Thursday, December 31, 2015

Happy New Year!!!!




Once again, I'll update last year's list...

Got a shitload of Jade-Shade done compared to last year.
Jade-Shade turned 2.
As did Chokecherry.
Eidolon turned 1.
Dr. Herbert turned 4.
The Harry books turned 3. 
Dark Designs turned 7.
NLHH turned 10!
I turned 40!
Saw another 8 unique films this summer, 10 trips to the theater overall.
Seen "The Force Awakens", twice so far.
And "Creed", once.
And "Ash vs Evil Dead", is a couple days from it's finale.
And added "Human Centipede 3", to my DVD collection finally.
Shmegalamonga turned 7.
En-Mike-lopedia is over, but I still did Halloween and Christmas.
And, I think the annual calendar recap will be the new En-Mike-lopedia as far as collecting everything in volumes.


So, let's see what 2016 has in store.
A shitload of excellent movies, I know that much.
But who knows what else...

And as with last year, my resolution is to make a bigger dent in the Jade-Shade chapters backlog than the previous year.
Really gotta set aside my podcast addiction, and buckle down on that.


Read More......

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

QD:Season 2, Chapter 18. (Commander Continuum vs. QD Season 1)


September 14th, 2015.

Commander Continuum (now the man from 2015) sat in the Den Of Seclusion in front of one of the many computer monitors.

He called up "QD:Season 2, Chapter 7. (Jade Shade meets Bog-Gob)", closed his eyes, and went into a flashback.


2014

Commander Continuum (now his 2014 self again) asked Boggy "say, who lives in the house next door?".

"Eh, bunch of recluses. After them, are the Tuckers. Fuck the Tuckers..".

"...Tuckers suck", Commander finished.

While Boggy chatted with JS about maps or something, Commander slipped away to investigate his old back yard stomping grounds.

The roots and brush had been cleared, a lot of the trees had been cut down, and the swamps filled in, and it was a grassy lawn now.

He had Omneron (in his watch) call up all the chapters of "Quantum Dissolve", and scroll them by at maximum blur speed.

Then, he went into a time trance, paused time, rewound, and played the moment of the blur scroll at frame-by-frame speed, and read all the chapters.

He closed his eyes, and entered those times, starting from the beginning.


Season 1: Origins.

Chapter 0: Prelude.

Commander appeared in invisible mode in a rat hole apartment in lower downtown Lentilville.

Dusty Irwin lay asleep in a fold-away bed with a stained mattress.

He was tossing and turning, obviously having a nightmare, and finally jarred himself awake.

He stared up at the ceiling, massaged his forehead and temples, and grumbled "fuckin memories...fuckin life".

Dusty shook his head, and whispered "I just can't do it".

Commander had no idea what he was talking about.

"If it doesn't matter...then I can do what I want anyway", Dusty grumbled.

He rolled over, and looked at the costume draped across the kitchen chair.

Black jeans, black work-boots, black sweatshirt, black flak vest, black leather gloves, black fanny-pack full of toys, and...the mask.

"Yeah, fuck it, I'm doing it".

He nodded, rolled back over, and went back to sleep.

"Dammit, that was inconclusive", Commander said, slightly annoyed.

He looked out the apartment window, and remembered how he had seen Lentilville evolve as he journeyed through the Hadesburster file.

He then looked at the Jade-Shade mask, and how different it was from the one he wore now.

"Must have been a Mark 1", he muttered.

Then, he idly wondered how this story would end up in Mike Meggison's "laser-jail".
"Probably have to MP3 dictate it, I guess", he muttered as he quickly glimpsed at his Omneron watch.

Doing so made him make the next time-jump.


Chapter 1: (Jaded and shaded).

Commander appeared at the Lentilville Crossing parking lot at night.

It was pitch black with a new moon, the only light from the parking lot lights, and Lovely's being open late.

Two asshole teenagers were tagging, stealing shopping carts, and generally being loud and obnoxious little pricks.

They were white, and had nice clothes, so they had no societal nor economic disadvantage excuses.
They were just spoiled little pricks.

It did Commander's heart good when Jade-Shade showed up and sprayed one of them with mace, and made him fall out of his grocery cart.

"The old mask actually looks quite impressive", Commander observed.

JS looked down at the writhing teenager, and told him "tell your friends".

He then wrote "Jade Shade", in black spray-paint on the punk's back.

The other brat ran away like a bitch.

JS eventually left, and Commander saw Steve Ellicott inside, back turned, watching a porno.

Commander forced a time-jump with a watch glimpse.


Chapter 2: (Taking it up a notch).

Back at Dusty's rat hole apartment.
Night time.
The place was pitch black except for the sickly blue-ish glow of a CRT TV screen.

Dusty had on the mask, and was intently watching the news.

They were talking about a pizzeria owner, and The Mayor receiving threatening messages via graffiti on dead pigs from a mysterious "JS".

And the very end, it was suggested this might be the legendary "Jade Shade", and when those words were spoken, Dusty/JS gave a victorious fist pump.

JS watched for awhile longer, and switched the set off.
Just as he did, Commander could have sworn he saw them start to interview Steve Ellicott.

He paused and rewound time to the frozen split second of Steve Ellicott, focused on it, and in the next instant, he was back at Lentilville Crossing standing next to Steve Ellicott surrounded by news crews being interviewed.

"I totally approve of the vigilante, he got rid of those miserable little punks that have been vandalizing the parking lot every night. Screw those little bastards. Screw their lousy parents even harder".

Commander time jumped.


Chapter 3: (The mask).

2011
October 20th.

Dusty Irwin wandered through the grocery store, and then stopped dead in his tracks.

There was a display of Halloween masks, and one of them hypnotically grabbed his attention.

It was green, metallic, and...couldn't seem to decide if it was a ghost, an alien, or a skull, and had a black shroud on the back for covering up the wearer's hair.

Commander Continuum stood next to him, still invisible, and said "now THAT looks like the mask he wears today. Why didn't he just buy that"?

He watched as Dusty chickened out, and left the store, and saw that they were once again at Lentilville Crossing, and the store was Hannalee's.

Commander headed over to Lovely's to gawk at tapes.

He found the one he rented from Steve Ellicott/Captain Descrambler last time he was here in 2014.
The sci-fi thing about three eyed critters from Epsilon Iotia Gamma.
The three eyed critter was a crew-member of a starship.
The starship was the U.S.S Concordance.
The movie was Astro Gallop: The Motion Picture.
The adaptation/sequel to Astro Gallop the 60's TV series.
The series that once had a cereal prize in Zam Bonies, and found by a young Offal.
The cover of the tape showed the Concordance whooshing past giant faces of the Captain, the three eyed science officer, and an android chick with a chrome skull-cap.
The Concordance looked like a record turntable with a one third wedge cut out, and a rocket nose cone sticking out of the missing wedge area, and the whole thing spray-painted silver.

The Concordance had been Commander's inspiration for the Planetary Patrolman base, which in turn inspired the Den Of Seclusion, which Commander's physical body was still sitting in back at 2015.

Realizing this made him make the next time jump.


Chapter 4: (The man behind the mask).

1994

Mike Meggison stumbled into enough money from a scratch-off ticket to whip up some primitive copies of Harry Hembock at Kinkos.

He put them out on the shelves at two comic shops, one bookstore, and Lovely's.

Commander Continuum materialized just in time to miss Mike finalizing the deal with Steve Ellicott, and leaving.

