So, my thing on The Soska Sisters made me go down a rabbit hole of old links, and I found this old rant that made me cringe at the front of "The Worst Of The Worst".
It made me cringe in exactly the same way as my one for "Dogma" so I really have to tackle it, and make it the sequel.
So, here we go....
I think I've seen juuust about all of the forbidden movies that'll destroy your mind, ruin your life, send you to the asylum, deform your fetus, turn your toddlers into delinquents, curdle your milk, etc, etc, etc....and I'm back from the blackhole without a scratch on me.
So far, so good.
And....I can happily report...*drumroll*....it's bullshit!
There is no movie out there that will fucking hurt you!
Doesn't exist.
It's like the fucking Boogey Man, the Tooth Fairy, shit like that.
Can't happen.
Isn't fucking possible.
They're lying to you.
Yep. The reputation of a lot of horror movies is their own ghost story.
Outrage-police end up being unpaid PR.
The liberal bed-wetters, the conservative Bible-thumpers, they're all cowards, and liars, and ridiculous fools, every last fucking one.
I don't care what their fluffed up reputation is.
Everyone that was ever on the censorship scaremongering warpath, their arguments are dust.
Yeah, this gets a bit too cringe and fist-shakey.
Course, in Britain, the censor police actually censored.
I think the libertarian dickweeds had me genuinely scared it could happen here and 12 years ago because of their gamergate crap.
Gamergate didn't spring to life until 2014, one year later, but the storm was brewing.
They're. Just. MOVIES!
Get. Over. It.
So...are any of 'em good?
Yeah, some.
Here we go!
Not too horrible, but it gets worse.
The rant basically takes over the "Last House On The Left" review.
It's only a movie.
It's only a movie.
It's only a movie.
It's only a movie.
Yes, that was the tagline.
I'll admit, this one effected the hell out of me when I first saw it.
Y'know what fixed it?
Watching it again.
Yup.
No matter how much a movie has ever scared me, or lingered with me, I've never blamed the movie, I've never been angry at the movie, or its creators.
I've never once had the quark, of an atom, of the impulse, of the thought, of "they oughtta ban these movies!!".
Never happened.
Not in my life.
*Shrug* go figure.
Yup.
Even when I was little, and frigging "Poltergeist", scared the shit out of me.
Yup.
Banning shit always seemed like a victim type thing to do.
I didn't ever want to be a victim, I wanted to be strong.
Like my superheroes.
Okay, this is where it gets dumb like a libertarian Youtube video.
I wanted to be able to look at a murder scene, and not puke, like an experienced cop.
I wanted to never cry again, like I thought my dad never cried.
Or, like how Conan never cried.
That's what I thought adulthood was.
When did it stop being that?
I didn't get the memo.
Okay, I was 37 sounding this stupid, but Adam Carolla is fucking 61 and sounds dumber than this.
Joe Rogan is fucking 57 sounding dumber than this.
I think I'm evolving along pretty well compared to those dogfood-brained dingbats.
Lets cut this up line by line.
I wanted to be able to look at a murder scene, and not puke, like an experienced cop.
That shit isn't strength.
And lack of it isn't weakness.
But, I was marinated in a fucking machismo American culture.
Even the lefties puked it at me.
George Carlin bemoaned macho prick-waving culture with one breath, and bemoaned "pussification" with the next breath.
Pretty easy to get confused when you're literally getting it from all sides.
I wanted to never cry again, like I thought my dad never cried.
Dad cried plenty.
Sly Stallone bawled like a baby when Mickey died in Rocky 3.
And I bawled exactly that hard when Margaret died.
It shames me not one bit.
Or, like how Conan never cried.
Conan was a trauma victim.
Everyone back then had PTSD and died before 40.
That's what I thought adulthood was.
You were wrong. You were lied to by the exact same people who lied about the horror movies.
It's all part of the same okey-doke.
When did it stop being that?
Never was.
America just re-elected a man-baby for president.
And the libertarian douche-bros love him just fine.
I didn't get the memo.
The first memo about being Conan was the fake one.
I couldn't fathom wanting to be weak.
Much less, being proud of it.
