Cereals 3!

Like I said last time...

Next time, probably all the novelty ones with fads and personalities on the box.

Well, it's not an exhaustive list of every personality/fad/thing that was ever a cereal, but here's the weird ones.

FYE Cereals

Garbage Pail Kids, Super Colon Blow (from SNL), Good Guys (from Child's Play), Bob Ross, Cap N Cooks (Breaking Bad), Nightmare Puffs (Freddy Fazbear from "Five Nights At Freddy's"), Black Panther, Fuck Flakes (Deadpool), Marvel Studios 10th Anniversary, Reptar (Rugrats),  Booty O's (WWE), Sweetums (Parks & Rec), Strawberry Smiggles (Rick & Morty), Eyeholes (Rick & Morty), Blue Eyes White Dragon (Yu Gi Oh), Plus Ultra (My Hero Academia), and Pumpkin Pete's (RWBY).

I'm betting the ones with chocolate and/or marshmallows are half decent, and the rest taste like sawdust.

And Eyeholes are actually literally candies in a cereal box.

White chocolate with green goo inside.

A shame we can't get Colon Blow and Fuck Flakes on grocery store shelves.

FYE is for hipsters, and you're preaching to the choir there.

God, everyone's apeshit for Rick & Morty and "My Hero Academia".

I like what I see of Rick & Morty when I watch it, but...it's too much like Harry Hembock, and I've done my time in the trenches with that world.

I'm like Pee-Wee at the end of "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure".

"I don't need to watch it,...I LIVED it".

Plus, the Rick & Morty audience are kind of insufferable.

The whole Szechuan Sauce brouhaha for an example. 

Maybe I'm better off Harry never took off if those are the fans I would have gotten.

Ugh.

No thanks.

Maybe I'm starting to understand why Hyla became an artistic hermit rather than submit to a big publisher.

Although! No Rick & Morty, no Lower Decks!

So, it all works out.

"My Hero Academia", looks like Dragonball meets X-Men.

I could never get into Dragonball, so I'll just watch the X-Men movies and "The Gifted".

And I dunno what the fuck RWBY is.

I bailed on anime after...*has to think*...."Samurai Champloo", was the last new one I really liked.

My tween-age self definitely would have wanted the GPK one for the box.

I don't need any of these now.

The photos are good enough.

Just knowing we live in a world where these are out there makes me happy enough.

Funko cereals 

(Also sold at FYE)

(Had to chew these up into categories to handle 'em all!)

Funko originals.

Freddy Funko, Christmas Freddy Funko, Amazing Carlos, and Bionic Bytes.

Freddy Funko is obviously their mascot character, but I'm not hip enough into the Funko scene to know who/what Amazing Carlos is.

And Bionic Bytes? 

Is that a reference to something?

*Shrugs*

Anyway, the gimmick of the Funko cereals is you get a little Funko doll inside for the prize.

So, you're really hipster-collecting the boxes and the dolls.

I'm reliably informed through several YT video taste-testers that the cereal is ass.

Bowls and spoons.

I'm just gonna show the Freddy Funko one as a generic baseline.

There's a whole rabbit whole you can go down of special character ones.

Maybe some other time.

Funko Ghostbusters cereals.

From here and here.

Yep, I'm pretty much doing this whole post to fill in the gaps once these opened the door.

Other movie based Funko cereals.

Beetlejuice, Lydia (from Beetlejuice), Knives Chau (from Scott Pilgrim), Buddy Elf (from Elf), Narwhal (from Elf), Gollum (from Lord Of The Rings), Clark Griswald (from Christmas Vacation), Cousin Eddie (from Christmas Vacation), Dr. Ian Malcolm (from Jurassic Park).

Y'know, it's a neat solution to the childhood fantasy of "did you ever want (so-and-so character) to have a cereal?".

Funko licenses everybody, and they make cereal.

Course, if they're gonna go as obscure as Knives Chau, and Mr. Narwhal, and Cousin Eddie, than why not Gozer and Vigo Ghostbuster cereals?

Or, fuck it, do a Holtzmann one for GB:ATC.

Goth-Disney Funko cereals.

Because, who are we kidding?

Goths are who's buying Disney villains, and Nightmare Before Christmas stuff.

And NBC is Disney.

It's goth-Disney.

Anyway, they are...

