"The Great American Novel".

It's a piece of shit.

Fuck the "Great American Novel".

You hear someone say they want to write "The Great American Novel", run in the other direction screaming.

"The Great American Novel", is this piece of shit that every bitter loser middle-aged high school English teacher is pecking away at, and none of them will ever finish, and they hate life because of this, and they take it out on their students, and leave them with simply charming childhood memories.

And, it's all the same fucking novel.
And no one fucking wants to publish it.
And no one wants to fucking read it.
Not even their fucking spouses and children.

It's about a guy, in his mid-life crisis, and he and his poker buddies have to go on a trip.

Usually, something illegal is involved, it can range from the simple acquisition of a bag of weed, to wanting to rob a casino.

Things will go amiss, and maybe some sex will be had.
Maybe at a brothel.
Maybe behind a gas station dumpster.
It will be sad, loveless sex, and someone will cry.

Basically, it's "Wild Hogs", meets "City Slickers", but less funny, and takes itself dead seriously.

Often, it will contain elements from such mawkish nightmares as "Bridges Of Madison County", or "The Horse Whisperer".

You know why "The Great American Novel", sucks out loud?
It's hollow pretense.
It's trying to impress.
It's not done for love, these bitter assholes are trying to "sit at the cool kid's table".
And, that's America all over, isn't it?

Thankfully, this book, and the term that describes it, seem to finally be dying off.
I think it was a Baby Boomer thing.

My generation is coming to cultural prominence, and everything seems to be about zombies now.

You don't hear about "The Great American Novel", so much anymore.
Thankfully.

But...it's lingering around the fringes.

Ray Bradbury wrote a whole heaping stack of what could genuinely be considered "Great American Novels",. but...they weren't called that, especially by him.
Know why?
He wasn't a twat.

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Shows I hate that everyone hates....

....but everyone seems to fuggin' watch anyway.


Anything Kardashians.

Everyone hates 'em, everyone swears up and down they don't watch it, but someone's fucking watching it, ain't they?
Where are the fucking ratings coming from?
Genies?

South Park has ripped into 'em, every standup does a Kardashians chunk, but they aren't going away, are they?

Who are these demographics that watch the things everyone else hates to keep it running?
I picture them in this weird village out of an M. Night Shyamalan movie.


Sister Wives.

It's what I said the time before last time about "home movies of the mediocre".
Somebody's watching this shit.
No one likes it, but they're fucking watching it.


19 Kids And Counting

Ditto Sister Wives.


Toddlers In Tiaras

Kiddie porn.
Okay, no mystery why this stays on.
This rotten evil country is riddled with pedophiles.
Doctors, lawyers, judges, cops, you name it.

Can't we rig it up, so everyone who watches this goes on a federal list, or something?
Too Big Brother?
Damn.


Jersey Shore.

I will never watch this, I've got MTV deleted from my channels, everyone swears to God they hate it, which shows how much good swearing to God does.

Assholes.
Lying assholes.
America vicariously wants to be Italian, and stupid.
First clue of this?
Fonzie.
Yep.
Peter Griffin nailed that one.


Mob-Wives

See Jersey Shore.


Real Housewives of _____.

Okay, everyone hates these bitches, but, at least they'll totally fess up to watching the show.


All the judged "talent", shows.

Everyone fesses up to watching these fucking things, even though at the same time "everyone", hates the things.


The Apprentice.

Okay, here's a show, that has all the qualities of the shitty shows above, as far as exploitation, and meanness, and "why are these people on my TV?", and the same people that hate all the above shit...watch it.
Shamelessly.
I don't fucking get it.

Okay, I get the has-been factor.
They've had Cyndi Lauper on there, and I've ranted about my 80's crush on her.
I still couldn't watch it.
You could put Robert fucking Englund on there, I wouldn't watch it.

"Oh, la de daa, aren't YOU mister integrity!?".

Yup.
*Finger*


Two And A Half Men

Okay, here's the most reviled and despised sitcom since "Who's The Boss?", and...it was the highest rated sitcom...EVER.

So, someone in the room was fucking lying.

A lot of someones.
You hypocrite assbags were going back into the lunch-line for seconds.
And thirds.
Weren't you?
You were all Charlie's bitches.
No wonder he thought he was a God.
The American public lifted him up there.


