Crap, missed yesterday's.
I'll just have to double up.
Got no excuse, just burnout, and didn't feel like doing anything.
So, here's this one....
Polar Seltzers (1940's-present)
The beverage-
For the holidays, they have egg nog, Boston creme pie, chocolate mint, and butter rum flavors.
They're limited, hurry up, and grab 'em.
Taste good, and nothing else in 'em.
No sugar, no calories, no nothin.
Just tasty kidney-wash.
The history-
As mentioned in the Nerds one, acid is now my Kryptonite, and soda has phosphoric acid, so, my lifetime soda-holism was a major culprit of my gout/stones, so, for my remaining psychological addiction to flavor, and fizz, I get these.
And, for the obesity and diabetes epidemic, I recommend everyone make the switch anyway.
Soda's poison. Quit.
Okay, had to have one review, cuz my labels don't cover recipes, but now, here's those....
Soup n' rice
First of all, get one of those big plastic buckets of ice cream, eat all the ice cream, wash the bucket, buy a big bag of rice, and fill the bucket.
Keep that fuckin' bucket filled forever and ever.
Okay, now that you've got your rice supply...
You're going to need a big microwavable glass bowl.
Not punchbowl big, nor popcorn big, but... definitely bigger than you would nuke one can of say, Chef Boyardee in.
About double that. Big, but not ridiculous.
But big, or this is going to spill over.
Now, shovel two cups of rice into this bowl, and put it under the tap until roughly about half an inch of water floats over the rice.
Alternately, throw in a can of chicken broth, and goose it with the water a little until the level looks right.
Nuke for 15 minutes.
Go do something, or you'll go crazy waiting.
Watch your favorite web show, or something.
Okay, rice is done?
Pull that out with potholders, it's going to be violent angry hot.
Now, get a can of tomato soup (you should always have these around, ditto the broth) dump that into a smaller microwavable bowl, add a can of water, nuke for 2 minutes, stir it until it's runny.
Now, get a big spoon, dig a "well shaft", into the rice (the soup will overflow unless you do this) along the side of the bowl, and to the bottom, pile the rice around the hole, doesn't matter.
Pour in the soup, hold other bowl with potholders if you need to.
Carefully dig into the rice with the spoon, and bust it all up, and stir it into the soup.
Now, what you should have now, is a sort of tomato-ey rice-y oatmeal consistency...stuff.
The rice will have held its heat while you nuked the soup, it doesn't matter, don't worry.
Hell, it's probably cooking the soup some more.
Now, you wanna get the runny out of it.
If you let it sit awhile, I'm sure the rice will drink up the soup a little, but, dammit, I wanna eat it NOW!
What I do is add a shitload of shakey cheese.
Fuck sprinkling, I open the wide end, and shovel a couple big spoonfuls in, and stir that in.
Shakey cheese is my cornstarch.
You're going to want to keep shakey cheese in stock, we'll need it for other things, believe me.
Add a shitload of pepper.
Tomato soup and rice are bland flavors, and though shakey cheese brings some salt to the party, you need a bit more to wake this thing up.
And...while I can eat this whole thing by myself...you'll probably wanna shovel it out into 2-3 regular bowls for normal humans.
This amount of matter is exactly how much it takes to make me completely full.
I'm...always hungry. :-(
Anyway, variations....
Try adding meat.
Got a left over chicken breast?
Shred that, and throw it in.
Two leftover hot dogs in the pack at the end of the week?
Dice and nuke those bad boys on a paper plate, and shovel 'em in.
Whatever you've got, and you think'll taste good.
All purpose macaroni
The thing I said about rice, and the bucket?
Get another bucket, and fill that with macaroni.
Keep it filled forever.
Do it.
All right, same big bowl you did the rice in, wash that, use it again.
Don't throw good bowls away, it's costly, and stupid.
Same as the rice, 2 cups of macaroni, water until it floats like cereal, nuke for 15 minutes, remove with potholders.
Oh, BTW, start buying olive oil margarine.
That other shit'll kill ya.
Big spoon, get it hot in the macaroni, shovel out 2-3 big scoops of the margarine into the macaroni, bust it up, and stir in the margarine until the margarine melts, and the macaroni gets slippery, and properly stir-able.
Add shakey cheese, salt, pepper.
Hold bowl with pot holder, sit in recliner, shovel into your guts with big spoon, watch Letterman.
Okay, that's the basic version.
