Saturday, July 27, 2013

Dracula-thon (Part 12)/Franken-fest (Part 9).



So...Dracula has a  new TV show coming in October...


Trailer.

...and another movie in 2014, and two Vlad the impaler movies so "in development", I can't get anything on 'em.

And, Frankenstein's Monster has another movie coming with Daniel Radcliffe as Igor and James McAvoy as the doc, so, look for that to be hyped.

See? They're everlasting characters, I can't keep up with all this shit.


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Thursday, July 25, 2013

The (long delayed) Troma review.


Or, "adding to my collection part 12".
(See here for part 11)

Said this back in fucking May....

I own "Class Of Nuke 'Em high", and "Tromeo & Juliet", and "Terror Firmer".
Short review, they're fucking wonderful.
Ran out to Bull Moose Music, and nabbed them days after the Toxie review, in fact.
And taking its sweet time arriving by Amazon is "Poultrygeist", and, I'm heroin craving for "Troma's War".

But, I'll review all of those next time, once the collection is all together.

As you can guess, I got waylaid by jackassery.
Amazon didn't have their shit together.
Long boring story, but it boils down to that.
Finally got my fucking movies.
Let's do this.
The Troma magnificent seven.

So, timeline goes like this...

Lloyd Kaufman churns out "The Girl Who Returned",  "The Battle Of Love's Return", and "Big Gus, What's The Fuss?", then, invents Troma, and puts out the sex romps "Squeeze Play!", "Waitress!", "Stuck On You!", and "The First Turn-On!".

Then, the one that put Troma on the map...


The Toxic Avenger (1984)


See here and here.

Followed immediately by....


Class Of Nuke 'Em High (1986)


Personally, I love this one as much as Toxie 1.

Said it here...

I consider this, Toxie, and Nuke-em, "The Classic Trilogy".
They all came one after the other, they all interconnect through Tromaville, they all highlight a hellish facet of Reagan's America, they're all equally great, and they're just before...the bad years.
Also, (the actors that play) Bozo, Slug, and Mayor Belgoody are in Nuke-em, and Cigarface is in War.

Yep, this one is in Tromaville, the bad stuff all comes from the Tromaville nuclear plant, continuing the nuclear waste theme from Toxie, and a lot of the same actors are back, so I count this as almost a sequel to Toxie.
Sort of a side-sequel.

You know what? This is my favorite high school film.
Hands down.

For all the good my diploma has done me, I wish I had been a bad kid.
They had me labeled that way anyway, even though I wasn't.
I wish I had more openly rebelled, and gotten dudded up all punk rock, and broken shit, and beaten up teachers, and been a terror.
It would have been such a release.
You know, I bet it's a more common fantasy than any would care to admit.
Anyway, the joy of this film will have to do.

Also, for punk-rock horror comedies, this easily stands shoulder to shoulder with "Return Of The Living Dead", and makes a great double feature with that film.

Anyway, the DVD is 1 disc, but has some nice features.
Commentary (Troma never skimps on commentary. You will never get a plain vanilla Troma flick) cast interviews, and other random goodies.

Commentary was recorded as they were working on "Tromeo & Juliet".
It's interesting to try to mentally assemble the side-timeline of the DVD editions...

The 21st anniversary DVD of Toxie, the bonuses were done in 2005, so, well after the DVD of "Citizen Toxie",  but before the 10th anniversary of "Tromeo & Juliet", and well before they started working on "Poultrygeist".

Anyhoo, on to the third of "the classic trilogy", and the third act of the anti-Reagan triptic.


Troma's War (1988)


From here....

Oh man, I'm sooo happy to re-discover this one!

I saw this way back when I was a teenager on basic cable, and it was censored all to hell, and therefore, boring.
Also, my dumb young mind wasn't ready for the politics.

But, seeing it now, uncut, oh man, this is the movie I've been looking for, and dreaming of!

If you ever wanted a lefty revolutionary antidote to Rambo 2-3, and/or "Red Dawn", this is for you.
This was deliberately made as a middle-finger to Reagan.

SO getting this on DVD.

