Friday, June 3, 2016

A GB16 hater's guide to Ghostbusters merchandise.

Previous GB16 related posts-

First of all, I covered some of the toys in the old Ghostbusters post, so I wanted a sequel.
Second, from the first defending GB16 post...

And here's the important bit, and I reference back to the Evil Dead remake.
If it succeeds, we get other stuff.
They didn't create Ghostcorps just to make this one flick.
We're also getting tons of classic GB merch goodies just from this one coming out.

So, there's two reasons I wanted to do this.
Both of which boil down to, I like to illustrate my points with visual aids.

And my point is, to kill once and for all the "(insert remake/reboot) hurts the original", argument.

When a reboot/remake comes out (good or bad), it INCREASES interest in the original!
Both in merchandise, and people checking out the original film.
Netflix/Amazon/On-Demand statistics prove the latter.
Science, bitches.

Anyhoo, by way of illustration, here's how much damned Classic Ghostbusters goodies you're getting because GB16 exists.

July 8th, a re-release of the original.
Yep, you're getting your precious classic back on the big screen.
And you have GB16 to thank.
Kiss Paul Feig's boots.
Keess theeem!

4K releases of GB 1 & 2!!

The covers stink though.
I mean, look at that.
GB2 Slimer is on GB1, and GB1 Slimer is on GB2.
And it's just a photoshop job.
A fan could have done better.
But, screw the boxes, it's the discs that matter.
And fan covers will pop up online anyway.

A re-release of The Real Ghostbusters.
Well, 50 best episodes.
Hopefully, they'll put out the other 50.
But for now, not too shabby.

"Cleanin' Up The Town", and "Ghostheads".
See here.

The possibility that one of the spinoff movies might actually be "Ghostbusters: Hellbent".
Yep, Dan Aykroyd still hasn't given up.

"Ghostbusters: The Ultimate Visual History".
Comes in a display case that's molded after the gates to the Gozer dimension in GB1, and comes with blueprints of the building, and other insert goodies in the book.
Costs 250 fuckin' bucks.
I say "screw that", but if you're a yuppie, go for it.

Did you always want a GB1 Little Golden Book as a kid?
Well, you're getting one now.
Pretend it's for a niece or nephew.

The IDW comics.
Continues the story after GB 1 & 2, even if in an alterniverse.

Ecto Cooler is coming back!!
Should be hitting your local grocery store sometime this week or next, in fact.

I'm SO gonna buy some for lunch when I go see GB16.

Green slime Twinkies!
You would have thought with the mention of Twinkies way back in GB1, there would have been a Hostess tie in way before now.
Well, they finally got around to it.

This will be the other half of my GB16 lunch.
This is totally going to happen.
It'll be incorporated into my GB16 review.

Again, as with the Twinkies, you would have thought Stay-Puft marshmallows would have been a thing before now.
Well...they're still not Stay-Puft, Campire is a stickler for having their name on them, but it's close enough.

And, I've seen the green Slimer ones being melted into s'mores, and they look beautifully disgusting.
Kids'll love 'em.

New 6 inch Mattel figures of the original guys.
They come with pieces of the logo ghost that you can assemble when you get all four.
I think they're exclusive to either Wal-Mart, or Target.
You'll have to look around.

Stay-Puft, with proton burns.
He's the same size as the 6 inch guys, but the back of the box shows you can have the minis fight him.
Speaking of those...

Classic GB minis.
The whole GB16 line centers around these, but I'll get into that in more detail in a later GB16 merch post.

Diamond Select figures and Gozer building display set.

More expensive, fancier more detailed sculpts, better articulation, totally for rich kids, and/or adult collectors.
The 4 guys, Dana as Zuul, Lewis as the Keymaster, Janine, and Slimer.

Think you have to totally get these online.
All together, they cost a fortune, like the book.
Think it's $300 for the whole shmeel.

The original guys in Minimates form.
Not too up on these, but from what I can gather, every single property you can possibly imagine comes in Minimates form.
So, you can literally have anybody vs anybody.
I think they're compatible with Lego, I'm not sure...

The original guys in "Metals", form.
Squat muscleman looking bodies made in die-cast metal.
The 4 guys, Slimer, and slimed Peter.

The guys and the Ecto-1 in Lego form.
I'm pretty sure these were already out.

