revenge all these years later.
So, hey, A.J. *finger*.
Suck it, ya stupid goofy redneck tool.

Sixteen Candles

Friend's big sister liked it, you know the drill.

Cyndi Lauper

Okay, so picking up from the Madonna rant, I liked Cyndi Lauper WAY better.
WAAYY better.
Still do.
She wrote her own music, she had that shock of punk hair, but wasn't scary, her videos were funny, and creative, just way more talented all around.
And, she was the kind of girl I wanted for a girlfriend.
I was evolving past raw horny, and was figuring that out.
Cyndi Lauper was fun, and smart, she would be your buddy.
That matters to me.
Madonna, total mirror opposite of that.
She was a nasty little narcissist, she wouldn't be your buddy, she's fucking incapable.
In fact, she always struck me as mean.
It was a vibe I picked up from the very start.
Mean, stuck up, trollup.
"Truth or dare", only confirmed this for me.
Everyone was so shocked, not me.
"Really? Madonna's a bitch? You don't say".
And all the stupid little cunts who emulated her were mean.
It was to be expected.
Despised them, smelled 'em a mile away, saw right through 'em like glass.
My friend's big sister turned into a Madonna clone, and after that, I full on hated her guts.
I was done with her.
She grew out of it, but the damage was done.
A pity Madonna couldn't grow out of it.
Y'know, good on her.
That's her punishment.
Let her get old, and be left cold and alone when her precious looks rot away.
She'll be the broad from "Sunset Boulevard", mark my words.

Y'know...not only would Madonna not be your buddy, and not have your back, I always got the impression she'd be the type to fuck your worst enemy in the whole wide world, and not bother to wash, then tell you after you had fucked her with a mean grin.
Just to do it.
No other reason.
Yes, I think that of her.
I really do.
I bet it's actually happened to some poor unfortunate.

But, I guess it's depressingly fitting that in this "only out for yourself", culture America has, showbiz culture even moreso, someone like her would rise.

Well, fuck her.
Let's see if her ditzy awful music survives the ages.
I got money on Cyndi winning in the long haul.

OR....maybe I'm totally wrong about everything, and Madonna is really charming, and funny, and clever, and her whole cold selfish evil bitch persona has been one long dragged out Andy Kaufman routine.
If so, that'd make her a genius, and the greatest performance artist whom ever lived.

....yeah, no.


Michael Jackson's Pepsi commercial disaster

Wow, who knew this ruined him so bad, it was the source of his painkiller addiction that helped kill him?
Depressing.
Yet again, I repeat my Michael Jackson rant from the 70's.

Lionel Richie's "Hello"

Meh.

This Is Spinal Tap

Ohh, I wish I'd seen this back then.
Dammit, and the ban on R movies.
Fuckin-a Mom n' Dad, fuckin-a!!
Auuuraaargh!!

1985

WrestleMania

Ehh..

MacGyver

Ehhh...

Back to the Future

Keeck ahhs.
Steve, of the "karate kid incident", dragged me to this, and it was great.
Teen Wolf, not so much.
His tastes were a downward spiral after that.

Mötley Crüe's "Home Sweet Home"

Meh...

The Goonies

Great flick, own it.
Cyndi Lauper did the song for this, and it's part of what's going to make her immortal.

Pee Wee's Big Adventure

A celebration of pure joyous weirdness.
My people needed this movie in a big way.
Came just in time.

Course, it just makes me think...Cyndi Lauper was doing her thing, Pee-Wee was on the rise, Goonies had its message of being a proud misfit, Weird Al was huge...I was under the illusion this cultural atmosphere would last.
...nope...dark times were ahead...
*Sighs*
But, in this little window of time, I was truly happy, and in my full power.
Confident, secure, excited about life, active, social, things were really great.
And then....

Small Wonder

Tripe.

Bryan Adams' "Summer of '69"

Kick ass.

Big hair

Meh.
Depended who it was on.

Fletch

Eh, s'okay.
The Vacations were funnier.

"The Super Bowl Shuffle"

*Rolls eyes*

Bartles & Jaymes

SNL ripped into these ads pretty well.

