Sunday, April 21, 2013

Bargain Bin Bounty Three!

Part 1.
Part 2.

Yep, here's some more.

Okay, not from Wal-Mart's bargain bin, but from Amazon for about two bucks a pop...

Horror Collection: 6 movie pack.

Yeah, I'm obsessed with pulling the slot machine lever on these multi-flick packs now.
So, let's crack this one open.

Blood Diner.

This is the one I got the whole set for, and it did not disappoint.
Blood, guts, tits, puke, it's a fucking blast.

So, these two kids see their psychopathic uncle get gunned down by the police, then they grow up, and dig up his corpse, and put his brain in a jar, and animate it with a spell, and then the talking brain bosses them around, and they open up a diner, and kill people, and serve the human meat to their customers, and assemble the parts of female victims into an idealized body for their eons-old cult goddess to possess, and, it's all as wacky as it sounds.

I loved it.
Total Troma-esque, total Garbage Pail Kids and Madballs sense of humor, took me right back to what I loved best about the 80's.

Always saw this on the shelves at Nicely's and I always passed it by.
Tch...well, that's fixed now.

Yeah, these 2,4,6,8,10 packs take me back to the good old days of the bargain bins at Shady Dave's flea market.
This is the next incarnation of that.
I'm loving it.

Anyway "Blood Diner", best one of the set, hands down.
Consider the rest bonus features.

Continuing along in the order I watched them...


Like "Blood Diner", I always saw this at Nicely's too.
Always wanted to see it, and was always prevented somehow, and I just gave up.

Plus, Ebert said it sucked, and back then, he still held sway with me.

Okay, the IDEA of it is better than the execution.
A kid thinks his parents are creepy, and gradually susses out that they're cannibals.
Randy Quaid is the dad.

Okay, if you were a psychopathic cannibal couple, and you had a kid, wouldn't you...I dunno initiate him right into the cannibalism, and brainwash him into that it was acceptable (like, say, the Sawyer family), instead of hiding the cannibalism, and trying to act like he was a normal kid with a normal life, and THEN, when he's like 10 or so, starting acting all weird, and creepy, and suspicious about it, and acting like certain knowledge was forbidden, and places in the house were forbidden, like the villain in a Grimm fairy tale?

Well, the latter is what these two doofuses do.

Anyway, it's set in the "Leave It To Beaver", suburban 50's, and Randy Quaid's character works at some Military Industrial Complex lab making horrifying poisons, so...this was really just baby boomers saying "we hate our parents", for the zillionth time.


Glad I've finally seen it though.
Curiosity is satisfied.

Sundown: The Vampire In Retreat.

Okay, so when I first looked this up when I considered buying the set, I was like "Holy shit! A vampire hunter flick with Bruce Campbell, and David Carradine, and somehow I never heard of it?!?!?! How the fuck did THAT happen?!?!".


Stinkah-winkah is how it happened.

Okay, every single film in this set held my attention, and gave me entertainment on some level, so, it didn't SUCK suck, but...y'know, I wouldn't go out of my way to see this when I've got so many better choices.'s weird, hard to describe, it's like....if it weren't for the one decapitation, and all the bullet wounds, this could almost be G-rated.
It's very cutesie and precious.
Kind of on the level of "Love At First Bite".
Just, not as clever.

Do NOT expect Campbell to be Ash in this, he's a bumbling nerd, and not very funny.

Okay, anyway, the plot is, a bunch of vampires create their own town in the American southwest, and use sunblock and sunglasses to walk in the day, and have a factory that makes synthetic blood to feed their cravings.

The town is founded by David Carradine's character, and a secret splinter group of vampires in the town wants to go back to the old ways of hunting humans. This will later escalate into a revolt.
In the midst of all this, arrives the ostensible protagonist, who comes with his family in tow, because he's got the job opportunity of fixing their blood substitute factory, oblivious that it's a food source for peaceful vampires.

Bruce Campbell's character's got no reason to be there, he just is.
He's a Van Helsing descendant, and just wants to hunt vampires, but he's a flop at it.
He's pretty useless.
He's there to trick you into watching this.

Anyway, the revolt happens, and it's a wild west shootout (with wooden bullets to act as mini stakes), hence the presence of Carradine, cuz of his western bona-fides.

Fuck it, I'll spoil it, Carradine turns out to be Dracula under an assumed name.

So, dammit, this should have gone into Dracula-thon.

Actually, looking at the old box-art from 1990, this was on the Nicely's shelves too, and my eyes always passed over it.
Never even picked it up.
Whelp, now I got it whether I want it or not...

Only watch this if you're an obsessive Bruce Campbell completist.
...or, you buy this set, and want your money's worth.


So, the next two are from the 00's.

In the universe of this one, the zombie apocalypse of the Romero dead flicks (see here and here) has come and gone, and humanity is rebuilding.
Everyone now lives in these walled off neo-50's suburbs (geez, what's with this neo-50's shit? "Parents", this, "Blood Diner", had sock-hop music playing...).

Also, the military has invented control collars that make zombies docile, so, everyone owns a zombie servant.

Thus, the stage is set for the misadventures of Fido, the titular zombie of the piece.

Another of those ones like "Aaah! Zombies!", where there's no real twists and turns, you just see the premise play out to its natural conclusion.
"What if this?".
"Yep, that's what it would look like".

And, if not for the flesh eating, this could have been G-rated.
Like "Sundown".
Very cutesie and sentimental.
The presence of the zombies and their inherently dangerous nature is the only thing that keeps jarring you that any irony is intended.