Evil Queen (from Snow White), Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty), Hades (Hercules), Cruella DeVille (101 Dalmatians), Ursula (Little Mermaid), Jack Skellington (NBC), Zero (NBC), and Miguel (Coco).

"Why not the heroes?".

I'm telling you, the goth kids want the bad-guys.

They're marketing to goths.

That's totally what this is.

And that's okay.

Horror movie based Funko cereals.

Freddy, Jason, Pennywise, Xenomorph, Elvira, Cthulhu, and Krampus.

Elvira gets lumped in, cuz she hosts horror movies.

Even though her movie is a comedy.

Tween-age me definitely would have wanted Freddy and Pennywise.

DC universe Funko cereals.

Batman, Batgirl, Wonder-Woman, Aquaman, Flash, Joker (Jared Leto (meh)),  Harley Quinn, and Beast Boy.

Although...I'm not sure the Beast Boy one is real.

I can only find one pic of it.

It may have been an unreleased prototype, or might even be a fake fan-made box.

I include it "just in case".

 

TV show based Funko cereals.

Super Conan (Conan O'Brien), Golden Girls, Chandler (Friends), and Castiel (Supernatural).

Is Super Conan a skit on The Conan Show?

I haven't watched in years.

Apparently, Golden Girls reruns have become a young hipster thing.

I don't get it, but okay.

Probably because millennials are fascinated with Betty White, and she's in it.

And, she's the last one.

Friends can eat my ass.

I never got into Supernatural, but I saw and appreciated the Scooby-Doo crossover episode.

Cartoon based Funko cereals.

Marvin The Martian, Scooby-Doo, Hong Kong Phooey, Captain Caveman, Tommy (Rugrats), Rick (Rick & Morty), Morty (Rick & Morty), Pickle Rick (Rick & Morty), Snowball (Rick & Morty), Meeseeks, (Rick & Morty), and Appa (Avatar: The Last Airbender).

Ugh, enough of the Rick & Morty already!

Looney Tunes gets ONE, and Rick & Morty gets FIVE!?

No, SEVEN plus Strawberry Smiggles and Eyeholes!

Jesus tapdancing Christ!!

Cereals based on toys based on other toys!!!

(If it gets any more meta, FYE will collapse into a black hole!!)

Lion-O, Mumm-Ra, Skeletor, Red Ranger, Green Ranger, and Be@rbrick.

Be@rbrick being yet ANOTHER thing that gets adapted into every character on Earth, so we're damned near to neutron star levels of meta compression!

Games based Funko cereals.

Pac-Man (he already had a goddamned cereal. A GOOD one!), MegaMan, Sonic, Freddy Fazbear (Again! But now with a toy prize), Vault Boy (Fallout), Nuka Girl (Fallout), Cuphead, Cuphead Devil.

Tween-age me would have wanted MegaMan.

Bands based Funko cereals.

Kiss, and The Struts.

....The Struts don't ring a bell.

Anyway, the prize inside is a record (LP, or CD?).

Of COURSE there's a Kiss one, Gene Simmons is a whore who'll license Kiss out to anything.

He would admit as much with a chuckle.

He's bragged that there's a Kiss condom and a Kiss coffin, so he gets you coming and going.

Oooof!

And that's all of those.

So if they make a couple new ones, I can just toss 'em on the pile now.

There's also Funko soda.

I'll do those some other time.

I thought Funko was just bobble-head dolls, but apparently, they're a whole goddamned lifestyle brand!

A nerd lifestyle, but still...

Oh!! Right! 

One other item I almost forgot.....

Ron English Cereal Killer action figures.

I've talked about Ron English here before.

Come in cereal box style boxes that he drew.

I dunno if he also sculpted the figures, but probably.

Tch, dammit, look at that, he stole my Sugar Smack idea.

Bastid.

First Rick & Morty steals Harry Hembock, now this.

So, yeah, if you're observing that all these cereals are nasty poison, Ron English has got you.

And FYE is willing to cynically sell your opinion back to you.

BUT, Ron constantly needs to be bailed out of jail for the corporate billboards he vandalizes, so you're actually supporting a good cause.

So, corporations can do good deeds by accident sometimes.

You've gotta trick 'em though.

And, that's all of that!

Phew!

See you next time for....Funko sodas, I guess.