Dancing With The Stars

I split this off from the other judged talent shows, cuz, this is a weird fucking case.
I  can't even get smart nerdy people to hate this fucking thing like they should.
Oh, some, but it's disturbing how few.
Everyone's right under the spell of this fucking thing.
It's inexplicable to me.
Was it Chaz fucking Bono?
Was that it?
Did that make dancing "heroic", is that what happened?

*Facepalm*

It's all so fucking horrific.....


All the fucking ghost shows.

Specifically, the "reality", ones.

The ones that are all in night vision, and have dipshits saying something touched them, and freaking the fuck out.
Every commercial, for every episode, the fucking same.
Week, after week, month, after month, year, after year.
Who's watching this shit?
Who?
No one I know will cop to liking this shit, but someone is, or it wouldn't exist.


Survivor.

This fucking thing outlasted the Bush presidency, it's not a big cultural thing anymore, but it lingers on, so there's some loyal following that keeps it going.

Are they in the M. Night Shyamalan village too?

Is it Gidea?

Maybe it's Gidea that's keeping all this shit going.
Let's fucking  invade Gidea.
How hard could that be?

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A ghost of Crossover reviews future

Wreck It Ralph

A Disney/Pixar dealie that promises to be the "Roger Rabbit", of video games.

Images and clips show it's going to have guys from "Pacman", "Q-Bert", "Sonic", "Mario", "Street Fighter", "Mortal Kombat", and maybe more.
It's looking to be an all-star thing.
THE video game nostalgia movie.
..IF they pull it off, and it's good, of course...

So, stay tuned for this.

EDIT-

Ah, heck, have the trailer..

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Ray Bradbury (1920 - 2012)

Well, damn...

Whelp, what better song to play than one with his name in it, and that he's on record as really loving?


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Even more shows I hate that everyone else likes.

Apathy edition.

The Sopranos.

I've given it a shot, watched a bunch of episodes, nothing.
Does nothing for me.
Doesn't draw me in, couldn't care less.
These characters die off, I feel nothing.

Mad Men.

This is one of those ones that critics are losing their fucking minds over, I see the ads...and it just passes right through me.
Does absolutely nothing.
Nothing there for me at all.
I might have even seen an episode, but damned if I can remember it.
I can't even work up the willpower to argue about this one with people.
I'm glad to idly let the whole thing pass by.

Sons Of Anarchy.

Not just this show, but I haven't fallen into this country's goofy inexplicable romanticism of bikers period.
Hasn't happened.

Did "Easy Rider", cause this bullshit?
Is it the whole bikers mixed up with hippies confusion?
Shouldn't Altamont have killed that fucking fairy tale already?

Anyway, shame, cuz I really like Ron Perlman, and Katie Sagal.
But, I will never watch this thing.

The Office

I watch it, and nothing happens.
I neither laugh, nor get angry.
It's just there.
Draining electricity.
*Shrug* sorry.

Nip/Tuck

Same as "Mad Men", but at least I actually saw a couple episodes.
Mentioned it last time in the "pseudo-porn", category too, but...I didn't get mad about it, I just rolled my eyes.

The Killing

Just looks like "who killed Laura Palmer?", all over again, but with CSI level gore to try to "shock", me.

I watch "Human Centipede", and "Salo", type movies for fun, I'm fucking indestructible, don't try to "shock", me, television, you just can't fucking do it.
Not that way, anyway.

Maybe an Orbit gum commercial where the grinning British broad fingers herself to full climax, then licks her fingers, then freshens her breath with the magic gum, that might raise an eyebrow.

Yeah, try that, TV, see if that gets a rise out of me.
Go on, I dare ya.

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Happy 30th Birthday, "Wrath Of Khan"!!

Still the best!

My Trek reviews again.



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Some MORE shows I hate that everyone else likes.

Basic cable edition.

Right off the bat...Tim & Eric.

Anything they fucking do.

I don't get it.
I mean, I kinda sorta get it, it's some post-modern bullshit, where they're saying TV is fuckin' stupid, and they're doing everything TV does with beautiful people, but with ugly people, to show how stupid it all is, and do everything TV does with camera tricks and effects to glamorize things and to make them look important,  but with stupid/gross things for essentially the same reason.

But....you see it for about 10 minutes, you've seen it, you're done, and they've run it into the ground.
It's not funny.
It sucks.

So, when I say "I don't get it", I'm really saying, I don't get why it's supposed to be funny for season after season.
Maybe it's a pot-head thing, I dunno....

