Previously.
I don't even care if this was author intent; this is what I'm going with.
Short version, it's an allegory to the fall of Chris Pratt.
This is why he loses his girlfriend, and loses leadership of the Guardians to Rocket Racoon.
It's about Rocket becoming the main character, and to Hell with Starlord.
Fuck Starlord right up his ass.
And fuck Chris Pratt even harder.
At the end credits, it says "Starlord will return".
Please don't, Disney. Please don't.
If you bring him back, just kill him.
Have Doctor Doom laser blast him, and wring some tears out of the teenagers who don't follow politics.
If you haven't heard, Chris Pratt sucks now.
He thinks RFK Junior is a genius.
RFK Junior is a Nazi hiding behind a mask of concern-troll quackery.
Y'know? Like, "hey, sure his medical quack beliefs will get us all killed, but you can tell he means well".
No, he doesn't even mean well.
Anti-vaxxers believe in letting weak people die, and letting strong people live, and go "oh well, sucks to be you" when you die.
It's eugenics. Anti-vax is Nazi; anti-pharma is Nazi; anti-pasteurization is Nazi; it's all Doctor Mengele shit hidden behind a happy face.
"Make America healthy again" doesn't make you, me, and our families healthy.
It's not concerned with that.
It means make the landmass of America healthy after all the sick people are killed off by deliberate neglect through slashing health down to nothing, and giving all the money away to criminals.
And Chris Pratt is on board.
The High Evolutionary is RFK Junior.
If it were Chris Pratt as himself not playing Starlord, he'd kneel to High Evolutionary in worship instead of fighting him.
But the High Evolutionary is an idiot.
Rocket disproves all of his stupid theories.
And RFK isn't eugenically strong; listen to his voice, he sounds like a lawnmower chewing up a woodchuck. RFK is the same idiot.
And Chris Pratt is on board.
Fuck Chris Pratt.
He's in a movie fighting Space-Mengele, and it flies over this thick fucking douche-bro head.
I still have all my other same problems with the film.
Its still "the excesses of capitalism can be fixed"; it's still centrist-liberal; the tone is still a drag; the song selection is weak, and like most Western media, it's scared shitless to recommend progressive politics as the solution, even though that's all that's left after you eliminate all the failed bullshit.
But, as a roast of Chris Pratt, I can finally squeeze some level of enjoyment out of it.
Fuck Chris Pratt.
Fuck Starlord.
Yay, Rocket.
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