Cocoon

Meh, s'okay.
Steve Gutenberg creeps me out though.
And why was he in everything?
He's crap.
He had to have tossed some producer's salad or something.

Til Tuesday's "Voices Carry"

See? Hot chick with big hair.
Til Tuesday chick, sexy little cotton swab.

Motley Crew, eeeww.

See, depends who the hair is on.

!!!!!!...I just figured it out!
The attitude of Cyndi Lauper, the hairdo of 'Til Tuesday chick, the scratchy voice and sarcasm of Sandahl Bergman...those ingredients make up Ryoko!!
THAT'S why I became a fanboy for Tenchi Muyo!
See...the subliminal mind...it's an odd thing...
Well, its a good anime still, I make no apologies for liking it.
...defending Shin Tenchi Muyo..yes, I'm sorry for that.
Deeply.

Live Aid

It was no "we are the world".

The Facts of Life

Tripe.
Friends' big sister loved it, of course.
Also, see my "the whiz", rant in the 70's.

Eddie Murphy's "Party All the Time"

Hey, it was actually not bad.
Catchy.
*Shrug*

Plus, the Eddy Murphy & Rick James friendship would lead to the best episode of Chappelle Show ever down the line.

Brat Pack

Eh...

Day-Glo

Eh...liked the technology, and the look of the glow...all the fashion applications looked dorky though.

Pound Puppies

Meh...

"We Are the World"

Hey, hard to dislike it, it had everybody.
Well...except the metal guys.
Ah, well, can't have it all.

1986

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Didn't see this at the right time, now, outdated.
Both in time, and I'm not a teen.

Wheel of Fortune

Don't care.

Hands Across America

Goofy.
Annoying song.

Teddy Ruxpin

Admired the technology, that's about it.
The cartoon had the distinction of being more annoying than the Care Bears.

ALF

Weird show...operated on two levels of BEING a crappy sitcom, and self-awarely hating crappy sitcoms, and mocking the formula by plopping Alf into it, who proceeded to ruin everything, and not care.
He was the Roger of his day.
Damned weird.
Ahead of its time, but in what, I'm not sure.
I wager the creative process behind it was far more interesting than the show.
A documentary should be done.

Pretty in Pink

Meh...

Madonna's "Papa Don't Preach"

Die.

Swatch

Meh.

1986 World Series

Don't care.

The Cosby Show

Eh....mixed emotions, cuz I have mixed emotions on Cosby.

Intelligent man, means well, I'm on his vibe on his cultural opinions...

"Himself", was a masterpiece of the standup craft, still stands today as his best work.

"The Cosby Show", spun off from the world weaved by the stories in that performance...but, in the long haul, I don't think it lived up to that promise comedically.

Wasn't as funny.
I get what he was trying to do with that show, but...it was bait and switch...I felt like I was promised the zany weirdness in "Himself", and got a dragged out Negro College Fund commercial instead.

Laudable, but not funny.

When Simpsons came along to compete with it, it was a welcome relief.

And back to Cosby's worldview...he was an eletist control freak about it behind the scenes.
His clashes with Lisa Bonet are legend now.
He tried to control her life, like those Cosby kids were really his kids.
Yeah, crosses a weird line there...

And I never liked his finger waving at Richard Pryor, and Eddie Murphy.
That got my goat.

I dunno, maybe he felt like he was fighting for the soul of the whole negro race, and maybe on some level, he was.
You look at what's happened to the black community the past two decades, one wonders.

Maybe there's a little Cosby in me, looking at my crusader attitude to the world.
If so, I gotta look to him to avoid his pitfalls.

Yeah, overall, I like Cosby, and I admired the show more than I actually liked it.
Mixed bag.
I'll always fondly remember "Himself", though.

Baby On Board

Dumb.

Crocodile Dundee

Cute, forgettable.

Celebrity marriages

Doomed.

Whitney Houston

See above.

Comic Relief

Didn't get to see 'em.

Janet Jackson

Meh.
Y'know how I said in the 70's Jackson's rant how Michael's death wasn't worth it?
Janet is one of the things it wasn't worth.

Stand by Me

Masterpiece that'll live forever.
One of the great films.
Who knew Meathead had this in him?

