Could it be.....

...SAAAATAN?!?!!?!?






Oh, fine, what dismantling of Christianity would be complete without acknowledging the Lex Luthor of it's science fiction myth?

Well, my stance on this character should be clear by now, as I said in "The Batshit files", there's no fucking Devil.

And that I'm sure there's no fucking Devil should be implicit in that I'm sure there's no fucking Hell.

But, others disagree, and some of those who do, in rebelling against Christianity's bullshit, go running to this imaginary creature for comfort, like the dopey chick from "Twilight", to a moody vampire.

In my mainline religion rants, I studiously avoided this codswallop as beneath regard, but, I'm haunted by discussions I had with teenage nitwits in my early days on the net, so, I was compelled just now, other junk being off my plate, to address this mess.

Well, short and sweet of it, Satan-oids, your beliefs are bullshit.

Sorry, I respect you too much as fellow creatures on this big blue marble to not to say so.

The alternative, is lies, or silence, and if you want silence, don't read this blog in the first place.

First up, on the Satan-oid spectrum, Alistair Crowley.

Fucking idiot.
Next.

Oh, okay, his likeness made a cameo on Venture Bros that was amusing, and he inspired a sorta-okay Black Sabbath song, but that's about it.

Next up, Anton Lavey.

Okay, I'll give the fucker this, he had a nifty supervillain look going on.

The rest of his shtick, horseshit.

Some claim he was an atheist, but no atheist I recognize or respect buys into the whole magic package, and he believed in magic.

Guy sincerely thought he caused Jayne Mansfield's death with a curse meant for her boyfriend.

Unless he was yanking chains, that's superstition to me.

Others have said, if you sift out the mystical/ritualistic BS, he gave a nifty code to live by.

Bullshit.

Here's the 9 Satanic statements.

1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!

2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!

3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!

4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!

5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!

6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!

7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all!

8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!

9. Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years!

Okay, 4 is pretty snitty, 5 depending how interpreted is just plain ugly, and infantile, 7 is more of that fatalistic shit the Republicans/Christians love to shovel, and 1, 2, 3, and 8 are just rationalizations (as if any are needed) for epicurean hedonism.

And 9 is just a cute observation that makes for a nifty bumper sticker.

But check out 4 and 6.

Sound familiar?

Kind of Ayn Randish, yes?

Damned straight, old Anton was a fan.

Strip away the magic, and the adolescent petulence, you've got Ayn Rand.

And we know how she despised mysticism.
Shit, almost as much as she hated Commies.

So, there you go, you want to be a Randroid, be a Randroid, go right to the source, don't waste time reading some hypocritical pseudo-wizard's nihilistic blubberings.

You want to be a hedonist, hey, make Bluto from "Animal House", your icon, and stock up on Rolling Rock, and Mallomars.

And if you want to be a pissy lemon-pussed revenge driven perpetual adolescent....go fuck yourself.
*Shrug*

But hip pseudo-philosophies centered around the boogeyman of a dried up desert religion?

Come on, folks.
Grow up.

We've got the 2010's to build here.

Get with it.
Come on, chop-chop.
*Snaps fingers*