Spoiler Alert!: 2012

Previously with 2012-

The lost summer movie recap: 2012


It occurred to me, every new movie review I do, I block stuff out, or pussyfoot around to avoid spoilers, but then I never get to revisit the review to talk about the spoilers.

SO, these old reviews are old enough now, why not do a new series where I get to shoot the shit about just the spoilers?


Oh, and spoilers ahead, in case you didn't put that together.
Proceed at own risk.
But, if you haven't seen these flicks after 7 goddamned years, well...I dunno what to tell you...

Anyway, let's get started with 2012...

1. Avengers.

Hulk rag-doll-ing Loki, and saying "puny God".
That was the show stopper.

That's probably THE line of the movie.

If you said "puny God", in 2012, people knew you'd seen Avengers.

Oh, and of course, everyone had to ask their comic book geek friends who Thanos was in the mid-credits scene.

Now Thanos is the new Darth Vader.
Everyone knows him now.
He's up there with Heath Ledger Joker, and Hans Gruber.
Hell, he might even be the new #1.

2. The Dark Knight Rises

The real mastermind villain is Talia Al Ghuul.

And Batman fakes his death, and marries Catwoman.

And Joseph Gordon-Levitt becomes Batman 2.0, and may or may not be Robin.

And Ras Al Ghuul may or may not be still alive.

We'll never get a solid answer/followup on those last two, cuz there's never gonna be a Nolan-Bats 4.
The studio begged him crawling on their knees, and he was like "nah, I'm good".
Given the fanboy backlash on this one, he was right to get out while he was ahead.

3. Prometheus

The Space Jockeys are really The Engineers.

The Engineers created humans.

Humans did something The Engineers didn't like 2000 years ago, and they tried to genocide us.

Their bio-weapons backfired, and killed a bunch of them, and begat the Xenomorphs.

David the android decides humans and Engineers both have to go in favor of the Xenomorphs.
He does a good job of getting started on this project in "Covenant".

There's probably never gonna be a Prometheus 3, so how this prequel series mates back up to the first "Alien", will forever be a frustrating mystery.


And, that was those three.
Next time, an even dozen with 2013!