Parenting tips.

Stuff from Facebook #19

I'm not a parent, but I've absorbed things I've witnessed.
Here's what I've boiled it all down to...


Novemebr 12th, 2013.

Here's the best way to parent. 
Don't just be upset with naughty things your children say or do. Get MORALLY outraged. 
Make it a big crime, like they're an adult doing it. 
In fact, react as you would to a street criminal. 
Make a really big deal. 
Turn molehills into Mount Everest. 
And make every hill the one you're willing to die on. 
Don't just raise your voice, shriek. Really lose your shit. 
In fact, never control your emotions. Make everything a big drama. 
Make a big theatrical production out of it. 
Imagine everything horrible that ever happened in your life, and seek to destroy it, and focus that destructive force on your child. 
Remember, don't control your emotions at all. 
Being an adult means there's no one around to tell you what to do anymore. 
You're the boss, applesauce. 
Just let it pour out. 
Don't just hit, say hateful things that cut to the bone. 
Leave trauma. 
Destroying a child makes you a winner. 
You're strong. You should get a trophy. 
Be proud of yourself. You're the champ. 
Likewise, if the child gets in a good dig, get your ego involved. 
Completely, and utterly. 
Never let it be "kids being kids", when YOU'RE involved. 
Take it personally, and deeply. 
Then, convert the pain into more anger. 
Recycle old arguments for next time. 
Turn old insults back on the child. 
Better yet, engineer elaborate torments based on things you didn't like out of your child's mouth. 
Be petty. It's all about winning, and all about you.


If everyone did this, I'm sure our country would improve immediately.
Look at the wonders its done so far.
We've got flying cars, teleporters, and lightsabers.
What, no?
Huh....


Previously with SFF-

Culture snobbery. (SFF #18)