I thought it was *wavey hand* meh.

But, I'd gladly marathon all of these again over regular-ass boring-ass TV.
They're better than that by leaps.
And, I'd watch "Fido", and/or "Sundown", in a continuous loop rather than the fucking Puppetmasters.
This set is better than those without breaking a sweat.

Anyway, I see what this was going for satire wise, every zombie-war movie it's like "We'll rebuild! We'll rebuild!", but this is what you'd get; fucking white people, and their suburban sprawl, and conformity, and social climbing, and a new kind of slavery, and, yuck.
All that shit all over again.
And you see seeds of it in the Romero flicks, this just plays it through all the way.
But, execution wise, it's as I said, cutesie.
It entertained though.
Just not a 5 star fave is all.

Boy Eats Girl.

Irish "Shaun Of The Dead", pretty much.

Another 00's one.
So, a dude (mistakenly, as it turns out) thinks he's been cheated on by his girl, plays around with a noose, and accidentally hangs himself, and gets resurrected by his mother via a magic book, and he starts normal at first, but gradually starts to go zombie.

He infects his bully, who starts infecting everyone else, and mayhem ensues.

Eh, it's all right.
It'll hold your attention for 90 minutes, the leads are likable, the villains are properly detestable, the gore is fairly well done, there's just no great quotable lines or nothin.

Its got a "little engine that could", spirit to it, so I respect it on that level if nothing else.

Earth Girls Are Easy.

See here.

Okay, what the fucking fuckety fuck is this one doing in the set??

It's not horror, shit, it's barely comedy.

As a film, abominable, as an 80's time capsule though, a bucket of ironic/nostalgic laughs.
I was right to save this for last.

Everyone in this became a star, except poor Julie Brown.
She was busting with talent, she deserved better.
Ah, well.
The world is an awful place, as attested to by the message some of these flicks.

Anyway, with the 80's/90's flicks on this, and the Puppetmasters, and the Freddys, and the Chuckys, and "Return Of The Living Dead", I've fairly well re-created the horror section of Nicely's.
There's a handful more to fill in, but I'm about there now.

So, that's that set.
Now, on to...

4 film favorites: Vampires Collection.

The Lost Boys.

See here, and here.

Got the whole set for this one.
The rest are bonus.

Lost Boys: The Tribe.

A total rehash of the plot and structure of the first one.
Watchable, held my interest, was better than all 9 Puppetmasters put together.
Better than "S. Darko", by a Hulk sized leap.

A B-movie for sure, but an okay one.

Only glaring flaw, not enough Corey Feldman.
If you're gonna have this thing exist for 80's nostalgia, have your nostalgia star front and center.

Lost Boys: The Thirst

Better than "The Tribe", but that's not saying much.

Corey is the star, and should've been in the other one.

The girl, Casey B. Dolan, is a total cutie, I'd totally like to see more of her.

I watched "Tribe", and "Thirst", first, because, y'know, watch the ones you haven't seen first.
Then, I went back to the original,'s only 80's nostalgia that makes you think it's better, these are actually up to par.

I liked the delightful twist of who the head vampire of all head vampires turns out to be.
Given the series title, it should have been a no-brainer from the get-go.

Yeah, I enjoyed these.
They are what they are.

Queen Of The Damned

See here.

Bonuses are nice.
Commentary, documentaries, the Lestat music videos, everything you'd expect, and be pissed if you didn't get.

And, that's that set.
On to....

Rocky Balboa.

See here, and here.

To go with the I-IV set.

I think this one might actually be my favorite of the Rockys.

Taxi Driver.

From here.

Finally saw this 5 years ago, fucking great.
Holy shit.
Where was this all my life?
Everyone quotes the goddamned mirror scene to death, but all of it is so fucking great, that dumb little quote doesn't do it justice.
Fuck hipster quoters who don't even see the flick.
Ruiners of life.
See this fucking movie.
If you like stuff like Sin City, and Punisher, and Dexter, see this fucking movie.
Do it!

Grabbed this one at the grocery store, actually.

Final Fantasy: Advent Children.

See here.

Sooo...I've finally seen it now,

Turns out, you don't need to have played the game, there's a little documentary thingy that catches you up.

Well...what can I say?
It's like watching someone play a game.
But, it was made by the guys who do the game cut-scenes, so, there you go....

The way fandom was creaming over this, I was expecting the Moby Dick of game movies, or something.

It was pretty, and stuff blew up good.
And the "One Winged Angel", song featured prominently.
It has that going for it.

All right, I'll give it this, I liked it better than "Avatar".

As an anime, though, stuff like "Cowboy Bebop", and "Ghost In The Shell", eats its fucking lunch.

Well, y'know, if I had grown up on Final Fantasy 7, this probably would have been like Lost Boys sequels to me.
So, I'll give you fanboys a bit of a break.

Anyway, this is another one I grabbed at the grocery store, as is the next....

The Artist.

Yeah, wow, this one is really delayed.
I got/watched this one way back on September 26th.

I wanted to do a thing on it then, but I had soooo much crap on my list to get out of the way on the ramp-up to Halloween.
It just got lost in the shuffle, and forgotten.

But, I finally got breathing room to dig 'er back out.

So, yeah, this was great, it deserved its Oscars.
Bonuses are nice, but I would've liked a commentary.
I can see why they didn't do one, talking, even in commentary, over a silent pic would ruin the...thing.

I got this sight unseen totally one Hyla's Recommendation.

See his rant here.
It does a better job of gushing for this one.
I'm...not a gushy guy.
My emotion chip is broken.

And, that's those.

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