Also, he was across the parking lot at Hannalee's.

Five year old Dusty Irwin and his parents were grocery shopping.

He followed them around for a bit, and saw an 18 year old guy staring at the Halloween masks with the same hypnotized look as he'd seen on adult Dusty in 2011.

The mask that had his attention was green, had a black hood for hiding the hair, but was rubber, and more goblin-y looking.

He focused on the guy, and jumped ahead for a split second, enough to know this was the origin of The Bogey, one of the Freed Radicals Chokecherry had recruited.

Snapped back to 1994, he fast-forwarded time to get through the boring shopping, and then saw the Irwins go over to Lovely's where they rented "Astro Gallop: The Movie", and bought Dusty "Harry Hembock Issue #1".

He rewound time, and saw Mike Meggison drop the copies off, then locked in on Mike to see him make the books at Kinkos.

He focused on the comic, and time-jumped to the next chapter.


Chapter 5: (Jade Shade vs Desmodus-Guy).

Back to 2013.

Dusty's apartment.

Dusty was watching the news.
The Mayor was introducing Desmodus Guy to the public.
Dusty/JS was not pleased.

"Okay,...play it that way. I'm ready for it", JS whispered with a smirk.

Commander noted the beaten up copy of Harry #1 in a junk pile in the corner of the room.

Then, time-jump.


Chapter 6: (Jade Shade vs Peerless-Person).

Commander arrived right back at Dusty's apartment.
Now, Dusty was sculpting what was obviously intended to be Mask Mark 2.

Commander could see hints of the one JS wore now, but it wasn't quite there yet.

On the TV, the news was saying the old mayor and an accomplice had died in prison.

"Good enough for 'em", grumbled JS.

Draped across the chair where JS kept the costume was Desmodus-Guy's utility belt.
Obviously a victory trophy.

Looking at it caused a time-jump.

...and now added to the trophy haul were two 250 milliwatt green laser pointers.

The news was talking about the arrest of Peerless Person aided by JS.

Dusty sat in his beaten up stained recliner in his underwear, and sipped a beer.


Chapters 7 through 14.

Commander stared at the chair with the costume, and time fast-forwarded.
Next to the chair, up on a shelf, appeared a Phidippus-Dude action figure.
Then, JS's mask morphed into the Mark 2.
A Geiger counter appeared on the utility belt.
A shield repainted black with a green Jade Shade face appeared on the floor next to the chair.
A green wrist crossbow appeared on the chair sitting on the pants.
A beaten up copy of "Combatant", appeared on the shelf next to the Phidippus-Dude figure.
Commander paused time here, and looked it over.
It was indeed the copy that Elisa Jack had given to Dr. Herbert.
By the clues in the inscriptions, it looked like Dr. H had willingly passed it on to JS.
He un-paused, and kept going forward.
The black duster finally got added to the costume, and hung off the back of the chair.

And then....


Chapter 15 & 16. (Jade Shade meets Chokecherry/Rise of The Streetsweepers).

...Dusty and Chokecherry were on the bed fucking, naked as jaybirds with no blankets in sight.

Dusty was laying down while Chokie rode him cowgirl.

Her back was arched, her tits were pointing up, and her feet were behind her, and her toes were curled up.

She had long hair in this time period, and Commander could see the choking cherry logo tattoo on her left hip.

She was really good at fucking.
A natural.
Dusty was probably a virgin, or at least a hetero virgin what with prison, Commander thought.

He used his powers to fast forward, rewind, and pause the action like a porno for several minutes.

Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggie, pile-driver, 69, back to cowgirl...

He had a slight impulse to jack off to this, but he was never 100% sure how much of these "time travels", were purely in his head, and how much his physical body sleepwalked through it, and he didn't want someone walking in to the Den Of Seclusion while he had his dork out.

Better to just take it all in, and save it in his spank bank for later.

After about a half hour, he moved on.


Chapter 17. (Streetsweepers meet Mage-shiv).

1991
June 28th

Kimber Allison was born.

1994

Harry Hembock was published.

Kimber couldn't have given two shits.

Mage-Shiv issue #1 was also published.

Likewise, Kimber couldn't have given two shits.

1995

Kimber was rescued from a bully by Dusty Irwin.
She fell in love at first sight.
He was her superhero.
Forever.

Commander finally materialized at this moment.
He floated in the background as events unfolded.

Young Dusty awkwardly handed Kimber a comic, and said "here's a comic, it's got a girl hero, you might like it".

It was the latest Mage-Shiv.
Kimber read it when she was alone, and thought the character was a trifling bimbo.
She never told Dusty.

1996

Keeping her mouth shut had been bad policy, Dusty had kept giving her Mage-Shiv issues.
She read them while waiting for Dusty in detention with morbid humor.

1997

Kimber made a checklist of everything that sucked about Mage-Shiv, wrote a list next to it of opposite traits, and built the Green Monster legend around it.

1998

Kimber started reading up in fan magazines on Lana Nichole, the inspiration for Mage-Shiv, and began to hate her guts even more.

Backstabber, star-fucker, gossip, shit stirrer, drama-monger, wrote tell-all books about her former teammates, joined the superhero movement for "research", twisted people around her finger to feel important, just a total cunt.
Why she still had fans was baffling.
Kimber couldn't understand it.

1999

The school shooting happened.
Commander had seen this bit before, and skipped it.


2007

Fresh after the Ronald Stevens incident.
Kimber sat at a table at a local web cafe.

Kimber remembered stories her mother had told her of the mean smelly bitch she had worked with, Irma Williams, and how she had died on 9/11 along with her douchebag of a brother, Broderick.

"Well, she won't be needing the name anymore", she said aloud, as she scribbled the name down into a notebook. A few minutes of fiddling with alternate last names, and she had it.
Irma Donovan.

Commander, looking over her shoulder, flashed back to the deaths of Irma and Broderick, and grinned.

2008

The incident of Karen Stevens smashing up her ex-husband's pickup truck.

Commander recognized Karen as Zoria Bacillus.

He also saw an across the street neighbor watching this unfold, and recognized him as Avian Louse.

"Talk about destiny", he mumbled.

"Attagirl", he heard Kimber/Irma say, as she drove off.

2011

Irma was loading up a Firebox machine at Hanalee's.
With her were Amy and Alex, the future Blood-Orange and Purple-Pepper.

The Hannalee's side of Lentilville Crossing was technically part of the next town over, so technically, Irma hadn't come back there yet.

Across the parking lot, of Course, was Lovely's.

Commander teleported over to look in on Steve Ellicott.

He cloaked himself as a generic looking guy in generic looking clothes, came out of invisible mode, and asked Steve what he thought of Firebox.
He got a half hour earful.
Little did he know his business adversary was the future Chokecherry.
Commander vowed to himself to keep that detail away from him in meat-space for as long as possible.

2011

October 21st

Hannalee's again.

Irma finished her Firebox shift, and wandered through the store, and then stopped dead in her tracks.

There was a display of Halloween masks, and one of them hypnotically grabbed her attention.

It was the JS inspiration mask.

Irma grinned wickedly, grabbed that sucker, and put it in her shopping basket.

2012

Irma was lazily browsing the internet at a local web cafe.
The same place she'd decided to become Irma.
She was motorcycle shopping, and hoping to be inspired.

She stumbled onto "Harry's Ex-wife", and the Cherry-sicle was born.

