Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Quantum Dissolve: Chapter 25. (Streetsweepers meet Krazyfool)

Dr. Herbert knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy...

Anyway, phone calls were made, and e-mails were sent, and he got Jadie and Chokie booked on a show.

It was a web show filmed out of Lentilville.

The Krazyfool Show.

Based on a skit on an obscure blog, fans of the blog re-enacted the first two episodes, and then took it from there, turning it into a real show.

The first episode, had Christina Ricci, Cyndi Lauper, Jeff Goldblum, Warren Beatty, and Danny Devito.
Well, celebrity impersonators playing the roles in the skit, anyway.

The second episode, featured time travel hi-jinks with Steve Torrent, Karen Torrent, Wuboe, Harry Hembock, Spruce, El Flatulato, Anubis/Fulcrum, Jake Prong, Celine Prong, Dr. Daniel Suede, Johnny the donut man, and Volcano Guru, and was quite the mind-bender.

The third episode, was the unwritten lost episode, with Harry Hembock, Spruce, and Jake and Celine Prong, that would have updated and completed their stories.
But, now, of course, it did.

So now, Jadie and Chokie were booked for episode four.

A limo picked them up at a pre-determined location, and took them to the studio.

They entered the building from the back, and wandered the hallways passing several departments with oddly labeled doors inspired by the blog that was the basis for the show.

"Writings and ramblings", was the writer's room, "Krazyfool's art page", was the art department, "media secion", was the control room, "winamp skins", was wardrobe, "links", was the green room, and finally, "Krazyfool's Nook Of Discussion", was the set of the show.

Jadie and Chokie were shown to "links", where they sat and watched the show from a monitor.

The announcer was screaming.
"It's the hallelujah, holy shit, biff bam boom, anything goes KRAAAAAZYFOOOOL SHOOOOOWW!!!!
With tonight's special guests, The Jade shade!! Chokecherry!!
With the Krazyfool orchestra and the usual cavalcade of characters!!!".

Krazyfool emerged on stage from a chute that ended with a giant Krazyfool head with dry ice smoke coming from the mouth. An effect of a synthesizer deepened voice going "MUUAAHAHAAA!! MUUAAHAHA!!", was dubbed over for the duration of Krazyfool's exit from the giant mouth.

The announcer screamed once more.
"Now here's your host FUUUCKINGGG KRAAAAAZYFOOOOLLL!!!!!!!!!".

Instead of a canned applause track, sounds of moaning and orgasming were played.
Krazyfool seemed oblivious to this, and jogged up to his mark with a sarcastic deliberate stupid grin on his face.

The monologue began.

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you today.
Well, let's cut through the bullshit and get to the monologue shall we?.

First of all, its the fourth annual celebration of G.I. Joe Memorial Day, the day that G.I. Joe died from their stomachs caving in.
This happened 29 years ago, but finally became a national holiday in 2010.

Man, I'll always remember where I was when G.I. Joe's stomachs caved in. I heard about in on the elementary school playground, and I cried, and cried, and cried. I might have even peed a little, I'm not quite sure now.

But one thing's for sure, this is something that totally really happened.

Also, this is the 15th anniversary of the first episode of this show!!".

The audience hooted.

"That's right, back then, times were different. We've come a long way. The I-Mac gave way to the I-Pad, Yahoo gave way to Google, Geocities and Winamp died off, Monica Lewinsky vanished into obscurity, Viagra spawned a legion of other knockoff boner pills, and when's the last time you heard of John Rocker?

Also, there was 9/11, some dictators died, some expensive wars bled the country bone dry, and we still don't have a moonbase, or a Mars ship. But, hey! But, Hey! Streaming porn, kids!!".

The audience hooted again.

"Well, I said all the really good topical shit last episode, so how's about we get this show underway?"

The audience roared.

Krazyfool ran to his desk.

"So, our only guests tonight, are Jade Shade, and Chokecherry, the superhero duo that call themselves The Streetsweepers, I'll get right to that, but first, this commercial".

The tape played of the Krazyfool ad for "Pob", and while it did, the producer signaled Jadie and Chokie to head out to the set, and take a seat.

"And we're back!!".
Krazyfool said as Jadie & Chokie took their seats.

"So, let's jump right into questions".
Krazyfool said.

"Oh, let's!".
Snarked Chokie.

Krazyfool proceeded.
"Well, this is your first official interview, all other info the mainstream public has gotten about you guys, has been from network news, and second-hand reports. What would you like people to know about you? And where do you think the news has gotten it all wrong?".

Chokie jumped in.
"Well, the tone kind of annoys us. We're treated like a joke. Like we're a cute human interest story, like party clowns doing community service work at a children's cancer ward. Even after all we've done. All the good changes we've made to this town. We don't expect much from the mass media, so, it doesn't hurt, or even surprise us, does grate. Better they not talk about us at all. Leave us the fuck out of your sideshow. We've got important work to do".

