Opening an 80's time capsule. (MM #119)

An old posters and knick-knacks catalog from 1984 that I kept around for some reason.
I always wanted to blog this, but could never find an excuse, but 35 years and four months (it's an April issue) is a good enough justification.
Plus, I think watching "Mandy", got me thinking about it.

So, after two hours of goddamned scanning, let's do this thing!


AA Graphics 1984.
Posters and other magical gifts.

So, we start with the cover.
And for the first time in all these decades, I realize, that wizard's left thumb is all fucked up.
Everything else is just about perfect, but that artist just can't handle thumbs.

You can see when you zoom in, 35 years have made this thing all beat to shit.
I cared for my old stuff better than most people though.
Hell, most people would have thrown it the fuck away.
Not me, I know from Antiques Roadshow, aging things makes them become treasure.

April of '84, Ghostbusters hadn't come out yet, or there'd be GB logos all through this thing.

Anyway, I've scoured Google, and this company is defunct, and hasn't left a trace.
I think I'm safe from copyright claims.


Well, I guess let's start with the posters.
Most of it is movie posters, and celebrity posters, and there's a He-Man poster that's the image from the first issue of the mini-comic that came with the guys.
Everyone's seen that, haven't they?
Well, I assume, but if you're not an 80's kid, maybe ya haven't.
Anyway, I think I even had that poster in my room at the time.

He-Man being he big deal and not Ghostbusters tells me it's just before that hit the world like an a-bomb.
Cuz that logo was on everything.


Anyway, the commonality of a lot of those images is why I didn't scan all of it.
Ones that stick out though as pure 80's, and as famous images, are the girls.

Here's Heather Thomas showing off her..uh...pet moose knuckle.

Here's Bo Derek just before being washed like a horse.
*Snicker*

And here's Suzanne Sevareid giving her pet towel a place to nap on her shoulders.

I got these off Google so they'd be crisper images.
Out of the catalog, they'd have printer dots all thorough 'em.

Anyway, yeah, blended in with the movie posters and celebrity posters were softcore porn for teenage boys.
Cuz, 80's.


What really jump out as pure 80's though, were these artsy-fartsy ones for girls.

Yeeeaaah, now THAT'S 80's!
Pay attention, future set decorators of "Stranger Things", ripoffs!
This is the real stuff from 1984, not someone faking it in photoshop.

This stuff made me cringe at its garishness as a kid, but now...it's the only time capsule you've got of unique art of the time that set its style.

Girl's stuff had that style.
Boy's stuff was just robots, and rockets, and movie shit that you can still get now.
No style!
Girly shit had all the 80's style!
So, that's mostly what I scanned, to show off that style.

Oh, holy shit, yeah, this is more like it!
Unicorns and pegusii out the ass!
Third row down from the top, left side, you've got a goddamned metallic unicorn running along a laser grid!
That's something right out of fucking "Moonbeam City", or the credits to "Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol 2"!!


I'm sure you could get these images on a Trapper Keeper too.
Speaking of Trapper Keepers, lets look at stickers.

"Mello Smello", stickers.
Cuz you couldn't say "scratch n' sniff", cuz they were a fucking brand that could fucking sue you.
Fuck you, scratch n sniff.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Zoom in on the art, its got that Trapper Keeper girl's bedroom 80's style to it.
Again, set decorators, art department, pay heed.
Gotta get this shit right.
I'll notice.
Then I'll tell my friends.
It'll snowball.
Get that shit right!
Goddammit!

Foods.
But not Scratch n sniff.
Oh, sorry, I meant "mellow smellow".
*Eyeroll*

I saw these!
Sweetser fucking had these!
They had 'em by the fucking gross!
They used them as "good job", stickers on our papers!
Hey, I bet you couldn't call that peanut butter cup a peanut butter cup.
Or the Twinkie a Twinkie.
Well, notice they aren't wrapped.
And somebody sucked the text off those Lifesavers.
Goddamned lawyers.

Hot air balloons.
Sweetser had these too.
There was nowhere you could put that giant blue one where it didn't get in the way of everything.

Sweetser had these too, but I never took to 'em for some reason.
The ones I took to, but aren't in this catalog, were vikings and monsters, and you could arrange 'em so they were fighting.

I think these spaceships turned me off, because like the foods, they were so obviously dancing around copyright.
Top right, and bottom left, come on, those are clearly copyright safe X-Wing ripoffs.
I didn't want ripoffs, I wanted real Star Wars, goddammit.

Still, hindsight being 20-20 I should have stolen a few sheets of 'em as a time capsule so I'd have more than just the catalog pics.
Them, and the viking ones.
They wouldn't have missed them, cuz again, they had 'em by the fucking gross.
Hell, by the pallet, probably.