2013

Chokecherry was born.

But at Lovely's, where Commander had been pulled to, Steve Ellicott was literally dancing a jig over the death of Firebox.

Commander noticed that on the rack on the counter that once displayed Harry Hembock's debut, were a stack of old Mage-Shiv issues.

Commander focused on them, and flashed back to Amy unloading them on him for 5 bucks.

He focused on her, and saw Irma give her the issues just before their final shift emptying out the Firebox machine, which Commander also saw.

In the background, he could see that Steve was watching, and grinning like a lunatic.

He jumped back to where he started, and saw Lana Nichole come in, and buy up all the issues for 20 bucks.

"Buying up your own comics, Jesus, that's pathetic", he mumbled to himself.

He focused on her, and jumped ahead to her sitting at a table at Piggah-Wiggah's reading her comics.

Three tables over sat Irma being inspired to become Chokecherry.

Months later...

JS and CC were out on patrol, when suddenly they saw her saunter up.

Brunette, average height, athletic build, and clad in some sort of bikini deal made of horror latex made to look all bio-tech, and painted silverish grey.

She had a gauntlet made of the same stuff that came to a clawed glove on her right hand, and there was a gemstone mashed in there.

Lana Nichole.
Mage-Shiv.

Chokecherry recognized her, and was immediately disgusted.

"He's taken, bitch. Move along", Chokecherry murmured in annoyance.

"Oh...okay, well, anyway, you guys have met me, so, you can still use my Bacon points. Oh, right, hi, Mage-shiv, there, now you've met me".

She waved goodbye, and left.

"That was odd", JS said.

"Get used to shit like this", CC grumbled.


Chapter 18. (Streetsweepers vs. Transposers).

2013

Back to Lentilville Crossing.
Back to Lovely's.

Franky Donaldberg was there renting some tapes.

Hunter Haggard was behind him in line.
He had once again picked out "The Castigater".

Up on the main TV screen, an old VHS of copy of Vick Vivisection's kiddie show was playing.
Vick was twirling a baton, and singing "pancreas! Pan-cree-uusss!! You can't laugh and play without your pancreas!!".

Commander Continuum ignored this, and focused on Franky, and flashed further back.

1998

Outside of a beat-up trailer home.

Commander heard shouting and slamming, and crying.
A nine year old version of Franky came out sobbing with bruises on his face.

Commander felt creepy, so flashed further back by a few hours, and saw a happier Franky playing with his pal, Danny Suede.

He ascertained identities the way he had with Dusty Irwin and Kimber Allison during the Lentilville file jumps.

Franky and Danny were playing "Killer Robot Hospital", with their Transposer toys.

Daniel said "why do we keep fixing these awful killer robots!? They just go right out, and kill again and again, until another goddamned robot breaks them, and we start this whole thing all over again! Why don't we just let the metal bastards STAY broken!?".

Franky said (playing Dr. Taylor) "look, you knew what you were signing on for when you first went to killer robot medical school. You wanna punk out like a little bitch, be my guest. Me, I'm gonna do my job, and support my wife and kids. What are you gonna do?".

Danny said "I'm sorry, I shouldn't let it get to me like this. I've been trained dammit, what's wrong with me?".

Franky smiled and pat Danny on the back "it's the hours kid, wears us all down. Don't worry about it. Come on now, help me weld this missle launcher back onto this big purple one's shoulder".

Danny smiled back "it would be my pleasure".

Commander jumped forward against his will to the abuse incident.
This time, he saw moments after, Franky ran off and found Danny.
Words weren't exchanged, but Danny understood, and they went to his house where his mother let Franky stay the night.

Commander jumped forward by a few days to Danny punching out one of Franky's bullies.

2008

Danny and Franky were teenagers, and Danny was still telling the bullies to fuck off.

Then, one day, Danny got excepted to a prestigious school, and had to move away.

Things didn't go well for Franky after that.

2012

In rapid succession, Franky was downsized, his wife left him, and a mugger took his wallet.

He still had his project though.

A working Transposer.

2013 (again)

Franky showed off the model Transposer to Steve Ellicott and Chuck Brand.

"I hope the Army buys it. Then I can get rich enough to leave this crummy neighborhood. If they don't, I....I don't know WHAT I'd do".

Steve wriggled free from the awkwardness with "ah, don't worry about it, they will. They're all about drones, right? This is totally what they're looking for. Anyhoo, $6.50".

Franky snapped out of it, paid up, and left with the Transposer, and the VHS of "Transposers: The Movie".

He put the robot and the tape in the trunk of his car, and then went over to Johnny's Donuts.

In front of him in line, Perry Ellicott (out of his Bog-Gob suit) was covertly selling Johnny's co-worker, Phil, some weed via a donut hole box.

After Perry, there was Xed.
Commander focused on him, and in a split second saw him pissing on the grave of Charles Harris.
Apparently, this was an annual excursion for him.

Sitting at a table eating a breakfast burrito was himself, Wayne Vance, right after he had woken up in that hotel room and had drawn the skull-atom picture that lead to becoming Commander Continuum.

"Well, that makes the whole gang then", he mumbled to himself with a smirk.

Commander jumped ahead a few more weeks.

Franky Donaldberg sat at his workstation, tears of rage streaming down his pale gaunt face.

On the computer scren, JS and Chokie had destroyed, dismantled, and looted his large-scale military Transposer.

Through sobs, he whispered, and Commander had to sneak up and put his ear right near his mouth to hear.
"I hate The Streetsweepers more than anything I've ever hated in my life.
My dream.
My American dream.
Worse, all that money.
They've taken it from me.
It was mine by right.
I'm smart, good things are mine by right, that was the rules, how dare they?
How dare they break the rules?
My rules!
They would pay for this.
This...I...vow!!"

Commander jumped ahead a few more weeks.

Back to Lentilville Crossing.
A lot happened there.

Franky was wearing black and purple armor, and wielding a trident with some sort of blinking Electronic device woven all over the tines.

He announced his super villain code-name to be The Black Trident.

He aimed the trident at a car, and it started, Franky worked some controls on the trident handle, and started impossibly driving the car around the parking lot by remote control, almost running some people over, but deliberately missing.

Commander noticed that Franky wasn't driving the car with controls, he seemed to be doing it with mere mental concentration.
Apparently, the trident buttons were merely to set up the beam mode.

The mental control must have been coming from Black Trident's armor helmet, Commander surmised.

Franky had snapped, but not all the way, this was desperation and frustration, but he wasn't Funster level crazy.
Yet.

Just then, Sigma-Max showed up, pulled out The Scrutinizer, and aimed it at Black Trident's helmet.
Clearly, Sigma had made the same deduction as Commander.

He pulled the trigger, and sparks and smoke poured out of the helmet like water.

Black Trident spasm-ed like a fish out of water, ground his teeth for 8 seconds, then collapsed, and shit himself.

Sigma ran off before the cops arrived.

The career of Black Trident had ended in minutes.
Franky was permanently brain injured.
The secret of direct brain interfacing was lost for a generation.
The secret of receiver-less remote controlling was lost forever.

Commander jumped ahead a couple more days.

Steve Ellicott was given back Franky's last video rentals they had found in his trunk by the police.
The titles were "Offal Live In Concert", "The Tree Shredder Murders", and "Party Clown Massacre".

On the cover of the Offal one, Offal wore a green zuit suit almost exactly like the one Funster ended up in.

