Pumpkin spice season: Part 2. (MC #7)

Yep, more pumpkin stuff.
Part 1 was meals.
Now we're on to snacks and desserts.


Stuff to pour into a bowl, and grab.

Taffy Shop Taffy.

Yep, I've had this flavor.
From the same people that brought you chicken & waffles taffy.

Now, ages ago, Wal-Mart had a pumpkin pie taffy, and it was in the cheap-shit bin, and it was fucking incredible.
Never saw it ever again.
Never been able to find a replacement.

Taffy Shop's is pretty damned good though.
But, it's more on the pumpkin side than the spice side.
The Wal-Mart kind was spicier.
But, the Wal-Mart kind is extinct, so I'll take what I can get.

Taffy Shop is the Jelly Belly of Taffy.
Their flavors are pretty goddamned awesome.

Well, actually, here they all are....

Might wanna open that in another tab to magnify it big enough to read.
They've changed some of the names since I got them last.

The Christmas before my 40th birthday, I had some.
They were...

-Pumpkin pie/spice
-Popcorn
-Candy corn
-Red candy apple

Pretty sure those were the ones.
I should have written them down at the time.
I'm dead certain on all of them but popcorn.
But, when I close my eyes, I can taste it, so I'm gonna trust my tongue.

Red candy apple was my favorite, actually.
Of that batch.
It's red cherry on the outside, green apple in the center.
Goddamn, those were good.

Y'know? The candy corn was surprisingly good!
It doesn't taste waxy like real candy corn, it tastes like the flavors candy corn is supposed to have.
Y'know how you go without tasting candy corn for years, and you imagine what it tastes like, and it always lets you down, and it's a trap?
Get the taffy version.
That tastes like your imagination of candy corn.
They finally did it.
Someone finally fixed candy corn.
It had to be taffy.
Who knew?

Then, for the following summer, on my 40th birthday, I had...

-Blueberry muffin.
-Cinnamon roll/bun.
-Chicken & waffles.
-Xtreme hot/caliente cayenne.
-Frosted cupcake/birthday cake.
-Red velvet cake/batter.

I wrote it down that time.
Knew it would come in handy.
My favorite of that batch were cinnamon bun, followed by chicken & waffles, followed by blueberry muffin.
Red velvet was just all right.
Cayenne knocked the snot out of my sinuses, and I had to eat them sparingly.
Birthday cake just tasted like frosting, and...I stopped wanting to eat bowls of pure frosting at 12.

That summer was brutally hot, and the taffies kept almost melting, so I had to keep them in the fridge. Then they got all hard, and had to be thawed for a minute or so to be soft again. Very cumbersome and annoying.

Of all of the ones I've tried, I think the candied apple is still the champion.

Anyway, I still want to try-

-S'mores
-Caramel apple
-Cookie dough
-Cran raspberry
-Creamsicle
-Eggnogg
-Apple pie
-Maple bacon
-Peanut butter & jelly
-Carrot cake
-Strawberry cheesecake
-Spearmint (doesn't always have to be fancy)


Caramels.

My grandfather used to have bags of the classic plain hard candy ones lying around.
I used to steal big handfuls, and stuff my pockets, and bring them to school, and give them to the girl who sat in front of me in math.

My ass was broke, so that's all I could give her.
Stolen Werther's and showing her my Harry cartoons.

She was the one in my Dr. Giggles story.
She's also the one I found out died 5 years ago. (turns out not so much)

Gramp's gone now too.

I hope this doesn't seem like a downer.
It's not.
I remember the good times.
I'm not like Edgar Allen Poe, my dead people don't haunt me.

They're not Halloween ghosts.
Although, being a Halloween freak, that would be cool.
And it would fit with this whole pumpkin theme.
But, no....

Maybe I should grab a bag of those pumpkin Werther's to take my taste-buds down memory lane.
Hmmm...

I should fire up "Doctor Giggles", for old time's sake too.
And "The Gate II", I remember her recommending that one.
I remember that one had that everything you magically wished for literally turned into a pile of shit after. That's some fun shi...uh, stuff. *smirk* Heh.


M&M's.

I would probably drink these like water, and grow to 600 pounds.
Best to avoid.

These used to be on the evil palm oil list.
You've gotta watch those supply chains.


Candy corn

Yeah, I had to have these for symmetry with the candy corn taffy up top.

I wish I could sample just 5-6 pieces, it would suck to have the whole bag come in the mail, and then they turn out to suck.
Cuz, you always risk that with candy corn.


Almonds.

Something that grows from the ground?!?!?!

Noooooooo!!!!!

