Tuesday, June 18, 2013

The Star Wars ripoff trilogy.

Or, "Flicks I've watched online part 10".

So, last time, I watched what a lot of folks consider the definitive Star Wars knockoff, but...these are up there.

And, they all block out to three, so, that's handy.

Message From Space (1978)

See here.

Yep, chronologically, this one started it off.


Starcrash (1979)

Funded by Roger Corman, and made by Italians.

So, the heroine is a bond girl, and you've also got Marjoe Gortner as the Obi-Wan archetype, Christopher Plummer as the good space emperor, David Hasselhoff as a belatedly arriving Luke Skywalker clone, and Joe Spinelli (from fucking "Maniac"!), as the hilariously cartoonish Darth Vader of the thing.

Also, there's a robot (man in suit) with a bad southern accent.

It's so bad, it's delightful.

Hasselhoff fighting stop-motion robots with a lightsaber.
That's all I have to say.
There, I just blew your mind, and made you have to see this.

Battle Beyond The Stars (1980)

Produced by Roger Corman.

So, of the three, this one sincerely tried to recapture the flavor of Star Wars without apology.

So, this time, John-Boy is the Luke Skywalker clone.
You've also got George Peppard, Robert Vaughn, and Sybil Danning.
And John Saxon as the Darth Vader.

And, you've got James Horner, composer of "Wrath Of Khan", scoring, and that really Star Wars-es it up.

James Cameron got his start in the business doing production design on this.
John-Boy's spaceship with titties must have been his baby.
(No, seriously, look right at the poster, the ship has tits).

Now, in "Starcrash",...there's no nice way to put it, the good guys were miserable failures right up until the final act when they commit an expensive act of Kamikaze demolition.

Here, there's slightly more competence on display.

Except from John-Boy, who's own female starship AI brutally harangues his pathetic pussitude.
Worth the whole movie for that alone.
That's what the prequels needed.

So, yeah, pretend these are the Star Wars prequels, because they're actually fucking better.
When you come out the other end of a marathon of these, you will have actually have had a good time.

No comments:

Blog Archive