Commander got goose-flesh on his arms, and shivered.

He resolved never to connect those dots for Sigma or Descrambler.


Chapter 19. (Streetsweepers vs. Tomahawk-Fuzz).

1920

G.K. Chesterton had an idea pop into and rattle around his dumb, fat, empty fucking head with an almost audible noise like a car key tossed carelessly into a ceramic vase.

The over-fed middle class white man wrote it down.

Commander Continuum peered over his shoulder.

“The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion, but, on the contrary, of its liberality and humanity. It is shorter to state the things forbidden than the things permitted: precisely because most things are permitted, and only a few things are forbidden.”

Commander crinkled his nose with disgust.
"Ah, so since they aren't on the magic list, rape and pedophilia are permitted. You disgusting fucking dunce".

Commander jumped back a decade.


1909

More anal beads of wisdom from Chesterton.

“Men do not differ much about what things they will call evils; they differ enormously about what evils they will call excusable.”

Commander nodded "yeah, like rape and pedophilia in your fucking Bible. You loathsome pig-fucker".


1926

C.S. Lewis was reading "The Everlasting Man", by G.K. Chesterton.

Commander could almost hear the ceramic rattling of his dumb, fat, empty fucking head.


1940

C.S. Lewis again, another hollow rattling.
He wrote it down.

"The heart of Christianity is a myth which is also a fact".

Commander shook his head.
"Yeah, and a hot dog is a sandwich, and meat is a condiment. What drivel. Kill yourself".

He went to teleport, than added "and shove that ancient badly written book of rape, molestation, and totalitarian dictatorship up your fat ass when you do it".


Sometime in the 1910's.

A young Lewis read the books of the Marquis de Sade.

Another jump, and Commander saw him at a party begging people to whip him.

Commander laughed "you old hypocrite. Go ahead and be into spanking, but a Jesus freak too? Hypocrite!".

Commander wondered why history was showing him these two baffled fumbling assholes, but he remembered the Hadesburster file, and how those puzzle pieces slipped together, and stopped worrying, and enjoyed the ride.


Sometime in the late 20th century.

A young Nathan Ethelle read G.K. Chesterton and C.S. Lewis.

Once again, Commander could hear the hollow rattling in the kid's dumb, fat, empty fucking head.

"The cycle continues", Commander grumbled gloomily.


Sometime in the early 21st century.

An older Nathan sat in a chair on a patio smoking pipes with a guy that Commander recognized as Gus NinNavel, the artist/writer of Mealworm Jake.

They were reading Chesterton, and trying to find meaning in him.

Commander shook his head and sighed.

He almost teleported away, but the conversation at last got interesting.

"I'm thinking of doing a comic strip based on my little brother's pretend play", said Nathan.

"Sounds like fun", said Gus.

"It would be secular at first, but then gradually, I'd sneak in witnessing to Christ, and politics", said Nathan.

Gus nodded, and sucked his pipe like it was the wisest thing he'd ever heard.

"I'm going to call it Tomahawk Fuzz", said Nathan.

Commander looked at a sketch Nathan was doodling.

It was Tomahawk Fuzz alright.

Nathan turned the page on his sketch pad, and did another.
It was of C.S. Lewis standing next to Nathan's little brother.
Lewis had an unintentionally lecherous look on his face.
Commander remembered the De Sade shit, and gooseflesh raised on his neck and arms, and he shivered.

With that bit of creepiness, he finally time-jumped.


July 8th, 2013

Nathan and Gus smoking pipes and chatting blithering nonsense again.

This time, about how much they hated Obama.

Commander rolled his eyes, and stifled a yawn.

Finally, things turned to Tomahawk Fuzz again.

"The strip goes well, really well", Nathan said.

Gus sucked his pipe and nodded, then said "really well. I'm proud of you, man".

"I think I'm going to have to take it to the next level, and make it real. What better way to minister for Christ?", Nathan said.

Gus seemed confused by what he meant by this.

"And you're going to help me", Nathan said.

Gus got even more confused, and his expression exaggerated to indicate this.

"Confused? You won't be, once the drugs I put into your pipe kick in", Nathan said with a creepy grin. Almost as creepy, Commander thought, as the look on cartoon C.S. Lewis's dumb, fat, empty fucking head.

Gus recoiled in horror, and hurled away the pipe, but it was too late.
He stumbled backwards, and started to get woozy.

Nathan pulled out a package wrapped in brown paper, undid it, and produced a Tomahawk Fuzz costume in Gus's size.

Nathan's plan dawned on Gus with an expression of pale faced doomed horror.

A single tear rolled down his cheek "don't do this! I love you, man!".

The creepy zombie stare on Nathan didn't waver the slightest.


July 9th, 2013

Gus as Tomahawk Fuzz was defeated and tied up by Jade-Shade and Chokecherry.

So too, was Nathan.

Chokecherry took Nathan's little brother to live with Amy and Alex.


July 10th, 2013

Gus dangled from a noose made of bed sheets in his prison cell.

In the next cell over, Nathan read Chesterton, not caring the least.


July 11th, 2013

Chokecherry got wind of this turn of events.
She didn't like that.
She didn't like that at all.

Using rubber gloves so she left no prints, she snail-mailed a printout of the C.S. Lewis and Nathan's brother cartoon, and a printout of an article of Lewis being a bondage-junkie granny-fucker.

She sent it to Nathan's cellmate.
Prisoners didn't like perverts.
Even murderers have kids.


July 12th, 2013

Chokecherry saw in the paper, buried in the middle pages, that Nathan had been stabbed to death.

She smiled, and got out the scissors to snip and save the article.


Chapter 20. (Streetsweepers vs. Funster).

Franky Donaldberg, now The Funster, peeled back his makeup encrusted lips, and cackled like a banshee, between braying obnoxious nonsense into a bullhorn out the nearest window.

Commander Continuum recognized it as tortured and mutilated Offal material, and winced.

Franky/Funster had on a tacky sequined green zuit-suit type number, a purple wig, and cracked white clown makeup all over his face.

The brain injury as Black Trident had made him go all the way over the edge.
He was gone.

Tied up hostages, faces soaked in tears, stared at a conveyor belt that led to a brand new shiny tree shredder.

Commander stared at each hostage in turn, and rewound their past.
It was all the people responsible for rejecting Franky's robot designs, a couple school bullies, and his ex wife.

Commander rewound the warehouse itself, and saw Franky's abusive father working there.
It all made sense now.
The puzzle always came together eventually.

Funster proceeded to feed victims into the shredder.
The ex-wife first.
Then the bullies.
Then an Army general.

The remaining hostages were sobbing even harder now.

Then, a skylight shattered, a rope dropped, and Chokecherry zipped down on a pulley.

She surveyed the scene, scowled, ran at The Funster, pulled the tomahawk she'd recently commandeered out of her bag, and split Funster's head down the middle with one angry swing.

Funster's incoherent bullshit instantly faded to a gurgle, and his carcass plopped to the floor like a burlap bag full of inert butcher meat.

Commander knew the rest, and fast-forwarded to the fucking.

As with chapter 15, he enjoyed that for half an hour before moving on.


Chapter 21. (The woman behind the man behind the mask).

January, 1990.

