Confidence.

Another talk I wish someone had given me as a kid.


Look, kid, it's like this. I know you're skeptical of the self-esteemer bullshit they try to pump you with on TV and in school, and I don't blame you.

They say "believe in yourself", as a bald assertion, with no backup reasons, like with "believe in Jesus", or "believe in Santa", and look how that shit turned out.

And in the same breath, they say "be yourself", and when you do, you get a bunch of shit from the shitty little demons you'll be trapped with for the next 12 years.

And on the odd occasion you snap, and smack one of the little fucks, you get a bunch of shit from the dopey adults who fed you this shit to begin with.

And the shit they give you is specifically targeted like a heat seeking missile to undermine the whole "believe in yourself", mess.

Yeah, authority figures specialize in mixed messages.
Their heads were fucked up as kids too.
It's a chain, let's break it.

How?

Well, I'll give you some practical reasons why it's imperative to believe in yourself.

And I won't say it with a bullshit fake zombie grin, or morph into a fucking bee, and sing a prissy saccharine song written by a douche working for a bloodless cynical corporation who have an ominous 3 circles that's supposed to be a fucking mouse for their icon.

First of all, right here...

...see this fuckenasshole?

You think this incompetent, immoral, criminal, baby-eating fuckface ever doubts himself for a picosecond?

Fuck no.

Has this demon done jack and shit to deserve his confidence?
Fuck no.
Think you're gonna knock it down by telling him?
Fuck no.

Well see, the little pricks you go to school with, this is what they pray at night to grow up into.
This is one of those "real Americans", their mommys and daddys think they are, and want their precious hatch-ling to be.

Sick shit, huh?

Still give a fuck about what they think about you?

How about this...

...see this felch-monger?

Another American hero.
Legions of zombies watch his abomination of a reality show drooling over the fantasy of having some of his money.
That's it, that's what they're watching, money.
That's why it's the theme song.
Fish to otters.

How'd he get so rich?
Did he invent a fucking lightbulb?
Cure a fucking disease?
Nope, swapped land with other weasels, and built dick-shaped monuments to himself.
That's it.
This creature produces nothing.

And it has an iron certainty in itself.

Never doubts.

Could strap it to a chair, and pull its face off, wouldn't matter.

Such is the human mind.

And this is the culture you're up against.

While you're busy not believing in yourself, the scurvy little hyenas giving you grief right now intend on being the next generation of these swine when they grow up.

And you're caring what they think?
Come on.

Or, let's look at it another way.

Imagine we take, say, Thomas Edison, pluck him out of the time-stream, and plunk him down in an alternate dimension of fucking morons that don't appreciate the fucking lightbulb.

They spew a few mounds of verbal turds his way, he listens, no lightblub, the world literally plunged into darkness because of morons.

Now, course, you think he would listen?
Hell no, he's Thomas fucking Edison, he'd have an iron certainty in himself, because he'd have the same iron certainty in the lightbulb you and I do.

Thomas fucking Edison would get the lightbulb going, and spread around everywhere in every fucking dimension.

You think he'd get people to listen to him if he was like "um..well..here's this thing that glows..you might like it..or not...eh...nevermind...sorry to bug you"??

Fuck no!!

But that's what it sounds like when you let morons get to you.

Fuck morons, and their obsessive kink for darkness.

Somewhere in you is your lightbulb, believe in that, and you believe in you.

And you'd better fucking believe in you, cuz look at the fucking world when you don't.

Look at the fucking mess we're in.

Get up on your damned feet, and turn on your lightbulb.
And keep it on.
Even if the big people are the ones barking at you to turn it off.
Just remind yourself, people that hate lights tend to be cave dwellers.
They want dark, let 'em go to their fucking caves.

There's your practical reason.

Believe in yourself, because sociopaths already do.
And they ain't even got no fucking lightbulb.

Or, let's really cut right to the heart of it.

See this fella here?

Ooozing confidence off the screen.

Ain't no goddamned angst or doubt with a kitty-cat.
Ain't no evil human bullshit with a kitty-cat either.
They deserve their confidence.

When all else fails, look to a kitty-cat.
They're a walking silent self-help book.

Oh, what? You'd rather listen to Doctor Phil?
Please.
He's a douche-nozzle.
I have an iron certainty of it.

Now excuse me while I snap on the lights, and cross someone's path to get there.
;)

(Continue on the the sequel, "pride")