It wasn't even a "macho", thing, I just thought, that's what you buck up, and fucking do.
No, it was a macho thing.
Libertarians preach macho shit, then dress it up in false stoic humility.
Stoic humility is macho shit.
"Bearing up" under oppression says that "this is just the way thing are, and always will be" and that's chicken-shittery.
That's bootlicking.
Libertarians put on a good show of shaking their fists at authority, but that "stoic humility" switch snaps on whenever the boss walks in.
I had some years ahead before seeing how fake this libertarian crap was.
I was buying the "rugged individualist" bullshit at face value, and striving for it.
To paraphrase Captain Burnham, fascist courage is painted rust.
This rant applies to all of 'em coming up, BTW.
I can't fathom the mind that thinks "a free society harms!! Take away our freedom!!".
That's a libertarian strawman copied almost verbatim from the idiots I was listening to.
Conservative censors don't care fuck all about harm, or children, or any of the crap they say.
And liberal censors are backdoor conservatives.
Show me a "Democrat" that wants to censor shit, and I'll show you someone whose other policy positions line up with Republicans.
I just can't get inside that mind, and identify with it at all.
It's an alien planet to me.
Boggles me.
*Shrug*
It doesn't exist.
Censorship is completely a conservative project, and it only cares about power.
No, I could see especially weak (and stupid) children reacting that way, but grown adults?
No.
You're not one in my book, if you're like that.
You're just not.
I write you off.
You're gone.
You're so small, I can't see you.
You're a speck.
Again, they don't exist.
It's an act.
In wrestling terms "a work".
Icky horror movies were never even the point.
They're the tip of the spear to censor political speech next, and it's always leftist speech they want shut down. No one's ever burning "Mein Kampf" "Turner Diaries" Ayn Rand, Anne Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, or The Bible.
What I'm really fed up with, is a society that takes these pathetic creatures seriously.
No, just like the fainting couch thing is a work, the people that listen to them are in on the work.
It's all an elaborate concern troll.
So!! That horseshit being dismantled; now to unpack my quest for finding cosmic meaning in these shitty old horror flicks and edge-lord comedies.
Pointless and doomed in hindsight.
I should have been looking for nourishment in my art, but I mistook edge-pushing as freedom, and edge-push-freedom for nourishment.
A common mistake.
A common American mistake, anyway.
Again, in this country you're surrounded with a culture that bludgeons you with it.
Nine times out of ten, the "I'm a champion of free speech!" schtick out of these filmmakers is another work, and they only care about their own fame, and legacy, and money.
They're as huckster-ish as the censors.
It's all a carnie hustle.
But seeing it's all a carnie hustle, and not thinking the carnie hustle is awesome, and part of "the American dream" makes me the kind of "leftist radical" the censors really want to silence.
Ironically, while I was spouting libertarian horseshit, and pimping horror trash, I was probably their ideal kinda guy.
You don't see the censors going after Trump's crassness and vulgarity.
No, they love his shit.
I went off on a second rant at the end of the post, but it boils down to this.
A work of make-believe can't be evil.
It just can't.
That's as much saying you think a boogeyman from a book can peel off his page, and get you.
And, that really is child-minded.
No one believes that.
They say it, but it's bullshit.
You'll never hear it about Ayn Rand.
No, it's always "Heather has two mommies".
Censorship is a conservative project.
You never have to dig deep to find it.
This whole saga of "toughening myself up for the baddest of bad horror movies" thing was one long bark up the wrong fucking tree.
The wrong exit on the interstate.
If I wanted to know about horror, I should have been boning up on Twilight Zone, Hitchcock, and Poe.
But, the siren song of edge-lord-ism was pretty damned strong in 2013.
Its pretty much ripped its mask all the way off as fascist now.
I struggle to think of any of these "free speech absolutist" assholes who hasn't gone MAGA.
I kick myself for falling into it, but there's no magic rulebook for avoiding it, or dislodging yourself from it.
If there is, its kept from you.
Yeah, our crummy culture works very hard to blind you.
The conservative half, at least.
But, its power isn't omnipotent.
Trump is calling in the goon squads because people see through his bullshit.
Puts it all in perspective.
We'll see how all that goes.
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