A sleazy apartment.
A 40-something Steve Ellicott, was putting his Captain Descrambler costume back on.
He was skinnier, but starting to plump, and still had most of the color in his hair, but grey was starting to sneak in.
Naked in the bed, was a satisfied woman.
A very familiar redhead.
Kimber Allison's mother.
Pausing time, and rifling through her purse finally revealed her name to be Jodie.

Commander did the math on the ages of Boggy and his sister, and knew Steve, the old dog, was cheating on somebody.
He waved the morality of it away.
No fling, no Chokecherry.

It added irony to Steve rooting for the demise of Firebox though, Commander thought.


June 28th, 1991

Kimber Allison was born.

1992

Steve Ellicott put flowers on his wife's grave.
Whether he had reconciled his affair with her, or had even told her, was for only him to know.
Commander didn't bother prying further.


Pre-9/11, 2001

Jodie had married someone else, one Hank Ayerson.
Jodie kept her maiden name under the pretense that Kimber was used to it by now.
They were living in The Big City for her job.

Irma Williams, smelly bitch that she was, made that job miserable every chance she got.

Jodie complained about it every time she went home.
Kimber soaked up those stories, and used it later.


Post-9/11, 2001.

Jodie and the family moved back to Lentilville.
Bad move.
Now her and Hank were dead.
Apparent carbon monoxide poisoning.
Kimber knew better.

The saga of Chokecherry had begun.


2001-2014

All the stuff Commander had pretty much seen in chapter 17 happened.
Now he was all caught up.


Chapter 22. (The myth behind the mask).

1997

Six year old Kimber Allison sat down at her writing desk with a notepad and a sharpie marker, and began to jot down some ideas.

Commander Continuum looked over her shoulder, and saw it was the legend of The Green Monster being born.

He read it, memorized it, closed his eyes, concentrated, and jumped into the myth.

It was Lentilville, before it was Lentilville, before it was Pine-nut cove, before even Horatio Allison.

Instinct told him it was late 1680-something.

Temperance Allison had a sister who had had an affair with a married man, and was now pregnant.
They were naturally trying to hide that fact.

There was a quick jump ahead in time, and Temperance's sister was giving birth.
She died.
So did the baby 2 days later.
Temperance sunk the baby in a swamp, and cast some spells, and poured some potions.

1692, Temperance was burned for witchcraft.

A year later, Temperance's spirit went back to the swamp, said some more spells, and her dead nephew rose from the swamp as a monster.

A Green Monster.

The next day, all of Temperance's tormentors and judges were found in their beds with their heads twisted backwards.

Commander jumped ahead to 2014.

"....and now, whenever there's injustice, or bullying, The Green Monster will rise from his swamp, and twist the necks of the unrighteous. And that swamp....is in the woods behind our playground!! So, you'd all better be good to each other!".

Edna Ellicott was telling the story to her class.
They loved it.

Dusty the janitor walked by in the hallway, deliberately trying to hear the story.

"I know it's you, JS", Commander thought with a smirk.
With that, he time jumped.


Chapter 23. (The man behind the mask behind the man).

2011

Summertime.
Joseph "Lash", Tamron was working on a new mask.
A mass production one for sale at stores.
Sculpting, molding, vacuum forming, the whole deal.

Next to him were three sheets of paper, one with 18 test sketches,
one where he had narrowed it down to three, and then finally, the one that he went with for the final sculpt.

He'd based it on the local Lentilville legend of The Green Monster.

He gave it ghostly features, because the Monster was a spirit of a dead child, he gave it skull features, because it was a corpse risen from the grave, he gave it alien features, because traditional saucer aliens looked like fetuses, and the Monster was a newborn, and the final green color he had picked by taking paint strips down to the very swamp the story allegedly happened, and matched up the color of the surrounding moss.

He pointed at it, and said "you're gonna sell like hotcakes!".


2011, October 20th.

Commander saw Dusty see the mask at the store again.


1994

Commander jumped back to the 18 year old guy staring at the Bogey mask.

Then, within the same year, he jumped to another 18 year old, this time, Lash again.
He was sculpting the mask.
His current stepfather had connections to be able to sell it to the mask factory.


2011, October 21st

Commander saw Kimber/Irma buy the mask.

2014

The mask sat in a cardboard box of Irma's stuff, waiting to be found.
It would.
Soon enough.


Chapter 23.5. (Lentilville).

March 26, 2014

Commander Continuum found himself floating above Lentilville, high enough in the sky to see it all as one big map.

He mentally divided it into quadrants.
In the upper left corner of the upper left quadrant, was "The Plant", or as some local kids of Wayne Vance's generation had coined it, "Chemomess".
It had been bought out by Mozrilak Industries in the 90's.
They now made precursor chemicals to cough syrup, and an industrial varnish used on both candy, and plastic toys.

Down the street a bit from The Plant/Chemomess, was a dollar store that used to be LePonton's drug store.
Young Wayne Vance had bought a lot of comics and collector cards there.
Happy memories of a slightly better time.

Between The Plant/Chemomess, and the former LePonton's, was the Big Tomato gas station where the gang had met Avian Louse, and Xed Of The Undead.

Between the former LePonton's, and Big Tomato, and off to the left in a fork in the road, was the Bateman Cemetary Hill where Xed had urinated on Mr. Harris.

Past the former LePonton's, down in the lower right corner of the upper left quadrant, was the hill in which rested the Den Of Seclusion House.

Next quadrant over, in the upper right, across from The Plant/Chemomess, was the Lentilville Crossing shopping center.
It was from here that Commander was better able to orient himself.

Up the street, towards the upper right corner of the upper right quadrant, was a chain restaurant with a faux-diner atmosphere, and up a little further almost to the upper right corner, was Lentilville Crossing's competition, Connifer Complex.

Back down the street, past the faux-diner, past Lentilville Crossing, was a chicken place followed by an ice cream place.

Following that road through twists and turns eventually brought you to the third lower right quadrant.
There as the nexus point of the four quadrants, was Pioneer Post, a variety store that had been there for as long as Commander/Wayne could remember.

Hanging a left from Pioneer Post brought you to The Lentilville Mall, or just "The Mall".
Across the street from The Mall was the empty lot that used to be the pizza place where the 9/11 terrorists ate.
Up the street from The Mall, was a pizza place that was as old as Pioneer Post, and had outlived that other chain monstrosity.
A pity it had taken 9/11 to kill it.
But in business, you took whatever victory you could.

Further up the street, there was the record store that also sold DVDs, Blu-rays, and graphic novels.

And across the street from that, was Bul-Wark, the cancer that was eating America founded by a family of fascist rednecks.

Back up the road in the other direction, past The Mall, and up on a hill, was The Lentilville Mental Hospital, which looked like a creepy villain fortress.

Going back, and nestled deep in the guts of The Mall complex, was Sun-Dial, a local seafood restaurant, and the only place in that part of town Commander/Wayne liked to go anymore.

Up the road, past The Mall, past The Lentilville Mental Hospital, was a stationary store that used to be Flyover Country, a skeezy grocery store that Commander/Wayne still had creepy memories of.

Next to it, was the airport where the 9/11 terrorists took off from after filling their guts with pizza.
No doubt covered with non-Halal toppings.
Hypocrites.

Following that road spat you out into the fourth lower left quadrant which was in the inner-city part of Lentilville where resided Humane Basic Care, the hospital where Vick Vivisection worked.

Hanging a left, and following the road for a bit spat you out at Smirking Summit, an ice cream place with a cow farm where the harvested milk was made into ice cream right on the premises.

