The zombies are coming for my beverages! Now it's personal!!

Yeah, last time, I said next time would be more cereals.

Well, shit keeps happening in the world, so plans are fluid now.

Speaking of fluid...

The MAGA plague-zombies are after my fucking seltzer waters!!!!

They're always fully stocked with more than I'll ever need, because no one else wants them, cuz they're all sugar-soda guzzlers like I used to be.

Always assumed my supply would be safe.

Never questioned it.

All of a sudden, there's a fucking run on 'em, and you can't get 'em.

And I finally found out why.

Some fucking chiropractor quack piece of shit has spread the myth that tonic (not seltzer!) water has medicinal properties, because it contains small (meaning microscopic) amounts of quinine that used to be used to treat malaria, and since hydroxychloroquine is also a malaria drug, the MAGA morons now think tonic water is covid medicine, and are rushing on it.

And seltzer (which isn't tonic) while they're at it, because Americans are stupid.

While true that tonic water has quinine, it's not enough to treat malaria, much less covid.

But hydroxychloroquine doesn't even fucking work.

It's a scam.

Trump is a hustler.

Always has been.

So, hydroxychloroquine doesn't fucking work.

If it did, quinine isn't a replacement, because it's a distant cousin.

If it were a replacement, the microscopic amount in tonic water isn't going to do anything, even if you drank a tanker truck full, and exploded your guts.

If you could make it through all those hoops, and tonic water were still magic medicine...SELZER WATER ISN'T THE SAME FUCKING THING AS TONIC WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU'RE NOT EVEN GETTING YOUR QUININE, YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU STUPID AAAAAAASSSHOOOOOOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also...CHIROPRACTORS AREN'T REAL DOCTORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY WOULD A FUCKING SPINE ADJUSTER KNOW ABOUT COVID-19!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

WHY NOT ASK A FOOT DOCTOR ABOUT BRAIN CANCER, YOU FUCKING MOUTH-BREATHING PIECES OF GARBAGE!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! 

AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! 

AAAAA-AAA-AA-AA-AAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So......stupid idiots who think pink-grapefruit flavored seltzer is curing/preventing their covid are going to run around without masks now thinking they're essentially fucking vaccinated.

Thanks, internet.

That's what we needed.

More brainless meat-bodies running around spreading the virus.

We didn't have enough of those already, apparently.

Look, I can live without my stupid seltzers, I'll just refill one of the 1 liter bottles off the faucet, and chug that all day.

I won't die from the loss of the privileged luxury of fizz, and an eye-dropper of flavoring.

It's the dangerous morons thinking they're getting bottles of magic potion that scare the shit out of me.

And that apparently, my town is loaded with them.

I'm surrounded on all sides by fucking pod-people, and it's chilling as fuck.

To buy into this shit, you have to be a MAGA CHUD to begin with.

Ain't no liberals falling for this.

My town is CHUD-y.

I hate it now.

I already looked down my nose at it, but now I hate its stinking guts.

Doesn't make me want to vote in-person, I can tell you that.

Standing in line, knowing these THINGS could run up, and rip my mask off, and call me a commie, and start taking swings?

Not a good feeling.

It's like a fucking horror movie.

And these THINGS think they're "the good guys".

Goddamn.

God-fucking-damn.

To know, that if I make it through all this bullshit intact, that I won't even be able to look at my seltzer drinks without having queasy flashbacks.

I have no fucking privacy in my own fucking head anymore, they're attacking everything.

What a fucking nightmare.

What an absolute fucking nightmare.