Famous last words...

So, what I found out in the commentary was this.
The shitty fucking MPAA mutilated "Troma's War", so it could get an R rating, and the castrated version sucked, and it flopped, and because it failed in theaters, the video company (VHS days, remember) didn't make many copies, and what ones they did sat in a warehouse, and the flick seemed doomed, but they made their money back eventually showing it on cable, even though the cable-cut was even more castrated.

So, the DVD is finally the the real version after all these fucking years.
And it's fucking beautiful.
Easily as much fun as Toxie and Nuke 'Em.

It's a fucking cultural crime we were denied it all this time.
Imagine if we finally just got "Nightmare On Elm Street 3".
Imagine if we finally just got "Evil Dead 2".
It's THAT egregious.

Alright, plot is, a plane crashes on an island, and there are a handful of survivors, and then they find out the island is the training camp for terrorists planning on destabilizing America so that more Republicans can gain power.

The survivors are from Tromaville, and the plane is from Tromaville-Air.
So, the brave Tromavillians must stop the ambitions of the terrorists, and it's war, and...this is Troma's masterpiece, it's their biggest film of all time.
300+ kills, thousands of squibs, tons of explosions, and a comment on AIDS is tossed in there.
It's really something.

This film introduces the world to Joe Fleishaker, who's been in almost every Troma film ever since.
Probably best known as Lardass/Chester in "Citizen Toxie".

On the DVD timeline, the commentary and some of the bonuses were from 1998, and then the updated stuff for the "Tromasterpiece collection", edition, like the updated cast interviews, are from 2005, around the same time as the "Nuke 'Em High", director's cut.


And then, we were right into the crappy Toxie sequels, the crappy Nuke 'Em sequels that Lloyd didn't even direct, then fucking Sgt. Kabukiman, and the other side crap from other directors through the 90's.

Until....


Tromeo & Juliet (1997)


Oh, I dunno, I said "Troma's War", was their masterpiece, but this one vies for the title...

It's really something special.
One of their all time greats.
And it gets better with multiple viewings.
It truly heralded the turnaround rebirth period for Troma.

Easily my favorite Shakespeare based film.

If you're like me, you respect Shakespeare, but...you hate the culture of snobbish pretense that's built up around him, and of people that know his stuff like the back of their hand and think that's an intellectual feat.
I happen to think Shakespeare himself would've vomited at the thought of there being "Shakespeare scholars".
*Shivers at even typing the phrase*

So, for those of you that spit on that whole nasty blowhard scene, here's your movie.
The Bard all punk-rocked up like he was meant to be.

The standard skeletal plot is Romeo & Juliet, but updated to modern times, and all Troma-ed up with blood, and vomit, and brains, and lesbians, and slapstick.
And no, you don't have to grind your teeth through fucking iambic pentameter.
Fuck the Leonardo Dicaprio version.
This is so much better.
No, this isn't my goofiness talking, nor my Troma fanboyism, it really is.

The main action happens in New York, but Tromaville is seen at the end, so Tromaville is New York adjacent.

Also, Juliet's dad owns a parody version of Troma, and posters for almost everything they've ever made can be seen throughout their home.

It's written by James Gunn, who went on to write/direct one of my favorite films (and possibly my absolute favorite, it's up there) "Super".
It's his first thing ever, and to return the favor, James Gunn puts a Lloyd Kaufman cameo in all his films.
Lloyd's even going to be in "Guardians Of The Galaxy".

DVD timeline, the 10th anniversary edition stuff was recorded just as they were working on "Poultrygeist",

There's FOUR fucking commentaries on this one!
I thought "Citizen Toxie", having three was the most I'd seen.
Holy shit, four.
I think that's the most a disc will hold.

So, you get Lloyd's commentary from 1997.
James and Shawn Gunn's from 1997 that wasn't put on the disc in '97.
A Lloyd and James one from '07.
And the editors commentary from '07.

And then Lloyd and James video commentary on the deleted scenes from '07.

Holy shit, huh?
It's like I said in "Citizen Toxie", Troma makes excellent fucking DVDs.