Between Smirking Summit and the airport was Flickchantment, a movie theater.

A little further down the road from Smirking Summit, and you were spat back out to Pioneer Post.

And that was Lentilville.
Commander Coninuum had scanned it all, and taken it all in in a couple of minutes.

Then, he surveyed the surrounding towns.
Connected to Lentilville on the lower right quadrant was Bugtustle.
Bog-Gob lived right along the border, and the back woods in his backyard had the secret path that cut right through the lower right quadrant of Lentilville, all the way to the Den Of Seclusion house.

Also, dancing the Lentilville side of the border with Bugtustle, and with a path to the Den Of Seclusion house, was the Elisa Jack school.

Up the road from it, on the Bugtustle side, was the mini-mall that used to be Banner Buzzard.

Living next to Bog-Gob was Skip Lowe, and next to him were The Tuckers.
"Fuck Tuckers, Tuckers suck", Commander mumbled.

Connected to Bugtustle, and connected to Lentilville on the upper-right quadrant, was Cineford.
Cineford was mostly a pile of more strip malls, including another Flickchantment, and one of the last of the dying breed of independent book stores, Tomeville.

But what Cineford was most known for, was its loony-bin/jail for kids, Hembsire Hillock Youth Residence.
Parents sent their kids there for behaving like average teenagers, and there were unethical and unqualified quacks who gladly stamped them crazy to keep them there.
JS/Dusty had spent some time there.
His hair-raising stories had stuck with Commander Continuum, and why the place stood out now.
It was also reputed to be the artistic birthplace of Harry Hembock.

Connected to Cineford, and connected to Lentilville on the upper-left quadtrant was Bunkfordston.
Bunkfordston was a dump, and even had "chien merde tarte", graffiti-ed onto the welcome sign.
Bunkfordston was the site of the last remaining LePonton's.
Next to LePonton's in the same strip mall, was Tom Paine's, a variety and craft store.
Next to that, was the chain restaurant, Griddle-Mogul.

LePonton's was all Commander gave a shit about, and only for nostalgia.

And those, together with Lentilville, were the Four Towns.

As Commander Continuum floated over Lentilville (and the other three towns) he could hear a voice narrating something.
He focused in on the voice, and it sounded disgusted, with a sneer in it.
He focused in on it more, and time-jumped along it, and was pulled in to Sun-Dial.

He materialized sitting in a booth, and sat across from him, was....Mike Meggison.

"So....you were the angry narrator?", Continuum asked.

He was eating a chocolate irrigation cake.
It's exactly like that other oozing cake you've heard of, but Sun-Dial was afraid it might be trademarked or something.
"I guess so", he said between mouthfuls.
"Forgive me, I never have room for dessert here, so I'm taking advantage".

Continuum continued "so I gather you really despise Lentilville".

Mike finished off the cake, and said "Nah. Funny thing that. Stan Lee blows up his home town, nobody says a thing. Lloyd Kaufman dumps toxic waste on his hometown, then blows it up, no one says a thing. Bob Kane makes his hometown a slum in perpetual night, no one says a thing. I follow comic book tradition, people see themselves in it, and want to saw my arms and legs off. Go figure".

"So you admit, while Lentilville has it flaws like any town, it's not a seething nightmare".

"Nah".

"So it was a bunch of bellyaching over nonsense and nothin?".

"From one point of view. From another, I was punching it up a bit".

"So what now?".

"Next chapter, I suppose. I mean, you could go back over the history stuff, but you already did that back in season 2 chapter 3, right?".

"Oh, yeah, I did, didn't I?".

"All righty then, bye bye".

"Wait, you're a dream construct of Meggison, so does this conversation matter?".

"The me writing this will see it, so on some level, yeah".

"Okay, just checking".

And with that Continuum vanished to the next chapter.


Chapter 24. (Streetsweepers meet "A Fan").

2014
Again.
March 29th.

Chokecherry and Jade-Shade were meeting Dr. Herbert for the first time again.

Continuum had seen this before, so he skipped to the next chapter.


Chapter 24.4. (The death of the Irwins).

Commander Continuum found himself at the morgue at Humane Basic Care again.

Vick Vivisection was giving Dr. Herbert the bodies he used to fake the deaths of the secret identities of Chokecherry and Jade-Shade.

He fast-forwarded through the faking of their deaths, and moved on.


Chapter 24.5. (Dr. Herbert's thesis).

Continuum was back at the meeting scene of JS, Chokie, and Dr. Herbert, but this time, the chapter focused on Dr. Herbert's essay he jotted down before everyone showed up.

He concentrated on, and entered the essay, and floated around in it.
It was philosophical gibberish, but familiar gibberish, so he concentrated on the familiar sensation, and materialized in front of a floating online video of a bald blowhard with a French name spouting a version of what Herbert was laying down, but with an extra pseudo-Libertarian and anti-feminist bent.

Continuum nicknamed this guy Merde Tarte, inspired by the sign entering Bunkfordston, and moved on.


Chapter 25. (Streetsweepers meet Krazyfool).

Continuum materialized in the corridors of the "The Krazyfool Show", studios.

He poked his head into each oddly labeled doorway.

"Writings and ramblings", was the writer's room, and they were working on a hilarious skit about a romance novel for poop fetishists.

"Krazyfool's art page", was the art department, and they were working on a logo of two deformed men ready to beat each other up while a referee screamed "FIGHT!", in a word balloon.

"Media secion", was the control room, and they were playing a teeth-achingly bad El Flatulato skit, and laughing at it.
They followed that clip with a horrible Bruce Springsteen impression.
Continuum rolled his eyes, and moved along.

"Winamp skins", was wardrobe, and they were constructing a green alien costume with an exposed and inflamed brain.

"Links", was the green room, and Jade-Shade and Chokecherry were sitting there watching the latest show on a monitor waiting for their cue to arrive onstage.

Finally, "Krazyfool's Nook Of Discussion", was the set of the show.

Jadey and Chokey were called up, and then after some awkward cringe-worthy patter, some serious shit went down.

In the end, the studio was burned, but the audience was rescued, and interviewed.
Continuum checked the clips on his watch, and recognized Merde Tarte.
He had been rescued by Chokecherry, and his old misogyny was mysteriously MIA from his videos now.
In fact, a lot of his old stuff had been taken down.
"Hmph, imagine that", Continuum grumbled.


Chapters 26, 27, & 28 (the Harry Hembock ones).

Commander Continuum saw the Tamron brothers standing over their dead mother.
He rewound things to see what lead up to it, and he agreed that she had it coming with an invisible nod.
Then, he jumped ahead in time.

1994

Lash Tamron was making a mask.
It was the same mask he was making in chapter 23.
The Bogey mask.
But this time, he noticed a photo he had clipped to his drawing pad.
It was his mother, Kelly.
Kelly Tamron was the inspiration for the Bogey mask.
Again, he nodded.

2011

He saw Lash make the Jade-Shade mask again.

2014

The brothers met again as Jade-Shade, and Harry Hembock.

"Harry", was attacked by a hidden villain, and bled out.

2014 (still)

Commander Continuum found himself sitting at a table at Lonnie's, the faux-diner place up the street from Lentilville Crossing.

Mike Meggison sat across from him.
A waitress handed him a skillet plate full of nondescript Mexican food ingredient moosh.