...the firehouse is new.
Paul Feig has this.
He's a geek like us.

Lego dimensions Peter, Ecto, trap, Stay-Puft, Terror Dog, Slimer, and...slime blower?
I think the gimmick to these, is they have some flash memory that adds the character to a video game.
In that game, you can have any other property Lego has rights to interact.
Sounds neat.

Peter Venkman and Stay-Puft Mr. Potato Heads.

Well, legally, they're "Poptater", cuz this fan made off-brand will do ones that the official company doesn't want to bother to license.
But, come on, it's Mr. Potato Head.
Who are we kidding?

And speaking of foodstuffs...

Peter as a Pizza, Slimer as a Jell-o, and Stay-Puft as a single marshmallow.

Pizza Venkman.
You live in a world with such a thing as Pizza Venkman.
Pizza Venkman.
Rolls off the tongue.
Love it.

Hot Wheels of Ecto-1 and Ecto-1A.
Hot Wheels does all the cars of everything.

Yep, you can have a Buster Bear with a logo-ghost face, and/or a Slimer.

Nesting dolls of Stay-Puft, Ray, Peter, Egon, Winston, and Slimer.

Ghostbuster Mymojis.
Solid meat-space emojis of Ray, Peter, Egon, Winston, Stay-Puft, Lewis, Slimer, and logo ghost.

I don't know what these actually do.
Are they like, marbles, or what?

Anyway, basically, imagine a shape or size, and you can have it in Ghostbusters.

Metal lunchboxes of Stay-Puft and GB logo.
To put your Ecto-Cooler and Twinkies in.

Did you want tumbler classes like Burger King used to give out when the first film came out?
Well, after a 31 year delay, here they are.
To drink your Ecto-Cooler out of.

Did you want trading cards when the first film came out?
Here they are.
No gum though.
Gum went obsolete years ago.
From Cryptozoic.
Remember them, it'll be important later.

A Loot Crate.
Loot Crate is a service you can sign up to where for a monthly fee, they'll send you a box full of treasures of a particular property, or just genre.
A Ghostbusters one is coming out full of GB1, GB2, and GB16 doodads.
A shirt, some photos, some knick-knacks, etc.

None of the stuff I've shown so far though, Lootcrate exclusives.
They don't have a date on it, you have to sign up to even be alerted.

Here's some shit you can get without jumping through as many hoops (and paying through the nose) as Lootcrate.

Cryptozoic (remember them from the cards?)  has a catalog, and right there, you can see a Stay-Puft hat and BBQ apron, GB dog tags, back scratchers, Slimer soap-on-a-rope, and a fan-club kit.

So, let's take a better look at that fan-club kit....

We've got some cards, a button, an ID tag, a patch, an Ecto-1 keychain, a vial of slime, a certificate, in the back, it looks like a blueprint for some piece of gear (?), I don't know what that Slimer and Stay-Puft are.
Stickers? Decals? I dunno.
But, a nice general assortment of swag, anyway.

Dave & Busters (I ragged on them years ago, but I've mellowed out on my grouchiness in the ensuing years), will have some kind of immersive game.
And some locations already have those thingies where you put your heads through, and you can have your picture taken as the guys, or the new girls.

Ghostbusters The Board Game, and Ghostbusters The Board Game II.

From Cryptozoic (from the cards, and the fan-club kit).
They Kickstarter-ed these, and both got more than enough money to fund them.

Set in the time period of the first and second movies respectively.
Uses the IDW comic likenesses of the guys.

You can buy extra character packs that let you play as The Real Ghostbusters, the Extreme Ghostbusters, or the Peoplebusters from one of the RGB episodes where they go to an alterniverse.

OR, you can use the regular guys, and have those characters show up as helpers like summoning beasts in Final Fantasy.
GB2 has its own rules, or it has a way you can use the rules from GB1 to sequelize your game over from the first.

Very customize-able.
I'd dive into it, but I don't do board games anymore.
No one ever wants to play.
Or, maybe just not with me.
Fuggin' people.


Classic Ghostbusters Monopoly.
Monopoly does just about everything these days.
Well, the big properties, for sure.
Your Star Wars, your Star Trek, etc.

Slimer Yahtzee.
Custom dice, and Slimer is the dice shaker.
Where it's just Slimer, you can plug that into the universe of either GB1/GB2, or GB16.
Everyone's happy.