And you know, seeing the movie 4 times to take all that in didn't make me sick of the flick at all.
It only kept getting BETTER!! (:-D

Oh, yeah, and the second disc is jam packed with updated cast interview type stuff.

Simply marvelous.


Terror Firmer (1999)


Hmm, yeah, I think this is Troma's grossest.

Other ones have a bigger quantity of splatter, or a bigger variety of fluids (looking at you, "Citizen Toxie"), but, this one will really gag you.
I've developed an iron stomach for films, and it even got to me.
You'll love it! );-)

Loosely based on Lloyd's book "All I Need To Know About Filmmaking I Learned From The Toxic Avenger", the story follows the exploits of a fictional Troma crew working on a fictional version of Toxie 4, and a murderer is bumping people off.

Introduces Trent Haga who played a vital role in the production of "Citizen Toxie", and is a hoot in this.
Talented kid. Wish he did more of these.

Also, the dude that played Tromeo carries over into this.
What's he doing now?

DVD wise, another one with 3 commentaries.
Gorgeous.
Second disc has a making of documentary, which, while good, wasn't as funny as the one for "Citizen Toxie".
From here on out, the DVDs fit into the time they were made.

Then came...


Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV (2000)


See here and here.

I kind of count the flick they made in "Terror Firmer", as Toxie 3.5. ;-)

Then, finally, and this is the one that Amazon tortured me with, and Bullmoose refuses to carry....


Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead (2006)


The box says "as savage as 'Dawn Of The Dead', as slapstick nutzoid as 'Evil Dead 2'".

Good comparison, but, I think this is more political than DOTD, and easily has more gallons of gore and slime than ED2.

Don't believe me?
Try 'er out.
Rent/buy this baby.

Anyway, this is to fast food what "Troma's War", is/was to Reagan era war-wanking.
Totally blows away "Fast Food Nation", and "Super Size Me".
Makes the Barth skits on "You Can't do That On Television", look like Carebears.

As far as grossout laughs, it's right up there with "Citizen Toxie".
Stands side by side.

And yes, it all happens in Tromaville.
Of course.

And did I mention it's a musical?
Lyrics are dreadful for some of them, but the tunes are catchy.
They will go earworm on you.

DVD just has a single Lloyd commentary.
Second disc has the making of, which is pretty good, but like "Terror Firmer", still isn't as funny as the "Citizen Toxie", one.
That one was lightning in a bottle.
Third disc is a karaoke disc of the songs.
I coulda lived without that, but it's neat to know the lyrics.


Up next for Troma, "Return To Nuke 'Em High", parts 1 and 2, and Toxie 5 "The Toxic Twins".

And, ugh, there, that's done.
That closes the door on that ordeal of staring psychotically at the mailman out my window for 2 fucking months (and some change).
And, we're done!
Bubye!

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Monday, July 22, 2013

The freshest batch of crossovers!


Previous batches...
Okay, what with other stuff, haven't been keeping up on this...


Worlds Collide: Megaman & Sonic (2013)


Ahh, well, that cuts through a lot of bullshit.

Before, to get from Sonic to Megaman, I had to go Sonic to Smash Brothers, Smash Brothers to Link, Link to Soul Calibur, Soul Calibur to Tekken, Tekken vs. Street Fighter, Street Fighter to Marvel vs. Capcom which has Megaman.

Now, bam, all one connection.

And coming soon...


Simpsons meet Family Guy.


I shit you not, this is happening.

It's going to happen on Family Guy, in an episode called "The Simpsons Guy".
Not parody versions, the real Simpsons cast.

I guess the Seth MacFarlane guest spot on Simpsons paved the way.
They reran that just yesterday to remind us.

This helps a lot, before to get from Simpsons to Family Guy, I had to point to the ones where Homer came to the real world in an old Halloween episode, and Stewie and Brian came to the real world in "road to the multiverse", and then do a lot of contorting to justify that.

Now, bam all one move.


Simpsons meet Futurama


Again, I shit you not, this one's happening too.
On Simpsons after Futurama is over.
So, a retroactive bonus episode for Futurama.

