Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Revenge Of Son Of Boob Tube

Yeah, let's finish these off....

The Big Bang Theory

All right, last time I brought this one up, I really didn't dig into the guts of why this show bugs me.
If you're a fan, just skip over this.

After you've (at least this is my experience) tasted the joys of dark shows like "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia , or "Louie", you...really can't go back to censored, laugh-track-y, formula-written, cutesie little network sitcoms.

I mean...you CAN...but you've really gotta be rewarded for your efforts, and....there's no payout for me.

Basic cable is edgy, it's meeting all my entertainment needs as an angry cynical guy, what have you done for me lately, network TV?
Step it up, or go away.

Secondly....I've actually sat down, and watched some of this show now.
It offends me.
It pretends to be affectionate to nerds, and nerd culture, and I do applaud whomever does their research for comics, and movies, and such, but...it's really kind of insulting.
Even if it doesn't intend to be.

It looks at it from an outside-in point of view, so, it still buys into the fucking stereotypes, that if you're not into bars, and parties, then, there's something wrong with you, and it must be because you're inferior in "social intelligence", or emotionally inhibited, or, damaged in some way.

And, all of that assumes this baseline that everyone has to aspire to.
If you've read this blog for any amount of time, I'm philosophically opposed to that to within a quark of my being.
I don't just disagree, I oppose, I despise.

Oh, it's not quite as bad as Urkel needing to turn into his version of "Buddy Love", to get with Whatsername, but...the subtext is pretty clear.
It's not even subtle.

It's still this revolting American "winners/losers", fucking mentality that's destroyed everything it touches, but stupid people still can't wake the fuck up from it.

And..it plays it all off like TV always has "oh ho hooo, isn't that cuuute?".

Fuck you.
They used to play off racism that way.
They play off every form of segregated rejection that way.

"Ohhh, isn't the deaf girl with slurred speech cute?", "ohhh, isn't the midget cute?", "ohhh, isn't the little nigger cute? He thinks he's people!".

Fuck you.
I'm supposed to eat this bit of table scraps?
Eat shit. And die.
You're picking on that culture.
You're picking on 'em.
It's just like William Hung on American Idol.
It's picking on.
I don't like it.
Pisses me off.
Fuck off with that.
That's not making strides, it's a minstrel show.
Fuck off.

And geeks don't NEED the bone of a lame douchebag sitcom, they own the fucking world.

Why do we still have to put up with this "eew, comic books! Loser! Eeew!", shit?
Is the rest of the stupid country really still stuck in the 90's?
They need their little hands held to be dragged into the future?

Maybe so, but count me out, I'm not playing along.
Fuck 'em.

It's the conquered species that should be kneeling and begging, not us.

Anyway, gimme Venture Brothers. That shows how cool geeks really are.
No bullshit tapdancing, no saccharine, and no laugh tracks.

Gawd, I can't stand another fucking laugh track.

West Wing 

Never watched it, really.
Didn't appeal.
Here's why...

We were going through the fucking nightmare of the Bush years, and I gotta watch this fucking fantasy?
No, fuck that, I felt like fucking Morgan Freeman in "Shawshank".
"Hope is a dangerous thing".
I just didn't wanna fuckin' hear it.
You don't play Disney films to the death camp inmates.
It's crass, and cruel.

I bitterly resisted what it stood for from just advertisements alone.
It's probably unfair, Bush is gone, the wounds have scabbed over, but, no, I'm just not going back to reclaim it, I missed out, and it's gone forever, and that's just how it is.
Life is like that.

Fantasy Island

I liked Tattoo, I liked the opening with "the plane! The plane!".
After that, it would devolve into some "Love Boat", shit.

Herve Villachez himself turned on the show.
Which...I thought was stupid of him to do..he should have exploited it for more roles.
But, whatever.
Just pointing out, it wasn't just me.

Love Boat

Man, America was stupid.
You watched some stupid crap, America.

Martha Stewart

I never figured this out.
She's a feminist icon....off of role-modeling housewife-y shit, and conformity, and mediocrity?
How does that work?
It doesn't.

And how does it work, that her fanbase see her as some kind of...friend...and everyone who's personally known her, up to, and including, her own children find her as cuddly as a bag of rattlesnakes?

