Wednesday, September 9, 2015

QD:Season 2, Chapter 16. (Chokecherry vs. Mage-Shiv (Round 2))

Sometime in the 1990's.

An obnoxious hack by the name of Aaron Snowe gave the right person a blowjob, and broke into the comics industry.

There, he wrote and drew issue after horrible issue featuring characters with giant guns that made no engineering sense, lots of pouches all over their costumes, women with broken spines, exposed vulvae, and anatomically disadvantageous balloon breasts.
Also, everyone male or female had tiny fucked up feet.

Somehow, readers lapped this up.

Then, he went on to found his own company called Visage.

With his ensuing riches, he bought the original movie prop sword from the Galaxic Gladiator movie, and then snagged a gold-digging leggy supermodel wife named Lana Alice Nichole, whom he based a character on, whom he then gave her own spin-off title, and had her cosplay as that character constantly.
The name of that character was Mage-Shiv.

One day, Aaron Snowe died under mysterious circumstances, found impaled on the Galaxic Gladiator sword.

Alice/Mage-Shiv became a rich woman.

And a hated and divisive figure in fandom.

When the ire among the convention community got too hot to handle, she randomly decided to horn in on the real life superhero movement.

She proceeded to team up with (read "dangerously shoved herself into the middle of fights of") The Legion Of Liberty, Zomberella, Grave Thief, The Haziness, Psycho Nun, Honey Badger, Excruciationizer, Orange Emma, Nomoe, Beady-Eyed Weasel-Face, Demoe, Dim Bulbs, Mistress Kill, Grimkyde, Chrome Canoeist, Chrysothemis, Corpse Biker, Prodigious Mass, Dr. Oddball, Unassailable, Sire, Ferocious Wyvern (a Prodigious Mass clone without the cancer), Gulff, Brood 64, Feral D.O.G.S., The Mostestt, Jujitsu Salamanders, Osseus, Sick-Puppy, Fucking-Demise, Interlopers In Utopia, Shitbrat, Chimp Guy & O'Mally, Reggie's Gang, and through Honey-Badger's connections, Astro Gallop.

And among the villains she "fought", were Hotdog Head, Pussyface, Dorian Grey, Dracula, Frankenstein, Mr. Hyde, Wolfman, and Uranus Invaders.

During all of this, via incompetence, affairs, drama, manipulation, all around bitch-itude, and just plain being a jinx, she caused the breakup of teams, the frustrated retirement of individual heroes, and even death, both in battle, and by suicide.

After the smoke cleared, the only ones left standing were Legion Of Liberty, Excruciationizer, Astro Gallop, and Prodigious Mass.
And Prodigious Mass died later at the hands of JS, and Astro Gallop were really just convention geeks representing their show, and had their own separate little genre world to tend to.

Then, at the same time as all of this, the comics industry collapsed.

So, essentially, the superhero movement died out, and had to be rebuilt almost from scratch 20 years later by JS.

Just as Captain Descrambler blew it during the baby-boomer generation, Mage-Shiv was the symbol of how the Gen-Xers blew it.

Two strikes...

All of this is why Chokecherry hated Mage-Shiv's rotten stinking guts.
She'd done her homework.

July 3rd, 2014.
Lentilville Crossing, the complex that was home to Bradford, Hannalees, and Lovely's.

Chokecherry looked down at Mage-Shiv's beaten and bloodied body in the dumpster behind the donut shop.

It had been a glorious battle.
And Chokie hadn't gotten a scratch on her.
Mage-Shiv really sucked at this.
How she'd done so much damage in her day could only be chocked up to the weakness and stupidity of the X-ers, she (correctly) assumed.

Mage-Shiv was covered in the various frostings and fillings of squashed thrown out donuts and pastries.

Chokie fished out a blueberry filled, and mushed it into her bloody, toothless, open moaning mouth to muffle her.

Two days ago, Excruciationizer stupidly and obliviously invited her to their big party.
That had been the last straw.
Corrective measures had to be taken.
And now they had been.

Chokie slammed the dumpster shut.

She noted that it was an Advanced Leavings Disposal Company brand dumpster.
The same kind her and Jadie had consummated their first "date", behind.
She was flooded with warm memories, and blushed.

As she went to leave, she saw dried muddy tire tracks heading from a back trailer entrance, and a dropped business card glued down by the mud.
She picked it up, and it read "World Wide Wands- quality dildonic products since 1863".

She looked, and the trailer entrance was in the back of Bradford.
They were a family department store, not a sex toy dealer.
"Well...that's fucked up", she muttered aloud.

Maybe this was a case for the team.
Or, maybe she was just being paranoid, and the truck driver just liked things to put up his ass, and wanted the phone number and web link handy.

She shrugged, slipped the card into her purse anyway, and left on the Cherry-sicle.

Seconds after she left, an employee of the donut shop came out for his smoke break.

He had with him a vanilla latte which he only drank half of, and tossed into the dumpster without raising the lid high enough to look in and see Mage-Shiv.

The latte splashed all over her head.

The employee's name tag read "Johnny".

As we walked from the dumpster, back towards work, he shook his head, and grumbled "donuts are WAR".


B. D. said...

"Visage"....a reference to the band that did "Fade To Grey," the original "New Romantic" song from 1980?

I like the idea of the guy throwing away his half-finished drink at the end. I hate when people do that.

Is the comic-book artist guy you trash at the beginning based on that one guy Josh Martin used to trash, that drew people with impossibly over-muscled bodies?

Diacanu said...

Rob Liefeld, yes.

Diacanu said...

Oh, and I don't know if this was too subtle or not, but Johnny the donut man was/is Johnny from "Johnny's War".

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