This on top of their prior crossover in the comics, but, what the hell, now it'll be "official".


So, wow, Simpsons also crossed over with X-Files, and The Critic.
And Family Guy naturally crosses over with Cleveland Show, and American Dad.
And Family Guy also crossed over with Robot Chicken.
And Robot Chicken had Peter Griffin and Grand Master Shake cameos.
And Aqua Teen Hunger Force interconnects with Sealab 2021, Space Ghost Coast To Coast, and The Brak Show.
So...that's every big time cartoon series there.
(Except Boondocks, Venture Bros, Black Dynamite, Bob's Burgers, Home Movies, Archer, South Park, Duckman, okay, never mind...)
And nevermind cross-referencing all the celebrity guest stars across Family Guy, Simpsons, and Futurama.
That would split my head open.
And my Modok pumpkin can hold a lot, so that's saying something.

Aaaanyway, if they can just do an official crossover with anyone and South Park, I can get the "Imagination Land", episode to do the rest.

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Best of the worst of the worst.


So, going back through all 14 entries to make sure I didn't leave anything behind...

...of all the "controversial", and "infamous", ones I've dug up, these were the only ones that did anything for me.


Chainsaw 1 & 2.


See here, here, and here.


I Spit On Your Grave (1978)


See here and here.


Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer (1986)


See here and here.


The Aristocrats (2005)


See here.

Still don't think it belongs, but people are just such fuckin' pussies....


'Pede 1 & 2



See here, here, and here.

Tom Six is the fucking emperor of dark comedy.


Oldboy (2005)


See here.


Yhep....just 8.
Been watching these fucking things since January, and that's it.
Thought it would be more.
Am I a snob?
I dunno.
I don't think so....
I don't think I ask for much....*shrug*

Anyway, I'm pretty sure you'd enjoy those.
Maybe you'd like the ones I hated.
I dunno.
If your IQ is above room temperature, I tend to doubt it.
..was...was that snobby?
Ah, fuck it.

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Sunday, July 21, 2013

Happy 1st anniversary, The Continued Adventures Of Harry Hembock!!



The original release.

Order here!

Recap.

There, now we're well into the summer of Hembock.
By now, I was getting more confident already, and had the uploading process down pat.

And, having the year to reflect, I'm even more confident, and certain about what's important to me.
It's my creative liberty.
That's my lifeblood, always has been.
It's what I fought for in all of my rebelling and resistance all of my life.
Shmegalamomonga and my Amazon publishing are my Troma.

I'm not in it for "Rich and famous!! Rich and famous!!".
If I get that all on my terms with no soul-selling, and game playing, fine.
But it's not my primary goal, or even secondary.
It's pretty low on the list, actually.
If I wanted to be famous at all costs, I could walk right out the door, right now, and do something stupid to get on the news.
America has become that lately.
That's why we have all these awful reality shows.
Screw that.
If I wanted to be rich at all costs, I could be a trend whore, and write the next "Twilight".
Or worse, be like the opium addicted cow that wrote "Little Women".
There's my ultimate nightmare right there.
Fuck that right in the ear.

This awful striving greed culture can say what it wants about me, and I no longer give a shit.
I'm fulfilled and happy doing what I'm doing.
If anything else comes of it, that'll be gravy.
I've already got the meat & potatoes.

I'm also more confident about the books themselves.
I wavered a little here, but fuck it, they're great, and I love 'em.
They're my babies.
They're a fucking riot, you'll enjoy 'em if you let yourself, and if you don't buy 'em, it's your loss, not mine.
Oh well.

Harry Hembock has been the ride of my life, and I feel sorry for people that don't have something like that.
Find your fucking Harry, before it's too late, kids.
And never let the zombies take it from you.
If all the accumulated rants on Shmegalamonga have been about anything, it's that last bit.

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Saturday, July 20, 2013

Flicks I've watched (Part 14)


See here for part 13.


Juno (2007)


Wow, ought-seven?
I'm really late to that one....

Well, you know I'm ga-ga for "Super", and "Hard Candy", so, naturally, I had to finally complete the Ellen Page triptic.