Run-D.M.C.'s "Walk This Way"

Never cared.

Top Gun

See here.

1987

Dirty Dancing

Tripe.

Tiffany and Debbie Gibson

They're together in a SyFy channel movie.
So, we've constructed an actual physical Hell for forgotten celebrities to go to.

Hair crimping

Eh...

Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam

Didn't care then, don't care now.

Fatal Attraction

Actually got to see this somehow.
Yeah, not bad.
Good thriller.
The fuck scene on the sink was wild.

Hair metal

Depends on the band.
Can't lump it all together.

FOX

Ah, yeah.
Simpsons were there from the start, just as shorts on Tracy Ullman show.
All I watched it for.
And there was Married With Children.
Lotta really horrible shows that lasted a couple months.
Forgot most of 'em.
But, it was neat to have a fourth network.
In the long run...aside from cartoons, they've sucked.
Seth Mcfarlaine's cartoons keep them on the air now.
And of course, they've spawned the hideous Fox News.
But also, the excellent FX.
And, Simpsons, a revelation at the time, need to be put to sleep now.
Worn out their welcome WAY worse than Cosby Show ever thought of.
Well, see, Cosby, the kids grew up.
Simpsons, as long as the voice actor can keep going, the characters never age.
So, it'll take people dying off to end the thing.
Mixed bag, Fox.

R.E.M.'s "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)"

Meh, toe tapper, got put into "Independance Day".

Oliver North and Fawn Hall, Gary Hart and Donna Rice, Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker and Jessica Hahn

Ah, yes, the sexual hypocrite parade.

Wall Street

Didn't see it until recently.
Meh.

Beastie Boys' "Fight for Your Right"

Oh, man, my schoolyard chums were INSANE for this one.
...had to play along...*eyeroll*
I mean, I liked it, but jeez, wasn't APESHIT.

Converse

Meh.

Cheers

Great fucking show, better than Taxi.

Salt-N-Pepa's "Push It"

Oh, fuck off.
They sucked.
I gotta pretend they were good cuz they were black?
Fuck that, they were genuinely awful.
Good riddance.
Insipid fucking crap.

Hollywood Shuffle

This was funny.
Nailed it.
Nailed Hollywood.
It needed nailing.
Townsend was never this good again, but glad he had this in him.

Robert Palmer's "Addicted to Love"

Overrated.

The two Coreys

One's dead, one's a mess.
Tch...
Made some good movies though.
Feldman was in Goonies, Stand By Me, Gremlins, and course the both of 'em did Lost Boys.
License To Drive was sappy....
Overall, not bad, good record.

U2's The Joshua Tree

Didn't care.
Fuck Bono.

1988

Mike Tyson

Asshole.
Next.

Child's Play

This series didn't really get good until 4 and 5.

Roseanne

Oh, great sitcom.
I put this up with All In The Family.
Underappreciated.
They don't do shows like this anymore.
Everyone's a fucking yuppie, or a sports writer, or something.
And the writing's not there for this new shit, so much drivel, the sitcom is pretty much dead.
Sad.
And yeah, Rosanne went batshit, and ruined the last couple seasons, and made the whole show a novel written by the character that raped the whole preceding continuity, but, I just ignore those episodes.
I keep rooting for a reunion that makes everything from Dan's heart attack onward an LSD flashback.
Overall, the rare good sitcom.
You don't get a lot of those.

Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up"

Oh, fuck off.
Fucking Rick roll.

Guns N' Roses

Ehh....Axel's voice has to grow on ya...took me awhile, then it was too late.

The Wonder Years

Oh, fuck off with this shit.
"Oh, Winnie, oh, Winnie".
And she was a stuck up little cow.
And he never got her.
Blechh.
BUT, it started off Fred Savage, and he was good in...um....Princess Bride!

The Cure, INXS, Morrissey, Erasure, and Depeche Mode

Eh...I wasn't into this mopey stuff.
Even when I hit my mopey phase.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Mixed bag, this phenomenon.
The original indie comics were violent, edgy, and cool.
Everything after that, not so much.

