My best yet! :D
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(Meaningless Slogans)
Slogans - Me
“Dune: Part Two” Score Seeks An Oscar
7 hours ago
Friday, May 8, 2009
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5 comments:
Bloody brilliant Mike!
It was a good read, but it's ten times better hearing you do it.
I would gush on and on, but I already said it all to you, so you know what I think.
More...moRe!
Sharon
Doesn't work here. Can you put it on youtube or something?
Really excellent, and very enjoyable.
But, if you don't mind, I'd like to make a few constructive criticisms:
You do sometimes slip into metaphors which are unintentionally anti-gay - you mention buggery, and use words like "Fruity-ass". I know for certain there is not a homophobic atom in your body, so you might want to review some of your language.
I still think that putting on voices doesn't work - it sounds too "put on". Your own voice is simply perfect for this kind of medium - why distort it?
I also wonder about the pacing. You start off fierce, but then mellow out a bit (well, relatively - it is always you). It may make more of a point if you ramp things up towards the end.
But other than that, you have a real talent. You make Pat Condell sound like a wimpering softy, and you deal with the real issues.
You really do have a great voice.
(Previous post removed for editing)
Steve-
Well, thanks for the positives. :)
Hmm, as for the opening buggery reference, that was more an allusion to rape, than anything particularly gay.
The system "rapes", everyone, and everyone has a butt, y'know?
As for "fruity ass",...okay, guilty, I guess I just had "The Jerky Boys", still stuck in my head from my teen years, and it subliminally popped in there.
I dunno, I thought I had a good froth going toward the end, but I "mellowed", cuz that very last bit gets kinda sad, and that's the mood I wrote it in, and still feel reading it back.
I matched my outer voice to my inner writing voice.
If something still seems "put on", then I'm fucked.
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