...I liked it.
A lot.
What? *Shrug*
I dunno, there's some hipster hatred for Diablo Cody, and I don't get it.
I gotta admit, I was on the bandwagon, sight unseen.
I just lazily assumed this was like a Wes Anderson movie, y'know?

No, it's cute, but it's not sugary, or phony, it's just right.
I didn't want to punch anyone.
That's quite a feat.
Anyway, I saw this weeks ago, and this post is really horror based, but this connects to the the other films.
You'll see why.

Oh, speaking of Ellen Page triptic, I shit you not, she starts out wearing the red hoodie from "Hard Candy".
So, there you go, it is a trilogy.
She kills some child molesters, then gets knocked up, and this stuff happens, then she goes to work for a comic book store, and becomes Boltie.
Full circle. ;-)


Suspiria (1977)


Another one like "Audition", and "Oldboy", that I first learned of on "The Top 100 Scariest Movie Moments".

I really wanted to like this one.
I say that a lot, but dammit, despite my grouchiness, I really am an optimist, and give things a damned good chance.

As you can guess, it was a total fucking letdown.
Not scary at all.
The gore is fakey, the story is stupid, the acting terrible, the score is annoying, there's long stretches of tedious boredom between fake kills, just ugh.
Another torture trial.
Fucking bummer.

Oh, and people rave about the art direction and the colors on this.
Who cares?
They said that shit about "Dick Tracy".
Fuck off.
Sugar cereals are fucking colorful, doesn't make them gourmet.

Aaanyhoo, Juno was a Dario Argento nut, so, that's the first connection.


Tenebre (1982)


Another Argento, another letdown.

It's better than "Suspiria", but that ain't saying much.

It's got a better story for sure.
It's more of a detective story.
I was hoping for an Argento-y "Red Dragon", y'know?
A nice little police procedural with some splatter.
But, damn, again with the slow boring pace.
It's not tense, fucker, it's tedious.

Jayzus, you ain't gotta be killing people all the time, but give me something.
Dialog, character humor, push some plot, something.

So, best thing that happens, at the end, a girl gets her arm chopped off, and she screams her guts out, and swears her head off pretty realistically.
But, the hosing stump is pretty fake.

Like "Suspiria", not scary at all.
Like bullets off Superman, bounced right off me.

A friend told me he liked this better than "Human Centipede 2".
Yeah, just gonna have to disagree there, and move on.


The Wizard Of Gore (1970)


I'd always heard of Herschell Gordon Lewis, he did the original "2000 Maniacs", that got remade into the one with Robert Englund, and a bunch of others.

So, it was another one I was willing to give a chance, and wanted to dig.

Now, this is the one that Juno gets introduced to that she ends up liking a lot better than Dario Argento flicks.

Well, this is better than "Susperia", and "Tenebre", but again...that ain't saying much.
Gore is fakey as hell, I mean, even on that poster, you can see that's a crappy dummy head for the dead girl,.

And yet again...booooring.
The only thing that saves it from being Argento levels of boring, is the characters are hammy instead of wooden.

Yeah, this belongs alongside the cheese in "Bargain Bin  Bounty 1".


So, after that punishment trial, I really needed something to rinse out my mouth.


Cabin In The Woods (2011)


Ohhhhh, soooo muuuuch beeeetter!!

Oh, why did I wait so long?
I totally have to buy this, and I kick myself for not seeing it at the theater.

I can't add anything to this you haven't heard from every other hack on the net, or from yourself inside your head, because you've probably seen it.

Bless you, Joss, you fucking saved my afternoon.


That's it, I'm fucking done with these "controversial", golden oldies.
I'm not doing it anymore.
I know what's good, I know what I like.
I gave it all a fair chance, I feel like my homework is fucking done.
I've torn film history apart, if anything good managed to hide from me, then it has an ultimate cloaking device, and deserves to be hidden, cuz it don't wanna be found.
I'm out, this is finished.

Up next, retrospective.

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Avengers 2 news.



Age Of Ultron.
Bam.

Previous Avengers 2 news...

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