Xtro revisited!

Meedyah Morsels #191.

Hmm, y'know, it's eight goddamned years since I wrote the old review, and I think I finally figured this friggin' movie out!

So, here's my second crack at this thing!


Xtro (1982)

Here's the old review re-pasted so I can reference it.


The film-

Okay, XTRO is an evil alien, but, I gotta pick this one apart somewhere...

XTRO's (BTW, this word is never spoken in the film) mission is...very elaborate, and totally nonsensical.

All right, so, kidnap a random Earthling, and abscond with him for years.

Mutate him into a member of your own species.
Possibly brainwash him, we don't quite know, maybe the metamorphosis itself does this.

Send him back to his planet in this mutated form.

Mutated human/alien then impregnates a human female with a mouth-sucker thingy, and human/alien mutant thing dissolves into a puddle of greenish goo.

Then, mutant clone-reincarnates as his own adult human self, and rips out of the female's womb, killing her horribly.
After a vigorous shower, and stealing some clothes, it's down to business.
Obviously all human concepts of morality are gone in Alien-guy, as this whole bit of business is shrugged off with utter indifference, as if it were taking a piss.

Alien-guy goes back to his human family, and acts ridiculously suspicious about where he's been all this time.

Alien-guy does various weird shit, like eating snake eggs, and sniffing gas out of the heater.

Alien guy infects his human son with alien DNA with a simple neck bite, and some green pulsating sacs sprouting at the bite site.

Alien-son starts manifesting telekinetic powers that culminate in manifesting solidified images, such as attack panthers, and life-sized toys that kill.
Alien-son's morals are apparently gone too.
And these foolish murders serve no purpose.
Certainly not any sort of mission.

Son infects babysitter with neck bite, she sprouts a giant egg-laying womb, and starts shitting giant squishy eggs, and green slime into the bathtub.
Luckily, she seems catatonic during all this.

Alien-son projects a dwarf clown based on one of his toys, and dwarf clown puts the eggs, and several gallons of the slime, into the emptied out, and lain down, kitchen refrigerator.

Alien-guy starts morphing back into his alien self, Alien-son also starts changing, alien ship comes for them, beams them up with a ridiculously drawn out form of teleportation that radiation-burns the only human witness, the mother.

The mother goes home, gets mouth-suckered by a tadpole thing that busts out of one of the fridge-eggs.

All right, so, clearly, the whole thing was meant as a yecchhy form of invasion.

But...it makes no sense.

If your DNA is that virulent a pathogen, acting that quickly...what do you even need eggs for, just keep biting people.
I mean, you see how quickly the plague spreads in zombie movies, you'd have everything gone to mayhem and shit within months, if not weeks.

And...if your DNA is that powerful, why did they have to run off with the first guy to become Alien-guy for so long?

And....if this guy is so radically transformed, that he commits acts he'd have never done as a human, then, he truly isn't himself anymore.
But, if he isn't himself, why would the other aliens acquiesce to his wish to retrieve his human son?
These are just leftover memories and drives from the host.

If this whole thing is an elaborate form of invasion...why be so sneaky?
Unload an army of thousands of infectors, and go to town.

Or, shit, they've got this freaky solid-dream-projection telekinesis, they could take the capital in hours with like, five of them.

Creatures this powerful should theoretically be unstoppable.

And....if Alien-guy was snorting stove gas...clearly our environment isn't suitable for these creatures anyway.
Why turn us all into a lifeform that isn't fit for this atmosphere?
Are the transformed human populace going to terraform Earth to suit their needs?

How, exactly?
And if they have that technology, why fuck around with invasion at all?
Genesis-wave Earth into a nice place for XTROS from orbit.
They have matter manipulation, they use that radioactive transporter thing.

Or hell, they could all telepathically link, and group dream it up.

But shit, at that point, beings this powerful shouldn't even need to invade anywhere, there's nothing we could possibly give them that they'd need.
Our culture? They don't give a shit.
Our tech? Worthless junk.
Genes? Theirs devour everything in their path.
Raw resources?
They could gobble up asteroid belts. Way more raw matter there for 'em than our puny planet.

Yeah, this movie is just fuckin' stupid.

These are the kind of hack writers that did The Bible.
All going for momentary gut reactions, no working the actual plot out for logic.

It's just to get in your head, and make you feel creepy, and maybe puke.
Maybe to get you laid with a frightened date at the drive-in.
Did it ever play there?
If not, XTRO fails utterly.

Lamest invasion ever, XTRO.
Dr. Who could clean up this sad mess before teatime.
It wouldn't even qualify for a whole episode, it would be throwaway dialog with Rose.

The history-

Always saw that box at Nicely's for years, but that image always creeped me out, and I could never work up the nerve to rent it.
Bought it from them when they emptied out their VHSes.
The above review reflects my reaction.
Put it out to the curb for the garbage man last year when I needed more DVD shelf space.
Couldn't find anyone that wanted it.
You literally can't give VHS away anymore, it's sad.

Okay, all of my attack centers on the idea that Xtro's mission was a prelude to invasion.
Now, I don't think it was.
Not anymore.

Here's what I now think was going on.

The Xtro's abducted the dad to biologically absorb him like organic Borg to digest his memories, and examine them in the telepathic collective to see if humans are worth anything.
They decide a big fat "no".
And, like I said above, humans are primitive, and the Xtros are so powerful there's nothing we have that they'd want, so there's no point in invading us.
The dad becomes an extra Xtro for the hive, they pump him full of their morality, which sees us as insects, and they go on their merry way.

They should have never come back, and the abducted dad should have been an unsolved missing person forever.

EXCEPT some of the dad survived the absorption.
Bits and pieces of him.
Enough to want to re-unite with his son.
That impulse was warped by the Xtro bits to want to bite-change him into an Xtro, and bring him back to the Xtro home-world, but a spark of him was in there.

And next time the ship happened to cycle back around in the neighborhood, he told his shipmates some bullshit story so they'd drop him off.

Xtros were probably unaccustomed to lies, that's a human thing.

So, the whole thing was Xtro-dad trying to get his son back.

BUT, here's where it goes tits up!
The KID once he starts to transform, he can't control his childish impulses, and goes extra evil, and wants it to be a full invasion, so does the thing with the chick in the fridge with the eggs.

The KID makes it an invasion thing, and THAT'S why it doesn't match up with the dad's plan, or the Xtros on the ship.

The kid has his own rogue agenda!

Ahah!
Okay then!

SO, Xtro-kid leaves behind multiplying Xtro facehugger eggs to infest the world, but the bad traits of humanity infest the Xtros.
Lies, secrets, treachery, manipulation, etc.
And the kid's fucked up imagination making killer toys.
The Xtros are doomed!

Hmmm!
Very Twilight Zone!

Yeah, I don't hate this movie anymore!
...well, as much.
It's still executed cheesily.

Anyway, I'll retro-link this in comments to the old post.



Previously with MM-

The history of Marvel's collapse and resurrection. (MM #190)