Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Gorge-athon (Part 11)

Rub-a-dub-dub, here's the rest of the grub....

Chocolate chip cookie dough!

The food-

Really ought to be its own food group.

Oh...I have a hard time deciding which is my favorite between Pillsbury, and Toll House....they both have their good points, each does something the other doesn't....

Why choose? Get a log of both.

The history-

Now, in my house, as a kid, I was never allowed to go to town on a whole tube, it was like this guilt trip of "oh, if you eat all the dough, we won't have any cookies, and then, won't you be sad?".

Oh, my, what a fucking crime, head for the hills.

So, I'd get one slice of dough, the rest had to be cooked.
Cuz, we were so fucking poor, dough was as precious as gold!
At least, that was the vibe I was given.

Yeah, well, I've since done the math, and I could have been having all the goddamned dough I wanted.

And now, eating dough logs is a normal human behavior.
Fuck, it's an ice cream topping!
Well, howcome in the early 80's, the same behavior was supposed to turn you into some kind of reprobate?

I think everything I was told was probably bullshit.
Best to write it all off.

Dough Boys

The food-

"Fried dough", my ass, they're fucking dough boys.

If I travel the world, I'm not changing.
Dough boys here, dough boys now, dough boys forever.

The history-

One time, at Fryeburg Fair, there was a hornet infestation, and they got in all the cotton candy, and the candied apples, and all the dough boy toppings.

They got DRUNK off the dough boy toppings.

I fought them over it, and won.
I want my fucking lemon pie filing, and Bavarian cream, dammit.
Ain't no hornets gonna stop me.
I ain't no pussy, I'll fight and kill MONSTERS for a goddamned good dough boy.
Think it's bluster?
Watch me!


The food-

Their core is ice cream, but they have everything, and they come to your house like the milkman.

Here's their site.

The history-

Ahh...I miss it.
Bagel dogs, sausage biscuits, buckets of ice cream, those chocolate covered raspberry filled bars...*drool, gurgle*.

Dad fired the Schwan man for some reason.
Never forgiven him.

Chunky (1930's-present)

The candy-

Peanuts, raisins, simple, delicious.

The history-

Ah, them were the at Shop N' Save, sneaking off, grabbing  and buying a Twinkie, or a Chunky, eating 'em out in the car, and sneaking back in.

Dunno why I sneaked...I dunno...grew up being told "no", all the time, so even when I had money, it felt like people were gonna try to stop me somehow.
I'm all kinds of fucked up....

Moritz Ice Cubes 

The candy-

Y'know those Listerine strips that vanish on your tongue?
Imagine that property, but applied to chocolate.

*Drool, gurgle*

The history-

I can inhale a bag of these.
I know, I've actually done it.
And yes, it is like being enveloped in pure bliss.

Bugles n' Chex Mix

The foods-

Someone out there reading this is going to have one, or both of these at their Thanksgiving spread, for damned sure.
I'm certain of it.

They're good enough on their own, but check out all the crazy flavor variations...

Bugles at Amazon.

Chex Mix at Amazon.

Awww...get a load of those Muddy Buddies!! *Drool*
Yes, they're crack....

The history-

Good ol' 1st Stop has alla those!

Giant Gummy Bear!

The candy-

It's actually a juicy, flavorful, delicious gummi.
Every time I ever had anything giant, it was always made of cheap shit.
This is really the good stuff, even better IMHO, than Haribo gummi.

Here's where you can get yours...

Giant gummi bear at Amazon.

That's the cherry, but down on the little "customers also bought", strip, are all the rest.
Different flavors are different prices.

I've seen there's also a 25 pounder out there with a candy dish in its belly.
That's...too much.

The history-

Had one of these for my 37th birthday.
Dunno why, just something I had to do.
My last hurrah with candy, I guess.

Thought it would get rid of my gummi craving once and for all.
All it did was get rid of my pineapple gummi craving.
Now, I want green apple.
And cherry cola.

I gave away big hunks of it to all the kids that came, and, they helped me wittle it down to half of the face.
I can't imagine having over enough people to decimate the 25 pounder.

Okay, so, that's that, now, these following links are awesome, and bring me nostalgic joy....

A tribute to discontinued cereals.

A tribute to fallen sodas.

...and, that's the end!

Tomorrow, Thanksgiving!!!

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