Stuff from Facebook #49.
-and-
Post 1 away from 3000 posts!
Bucket filled back up for this category...
Dodging covid bullets!
April 13, 2020
Time can change the way you look at things so fucking much.
I was infuriated that I flunked my job interview at Dollar General last summer without knowing why. Now, I'm reeeeaalllly fucking relieved.
I didn't just dodge a bullet, I dodged several billion tiny bullets that eat lung tissue like Pacman through cotton candy.
It almost makes me believe in a magical force of luck.
Almost.
I haven't been ashamed or self-loathing about my life for the past 7-10 years or so now, but watching these fucking corporations willfully murder their employees, I've gone from not-ashamed to proud.
I'm proud of my life.
I'm proud I resisted the siren song of this capitalistic "American dream", lie, and I'm proud I bared up under the assault of bullying and insults this society dishes out when you reject that shit.
I'd do it all over again knowing what I know.
Veggie Boy.
April 13, 2017
I remember an old episode of Cheers where Woody became the pitch man for a drink called "Veggie Boy".
Woody had never actually drank the stuff, so he tried some, stifled a gag, and said "wow, you can really taste the kale!".
This got a giggle from the live audience, because who in their right mind would want to drink fucking kale?
Fast-forward 30 years, and hippie idiots across the country are really drinking gallons of kale.
Even after its health benefits have been debunked.
That's right, Americans, not only are you a joke, you're a sitcom joke.
A SITCOM joke.
Stew on that.
The cleansing broom.
April 16th, 2014
I really hope they don't invent immortality.
It'll only be for the rich, and I can't think of a single one of those scumbags that we need around forever.
Death is nature's broom.
Bless the reaper on his sacred rounds.
Weaponized idiots.
April 16, 2016
Trump voters, the anti-vax movement, TV/Youtube pastors stirring up homophobia, climate denial, it's all inter-connected parts of one thing, one movement, and that is, the weaponizing of stupid people.
Update...
April 16, 2020
And now they're bioweapons to boot.
New superstitions.
April 18, 2014
Why, on top of being bullshit, do superstitions have to be old?
What's so great about old things?
I think it's long past time for some new superstitions.
Here's one off the top of my head.
If you run over Chester Cheetah with your car, and he dies, all the Cheetos products turn into boiling liquid shit inside the bag to the horror of your children.
Worldwide this happens.
So, watch the road, and stop texting, you twats.
Update...
April 18, 2017
I missed my calling as a writer for PSAs.
How Britain ends.
April 18, 2017
So, am I the only one that thinks Britain is going to end with everyone's ghosts singing on a pile of rubble like the end of "Les Miserables"?
Update...
April 18, 2020
With 'rona, they're getting there.
BDSM is boring.
April 19, 2019
There's nothing more boring than when a couple you know gets into BDSM, and then that's all they can talk about. Even worse, when they pull out the slide show.
Yawn.
Snore.
God is dead.
April 19, 2016
All right, so Morgan Freeman is going to do a miniseries on the question of God's existence.
Do you honestly think America is going to take "no", for an answer on that one?
Do you think the clergy is gonna resign, and go flip burgers at McDonalds and Burger King?
No, the same dumb old world is gonna keep grinding along.
It's a dishonest question from the outset.
It almost always is.
But here's the real lowdown if you care.
There actually was a God, but he died.
And the bible-belt is gonna hate this, but he died of AIDS.
Yep, got it from a dentist visit.
Didn't know he had it, didn't get tested, got flu-like symptoms, then woke up dead.
That's the name of that tune.
Ya hate to see that happen.
The angels were all torn up about it.
Jesus was all freaked out because it was an aspect of himself.
A thing like that can really fuck with your head.
The cherubs were all weepy, but Mary breastfed them, and that seemed to cheer them up.
I could try to raise Morgan on Twitter about this, but I'd probably be blocked.
Ah, well.
The future!!
April 19, 2013
Saw a class action lawsuit commercial for people injured by surgical robots.
Yep, it's the future.
Rhubarb.
April 20, 2012
Ate a stick of raw rhubarb for the sake of childhood nostalgia.
My system as a kid must have been operating on a recovery order of magnitude equal to Wolverine...cuz man...this ain't sitting right...and I just feel...wrong...
Weather- Can I help!? Let me help! Look! Look! I'm helping! I'm helping!!! Yayyy! I'm being helpful!!!
Superhero fatigue.
May 1, 2017
There are some who claim to have "superhero fatigue".
Not me.
See, I've been through this before.
I remember being a kid, and whether it was a show, or a movie franchise, or a toy line, I'd hit that point of "fatigue", then it would all end, and I'd be sad, and then ashamed that I was such a spoiled brat that I dared be bored of a miracle.
I had it happen enough times, that I vowed to knock it the fuck off.
Now I enjoy every second of a new thing that makes me happy.
Cuz it'll end.
The MCU and DCEU will end someday, and what will you fucking do?
Watch more fucking rom-coms?
You think arthouse will finally get its time?
Arthouse never gets its time.
An arthouse wave lives next to free energy, and your winning lottery ticket in fantasy land.
Enjoy the miracles that are here right now.
We've had movies with fucking Doctor Strange, and Rocket Raccoon for fuck's sake.
GOOD ones!!
Our childhood selves would never imagine that happening.
Appreciate this shit.
Aquaman.
May 1st, 2014
You know who's the most underrated and maligned superhero?
You guessed it, Aquaman.
Everyone thinks he just talks to goldfish.
Aquaman is as strong as Hulk, bulletproof, can swim as fast as Superman can fly, and he'll fuckin' kill.
He once used a grizzly bear as a fucking projectile.
Yet Batman gets the badass reputation?
I can't wait for the re-enactment of the "what are you?", "I'm Batman!", scene, but instead of a verbal answer, Aquaman just shoves a middle trident prong into the guy's peehole.
4 years later, this happened.
Liberal vs conservative.
May 2nd, 2020
Liberal philosophy is pretty simple.
You start with "I don't want to harm you, and I don't want you to harm me, so let's cooperate", and then you scale that up from individuals to the government you want.
Conservative philosophy is equally simple, but ass-backwards to that.
You start with greedy big business interests, and scale it down to the level of the little factory worker guy.
The little factory worker guy doesn't have other nation states vying for the big greasy burger the rich are all fighting over, so you have to get him to hate his next door neighbor the same way.
Usually with some bullshit about "individualism".
I really think it's as simple as a top-down, bottom-up perspective thing.
Which end of the telescope you look in.
Aaand that's done!
See you next time!
Previously with SFF-
Greedy swine, Part 3.. (SFF #48)
“Dune: Part Two” Score Seeks An Oscar
6 hours ago
2 comments:
I think Harrelson is a vegetarian now? Think hippies and elitists have moved to kombucha.
*Googles*
Well, I'll be goddamned!
He is a vegan!
...then how did he eat those Twinkies in Zombieland?
*Shudders to think of what a vegan Twinkie might be made of*
Post a Comment