He looked at Continuum, and said "yeah, I know, it's technically a fake Harry, but I'm calling it canon".


Chapters 29 & 29.5 (The Eidolon ones).

Continuum jumped to 9/11 again, and saw a repeat of the scene where Dr. Herbert kidnapped baby Eidolon that he had seen in season 2 chapter 3.

He jumped ahead, and saw again the scene where Dr. Herbert talked to Eidolon just before she walked off, and Herbert met Jade-Shade & Chokecherry for the first time.

He jumped ahead, and saw Eidolon awkwardly meet Chokecherry for the first time.

He didn't know why he had to see that, but he saw it.


Chapters 30 and 31/38 (the author-insertion ones)

Continuum materialized in Mike Meggison's bedroom where he was sitting at his desk working at his computer.

He looked around, and saw all the stuff from "the shit on my walls", on his walls.

Mike noticed him in the corner of his eye, and said "oh, hey, you're the time-traveler guy from Sun-Dial, and Lonnie's. I've been expecting you".

Continuum looked over Mike's shoulder.
He saw him finishing and firing off a fateful e-mail to JS.

"So, this is the REAL origin to the story", Continuum muttered.

"Not quite", Mike said.

And with that, Continuum time-jumped again.

Still in Mike's room, now he was firing off an e-mail to Dr. Herbert.

"THIS is the real origin", Mike said with a satisfied smirk.


Season 2: Heroes, Villains, & other nutcases.

Chapter 1. (Streetsweepers meet Blood-Orange and Purple-Pepper)

JS and Chokie were back out on patrol, shooting the shit, and then Blood Orange and Purple Pepper turned up wanting to join the team.

Chokie, Orange, and Pepper started shooting the shit.
JS tuned out.
If he hadn't, he would have noticed Chokie subtly bragging about her vicarious murdering of the guy behind Tomahawk Fuzz.

After what Continuum had seen involving that, he approved.
Fuck that guy.


Chapter 2. (Zone Dweebies Addendum: Revenge of the Cyber-Vixens)

Chokie and Zoria Bacillus sat in Zoria's kitchen shooting the shit, and sipping tea.
The tea bags revealed it to be made by the Cosmic Incense Group.
They were a subsidiary of some heartless conglomerate.
Probably dealt in weapons.
Good tea though.

Continuum looked out the window, and across the street to see if Avian Louse was still there.
No dice.

He heard Chokie say something about JS's membership drive, and with that, he time jumped.


Chapter 3. (Jade Shade meets Commander Continuum (the man from 2014))

Commander Continuum arrived at the instant before the big bang, was crushed down, and then exploded back out into scattered energy and matter.

A quantum dissolve.

He re-collected himself, and found himself inside the standard time-drive tunnel.

He idly wondered if it was like this every time, and this was the first time he retained it.

He saw the red atom ring skull again, and followed it.
It took him back again to season 1 chapter 3, at the moment JS saw the store mask, and then another jump, and he was at chapter 7.5, where JS got the mask upgrade from Dr. H.

The skull crashed into the JS mask.

He found himself hovering motionless in the time corridor, and now the JS mask was giant, and glowing and with green electrons buzzing around it drawing rings.

The words "Quantum Dissolve", wouldn't leave his mind.

He said them aloud, and the corridor started to move again, and he hurtled way from the mask.

"Well, that was odd", he mumbled.

Just then, he materialized again in Horatio Allison's library, and merged with his past self.

Then, it all came back to him.
These events happened the first time, but this time, he could remember them.

He and Horatio proceeded to have the same conversation as last time word for word.
When religion came up, he flashed back to Tomahawk Fuzz.

He went back through the original time jumps again with new perspective.

Then, he looped back to season 1, chapter 1, except this time, the JS-mask-atom was there waiting for him.

It shrunk down, and fused with the original JS mask, and was gone.

"Quantum dissolved", Continuum muttered with a smirk.

And with that, he popped out of the loop, and was meeting JS for the first time again.

From there, he sped back up to the Bog-Gob chapter.


QD:Season 2, Chapter 7. (Jade Shade meets Bog-Gob)

Everything happened as before.
Commander Continuum excused himself, he stood in the back yard where he used to play as a child, he scrolled up the QD chapters, read them in slowed time, entered them, and then came back up to now.

Meanwhile...

Skip Lowe sat on the toilet.
In front of him was the sink, and on the sink counter were his birthday mug which he used for water for taking pills, and a bottle of acid reducers he had been taking.

He thought about digestion, and acid.
He thought about acid molecules taking food apart.
He imagined this dissolving happening at the quantum level, down to the quarks and electrons.
He imagined large scale objects being taken apart at the quantum level, and then being re-assembled as a mode of travel.
He started to imagine the kind of power source, scanner, and computer it would take to handle that much information to run this quantum dissolver.

He imagined a variation on the quantum dissolver that could send information, thus matter, backward in time.
He longed for such a device to exist to have the ability to snatch his past self out of the hellhole that was Hembsire Hillock.

He remembered an old friend there who had created Harry Hembock.
Then, things didn't seem so bad after all.
There was always a silver lining.

Then, he peeked out the window next to him, and saw a weird guy with spiky hair and sunglasses standing in the back yard staring at his watch.

He pushed the window open, and yelled "hey!! Get the hell outta here!!".

The man started, and ran off, almost bumping into Skip's ride on mower.

Skip sat back down, and tried to remember what he was thinking about.
He couldn't get his train of thought back, and it was gone.

He sighed, shrugged, and started wiping.


September 14th, 2015.

Commander Continuum materialized back in the Den Of Seclusion where it had all started.

The entire trip had taken only a couple minutes.

Commander Continuum looked up an article on 9/11, and jumped back into the scene he'd been to multiple times now.

This time, he was the future version of himself that said "I was always glad they died".

Circle complete, he came back to now.


He then dictated everything that happened into his watch, and e-mailed it to Mike Meggison.

Mike Meggison punched it up, and uploaded it to Shmegalamonga.


JS read the new chapter inside his mask.
When he was done, he flashed back to just after chapter 17.
Which happened just after he uploaded the events of chapter 13 to Mike Meggison.

He called up chapters 14-16 to refresh his memory.

Then it finally struck him that "Quantum Dissolve", was a good title after all.

He e-mailed Commander Continuum, and told him so.

Read More......

Sunday, December 27, 2015

My Christmas Loot: Part 4, The Face Of Loot.


Let's get right to it...


Ant-Man (2015)


See here, and here.

And with that, my Marvel collection is up to date.


Hannibal: Season 3 (2015)


See here.

I've already done all the bonus features and commentaries,
I'll have to binge all 3 seasons sometime.
It's an embarrassment of riches for geek-kind.
I've gone from five Hannibal films to 39 hours of television plus 5 films.
...and I still wouldn't mind if Lifetime finally made their "Clarice", series so I can have even more.


Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)


I saw the trailer for this every single time I saw "Guardians Of The Galaxy", and hated it every single time.
The film is a million times better than the trailer.
This took everyone by surprise.
I was the last stubborn holdout.
You win, "Kingsman", I own you now.
Looking forward to the sequel.


The Final Girls (2015)


See here, and here.

Another one that needs a sequel.


Street Trash (1987)


See here, and here.


Redneck Zombies (1989)


See here, and here.

And with this, and "Street Trash", my "Time Machine", wishlist is complete, and that fantasy accomplished.


Jodorowsky's Dune (2013)


See here.