Nah, bring it on.
I was always the least fussy kid ever when it came to Halloween treats.
Sure, I worshiped Reese's cups and Snickers like everybody, but I'd gladly gobble up peanuts, raisins, Smarties, Necco Wafers, circus peanuts.
Only things that made me grimace were candy corn and licorice, and I'd force those suckers down too.
The media scared me away from Halloween apples though.
Even though the bullshit of needles and razors in apples never fucking happened.
It was just Christians trying to ruin Halloween with fear.
Like they do everything.
I've mentioned religion makes me puke, right?
Okay then.

Anyway, I was raised right, I'm not fraidy-skeered of fruits, or veggies, or nuts.
Fussy people drive me up  a fucking wall.
Well, I eat lobster, muthafucka.
It don't get much more real than that.
Some nuts in a can aren't gonna fuck up my Halloween.


Popcorn.

Popcorn is that one all-natural food that gets to pretend it's a processed food.
People with shit upbringings with shit nutrition who grew up on processed shit, and candy, and Kool-Aid, and who will recoil from a celery stalk like Dracula from a cross, will still happily eat popcorn.
Popcorn gets to hang out with the chips and dips, so it tricks people.

Popcorn is the double-agent of foods.
You go, popcorn.

Mmm, that pumpkin-corn has pumpkin seeds.
See, extra touches like that are pure class.


Palm-sized treats.

Kit-Kat.

In Japan, they have more Kit-Kat flavors than Taffy Shop has taffy flavors.
They have a lot of shit we don't get over here.
And some flavors you don't WANT here, like Durian.
Blecchh!


Cookie straws.

Starbucks!?!?
Goddammit!

Anyway, this is one of those treats they try to get all pretentious about.
You have to hold them daintily, and bite them daintily, and savor them elegantly, and only have one a week to keep your skeleton figure, and listen to Mozart and stare at a Van Gogh painting while you nibble this decadent confection over the course of 5 hours.

Fuck that, they're cookies, grab a handful, and snarf 'em.

NOM!!!


Rice Krispies Treats.

Son of a bitch!!!!!!!

*Eats the whole cereal aisle with chainsaw sounds*

Fuck!!! I missed!!! They're in the cookie aisle!!!

*Eats whole cookie aisle with chainsaw sounds*

Fuck!!! They moved them to an end cap!!!

*Misses the end cap, eats an old lady, her granddaughter, and their cart*
*Sparks fly off the cart before it yields, and breaks apart, and grinds up*

Ohhh....that old lady was full of opiates and laxatives, I don't feel so good....

*Pukes and shits simultaneously*
Blaaahhhhh!!!!!!! PPPPPTTTT!!!!
Blaaahhhhh!!!!!!! PPPPPTTTT!!!!
Blaaahhhhh!!!!!!! PPPPPTTTT!!!!

Phew!!! 
Hey, now I've got more room!
Hey, Rice Krispies treats!!!
*Finally eats the end cap*


Little Debbie rolls.

I've spoken of Little Debbie previously.

She heroically took up the slack when Hostess went into hibernation in what turned out to be an act of blood-thirsty corporate union-busting.

Fuck you, Hostess, and fuck everyone who hates unions.
They aren't perfect, but they're the only weapon we have against the abuses of fat-cat scum.
Short of Molotov cocktails, but it shouldn't have to get to that.

In USA, Twinkie eats you!!


Whoopie pies.

Yep, all this other shit, you have to wait until fall.
But here in Maine, the pumpkin whoopie pies are year round.

And can be acquired at our various variety stores and gas stations.


Goo.

Dip mix.

Oh, fucking yum!!
Instead of a savory dip for chips, it's a sweet dip for cookies you make with cream cheese and whipped cream, and the powder.

Why...I bet it would make good whoopie pie filling!!!


Jell-O pudding.

If Jell-O had brain one in their heads, they'd bring back pudding pops, and make this a flavor.
They don't apparently.

Y'know who else doesn't have brain one?
Hostess for going after unions in a such a dirty slimy way that fucked the consumers as much as the employees.
Fuck you, Hostess.
*Spit*

Sorry you got caught in the crossfire, Jell-O.
And Little Debbie.
Apologies to both.


So, that's snacks and desserts.
Next, bed, bath, and beyoooond!!


Previously-

• Munchies & Crunchies!! (MC #1)
• Ghosts of tummy-aches past. (MC #2)
• Chicken shit!! (MC #3)
• Maine stuff. (MC #4)
• Not-Maine stuff. (MC #5)
• Pumpkin spice season: Part 1. (MC #6)