Some audience members tittered and giggled.

Chokie looked out in the general direction of the voices.
"Why is it funny? Our outfits? Jade Shade's mask? My makeup? Would you respect us more if we wore three piece suits? Why? Some of the worst criminals on Earth wore suits. Why is that automatically respectful? Your brain has just been conditioned that way, it has nothing to do with actual reality. It's just clothes. Get over it".

Still the tittering.

Jadie jumped in finally.
"How much would we have to do for it not to be funny? Save the Earth from an asteroid? Would that do it? How about if we threw all the nukes in the sun? Would that do it? Would that make us 'real', superheroes? Why aren't we 'real', now? We've saved lives, we've stopped bad guys. Isn't that the job description? Whatever you're expecting from us, I'd like to hear it".

"I wouldn't", Chokie said with a sneer and an eyeroll.

"Moving on!".
Krazyfool jumped in.
"Let's talk about some of your exploits".

"Let's", Jadie said.

Krazyfool pulled out a blue card.
"Okay, I'll rattle off a list of your biggest antagonists so far, and you give me a one to three sentence impression of them".

"All right then".
Jadie said.

"Sounds like fun".
Chokie added.


"Piece of shit. Dead. Good riddance".
Jadie answered.


"Farcical con-man".
Jadie answered.


"Tragic. Haunts me".
Jadie answered.

"The Prodigious Mass".

"Ditto Phidippus-Dude".
Jadie answered.

"The Ultranational".


"Comrade Crimson Crossbow".

"Nazi in hippie clothing".
Jadie was still answering.
These were the ones before Chokie entered the scene.


"Lunatic. Pathetic. Where he belongs".

"Mr. Sleepy Seeds".

"Ditto Hadesburster".



Chokie nodded along with that one.


"Your tax dollars at work".


"Ditto Hadesburster".



"No comment".
Chokie finally chimed in.

"...okay topic".
Krazyfool said, swapping cards.
"Okay, your philosophy, and/or goals".

"Purify this cesspool".
Jadie grumbled.

"Make the world a better place".
Chokie said.

"Bullshit!!", a haggy voice shrieked from the audience.

"Ah, dammit...", Krazyfool mumbled.
"Almost made it through this one".

"You decorated queers crippled my Ricky!! We don't want you Halloween faggots!! We want real cops!! Go away!! Go back to Frisco!!".
The woman shrieked.
She looked to be about 56, but life had beaten her to hell.

"Is this a bit?".
Chokie asked.

"Sadly, no...", Krazyfool murmured.

Krazyfool tapped an intercom button on his desk.
"Security? Security?".
"Uh oh..".

Just then, a hurled object gashed open Krazyfool's forehead, and knocked him cold.

The camera followed it to the floor, revealing it to be a red, white, and blue shield.

Chokie screamed angrily.

Red flaming arrows began to riddle Krazyfool's desk, and the stage curtain, and the whole place was alight in no time.

"It's an ambush!!! Damn it!! I should have known!! I hate these stupid media things!!".
Hollered Jadie, as he fired back with his green crossbow bolts.

Audience members, crew people, and both cameramen started running around like headless chickens, and the cameras aimed to the floor, so only feet could be seen.

Gunshots started popping off.
Murmured apologies from Chokecherry to JS, muffled by the gunfire.

Finally, static, and a test pattern.

Dr. Herbert watched the clip yet again, and then looked at the front page of the latest paper.

Krazyfool's studio burnt to the ground.

Everyone evacuated, and/or rescued.
Even the asshole detractors in the audience.
Tearful thankful testimonials from same assholes.
Singing a new tune now.

Ultranational, and Comrade Crimson Crossbow, beaten into hamburger, and in the hospital.
Looking at a big sentence after they recovered.

He played the clip of the half-show again, and then followed with a side clip of I-Phone videos of the interviews of the rescued attendees.

He checked his e-mail, and had a message from Krazyfool, enthusiastically offering to have them on again the second they had new filming digs.

Before, he admired the hell out of these kids.
Now, he loved them.

He choked up a little.
He had hope now.
This was really going to work.

He ran to their room go tell them.

He walked in on Dusty treating Irma's burns.
He was punched in the stomach with guilt.

He kept his distance the rest of the week.


Diacanu said...

Here are the other Krazyfool episodes.

The original.

The second episode happens during "Torrent too".

The third lost episode was hinted at in Meta-MSTisode #6.

Billdude said...

I remember the "POB" thing from the first one. That was my favorite bit.

Note: the captcha so I could post this was "faboner power"

Diacanu said...


Yeah, I gotta do a beefed up sequel to this one.

It could have been longer, and funnier, but I was cramming towards the anniversary deadline.

Paladin said...

The G.I. Joe "stomachs caved in" bit gets me every time.

Diacanu said...

Yeah, I missed it on April Fools, so I just folded it into the chapter.

Now, it's canon. :P

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