Let's recap the journey to this point-
- Ghostbusters 3 update.
- Superheroes Five: Part 4, All The Rest.
- Movies I was waiting for- The Sequel!
Okay, so the domestic trailer and international trailer have come out, and the internet is losing its shit in a bad way.
So, let's pick this shit apart.
First of all, I liked the trailers, and am looking forward to this flick, so let's just get that out of the way.
Now, to the objections.
"Waaahh! It's a reboot!! Me no wanna reboot!!".
My stance toward remakes/reboots has evolved over time, and here's where I stand now.
If a remake sucks, just ignore it, nothing lost, you still have the original.
If a remake is good, fine and dandy, add it to your collection.
It really is a no-lose situation.
I ignored the "Total Recall", and "Conan The Barbarian", remakes just fine.
Sure, I bitched about 'em here a little bit, but then I just didn't go see them, they came and went, and I got on with my life.
I didn't seethe with boiling hate like someone murdered my parents.
Likewise, I tried out the Freddy, Jason, and Michael Myers remakes, and thought they were terrible, bitched about 'em a little, and moved on.
And sure, I vowed to avoid all horror remakes from that moment forward...but then I went to see the Evil Dead remake, and was pleasantly surprised, and proudly added it to the collection.
Then, renewed financial interest in the property led to "Ash vs Evil Dead", so everyone's happy.
Likewise, positive word of mouth from friends made me check out the Fright Night remake, and I enjoyed it.
Not enough to collect, but I'm glad I saw it.
And I didn't see anyone bitch about the "Dredd", remake.
That was a needed improvement, and a masterpiece of a film.
Blind remake hate would have killed that one if it had any say.
Thank goodness it didn't.
"Waaahhh!! I wanted an original cast reunion!!".
Okay, the casual movie fans that don't follow the internet have this narrative in their head that they're hanging onto like fucking grim death, and it has no validity, and it goes like this.
"A cast reunion was on the table, but then evil feminists swooped in on their brooms, and stole it away".
A cast reunion wasn't on the table, it was never gonna happen, it was dead as a doornail.
Bill Murray didn't want to do it, and then Harold Ramis died.
It was dead in the water.
It was reboot, or nothing.
And Hollywood doesn't let a profitable IP die forever, that's not how any business works.
So, if you wanted NO reboot out of spite, that wasn't on the table either.
It was reboot or bust.
Whether it happened now, or 20 years from now.
And they weren't gonna wait that long either.
Its been 25 years since GB2, we've waited long enough.
If you wanted to go to your grave with no more Ghostbusters, you're just petty and selfish.
As for the evil feminists, again, just no.
As I sadly predicted, the SJWs and anti-SJWs have both lined up on their sides of this thing, and both sides have thrown logic, reason, evidence, and nuance out the window in favor of their pet narratives.
Look, anti-SJWs, it's not an SJW movie, never was, or they wouldn't have cast Leslie Jones who has a prior record of pissing off SJWs.
Look, SJWs, leave Leslie Jones the fuck alone, she doesn't owe you anything. Get over yourselves. Tall order, I know.
Thunderfoot? Sargon Of Akkad?
You're man-babies with mommy problems, you're not fooling me anymore, go fuck yourselves.
And Thunderfoot, bonus insult, you're the mirror-Anita.
You've become what you hate, and you're never coming back.
You're ruined forever, and it's your own doing.
"Waahhh! It's raping my childhood!!".
Your childhood is over, man-baby.
We went through this with the Star Wars prequels.
It's just movies.
If a movie can rape your childhood, then bend over and spread, because you need some real problems to cry about.
I refer to up top, you still have the originals.
Nothing HURTS the originals.
Sony won't send movie cops in to steal your DVDs/Blu-Rays
If the remake crawls into your fond memories, that's YOUR mental disorder.
Don't take it out on the rest of us.
Go see a proper shrink.
Now, if Ivan Reitman pulled a George Lucas, and actually fiddled with the films, and said that going forward, you can't buy the old ones, then I'd be right next to you bitching.
But everyone's learned from the SW:SE, and no one does that.
Simmer the fuck down.
Everyone's addicted to outrage these days.
WTF is with this wussy decade?
"Waahhh! Women aren't funny!!".
That baffles me. I could see if we were back in the early 80's, and it was just Elain Boozler, and Rita Rudner, where it really was the stereotype of whining about men, and relationships, but Rosanne came along, and blasted that crap off the stage with a bazooka, and we haven't looked back.
And I could see not liking this or that comedian over the other, but not liking ALL of them??
With the variety of styles out there, you don't like ANY???
I was blessed, and never knew it. My mother was always funny, her friends were funny, my grandmother was a riot, so I always knew women were funny.
To get to adulthood not thinking women are funny, the women in your life must have just been the absolute fucking pits. Just a total miserable fucking drag.
I have nothing but pity for those men.
And I pity their poor spouses.
Holy shit, what a pain that must be, trying to enjoy Amy Schumer or Sarah Silverman, and you can't even talk about it, because this stunted bitter loser has a chip on his shoulder.
Even more troubling when I saw otherwise smart people like Hitchens spout this nonsense.
Nope, it's not a legitimate gripe.
You're sexist, fuck off.
