Thursday, July 18, 2013

Flicks I've watched (Part 12)

See here for part 11.

This one doubles as "The Worst Of The Worst", part 2.
The update counts as part 1.5.

Dead Hooker In A Trunk (2009)

Okay, this isn't one of the "worst of the worst", flicks, I dug this one up, because it's the only other one by the Soska Sisters who did "American Mary", so I was just curious.

Um...yeah, not so great.
Really, Eli Roth?
"Fucking Awesome"?
Nuh uh.
You'se lyin'.

I mean, it was watchable, it held my interest, it had good parts, but it had a bunch of stupid stuff, and bad acting too.
Lotta bad acting.
See that third girl who isn't a Soska Sister?
Hated her guts.
Jumpin' Jehosifat.
And she wouldn't go away, or get killed off.

The Soskas were probably the best, and they were basically just playing themselves.

Anyway, "American Mary", is a VAST improvement over this.
Shit, by their third flick, they'll really be hitting it out of the park.

Um...hard to describe the reeks of "student film", for sure.
Tonally, it's like....early "Clerks", Kevin Smith, and "The Adventures Of Pete & Pete",...with murders instead of jokes.
The gore effects are done well, I'll give it that.
And it's got some raunchy stuff that might make you smile.
Tell you what, I'd watch this over most anything you'll see in a fucking Redbox.

Okay, if it's stars, 3 out of 5, how's that?

Audition (1999)

Okay, so now we're into the ones with the famous reputations.

This is my least liked of the three I'm doing.
I would gladly watch "Dead Hooker In A Trunk", again over this.

Vastly overrated.
Hugely overrated.

It's a shame, the characters are good, performances are great, and even though the buildup is a solid 2 hours, you don't really feel it, it's all engaging stuff.
But...the stupid ending ruins it, and I don't mean the controversial gore.

Wrapped around the whole thing is this whole indulgent pretentious "what's real, and what's a dream?", horseshit straight out of the worst episodes of "Freddy's Nightmares", that doesn't go anywhere, slows things down, and just hurtled my rating of this thing down like a fucking roller-coaster.

And then the absolute ending-ending was a total deflating formula dud.

As for the violence?
Yet another one where your expectations are a helluva lot worse.
It's rough stuff, sure, but I can think of a whole bunch of flicks with worse (and more).
Probably ones you've all seen.
It's all fucking hype.

I wouldn't recommend it.
There are much better ones to see.
This one would just slow you down from getting to those.

The people who hyped this up need a slap.
Especially Rob Zombie in "The Top 100 Scariest Movie Moments".
Really, Rob?
With the movies you watch, and make?
This freaked you out?
You're a fucking pussy, Rob.
A pussy.

Old Boy (2005)

Oh, the raving, the raving, the RAVING over this one.
I was SO ready for it to suck.
You know me, I distrust critic bukkakke.

It's fucking great.
Best of these three hands down.'s not really a violence movie.
It's fucking art.

I mean, it's got violence, and it's intense...but no moreso than say, "Sin City".
And, it's not ABOUT the violence.
Don't watch this if you're some fucking teenager looking for a dumb violence flick.

This beats the SHIT out of "Pulp Fiction", by the way.
Tarantino should have fucking quit after this.

They're remaking this with white people, and that's a damn shame.
Fucking Hollywood.
Fucking racism.
As if you can't just watch this one.

Anyway, fucking watch this.

Now...of the three....only "Audition", kind of deserves its reputation of hushed whispers, because, at least that's an actual horror., it's all in the "misunderstood art", category this time.

But...that's it, I think I've finally seen 'em all.
The ones that are supposed to have the power to scramble your brain.
I'll probably think of some other one, but for now, I think I've cleared the list.
Feel free to recommend anything in comments.

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