And...whatever their snarky justification for it....the end result...is that style of "humor", of bullies, and hecklers, and internet trolls that are out to ruin what us nerds try to build with pure moronic chaos.

Y'know, just some drunken idiot running out onstage, and puking on your feet, and hooting "USA! USA!", and ruining the thought out constructed jokes and stories you worked hard on.

That's what it is.

The background thinking for it is a difference that doesn't make a difference.

These guys are nerds, and they took the bully/heckler/jerk "humor".
That's fucking treason.
Fuck them.

It embodies everyone in my school days who I seriously wanted to kill.
I was glad to get away from them, and now, they're on my fucking TV.
Oh, joy.

Loiter Squad, for being the black ripoff of that stupid unfunny puking frat-boy bullshit.

Fuck anything Zach Galifianakis does for pretty much the same reason but times 10.
And, for just being a shitty smirking cockbag who doesn't deserve his ego.
Oh, and he's a Tim & Eric guest too, so...there ya go...

Yep, fuck him.

And really, fuck pretty much any of the live-action shit on Cartoon Network.
WTF is this bullshit with channels not following their mission statement implied by their name?

Live-action shit on CN, WWE wresting on SyFy, supernatural bullshit on TLC and History, Tosh.0 on Comedy Central....

Oh yeah, fuck Tosh.
Anything he fuckin' does.
Another mean smirking douche.

In fact, it's a fucking insult how CC marathons this shit to pinch pennies.
I mean...it's a show that must cost nothing.
It's an exercise in naked contempt for viewers.
It's other people's Youtube videos, and a green screen.
Do the Youtube-ers see a cent?
Bet not.
Fuck you, CC.
Like you executive suit piles of shit aren't rich enough, you gotta plague us with this low-rent crap for the sake of "profit margin", just so you can buy a boat full of hookers.
Yay, America.

Back to CN, any of that shittily animated shit like "12 Ounce Mouse".
Is that another post-modern thing where shitty is good?
Fuck post-modernism then.
Sometimes, bad things are just bad.
In fact, most times.
So, yeah, fuck off, fanbase of shit like this.

Um...what else?

Reality shit, obviously.
Does "Mythbusters", count?
I exempt them.

Anything about rich cunts, or baby-factories in a creepy zombie-grinning Jesus-cult, are instantly on my shit list.

In fact, anything about anyone that doesn't have a skill, or talent, or some fucking  reason why we're watching them.

I don't need my eyeballs polluted by the home movies of the wretchedly mediocre.

Fuck you, and your mediocre expectations, and shiftless apathy, if you contribute in any way to the ratings and/or ad revenue of these train-wrecks.
You should seriously consider suicide for what you've enabled.
Blood is on your hands.
It will not wash off, I promise you.

Um...I mentioned MTV last time, right?
Right.
Okay, moving on...

Okay, here's one....

Porno exists, it's online, for free, everywhere, any kind you've ever dreamed of, every twisted fantasy you've ever had, you can watch, again, and again, and again, with the click of a mouse.

And it's out of the closet that everyone consumes it, so judgement about it is largely gone, except among puritans, and insecure prick-wavers, and they're mostly all a bunch of hypocrites.

SO, anything on censored, ad-sponsored, corporate, bloodless, network-fucking-TV that exists/existed to lamely pathetically titillate, it's a fucking joke, and it's a joke if you watch.

If you're getting your erotic stimulation off television in this day and age, it's pathetic.

It's fucking pathetic.

PATHETIC!

The soap stuff, like "Desperate Houswives", the ass-flash stuff like "NYPD Blue".
Reality shit like "Temptation Island".
All that happy horseshit.
If you're a man that watches that shit, you're a fucking eunuch, and if you're a woman that makes her man watch shit like that, you have no taste, and you're a miserable fun-less ball-buster.

A world where "Grey's Anatomy", got high ratings should have never happened.

Get with the 21st century, people.
Google "Youporn", and your work is done, weary traveler.
Decades of TV induced frustration, gone like *snaps fingers* that.

While I'm at it, ABC pretty much just ought to be hydrogen bombed off the map.
For Dr. Phil, if for nothing else.

But...anyway, back to basic cable, off the top of my head..."Nip/Tuck", there was some watered down pseudo-porn.
But, that's gone now, so....

Hmm....yeah, I'll think of more, don't worry....


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