As I said on Facebook...
Happy international women's day! Ladies, you can do whatever you want, especially to Ryan Reynolds, just don't bust any ghosts. If you bust ghosts, I'll become a man-baby, and lose my shit.
"Waahhh!! It's a chick flick!".
You're an idiot, kill yourself.
"Why all women?? Why can't it be a gender balanced team?".
They did it, it was called "Extreme Ghostbusters", you should have watched it.
Oh, wait, internet assholes whined about PC when that came out too.
You can't win.
I'd also say, why all men?
Why does it have to either be all men, or mixed, but not all women?
And why can you have all women for a rom-com, but they can't have rayguns?
It's sexism, shut up.
Third wave feminists take this shit too far, but so does the push back.
I also find it interesting that no one had this foaming level hatred for other gender and racial swaps.
Black Nick Fury, female Ancient One, female Freddy Lounds, black Jack Crawford, black Perry White, Black Jimmy Olson, black Wally West, Mia instead of Ash, Rey instead of Luke....people lost their shit over black Human Torch and Finn for some reason though.
"Some reason", my ass, it was racism.
And if it's just remake hate, why THIS remake?
Why is THIS one suddenly magically the last straw?
It's very convenient.
If you didn't want it to look bad, you couldn't have done much worse.
"I just didn't find the trailer funny".
That's about the only legitimate gripe you can have.
Humor is subjective.
If it didn't land for you, oh well.
But remember, a trailer isn't a movie, and vice versa.
There have been great trailers for shitty movies, and shitty trailers for great movies.
I've been tricked both ways.
We all have.
And no matter how smart and experienced we try to get, it'll happen again.
Go back, and look at the trailer for the original Ghostbusters.
It's underwhelming, and told you very little.
The movie ended up being a classic.
You never know.
"I just don't like ANY remakes".
That's a lie.
For that to be true, you have to hate movies period.
Hollywood remakes things, it's what they do.
Since the beginning.
Some of the greatest movies ever made have been remakes.
"Wizard Of Oz", "Scarface", "Superman The Movie", "The Fly", "John Carpenter's The Thing", "Cape Fear", "Alien", "Aliens", "Frankenstein", "Dracula", and "Dawn Of The Dead '04", just to name a few.
The baby-boomers made a shit-ton of remakes that my generation (and the millennials) loved, but now that it's our childhoods, we're being whiny possessive bitches.
And again, in regards to stuff like "Total Recall", and "Conan", no one had this level of hate for the other 80's/90's remakes.
Oh, there was bitching, for sure, but not this much.
The Ghostbusters hate has reached lynch mob levels.
It's out of proportion.
And fucking convenient.
No, even if you try to hide behind you just don't like the latest spate of remakes/reboots, it doesn't hold up to scrutiny.
"I hope it fails!!".
Wishing for it to fail is petty, ignoble, selfish, childish bullshit.
Plain and simple.
I didn't do that with any movie, even shit like "High School Musical", "Twilight", or Bayformers.
Not liking something is one thing, but taking something away from other people, that just makes you a shit-stain.
If you think it would gain you some political or personal goal....when has that ever fucking happened in the history of anything??
Has "Jupiter Ascending", failing enriched your life?
Did "Jem And The Holograms", bombing cure your loved one's cancer?
Did "Zoolander 2", crashing and burning bring your old dead pets back to life?
Did "Gods Of Egypt", going up in flames shrink your hemorrhoids?
Then WTF do you get out of it?
You're a loser.
Fellate a shotgun.
Get that shiny black cock of death down your hungry gullet.
Now, all this said, it could still suck, but like with Fantastic Four, I've got to see and decide for myself.
There's too much bullshit in the air to trust reviewers now.
If I wasn't going to see it before, and I was, I'd see it just to spit in the faces of the sexists and misogynists.
If you didn't like "Bridesmaids", "The Heat", or "Spy", you probably won't like it.
Just don't watch it.
Go to sleep, and wake up in September.
If you did like the Paul Feig/Melissa McCarthy trilogy, you'll probably like this.
If the Paul Feig fans can come out in force, and the open-minded hardcore GB fans, they might be in good shape. But would that be enough?
The audiences for "Ellen", and "The Talk", liked the trailer, as did Al Roker on "The Today Show".
That gives me a more realistic temperature of the mainstream audience.
We'll see how that goes.
Does the casual fan give a shit about SJW vs anti-SJW and MRA?
They probably thankfully don't know about it.
And here's the important bit, and I reference back to the Evil Dead remake.
If it succeeds, we get other stuff.
They didn't create Ghostcorps just to make this one flick.
We're also getting tons of classic GB merch goodies just from this one coming out.
There's more of that on the way if we get more films.
There's an animated one lined up that just got a director.
And there's that Channing Tatum led one I haven't heard anything new about in awhile.
Supporting GB16 gets us to that stuff.
Hopefully, it's also actually good.
For me, GB16 just has to be better than GB2.
If it can clear that hurdle, anything above that is gravy.
My expectations for TFA were just "just be better than Episode 3".
It cleared that jump by a factor of 10.
*Crosses fingers* please be good.
I'll link to this to reference in the review of the flick when I finally go to it.
See you then.