I don't h8 the 90's anymore (Part 3.5).

• Part 1 (Cartoons part 1)
• Part 1.5 (Cartoons part 1.5)
• Part 2 (Movies part 1)
• Part 2.5 (Movies part 1.5)
• Part 3 (Movies part 2)
• Part 4 (Regular-ass TV)
• Part 5 (Cable TV part 1)
• Part 5.5 (Cable TV part 1.5)
• Part 6 (Novels)
• Part 7 (Magazines/Comics)
• Part 8 (Music/Games/Internet)
• Part 9 (Trips/Treasures/Treats)

Aaand, here's the rest of the damned movies I was too lazy to do the first time around.
"Honorable mentions", my ass...


1995
(Year of the Nova Scotia trip!!)

Jumanji

Yet again, alas, Robin Williams.
This is just gonna keep happening, he left quite a bleeding hole in our culture when he passed.

Kirsten Dunst's second (I think) flick after "Interview With The Vampire".
She's 35 now, can you believe it?
The Rock Is doing a sorta-remake/sorta-sequel where it's a video game instead of a board game.
We'll see if it's any good.
I'm more looking forward to "Rampage", because I love that old game, and I want a video game movie to finally be good. I think a comedy would be easier to pull off than these ones where they take themselves too seriously.

Nixon

Yet another one I watched a million times on Showtime.
All right, yeah, I peed on Oliver Stone over "Natural Born Killers", but I liked this one.
Anthony Hopkins can fix just about anything.

Then Stone made "W", with all this usual pretentious excesses, and I hated him again.

Jefferson In Paris

Yet another one I watched tons of times on Showtime.
Nick Nolte is great in this.
And Gwyneth Paltrow is decent as Jefferson's daughter.
She doesn't have a lot to work with, but her few scenes are good.
She hadn't yet gone bugfuck nuts, and started selling pussy stones, and magic ointments made of ground chimpanzee dicks, or whatever the fuck she shills.

Greta Scacchi however, steals the whole damned movie as Maria Cosway.

It'll make you want to go back in time, and tell Jefferson "quit politics, stop fucking Sally Hemmings, marry Maria Cosway, free your slaves, and stop being an asshole!! Asshole!!".

Instead, history was a drag, and a bummer, like it usually is, and we mindlessly trudged toward the nation of hypocrisy we have today.
Murca!!

Jerky Boys: The Movie

Turns out, they hated each other's guts while they made this.
But y'know, a lot of the great old comedy teams hated each other.
Abbott & Costello, some of the Marx Brothers, Lucy & Desi, Sonny & Cher, all of the first SNL cast vs Chevy Chase, all of the Monty Pythons vs Eric Idle. Etc, etc, etc.

Anyway, I talked about this before here with my looking back at their final 2 albums.

As for the film itself?
Ehhh...it's no "Private Parts".
It's barely a "Dirty Work".
It won't ruin your day, but you won't be glad you watched it either.
It's more interesting to scientifically dissect as a weird piece of pop-culture history.
Like "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie".

Braveheart

Remember when we used to love this?
Remember when it was the new "Conan The Barbarian"?

Then we found out Mel was literally a crazy drunk Nazi.
Kinda put a tarnish on things.

The bastard knows how to direct though...

1996

Waiting for Guffman 

The beginning of a great trilogy.
This, "Best Of Show", and "A Mighty Wind".
"A Mighty Wind", will even make you fucking bawl at one part.

And then Chris Guest went one time too many to the well with "For Your Consideration", and crashed the train into a gasoline truck.

The first three, still wonderful though.

The People Vs Larry Flint

Excellent.
One of the best things Woody Harrelson ever did.

Courtney Love is actually a damned good actress in this, and I'd wondered why she didn't do more movies, and assumed it was probably the drugs, but Robert Downey Jr. was just as bad at his worst, and he's goddamned Iron Man.
Then, you rewind to 2005, and she shot her mouth off about Harvey Weinstein before it became cool to do so now in 2017, and THAT'S probably why.
Fuck you, Weinstein, you gross horrible little slug man.
May all the gross horrible slug men, including the one in the White House, get theirs.

James and The Giant Peach

Tim Burton produced this, and he should have just produced "Charlie And The Chocolate Factory", and let someone else direct, and his record of Roald Dahl adaptations would have been stellar.

Instead, well...."James And The Giant Peach", is good.
Watch that.
And "Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory".
And "The Witches".
And "Matilda".
And "The BFG".

Dr. Who The Movie 

The failed pilot for a new series.
It took them 9 years to try again and get it right, and now it's still on, and The Doctor is about to finally be a girl.
Well, fuck critics, and most American viewers, I liked it, and I liked Paul McGann.

He still did his lost seasons as audio dramas, so you can track those down.

See here for the old show, here for the old movies, and here for the 50th anniversary.

1997

Selena

And the world was introduced to Jennifer Lopez.

She didn't work out as well as Angelina Jolie (see Hackers) in the long run.
It became a hipster thing to hate her ever-living guts, I'm just ambivalent.

