Cats and chickens.

Yep, after Wembley's passing, it seemed the thing to do to collect all the pet stories.


Re-posted from here....

On the meatheads in my neighborhood.

August 19 at 4:29 PM

Couple nights ago, had the window open, was trying to sleep at 3 am, and some redneck morons drove by at wind-noise speed, and one of them screamed "go fuck!!!". 
"Go fuck"? 
That's what you came up with to scream at me? 
"Fuck you", has the same amount of syllables. 
Maybe it was "go fuck yourself", but the "yourself", got chopped off? 
No, it was just "go fuck". 
It only took me 5 seconds to come up with "go fuck your sister ass-to-ass with a double-ended dildo over your grandmother's tombstone and shit-cum on the engraving of her bucktoothed face". 
If I could think of that, surely they could have been more creative. 
No, this town is stupid, they really couldn't have. 
Anyway, I cursed at the cat, cuz it was his fault the window was open anyway. 
He sleeps there. None of this phased him. 
Maybe they were yelling "go fuck", at him. 
Yeah, I'm gonna go with that. 
They were mocking him for being neutered. 
Didn't seem to bother him. 
Anyway, thank you, Wembley, and insomnia for this stupid moment in my life.


Snoring Tribbles.

April 22, 2013.

Two snoring Tribbles on the blanket pile by my file cabinet to my left. 
Oh, it's coiled up cats. 
Well, same thing, really.


Myahoo.

March 30, 2014.

I guess I'm "myahoo", in kitty talk. He just can't hit that "k", sound in the middle.

And the update...

March 30, 2020

Aww, my little buddy. 
Miss him every day.


Chowing on his tail.

April 2, 2018.

So, this morning, Wembley chowed down on his own tail, and made himself scream. 
After a cat does something stupid like that, they try to play it cool, and make regal lion poses and shit. Ain't working, dummy. 
I remember that dumb thing you just did 3 minutes ago.


The chickens arrive.

April 20, 2018.

So, dad just added 4 baby chicks to the family. 
Road Island reds. 
They're ginger even as chicks. 
So far so good with Wembley not eating them. 
We'll see how this goes....


Staring at the chickens.

April 20, 2018.

Well, Wembley stared into the chicken box like a 3-D TV for 5 hours, but he finally got sick of it, and he's doing his normal routine again. 
I think we can breathe easy.


Wembley is over the chickens.

May 13, 2018.

Well, the chickens are outside in their coop now. 
Wembley could not give two shits. 
Once the novelty of staring at them in their box wore off those first couple nights, he was totally over chickens.


Hyacinth and Violet.

April 22, 2019.

My dad named the chickens Hyacinth, Rose, Violet, and Daisy after the broads in "Keeping Up Appearances". 
But Hyacinth and Violet really ought to be Xena and Gabrielle respectively. 
Go anywhere near Violet, Hyacinth comes running at you battle screaming, and if she gets you, she bites and twists.


Wembley watching robins.

April 7, 2015.

Wembley is watching the robins in the yard with a look of intense intellectual concentration, like someone trying to follow a Christopher Nolan movie. 
Yeah, lotta plot twists with robins. 
You look away, you miss everything.

And the update...

April 7, 2020.

He hated the chickens though. 
It had to be robins.


Wembley playing too hard.

April 9, 2018.

*Wiping cut fingers down with alcohol* dammit, Wembley, you don't know how to play right.


Ass!!

April 11, 2013.

Cat forgetting what he was going to do: "Hey, I know! I'll wash my starfish button!". 
Cat in the way of the TV/monitor: "Hey, you know what show you should really watch? Me washing my starfish button! Here we go!".


Cricket concerts.

April 19, 2013.

And #1 on the cat pop charts for the millionth year in a row, crickets!

My immediate reply...

#2, frogs.


Wembley the music critic.

May 8, 2014.

Well, add Sarah Mclachlan to the list of singers Wembley hates. 
She performed on one of the daytime shows this morning, and he was squinting angrily at the TV, and clutching a fist with his right paw. 
He didn't relax, and go back to sleep until she stopped. 
He also despises Elvis. 
Elvis makes his ears flatten out, and his skin crawl. 
And Blind Boys Of Alabama make him run like hell from the room.

And the update...

May 8, 2017.

Turns out he likes Ozzy though.
There's an Ozzy song at the end credits of "This Is The End", and Wembley stretched, and smiled, and made happy squeak noises. 
Best cat ever.


Hyancinth vanishes.

May 23, 2019.

Aw, shit, I think a critter may have nabbed and made off with Hyacinth. 🙁

And the reply/update...

May 25th, 2019.

Helped apply antibiotic spray on Violet's wounds, and got to see the damage really good for the first time. 
Whatever it was, it munched her like a chicken sandwich, it's quite a gash. 
It's clotted shut though. 
The spray will both keep it from infecting, and keep her sisters from pecking her. 
There's no doubt that Hyacinth is dead, wherever she is. 
Three good chomps like that would spell death, and you know it didn't stop at three.

Whelp, been a year and a day.
She's gone.


And, that's those.
For now.
Gotta cycle through the whole year to get 'em all.
Stay tuned for sequels.