Punisher revisit.

So, I said last time....

If I ever view these again, it will be to give MST3K commentary.

I can never take them at intended face value anymore.

That's been ruined for me.

Its probably a good thing.

I immediately wanted to do that.

I wanted to re-watch, and see what, if anything, was salvageable from the clutches of MAGA scum.

Hell, if I could find good things about "Madame Web", "Elektra", the Ghost Riders, and "Morbius", why not give these a go?

Look at 'em through new eyes as it were.

So, here we go!!

Dolph Lundgren-

There's this iconic dragged out scene where Punisher shoots up a mafia casino so the baddies lose money. 

Only hurts the machines and the tables, lets all the humans go.

I'm not for killing and maiming, but bankrupting a baddie? Fuck yeah.

During the BLM protests, once Nazi-cops started hurting people, riots kicked in, like they do, and a Wendy's got burned.

Boy, are internet Nazis obsessed with that fucking Wendy's.

You'd think it was John Wick's puppy.

"Thoughts and prayers" for dead kids who have to be identified by DNA, but let's have a funeral for a fucking Wendy's.

Well, shooting up that casino is the same exact thing, and it's their hero, Punisher.

If you argue with a MAGA who loves Punisher, but who also has trauma nightmares about a burning Wendy's, bring this scene up.

Don't forget the phrase "Antifa Punisher!!".

Enjoy!

Tom Jane-

Oh, damn this one to Hell.

Frustrating thing; Tom Jane is a prick, but he's talented.

He acts the shit out of this one.

It's why this used to be my favorite for years.

I won't rewrite history about that.

But, even with all the talent involved, it boils down to that it's outrage porn like "Death Wish" to get us to cheer the demise of the baddies in the final act.

At least Punisher '04 doesn't have gratuitous rape like "Death Wish".

I knew it back when I liked it, but I went along with it because of my belief in catharsis.

Imaginary violence catharsis, anyway.

Now, not so much.

Punisher's "natural justice" speech near the end just before his final kill-a-thon is totally something a MAGA Gravy Seal would watch on repeat until they creamed their Underoos.

Ugh. Gross. 

But here's what a leftie can sink their teeth into.

He Robin Hoods dead-bad-guy money to his slum dwelling friends.

That's "wealth redistribution" by Fox News's goalposts.

Call Joe The motherfucking Plumber.

Helping poor people is comma-nizzum!!

Oh, and Punisher burns some money too, so we're back at the "not the Wendy's!!" thing.

Say, remember when those guys 250 years ago ruined all that tea?

What did pre-MAGA right-wing reactionary assholes call themselves again?

That's right, The Tea Party.

Bring that shit up.

Never stop bringing that shit up.

Ray Stevenson-

Y'know what? This is the new best one.

We're good with this one.

It's a parody.

Whether it set out to be, or not, it's a parody.

I mentioned last time, Marvel had a parody book, and their parody-Punisher was "The Pulverizer".

This is Pulverizer.

This is totally the Pulverizer.

The bad guys are cartoons; Stevenson plays Punisher straight, but his kills are bloody cartoon kills.

You can practically hear the Three Stooges music.

Only Weird Al's Rambo parody in "UHF" is sillier. And not by fucking much!

No wonder Patton Oswalt loves this one.

If any MAGAs are taking this one dead seriously, they need fucking ECT, and a live-in nurse.

That's it.

If I ever watch any of these again, it'll just be the Ray Stevenson one to laugh at.

Enjoy your new argument ammo.

I'm here to help.

😉