Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Postcards from Podsville #29.5

Straining out a movement.

Now, let's take the 9 snarks, and 12 suggestions, and make it a groundswell of grassroots grassrootery.

First, I gotta get me a show on cable news.

Well, that takes some doing.

I gotta get on talk radio, and rant like a loony for a bit until stupid people take notice.

It's a big accomplishment, see.

Then, like being knighted, I EARN a TV show.

From all that "hard work".

Then, once on TV, I make it a movement by calling it a movement.

And I direct everyone back here to Shmegalamonga, so they can read the 9 snarks, and 12 suggestions.

Then, I get some of these outraged fanboys to wave placards at Washington D.C.

Then my network covers them.

Attracting more of them.

To cover, to draw more in, and so on.

And I get my network to sponsor all this shit.

The movement will be crowning.

Then, the stirring of terror.

Gotta have terror, or what point is there in living?

Little bit here, little bit there.
At first...

Tell people the world is coming to an end unless they "do something".

Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Kill 'em!! But don't really "kill 'em", just sorta, y'know, "make 'em uncomfortable", with like a brick through a window, but..not really a "brick through a window", but maybe a plate of cookies and text hug, ...and by "plate of cookies and a text hug", I mean a brick through a window, and by "make 'em uncomfortable", I mean commit first degree murder.

Y'know, crazy batshit rhetoric like that.

See how many stunted mongoloids say "well...yeah, what's the problem with that?".

Get enough of 'em, then you've got a "debate".

Except only one side in the room gets to talk, because they've got the "cookies".

Oh, and while you're re-enacting Kristallnacht, call the other side "Nazis", that bit of irony is always so cute and clever.

So, yeah, once we have this movement sliding out of our ass, and people are living in fear, and popping Prilosecs, and trying to control the shaking in their hands, and having nightmares, we get to what it's really all about.


Yes, fear, horror, death, destruction....for money.

Fuck people's happiness and safety, the "cause", needs money.

And by "the cause", I mean me.

And if people die, so much the better.

Oh, what a wonderful thing, to make the world an even more horrible place than it already is in the name of ego.

It's the American way.

I mean, it must be.

Look at who America has amongst its heroes.

Why, they're "good Americans", and I certainly want to be a good American!

If not, I won't be able to play in the Reindeer games!

Can't have that. They might call me things like "loser", and that would hurt my feelings.

So, yes, better to get people killed, and have them live in fear of being killed for some gold investment firm money.

And if the movement really starts razing the countryside, why, it might even become a religion!

Then we're into the BIG killing/money!

But...if it gets TOO big, then I gotta hire bodyguards, and bodyguards from the bodyguards, and food tasters, and then you've got employees, and then it all becomes a business, and then you're not even having fun anymore.

Ya don't even get to watch people die on TV, or go down to the dungeons to cum to some torture anymore.

Tch, life gets so complicated so fast....

Fuck it, just follow the 12 suggestions, especially the last 3.

Especially anyone who resembles this rant.

Nah, can't be any of them people.
History is so clean, this must be all in my fevered imagination.
Silly willy nilly ol' Dickynoo.

Think I'll follow the 12 suggestions myself.

Course, if I'd listened to the 9 snarks, I wouldn't have had to.

But, they're worth doing anyway.

That's the beauty of the 9 snarks, and 12 suggestions.

It's a self-correcting system.

Like the colon.
And the toilet.
Which are where movements need to stay.

Sorry pods, close your holes, no fertilizer today.

The movement has passed.


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