Ayep, back in the early internet days, I was obsessed with the raft of new flicks that were coming out...someday.
A good majority of my time was spent reading all the movie news I could get my hands on. Obsessively so.
These are the ones I ached for with anticipation.
Waiting for all this shit kept me alive for awhile.
Yeah, sick, sad, I know.
Well, they've finally all come out, so, let's look back, and see if they were worth all the lip biting, thumb twiddling, foot tapping, watch checking, and calender marking.
The Star Wars Prequels.
Meh.
Wish I could send the Plinkett reviews back in time to myself then.
Freddy vs. Jason.
This delivered like gangbusters.
Thank you New Line under Bob Shaye.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Alien vs. Predator.
Meh.
Requiem was a little better, but still, meh.
Superman 5.
Over a decade of development hell.
Rumors of Nick Cage.
A horrible script draft by Kevin Smith.
Weenie fanboys defending the Kevin Smith draft because it was Kevin Smith.
Many embittered arguments with said fanboys on AICN.
Finally, after much bullshit, it reincarnated as "Superman Returns".
Pretty decent.
Awesome in the theater.
In hindsight, a little TOO faithful to the Donner film, almost a rehash, but they should have plowed ahead with sequels anyways, the trilogy would've been done by now.
Instead, we're getting a reboot.
Warners learned nothing.
A development hell before this film, a development hell after it.
Batman vs. Superman, never happened.
Justice League, never happened.
They were never gonna happen.
Why did they fuck around with 'em?
Idiots.
Well, we got all the lost concepts as animated films anyway.
And Nick Cage became Ghost Rider.
Hmnh...
Evil Dead 4.
Never happened, Raimi dragged his feet, and dragged his feet, and fucked around, and finally tried to do an Evil Dead 1 remake instead.
Well, not do one, someone else would've done it.
Glad the remake failed, all the other slick horror remakes blow goats.
Dead goats.
Smelly dead goats with flies, and goo.
That come back, and have to be chopped up by Ash.
Anyhoo, it sort of reincarnated as "My Name Is Bruce".
And that one's okay.
Really goofy, almost a Don Knotts, or Abbott & Costello style of humor, you gotta be in the right mood for it.
But at least it was something Evil Dead adjacent.
I count it as Evil Dead 4 in my personal canon.
We also got the Evil Dead video games.
Regeneration is the best of the lot.
That works as Evil Dead 2.5.
And its fun as hell.
So, check that out, fans.
Batman 5.
Looootta reincarnations of this one.
A direct sequel to "Batman & Robin", with Scarecrow, and Harley Quinn.
"Year One", written by Frank Miller.
Live action "Batman Beyond".
Superman vs Batman again.
And a bunch of shit I've forgotten.
Finally, we got "Batman Begins", and then "The Dark Knight", which is the best Batman ever.
So, that delivered.
Way better than all the other shit versions would have, so, glad they waited.
But, at the time, I was pissed.
Wish I could just send the DVDs back to myself with a post-it saying "chill out, here they are".
Oh, and "The Dark Knight Rises", is on its way.
So, yay.
Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash.
Happened as a comic.
Pretty decent.
Movie would have been better.
Raimi is a dick.
Sequel comic was meh.
But, at least it wrapped up the classic continuity, New Line threw it away with their crummy remakes.
Way to go, New Line, way to give the finger to your fanbase who coughed up tickets for 30 years.
Boo, New Line without Bob Shaye, boo.
Anyhoo, lesson learned about what studios give a shit about.
Anyhoo, this could count as Evil Dead 4 if you want.
Up for grabs between this and "My Name Is Bruce".
Tron 2
Oh yeah, heard whispers of this since the late 90's.
Finally happened.
Ain't seen it yet.
Trailers look good.
Star Trek 9, 10.
Sucked.
Flat out.
J.J. Abrams rebooted, excellent.
Watchmen
Finally happened, delivered like gangbusters.
Sin City
Delivered like gangbusters.
Ghostbusters 3
Finally happening.
We'll see.
There was also the video game.
I watched a walkthrough on Youtube, pretty decent.
I could live with that as Ghostbusters 3 if the flick fell through.
Live action reunion would be better though.
Twilight Of The Dead
Fans just assumed this would be the title.
Happened as "Land of the Dead", instead.
Fairly decent.
Was followed by "Diary of the Dead", and "Survival of the Dead".
Also, there was the "Dawn of the Dead", remake everyone liked but me, a "Day of the Dead", remake everyone justly hated, a second "Night of the Living Dead", remake no one even talks about, and then the whole zombie wave, including such films as "Shaun of the Dead", "Zombieland", books like "Zombie Survival Guide", and "World War Z" (soon to be a major motion picture) graphic novels like "The Walking Dead", and TV series like well..."The Walking Dead".
So, yeah, zombie lovers got plenty of goodies to feed their (brains!) craving.
Predator 3
Was whispered about in the late 90's, was assumed abandoned, happened anyway out of the blue as "Predators", with another sequel already lined up.
Godzilla remake
Sucked.
A jillion Toho reboot sequels preceded and followed.
Angry Video Game Nerd reviewed 'em all, so you ain't even gotta watch 'em.
Toxic Avenger 4
Came out as "Citizen Toxie".
Gorgeous.
Yeh, think those are all the ones I was waiting for in the late 90's and early 00's.
A bunch other good ones came out, but they took me by surprise, like "Iron Man", and "Human Centipede", and "Lord Of The Rings".
Too many to list.
But, yeah, the disappointing ones taught me to lower my expectations, and simmer down on the anxious anticipating, and the good ones, well, they rewarded the anticipation, and now I can kick up my feet.
I now live in a world where those films exist, and it's better.
Like I thought it would be.
Well, except for the wars, and 9/11, and the pollution, and Sarah Palin's reality show existing, and the death of the video store, and glassy-eyed texting-addicts everywhere.
But...that's kind of like a dystopian sci-fi flick, ain't it?
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