Some goofy ones to keep people out of your Trapper Keeper, or little sisters out of your room.
Did any of this shit ever work?
Once you put up signs and stickers like this, that made everyone want to snoop even more.
I like the monster guy in the box.
I would've loved that one for my Trapper as a kid.

Sickenengly adorable animals for little girls, and sensitive boys.
I'm sure things like this are still around, but the way they're drawn is an 80's thing.
There's a whole Hallmark card, Carebears, Mon-Chi-Chis, Shirt Tails, Get Along Gang aesthetic that was going around that everyone was copying off into infinity.

Stained glass windows?
Definitely not something that made it out of the 80's.
These had a specific target audience.
Only your mom, or your nerdy big sister who had a separate diary for sad poems liked these.
Mom took the rainbow, the strawberry, the flower, and the butterfly.
Nerdy big sis took the toadstool, the unicorn, and the owl.

Mom and sis fought over the seagull and the fish.
Sis got the seagull.
Mom got even by hiding sis's retainer in the dishwasher.
Sis got even by replacing mom's birth control pills with Smarties.
That's how you were born.
And that's the origin story.
*Smirk*


Okay, that's all the paper shit, now for I guess what's meant by "magical gifts".

80's fridge magnets.
Magnets were a thing since...the refrigerator was a thing.
80's took 'em to an artform.
I'm sure you can still get all kinds of weird magnets out there, but this is where it started.
Here's foods.
I guess where there's foods inside the fridge, they thought it would be cute to remind you on the outside what that weird magic metal box was for.
Once you figured that out, and got it open, then there needed to be a note on each food item saying "put this inside tummy!".
Course, if you're that far gone, you'd probably just eat the magnets.

Capsule Critters.
Do they still make these?
Pretty sure they still make these.

Belts n' shoelaces.
The only clothing items on offer.
I think this shit might be making a comeback thanks to "Stranger Things".
Again, the girly shit had all the style.

You'd think they'd make, I dunno, green skulls on a black background, or explodey clouds with "zap!", and "pow!", for boys, or...something.
Nope, boys that wanted style were considered fags, so we got generic shit.
Until you were a teenager, then you could decorate the shit out of your denim jacket with heavy metal band logos.
Oh, 80's.
*Head shake*


Finally, art supplies.

I had both of these!!
Up top, a bunch of colored pencil leads that hooked together centipede style into a whole pencil, and you could pop it apart, and put the lead you wanted up front.

Down bottom, a colored pencil with multiple leads stored away like a bullet clip on the side.

Both were cumbersome, but I gotta say, I think the clip style was slightly sturdier than the centipede style.
There's no way these made it out of the 80's.

The 80's were obsessed with trying to Swiss Army Knife every tool on Earth somehow, and I was a nerdy kid who wanted to feel like Inspector Gadget, so I grabbed all this shit.

Pretty sure my mother got these for either a birthday or a Christmas right out of this goddamned catalog!
That, and the He-Man poster.
Heaven forbid I get the Heather Thomas one.
*Sad sigh*

Rainbow pencil.
Pretty sure if not this exact thing, things like it are still around.
Rainbow pens, markers, crayons.
It's a persistent idea.

And unlike scratch n sniff, no one's tried to own the words "rainbow pencil".

Designer pencils.
Y'know? I think I had the penguins, and the rainbow spectrum ones.
I think Ma got herself the teddy bears and the hearts.

As with the belts, and the shoelaces, and everything else, it was hard to be stylish as a boy.
Later on, toy companies realized they had an untapped market, and started putting Optimus Prime, and He-Man, and Star Wars on pencils.
But it was like, 86-87 by then.
Too little, too late, 80's!
Bad, 80's, bad!
*Hits the 80's with a rolled up newspaper*


Anyway, that's the greatest hits of the 80's flavored goodness from that catalog.
Hope you enjoyed it.
I might scan some other stuff out of there.
There isn't much more left, but there's a few things I could do.
If you want!
Only if you want!


Previously-

• Parts #1-90.
• Parts #91-100.
• Parts #101-110.
• Crisis On Infinite Earths update. (MM #111)
• Splitting out TV and home video. (MM #112)
• Crisis On Infinite Earths update #2. (MM #113)
• Batman, Batwoman, and the whole gay thing. (MM #114)
• Twisted Christmas! (Part 4)!! (MM #115)
• Ghostbusters: What's Not Canon. (MM #116)
• Ghostbusters 2020 set pics. (MM #117)
• "Mandy", sucks. (MM #118)