Ghostbusters pinball machine.
The most epic pinball machine I've ever seen!

Even has voice recordings of Ernie Hudson as Winston.

Rare collectible Slimer statue.
Forget owning this, they've been scarfed up already.
One was made of foam, and cost $400, the other was made of sturdier rubber, and cost an even grand.
Both used the same mold, but different companies put them out.
The guy who sculpted the original puppet for GB1 made it.

Another rich collector thing.

A kit to build your own customize-able screen accurate proton pack.
From Anovos.
And that's without the electronics kit to make it light up.
With that, you're looking at an even grand.
Fucking ouch, man.

Now, t-shirts.

Teepublic has the best ones, and the widest selection.
In the sample there, you can see they have a lot of ones with GB mashed up with other properties.
They've also got just plain cool GB ones, and a thin fingerful with the GB16 girls.
There'll no doubt be more of those when the movie comes out.

Next, comes good ol' reliable Amazon.
That's almost their whole selection.
Those are the standouts anyway, there's some variations on the basic logo, and color variations on everything, but nowhere near the hipster coolness of Teepublic.

Next, Shirtpunch.
Again, that's almost their whole selection right there.
If you like Stay-Puft, they're your folks, I guess.

Last, and fucking least, is HSTRY from the rapper, Naz.
Ugly, stale, overpriced.
And that IS the whole selection.
Some color variation, but, bleh.
There's one with a generic logo you can get anywhere, and "I ain't afraid of no ghost", printed like, 20 times.
Very uninspired and unimaginative.
And did I mention overpriced?
Criminally overpriced.
Stock up on twice as many Teepublic shirts.
Toss in the Amazon one that looks like the uniform.
This is trash.

Anyhoo, back to foods, say, want something a little extra and fancy to drink out of your GB tumbler glasses?

Golden Cadillac

1 oz Galliano L'Autentico
1 oz Bols Crème de Cacao White
1 oz Heavy Cream

Add all the ingredients to a shaker and fill with ice.
Shake, and strain into a cocktail glass (or GB tumbler ;-)).
Garnish with chocolate shavings if desired.

Legend is, Bill Murray drank a lot of these at a bar down the street from the firehouse while filming the original Ghostbusters.
It's his favorite drink.
Or, it was at the time.
Couldn't say now.

So, this is as close to a true historically accurate Ghostbusters drink there is.

Or, you could just do the obvious...

Crystal Cooler

1 half Ecto-Cooler, one half Crystal Head Vodka (from Dan Aykroyd).

There you go, doesn't get much Ghostbusters-y than that!

So, now, scroll past all of that, and imagine it physically piled up around you.
It's a fucking mountain.
A mountain!
It's definitely more than they ever gave us as kids.

And all of this?
Just the first wave.

And, add to that mountain of treasures, going back to the start of this post, they're re-releasing the original flick.
WTF are you GB16 haters crying about, exactly?
I'm having trouble with this.
All your Ghostbusters dreams are literally fucking coming true...and you're still whining?

Talk about cutting your noses off to spite your faces.

No, it's you.
It's really all you.
You're horrible people.
Stare it in the face for what it is.

But, it's not the first fandom to hit the horrible stage.
Trekkies had the dry rot set in too.
Multiple times.
And Warsies during the prequel era.
And anime.
Holy fucking SHIT, anime.
Human tribalism can be ugly stuff.

Well, hug your Build-a-Bear, and chug your Crystal Coolers, you're gonna need 'em.

Up next, the GB16 lover's guide to merch.


B. Dee said...

Bit of an ANOES update here....note the possible remake of Dream Warriors.

Diacanu said...

Crap, got wrapped up in the sequel to this, and forgot to answer this.

Yeah, all that would be nice, but Robert Englund has been wishing out loud for sequels and remakes for about as long as Dan Aykroyd.
I'll believe it when I see it.

B. D. said...

Englund's getting up there, too--I figured he was in his senior years but I didn't know he was friggin' seventy. He really wants to play Freddy again? Huh. (I mean, there are still rumors that Clint Eastwood will play Dirty Harry again, and Clint's 86!)

"...And The Children Shall Lead" was mediocre but I didn't quite hate it. "Spectre Of The Gun" (the OK Corral Wild West episode) was actually pretty damn good IMO! Hey, maybe this season 3 thing will work out after all...

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