If you want a creamy macaroni n' cheese, after the margarine stage, stir in individually wrapped processed American cheese until it melts in.
I find it takes a minimum of three slices for it to get creamy, but, you might need four.
Four and above, the fresh scalding heat from the macaroni will be used up, and you'll need to goose it with another minute in the microwave.
Add shakey cheese, salt, pepper.
Now, either of these versions, you can add hot dogs, ham, chicken, whatever you want.
I've even tried diced pepperoni a couple times, that was good.
(Nuke the pepperoni to wake it up, and get the oils moving)
Tuna works.
But, at this point, you almost have macaroni salad.
Pot pie over potatoes
Next grocery trip, stock up on a stack of those cheap little microwavable pot pies.
Red box, blue box, doesn't really matter.
Now, get a microwave-safe dinner plate.
Wash two good-sized potatoes, riddle 'em with fork holes, put 'em on the plate, nuke for 10 minutes, or, if you've got a fancy microwave, push "potato", and "2".
Remove plate with pot holder, or with bare hand very quickly, going "ow ow ow ow!".
Use sharp knife, or steak knife, whatever, cut potatoes up in a grid until it's little cubes, make sure you get both sides so the skin is all ripped up .
Mash with a fork until spread all over the plate.
Well, not ALL over, within the edges...you know what I mean...
Add margarine until it's soggy enough the powdery-ness is gone.
Add a thick coat of shakey cheese, lots of salt, pepper.
Remove a pot pie from its box, do not remove pie plate, and on a paper plate (to catch gravy spillover), nuke for 4 minutes.
Paper plate is safe to remove with your hand, but lift pot pie off plate with potholder.
Flip the pot pie onto the potatoes, make sure every bit of it comes out of the pie plate.
Sometimes, you're lucky, and it pops right out, other times, you'll have to dislodge the bottom crust with a fork.
Mash the pie up with a fork into chunks and goo, and spread all over the potatoes.
Add more salt and pepper.
Pot pies are bland, they need a goose.
Sit in recliner, shovel into guts with fork, watch Letterman.
Anyway, all of this stuff does horrible things to your dishes, so, get a dishwasher.
You're not gonna wanna deal with the aftermath.
I never do.
Property destroyed? Lives ruined?
I'm outta here!
*Cartoon dust cloud*
Anyway, enjoy.
Next time, sandwiches, and desserts.
For the holidays, they have egg nog, Boston creme pie, chocolate mint, and butter rum flavors.
They're limited, hurry up, and grab 'em.
Taste good, and nothing else in 'em.
No sugar, no calories, no nothin.
Just tasty kidney-wash.
The history-
As mentioned in the Nerds one, acid is now my Kryptonite, and soda has phosphoric acid, so, my lifetime soda-holism was a major culprit of my gout/stones, so, for my remaining psychological addiction to flavor, and fizz, I get these.
And, for the obesity and diabetes epidemic, I recommend everyone make the switch anyway.
Soda's poison. Quit.
Okay, had to have one review, cuz my labels don't cover recipes, but now, here's those....
Soup n' rice
First of all, get one of those big plastic buckets of ice cream, eat all the ice cream, wash the bucket, buy a big bag of rice, and fill the bucket.
Keep that fuckin' bucket filled forever and ever.
Okay, now that you've got your rice supply...
You're going to need a big microwavable glass bowl.
Not punchbowl big, nor popcorn big, but... definitely bigger than you would nuke one can of say, Chef Boyardee in.
About double that. Big, but not ridiculous.
But big, or this is going to spill over.
Now, shovel two cups of rice into this bowl, and put it under the tap until roughly about half an inch of water floats over the rice.
Alternately, throw in a can of chicken broth, and goose it with the water a little until the level looks right.
Nuke for 15 minutes.
Go do something, or you'll go crazy waiting.
Watch your favorite web show, or something.
Okay, rice is done?
Pull that out with potholders, it's going to be violent angry hot.
Now, get a can of tomato soup (you should always have these around, ditto the broth) dump that into a smaller microwavable bowl, add a can of water, nuke for 2 minutes, stir it until it's runny.
Now, get a big spoon, dig a "well shaft", into the rice (the soup will overflow unless you do this) along the side of the bowl, and to the bottom, pile the rice around the hole, doesn't matter.
Pour in the soup, hold other bowl with potholders if you need to.
Carefully dig into the rice with the spoon, and bust it all up, and stir it into the soup.
Now, what you should have now, is a sort of tomato-ey rice-y oatmeal consistency...stuff.
