Friday, May 22, 2015

Big Summer Movies Part 3. (Part 3)

*Door flings open, blinding light pours through, choir music*

The Human Centipede 3 
[Final Sequence] (2015)

Happy. :-)

Let's recap the journey here...

Well, let's start by going through the checklist from "all the Human Centipede 3 news that's fit to print".

500 person 'pede? Check!
Helicopter shots? Check!
Machine guns? Check!
Makes part 2 look like a Disney film? Check!
Filmed in a prison? Check!
Chock full of authentic American profanity? Check!
Solves the mysterious endings of 1 & 2? Um....not really.
Unless there's something I have to decode....maybe the commentary will crack this for me...
Animals involved? Nope. Red herring.
Dwarves involved? Nope. Red herring.
Fast food involved? One tiny bit at the end. No big deal.

Three ring circus of filth and depravity? Oh HELL yeah!

Did it deliver on my "Freddy vs Jason", level excitement?





*Wipes away a tear of joy*

Oh, *sniff* wonderful...this is the culmination of everything.
Garbage Pail Kids, Madballs, MAD Magazines, Fangoria, everything.
This is the fulfillment of it all.
I'm so fucking happy.
Bless you, Tom Six, bless you.

And fuck you, you pussy critics.
Especially whatsisface at Fangoria.
How DARE you taint that fine periodical with your PC pussitude?
Bad enough Bloody-disgusting has the disease.
(This did indeed demolish "A Serbian Film", btw)

The 'pede trilogy may be over, but up next for Six is "The Onania Club", which promises to be his sickest ever.

As long as he brings the humor with the sick, I'm onboard.
It's downer movies that get to me.
Boredom and depression drag me down more than anything gross or un-PC.

This sure wasn't boring.
If you at all liked the first two, this is a must.
I'd say you have to see this as immediately as "Mad Max: Fury Road".

So...I guess that's it.

Next time, Terminator Genisys.
Or, Mad Max again.
Yeah, probably that.


B. D. said...

3 stars for "Fury Road," here. Out of 4 I s'pose.

Hey, you want amazing action scenes, you got 'em. But if they're going to do a new trilogy of these I highly suggest a better villain for one thing. Maybe more of that little shirtless midget dude.

Is it just me or could the Charlize Theron character have just as easily been dead at the end of the film?

I suppose I like it a little more than "Thunderdome" (where the Spielbergisms have kinda dated the movie to the point where its reputation has severely deteriorated--have you noticed?) but for some reason I think I'd still rather watch "Road Warrior."

Oh, "Centipede." Didn't see the second one. First one was okay. If this is your new favorite movie I suppose I'll give it some consideration. (What was your old one?)

Diacanu said...

I've heard Theron may be back for the sequels.
I wouldn't be at all surprised if she got a spinoff.

HC3 isn't my all-time favorite, probably not even my favorite horror, but it's a good 'un.

For comedy-horror, definitely up there with the Toxic Avengers.

Couldn't tell you my favorite movie of all time.
It fluctuates day by day.

B. D. said...

On the other hand I did notice HC3 is getting like the worst reviews since "Freddy Got Fingered"....but....but....I'm a defender of FGF!!! (boy is that embarrassing...but God help me, it's such a hilariously stupid, assholish middle finger of a movie that I die laughing at about half of it!!!)

The German guy from the first one plays a Texas prison warden? Er, that's interesting....

If these new Mad Max films are going to be a new trilogy (I have no idea when they're supposed to be taking place...Miller apparently said after Thunderdome...but how'd he get the car...) what needs to happen is that the second installment needs to ramp it up with its very own Heath Ledger Joker-level villain.

Hey if we're doing "feminism" maybe it could be a WOMAN!!

Diacanu said...

Tom Six HC3 interview at AICN.

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