It almost makes me believe that TV gives off hypnotic impulses, or something.
Maybe there's literally something to the world as depicted in John Carpenter's "They Live".

It makes me fucking wonder....

Happy Days 

Particularly the "jump the shark", and "Joannie Loves Chachi", years.

Charles In Charge

Scott Baio, there's nothing good about what you do, or who you are.

Rosie O'Donnell

Um...pretty much all my complaints about Ellen.

Blew my mind that she got saddled with that G-rated "queen of nice", horseshit.
She used to be an edgy fucking standup.

A lot of people don't remember, I do.
She was actually cool when she started.
Yeah, I know, hard to believe, but trust me.

Gilligan's Island

See "Love Boat".

Although, there is the theory that the characters represented the Seven Deadly Sins, the island represented Hell, and Gilligan, with his red shirt, was Satan keeping them there.
Applying this theory suddenly makes everything awesome.

Lost In Space

Cute when you're a kid, doesn't hold up.

Brady Bunch

See "Love Boat".
I did like the ironic take of the remake movies though...

Chico and The Man

Y'know the racism part of my "Big Bang Theory", rant?
This was the Chicano version of that.
*Thumbs down*
*Head shake*

All the fucking judge shows going back to People's Court

Yep, People's Court, it meant well, but it unleashed a fucking beast.

It's...really an extension of what I said about "Cops".
Y'know, they parade this endless line of fucking knuckleheads, who just happen to be minorities, so the (white) audience can look down their nose, and feel good about themselves.
And they have to perform this ritual every fucking day of their repulsive lives, because they hate themselves.
That's America all over.
Congratulations, heroes.
Good job.

Fashion Police 

I mean...this is just too easy, isn't it?

This whole industry, and all its loathsome wretched little parasites, need to go from our civilization.
It just needs to stop.
All of it.

It's pointless at best, it spreads misery, and eating disorders at worst.
Which, I consider a roundabout form of self-mutilation.

There is no moral argument that makes any of this horror righteous or just.
Don't wait for it.
Ain't coming.

Fashion, is all ugly.
The proof of it, is how it has to keep changing, and changing, and the shit that's fawned over right now is spat upon in a couple months.

It was always ugly.
I've always known it, I've never worn the costumes of my times, I stick to generic practical wear.
Yes, Hyla, I still wear my denim suit.
It's black now to match my heart, but aside from that....

So...yeah, the whole core of the whole machine is just a meaningless illusion, so bye-bye to any justification of any of its little side-shows.

Y'know, and while I'm ripping into fashion....


My grandmother was addicted to their garbage.
What another wasteful pursuit jewelry is.

And diamonds?
Actual diamonds?
Covered in blood.
The blood of slave children.

When womankind joins as one, and gets the moral courage to overthrow this wasteful abominable ritual of feeding the evil diamond barons for every fucking wedding, every fucking engagement, for nothing better than  personal greed, and playing "keeping up with my bitch friends", I'll take far more seriously some of their pettier complaints about men.
For now, I'm as disappointed in them as the rest of this awful species.

This whole monster that weddings have become is all a fake tradition created by ad campaigns that's only about 50 years old, tops.
And, it's a beast that can no longer be fed.

It's gotta go.
Weddings should be...Swamp Thing style.
The couple makes a ring out of vines, and flowers, and they drop acid together, and mind-meld.
Nice and simple.
And beautiful, truly beautiful.
No corporate middle-men sticking their dicks in.
And no QVC.

So...I think that covers all the rest of TV history.

If you want to see me tear down more shitty old shows, take another trip through "Krazy for decades".
I tore more into all the shitty game-shows in that one.
Ugh, game-shows, I didn't even touch those in these...

Um, yeah, THE END.


Diacanu said...

I'm willing to be proven wrong in argument about "Big Bang Theory".

I'm not wrong about Martha Stewart though.

AllanW said...

I found your comment about 'TBBT' to be fresh, considered and at the end of the day persuasive. Good on yer. I now agree with you; fuck the patronising attitude, wake up and realise that the nerds now rule and be afraid, be very afraid for all the years of shit we've had to take while 'you' were in charge of the prevailing cultural paradigm.

It's a new day, baby, buckle-up!

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