The rice will have held its heat while you nuked the soup, it doesn't matter, don't worry.
Hell, it's probably cooking the soup some more.
Now, you wanna get the runny out of it.
If you let it sit awhile, I'm sure the rice will drink up the soup a little, but, dammit, I wanna eat it NOW!
What I do is add a shitload of shakey cheese.
Fuck sprinkling, I open the wide end, and shovel a couple big spoonfuls in, and stir that in.
Shakey cheese is my cornstarch.
You're going to want to keep shakey cheese in stock, we'll need it for other things, believe me.
Add a shitload of pepper.
Tomato soup and rice are bland flavors, and though shakey cheese brings some salt to the party, you need a bit more to wake this thing up.
And...while I can eat this whole thing by myself...you'll probably wanna shovel it out into 2-3 regular bowls for normal humans.
This amount of matter is exactly how much it takes to make me completely full.
I'm...always hungry. :-(
Anyway, variations....
Try adding meat.
Got a left over chicken breast?
Shred that, and throw it in.
Two leftover hot dogs in the pack at the end of the week?
Dice and nuke those bad boys on a paper plate, and shovel 'em in.
Whatever you've got, and you think'll taste good.
All purpose macaroni
The thing I said about rice, and the bucket?
Get another bucket, and fill that with macaroni.
Keep it filled forever.
Do it.
All right, same big bowl you did the rice in, wash that, use it again.
Don't throw good bowls away, it's costly, and stupid.
Same as the rice, 2 cups of macaroni, water until it floats like cereal, nuke for 15 minutes, remove with potholders.
Oh, BTW, start buying olive oil margarine.
That other shit'll kill ya.
Big spoon, get it hot in the macaroni, shovel out 2-3 big scoops of the margarine into the macaroni, bust it up, and stir in the margarine until the margarine melts, and the macaroni gets slippery, and properly stir-able.
Add shakey cheese, salt, pepper.
Hold bowl with pot holder, sit in recliner, shovel into your guts with big spoon, watch Letterman.
Okay, that's the basic version.
If you want a creamy macaroni n' cheese, after the margarine stage, stir in individually wrapped processed American cheese until it melts in.
I find it takes a minimum of three slices for it to get creamy, but, you might need four.
Four and above, the fresh scalding heat from the macaroni will be used up, and you'll need to goose it with another minute in the microwave.
Add shakey cheese, salt, pepper.
Now, either of these versions, you can add hot dogs, ham, chicken, whatever you want.
I've even tried diced pepperoni a couple times, that was good.
(Nuke the pepperoni to wake it up, and get the oils moving)
Tuna works.
But, at this point, you almost have macaroni salad.
Pot pie over potatoes
Next grocery trip, stock up on a stack of those cheap little microwavable pot pies.
Red box, blue box, doesn't really matter.
Now, get a microwave-safe dinner plate.
Wash two good-sized potatoes, riddle 'em with fork holes, put 'em on the plate, nuke for 10 minutes, or, if you've got a fancy microwave, push "potato", and "2".
Remove plate with pot holder, or with bare hand very quickly, going "ow ow ow ow!".
Use sharp knife, or steak knife, whatever, cut potatoes up in a grid until it's little cubes, make sure you get both sides so the skin is all ripped up .
Mash with a fork until spread all over the plate.
Well, not ALL over, within the edges...you know what I mean...
Add margarine until it's soggy enough the powdery-ness is gone.
Add a thick coat of shakey cheese, lots of salt, pepper.
Remove a pot pie from its box, do not remove pie plate, and on a paper plate (to catch gravy spillover), nuke for 4 minutes.
Paper plate is safe to remove with your hand, but lift pot pie off plate with potholder.
Flip the pot pie onto the potatoes, make sure every bit of it comes out of the pie plate.
Sometimes, you're lucky, and it pops right out, other times, you'll have to dislodge the bottom crust with a fork.
Mash the pie up with a fork into chunks and goo, and spread all over the potatoes.
Add more salt and pepper.
Pot pies are bland, they need a goose.
Sit in recliner, shovel into guts with fork, watch Letterman.
Anyway, all of this stuff does horrible things to your dishes, so, get a dishwasher.
You're not gonna wanna deal with the aftermath.
I never do.
Property destroyed? Lives ruined?
I'm outta here!
*Cartoon dust cloud*
Anyway, enjoy.
Next time, sandwiches, and desserts.
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