This flick was good though.
One of the better musician bio-pics.

Contact

Mutilated the book, shoved Matt Mahinga-hey's character in as a doggie-bone to the Jesus people down south, and had a syrupy Disney cartoon ending.

I don't hate its guts though.
There are better movies to hate.

Neil Degrasse Tyson existing antidote-ed everything that chapped science people's asses about this.

When Time Expires

A cool little indie SF film.
About a time traveler (Richard Grieco) who goes back to the 90's to prevent World War Three by putting a quarter in a parking meter, because the ripple effect of a certain politician having to pay his parking ticket leads to legislation passing or not passing, that ripples out to nuclear war later.

Mark Hamill is the bad guy trying to stop him.

Very cleverly done with virtually zero special effects.
For example, Grieco's talking computer is a human guy on a hotel room TV screen.
Kind of a feature length "Twilight Zone", episode.
Like "The Man From Earth".

1998

Elizabeth

Queen Elizabeth was the most badass Queen ever.
At least she ran England as an actual country, all the meatheads that wanted to take her throne would've sold England off in chunks for golf courses or some shit.
That's barely hyperbole, they were really morons.
They deserve their place in history as excrement.
Good on her for curb stomping them.

This flick takes it up to her becoming Queen, and stops, but then "Elizabeth: The Golden Age", filled in the rest.
And came out 10 years later when the iron was cold, and no one cared.
Especially critics.

Cate Blanchett went on to play the Norse Grim Reaper for Marvel because there was nowhere left on the badass scale to go.
Also, because Marvel ate Hollywood.

Six String Samurai

Ain't It Cool News hyped this, because of course they did.

A guy who looks like Buddy Holly (called Buddy) wanders the post-apocalyptic wasteland trying to get to Las Vegas to be crowned the new king because Elvis was the first, and died, and there needs to be a new king, because reasons.

Meh, it's cute, and fun, and okay for one watch, but hipsters will tell you it's genius, and manna from Heaven.
Grin, and nod, and pat them on the head, and move along.

The composer for this went on to do "Bubba Ho-Tep".
Much better movie.

This was one of the first trailers I downloaded back before Youtube was a thing, and you had to download trailers as files to play off your hard-drive.
It was over dial-up, and took an hour.
Before this, I did "Alien: Resurrection", and after this "The Phantom Menace".
One a year.
Downloading trailers was really a pain in the ass.
If I remember right "Alien: Resurrection", kept timing out and failing, so it took a whole afternoon.
If everything worked perfectly, and no one else in town was clogging up the traffic, and draining down the speed, it would take an hour, but nothing was ever perfect.
Those times were awful, I never want to go back.

The Big Lebowski

The Coens followup to "Fargo".
Some consider "Fargo", their masterpiece, others consider this their masterpiece.
Yet a third group considers "Oh Brother Where Art Thou?", their masterpiece.
I don't judge any of those choices.
Except for the "Barton Fink", people.
Those people need a kneecapping with a tire iron.

I'm more of a "Fargo", person, because I need my humor pitch black.
"Lebowski's", a close runner up though.

Saving Private Ryan

Every once in awhile, I like to picture the soldiers from this movie liberating the camp from "Life Is Beautiful", then cry so hard I puke, and puke so hard I pass out, and pass out so hard, I wake up 6 days later, and feel reborn, and jot down messages I brought back with me from the Dr. Strange dimensions of the dream world.

No, none of that, I watched each once, and never again.
But that gives me an idea for a holocaust cinematic universe!
Get ready for a longer Oscar night!!

The Man In The Iron Mask

Best 3 Musketeers based adaptation period.
Forever.
Done.
*Claps hands together, then dusts them off, then holds them up*

What Dreams May Come

Y'know, as an atheist, I should hate this, but I don't.
Although, funnily enough, God in this version of the afterlife seems quite absent.

Good people go to a personal Hell by having depression?
Well, shit, then that means malignant narcissists shoot straight to Heaven.
What kind of justice is that?
Clearly, no one is minding the store.

Anyway, it's okay, cuz Robin Williams is there to save the day.
If it turned out by some freak twist of physics in the universe, there had to be an afterlife, I'd want Robin Williams to be my Guardian Angel.
I mean, I sure as fuck wouldn't want it to be Antonin Scalia.
I don't want anyone devoted to actual religion in charge of my eternity.
Noo-hoo-hoo-hoooeee!!
Neyooeee!!
Noe!

1999

Fight Club

This movie hated the bad parts of the 90's as much as I did, and it took me way too long to see it, because strangely, it attracted the exact same kind of hipsters the movie shat on.
(Again, see Ain't It Cool News)

Anyway, good flick.
I mean, it's not gonna transcend your soul into a higher dimension, or any of that shit, but it's a good spin.

Bowfinger

Best Eddie Murphy movie, bam, done *dusts hands again*


Aaaand, that's all the 90's movies I feel like talking about.
Hope ya saw something you haven't seen, and now want to.
Or something ya have, but looked at in a new way, and wanna see it again.

Up next, some shows I forgot.