Monday, October 6, 2014

An old "Batman Returns", rant.

From a message board post...

Okay, so it's the very end, and Catwoman/Selina wants to kill Max Shrek, right?

And she says something like "the law doesn't apply to people like him, or US!".

And Batman/Bruce says "wrong on both counts".

Wait, what?

Then...shouldn't Bats/Brucie turn himself in for his murders?

Pretty sure he killed the Joker.

Pretty sure the black karate dude he pucked down the bell tower didn't have Wile E. Coyote invincibility.
He fell just as far as Joker, he's fucking dead.

The member of the circus gang he strapped dynamite to, and chucked through the storefront?
Likewise, fucking dead.
That wasn't cartoon dynamite.

How about all the Joker henchmen on the parade float he mowed with the Batwing's gatling guns?
Those weren't rubber bullets, they were piercing fucking asphalt.

Keaton Batman is a multiple murderer, and an illegal vigilante.

Make up your mind, Batsie.
Can't have that shit both ways
Either the commissioner has given you a license to kill, and you embrace Catwoman's morality, or....well, nothing, really.
The chance to go back and be Adam West went out the fucking window.

Shit, for the capper, "Batman Forever", Batman acknowledges he's a killer, even half-ass referencing Joker, when he preaches to Robin not to cross that line.
....then he kills Two-Face, and lets Robin gloat over the corpse.

So, I'm like WTF?
Let Catwoman shoot Max, and take her home.

Oh, wait, she fucking kills him anyway.

Never got that ending.
All these years later, it still seems sloppy, and tossed together.


Diacanu said...

And yes, I am expounding upon this logic in the Jade-Shade-verse.

Billdude said...

You're not gonna like this....

Oh, and since this is officially actually happening after years of Lynch repeatedly insisting it was dead and never going to come back, this makes Lynch continuing an obnoxious trend of directors lying and trolling, like Christopher Nolan saying we'd never see Robin, or Ridley Scott saying "Prometheus" wouldn't have the xenomorph in it.

Oh, and I did finally watch this entire show a few months back, plus "Fire Walk With Me." The pilot was possibly the best thing Lynch has ever done and I'm not surprised the whole country got obsessed as all hell with it. All of the creepy stuff, the Laura Palmer stuff, the dark stuff, the psycho stuff, the BOB stuff, and the Red Room/Black Lodge stuff, was classic.

Everything else on the show pretty much paled miserably in comparison. Every plot thread, most of the awkward attempts at "humor," way too many doofy supporting characters and silly subplots that I couldn't have cared less about, and this goes even for the first season when the Laura Palmer thread was still active.

Then Lynch revealed the killer and the show went to pot immediately after its only good plot thread was tied up. It didn't regain anything until its very last episode which Lynch returned to direct.

I liked "Fire Walk With Me," since (aside from the miserably awkward first thirty minutes, which are full of dead ends that make no sense, like the David Bowie scene, because Lynch was going to finish off the Laura Palmer story once and for all in FWWM, and then continue on with several other Twin Peaks movies that would expand on the non-Laura stuff in FWWM, but guess what, FWWM bombed hideously) oh where was I? Oh yeah, I liked it, because it was all dark creepy Laura Palmer stuff and I like that. I like it better than any episode of the show that isn't the pilot.

I don't remember what all you've said about this show besides that you mentioned in passing that it was "ass," I think it was in your David Lynch post, but you can throw it in your list of updates if you want. Or don't, it's your call, although you seemed to like Lynch more than I was expecting you to in that review post.

Diacanu said...

Oh, crap, I forgot to answer this.

Yes, I was aware of this.

I dunno whether to turn it into an update post, or what.

Maybe I'll wait 'til it comes out, and see what fans think of it.

Blog Archive