Tuesday, July 21, 2015

QD:Season 2, Chapter 8. (Jade Shade meets Avian Louse)


Hank Stockard sat out on his porch in a rocking chair reading the latest issue of Gnat Hero Komix.

Across the street, his neighbor, Karen Stevens, started smashing her husband's shitty pickup truck.

He heard a woman who wasn't Karen mumble "attagirl", and a car drove off.

"I gotta get outta this miserable shitty town", he grumbled, as he concentrated harder on his comic.
Then, the two thoughts intersected, and inspiration struck.


JS, Commander Continuum, Excruciationizer, Sigma-Max, and Bog-Gob were on the road.

Commander's truck was getting too packed, so they had taken the wooded path back to the Den Of Seclusion house, and gotten Dr. Herbert's van.

"Hey, pull over at the next gas station, I've had this damned costume on all day, and I have to piss like a racehorse", said Boggy.

Meanwhile, at the next gas station....

Avian Louse was a man in an insect costume.
Said costume was a head to toe skin tight outfit in bright orange, with a dark brown body armor covering his torso and pelvis and segmented at the waist.

The mask of the outfit covered up his whole face except holes for the eyes, nostrils, and mouth, and over the eyes where goggles the same dark brown shade as the chest armor.
Short 6 inch antennae broken up into triangular segments and bent backward like a slicked back hairdo stuck up from the top of the goggles, and were the same orange as the non armored parts of the suit.
Over his hands, on top of the gloves of the suit, were leather gloves the same color as the chestplate and goggles, with the fingers cut off, and holes in the knuckles.

Avian Louse was sitting in an old photo booth, and his pictures had just developed.

He pulled open the door flap, stuck out his head, poked it around the corner, and grinned at the pictures popping out of the slot.

A plaque above the picture slot said "4 for a dollar".

Just then, JS and his new recruits pulled up in Dr. H's van.

Bog-Gob leapt out and startled Avian Louse.

Bog-Gob had his arms behind him holding onto the doorway of the van, and was similarly stunned to see Avian Louse.

Avian Louse leaned against the photo booth, his right hand touching the booth for stability, his left hand clutching his chest.

This pose lasted a split second, and both quickly recovered.

Avian Louse disappeared in a puff of smoke, and re-appeared behind Bog-Gob, tapped his shoulder, and disappeared again.

Boggy just said "screw this noise, I gotta piss", and ran to the bathroom.

Avian Louse re-appeared where he had been standing.

JS and the rest piled out of the van.

"How did you do that!?", JS demanded.

"Who's asking?", Avian asked.

"The Jade-Shade", JS said.

"Oh, shit, you're the dude from that blog! I've been reading about you!".

JS fidgeted.

"Gotta say, that chapter describing Lentilville was awfully angry and bitter, and the one where you first meet Chokecherry was awkward and clunky as Hell, and that one with the Funster got way too dark for my tastes. Lotta jarring tone shifts. Your writer really sucks".

JS shook his head, and said "yeah, that stuff's pretty bad, it's hurting my image, I've really gotta get around to killing that guy someday".

Avian Louse disappeared and re-appeared a few more times before saying "holograms and smoke pellets, if you really wanna know. I'm Avian Louse by the way".

"Like...the lice on birds? Odd choice", JS retorted.

"Whaddya mean? It's perfect! A bird louse is a parasite, but it hitches a ride, and flies up above everyone. All the presidents and dictators, and CEOs. It totally throws a monkey wrench in all variants of conservative Social Darwinist bullshit. I'm all about that!", Avian said proudly while pointing to himself with a thumb.

"Can I take it you're auditioning for the team?", JS asked casually.

"Hells yeah!!".

"You're hired".

Avian started shaking everyone's hands and receiving introductions.

Boggy came out of the restroom adjusting his outfit, and wondering what the hell had just transpired.

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