Kevin Eastman got rich as hell off selling out like a whore...BUT...he bought Heavy Metal magazine, and tied up all the legal bullshit to get Heavy Metal the movie out on video.
So....I'm forever indebted to him for that.
I can forgive him the Turtles mess.
Water under the bridge.

Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry Be Happy"

Played to death.
Never want to hear it again.
McFerrin did a theme for a season of Cosby that was even more annoying than this if you can believe it.

California Raisins

...what was up with America?
It was just dancing fuckin' raisins.

Jesus, get over it.

Perfect Strangers

Tripe.
Even the star knows it.

George Michael's Faith

Fuck off.

Pictionary and Win, Lose or Draw

Eh...

UB40's "Red, Red Wine"

Toe tapper.

Working woman's wardrobe

Arrarrgh!
Brocolli hair, and shoulder pads.
Horrid.

Yo! MTV Raps

Pass.

Who's the Boss?

Uber tripe.

Terence Trent D'Arby

"Wishing well", was his big hit but "she kissed me", kicks more ass.
Good riffs, good chorus, that's what I like.

The neo-hippie movement

Mehh....

Grateful Dead's "Touch of Grey"

Bland.

Fuck off, old hippies.

Rain Man

Pretty good flick.

So, now we come up on the year Harry was born.

1989

New Kids on the Block

A pestilence.
And harbinger of worse to come.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

Yeah!
And it's got Carlin!

Milli Vanilli

Yeah, music was starting to go to shit by then.

Tetris

Tetris was a bigger hit on Gameboy, so, if they're up to Gameboy, they skipped NES, and that's just a crime.

COPS

Meh.

Rob Lowe's sex video

Oh, yeah, this is when America was suddenly all puritanical and self-righteous about sex, and at this same time, it was actually a big deal that Pee-Wee flogged his own dong.
And he's never been apologized to, and given another shot, it's never been made right, they still act like he touched kids or something.
Meanwhile, fucking Rob Lowe got The West Wing.

So, yeah, the weirdo culture was dying, they were out for scalps.
The bad guys won yet again.

Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time"

Well, you could almost see her pussy, that was cool.
Other than that, the song was a punishment.
Had to mute it to ogle her bony ass.

Do The Right Thing

Mehh...

Madonna's "Like a Prayer" music video and the ensuing Pepsi controversy

See what I mean about the puritanism?

Even so...fuck Madonna.
I had really had my fill of her by then.
Little did I know how much longer she'd cling to the spotlight.

Say Anything

Meh...

The Arsenio Hall Show

Godawful.
Liked him as Winston in The Real Ghostbusters though.
If he'd just been himself.
He was a nerd, and tried to be all smooth.
Ugh, cut it out.

The B-52's "Love Shack"

*Grumble*...yeah, long gone were the "rock lobster", days....
I liked the redhead.
She turned me on.

Bobby Brown

Ass.

Afrocentric clothing

*Eye roll*
Oh...okayyy...I guess blacks wanted to connect to their roots...but...that shit was ugly.
And I can say so, cuz they thought so, cuz...they ain't wearing it anymore, are they?
So nyeh!
Don't see me running around dressed like Austin Powers cuz of my lineage do ya?
It's that whole ethnic pride deal....

Baywatch

Tripe.

Aerosmith's "Love in an Elevator"

Hell yeah.

Heathers

Never saw this, but I guess this was the birth of X-er hipster shit, eh?
Harbinger of the 90's.

The storm clouds were forming.

Saved by the Bell

Sewage.
Fucking sewage.

Tone Loc's "Funky Cold Medina"

I miss Tone Loc.

The fall of the Berlin Wall

Ranted about this here.

Well, lotta miserable crap, lotta good stuff, there was that little window in the middle of my genuine childhood happiness.

Y'know what I noticed?
The 80's stuff was really for and by my generation.
70's, there was decent stuff, but it was all hand-me-downs from the frickin' boomers.
I kindly thank 'em, but, y'know...
My generation got its own identity here.
Some of it good, lot of it bad.
But, enough good, the 80's holds a special place in my heart.
Even acknowledging the flaws, I still feel warm for it.

So...onward to part 2...

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