Then there's that whole kooky Old Testament....

Abraham and Isaac.

That story always creeped the shit out of me as a kid.

Never could figure out why that was supposed to be a laudable/wonderful story...


All right, let's say some random ordinary jackoff walks up to you, and tells you to kill your child.

You'd tell him to go fuck himself, right?

Okay, what if the asshole wore a stupid little crown, and called himself King?

Still tell him to go fuck himself, right?

Damned straight, and you'd tell him where to cram that crown too.

Okay, let's suppose said jackoff has super powers.
Let's say he's General Zod.
Superman wouldn't do that shit.
Not even the evil drunken Superman from part 3.

So okay, General Zod flies up to you, and for a lark, commands you to kill your kid.

You'd still tell him to go fuck himself, right?

Sure, just before you were vaporized, but at least you'd maybe give your kid time to run and hide.
Hopefully somewhere lined with lead.

Okay, would it make a difference if Zod had a little crown on?
Throne, scepter, robes?

No?

Okay, how about if Zod were zapped with a growth ray, and stood as tall as the Jolly Green Giant?

Okay, what if Zod had a Romulan cloaking device on his giant belt, and was invisible, and could only be perceived as a booming voice from a cloud?

Okay, what if you found out somehow that giant invisible King Zod was your dad?

What if he was everyone's dad?

Giant invisible King Zod got horny one night, slingshot-ed the sun, went back in time, and knocked up everyone, and he's everyone's baby-daddy.

Still not impressed?

Okay, so why is it this wonderful test of faith to almost kill your kid if you merely change Z to G?

Hmm?

See? It's an awful fucking story.
It's an awful moral.

No one sane would kill their kid on some voice's say so.

And no worthy deity would ask it.

Ah, but God bailed out on that one with a "Ha! Just kiddin!", at the end.
Right?

Ah, but Jephthah's daughter wasn't as lucky.
Same scenario, dead kid.

Still a lovely story? Still a lovely moral?

How about Andrea Yates?

That was some horrific shit.

I don't know anyone who thinks that was anything but horrible.
And the woman was clearly nuts.

But really, what would be the difference if the voice in her head had been real?

Wouldn't it be just as horrifying?

So explain to me again how The Binding Of Isaac is inspirational.
I really gotta hear this.
Or maybe I don't.

Anyway, that's just good ol' Abraham.

Let's not even get into all the children and babies horrifically slaughtered by God's Chosen People.
The Midianites spring to mind.

All those dead babies,....and yet it's Christians who are big on the whole "pro-life", deal.
No one's been able to walk me through the logic of how that works.

Are atheists the only ones reading the damned Bible inside and out???
It seems like it....

Ah, but allegedly, "Jesus fixed all that old testament stuff".
Despite saying "think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill".

Okay, let's say though that he did abolish the old testament.

Well, what's all the sobbing and hand wringing over the Ten Commandments in front of court houses then?
It's obsolete, it's abolished, let's move on.

Well, point is, no one REALLY gets their morals from the Bible.
No one stones their kids, no one stones adulterers, no one burns their daughters to death after giving her time to mourn her virginity.

Your morals come from somewhere else.
And wherever it is, it's the same place that I get them.
That is, if you're from a liberal democracy, in the western world.

You wanna see what a world under real old time religion looks like, check out Afghanistan.
Ah, now there's a happenin' vacation spot.

Anyway, sometimes, I think of saying all this stuff to the Jehovah's Witnesses door-knockers.
But...nah, it'd make them come back more.