Fiiiiinally!!
It's like the universe was fighting to keep this out of my hands.


Electric Boogaloo: 
The Wild, Untold Story Of Cannon Films!
(2014)


See here, and here.

Ditto Jodorowsky.

Excellent.
This is what I went to Bullmoose for in my second TFA review.
Miserable voyage, but so worth it.

And, that's it this year.
The rest was candy, and Frito Lay products.


THE END!


Read More......

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Big Winter Movies (Part 3.5).


And it's...you guessed it..."Alvin And The Chipmunks: The Road Chip"!!

Haha! As if.


Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)


Quickie summation, I still love it.

Mostly have to recount my experience this time out.

  • I hit a big-ass line as soon as I got into the building, but the line moved quickly at least.
  • Went to the noon showing at 11:13, and the place still had a bunch of people.
  • Got the captain's seat, bitches!!! B-)
  • Place filled up tight though. 
  • Listen, if you make it to a film like this at the last fucking minute, you aren't going to get good seats. Get that dumb sad look off your dumb face. You fucking knew you fucked up. 
  • If you get to a movie like this at the last minute, don't fiddle-fuck around further with snacks.
  • If you're bringing a herd of brats, squeeze the piss out of them before you go. Wring them like washcloths. And don't buy them a fucking drink.
  • If you bought a candy that comes in an indestructible wrapper, open it before the movie, or fuck you, you can't have it. 
  • Cover your mouth when you cough, you fucking pig.
  • This isn't your living room.
  • If you can't follow the story of a movie, too bad, you miss out, kiss your money goodbye, sucks to be you.
  • Really? You're gonna suck your water bottle so it makes the crinkle sound? Really, fuckface?
  • Back to the bladder thing. All you little idiots who had to piss, your life is ruined. You're gonna be forty-something kicking yourself that you missed cinema history. Sucks to be you. Haa-haaa!!
  • Clearly my crowd from the first time was better.
  • Getting out of there was a nightmare.
  • Getting to Bullmoose was a nightmare.
  • Getting out of Bullmoose was a nightmare.
  • Day after Christmas was a bad time to go anywhere.
  • All of the bullshit above? Worth it. SO fucking worth it.

Totally gonna go a third time when the little brats are back in school.

Up next, see above.

Read More......

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Superheroes Five: Part 3.5, Off-brand extra.


Aw, crap, I forgot one!


The Painkiller Jane reboot movie!

Directed by the Soska Sisters.

I forgot to add this to superheroes, cuz it overlapped with Halloween in the "Masters Of Horror", update.

No casting or production info happening yet.

So, that's it.

Tomorrow, Christmas!

Read More......

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Happy Winter!



And there goes fall.

Calendar wise.
Thanks to global warming, it's still fall.

But, that probably means January, February, and March will be horrifying.
*Braces self, but nothing can really brace you*


Read More......

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Big Winter Movies (Part 3).


And it's...."Sisters"!!!

Hahaha!! Yeah, right, you know WTF it is.


Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)


Let's recap the journey here.

First up, no spoilers, promise.

Quickie review...I loved it!!
Holy SHIT did I love it!!
Add this to my "movies that made me high", list!!

Now, the traditional bullet list.
  • Destroys the prequels.
  • Star Wars is back.
  • This is the movie I wanted to come out way back in fucking 1986.
  • It's everything you want it to be. Go see it. 
  • The new characters are awesome. You're going to love them.
  • The old characters are themselves, and it feels like a reunion with old friends the way each original sequel was.
  • Avoid social media and comments sections until you see it, cuz assholes will try to spoil it.
  • The nitpickers can go eat a big black Mickey Mouse dick.
  • The possibilities opened up for episode 8 & 9 are almost more exciting than the movie itself!
  • Right now, still buzzing, I'd rank them...4, 5, 7, 6, 3, 2, 1.
  • I could change my mind on the ranking above, but that's where it stands right now.
  • The place had a big line out front, and I almost chickened out, and I'm glad I didn't.
  • The theater was packed, but not like sardines, and I still had a pretty good seat with elbow room. 
  • No way in hell I was gonna get "the captain's chair", that ship sailed.
  • The crowd behaved themselves.
  • There was applause every time an old character came onscreen.
  • I had an incredible fucking time.
  • I'm gonna see it two more times.

Um, yeah, that about covers it.

Next one is "Rogue One".

Next for my reviews is this twice more, then Deadpool.

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Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Superheroes Five: Part 2.5, Marvel-ish.



 ??

Okay, this seems like a big enough deal that it couldn't stay hidden in the all-purpose thread until next year.

Last time, I lumped Micronauts and ROM into Marvel because of their past associations, so I'll continue the story here....


The Hasbro Cinematic Universe.




ROM is happening!
By way of Hasbro making a joint universe out of Transformers, G.I. Joe, ROM, Micronauts, Visionaries, and MASK.

Will it suck? Hey, Bay can't possibly direct all of them.
Plus, some of them will have to accidentally be good by the simple laws of math.

I have a slight twinkling of hope.

Anyway, ROM!!!!!!! Fucking ROM!!!!
Ho-ly shit!!!!

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Monday, December 7, 2015

All-purpose superhero/sci-fi update thread part 2.5.





Part 1.
Part 2.

I made this one 2.5 so that next year will be the real part 3, and it'll stay synced up with the horror one.

Hopefully, with all the future slates all laid out, this one will be easier to keep track of, since all the movies and shows just need casting and filming, mostly.



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Superheroes Five: Part 5, Superhero TV.


And, finally, the last one of these for this year.

Last year.


Marvel


Marvel/ABC


"Agents Of Shield", is still trucking along, and way better now than when it started.

Season 3 was about the forming of the team Secret Warriors who are Inhumans adjacent.

Powers Boothe played the villain Gideon Malick, and he didn't die, so he'll be back I'm sure.

The writer/producer of "12 Years A Slave", is developing a third (now fourth I guess) Marvel show for ABC.
No other details known.

The third show for ABC (but not the "12 years", guy one) will be the AoS spinoff "Marvel's Most Wanted", and have Adrianne Palicki as the star.



Several (as yet un-revealed) villains from the comics will appear in "Agent Carter", season 2.
Kurtwood Smith will also be in season 2.



Marvel/ABC are doing a sitcom based around "Damage Control", about a team that cleans up the wreckage from all the super battles.


Marvel/Netflix


Daredevil has been on, and was fucking excellent.

Daredevil has also been renewed for a second season.
Punisher (John Bernthal) and Elektra (√Člodie Yung) are going to be in it.
Matt Gerald will be Gladiator.
Did a post on Punisher being in it.

Jessica Jones came out and was even better than Daredevil.
Just fucking incredible.
I think these two Netflix shows are the best thing Marvel has ever made.
Onscreen wise, anyway.

Next up is Luke Cage produced by Cheo Hodari Coker who'll also write the first 2 episodes.

"Six Feet Under" and "Dexter" veteran Scott Buck will serve as showrunner on Netflix's "Iron Fist."

Rosario Dawson will be the crossover character for all 4 Netflix shows, she already popped up in the last episode of Jessica.

There are rumors of a "Moon Knight", Netflix series.
And there's a lot of fan wishing for a Punisher spinoff off of Daredevil.


Marvel/Fox


Marvel and Fox have cut a deal so they can do X-Men based TV shows.
Dunno yet what Marvel got in the bargain.

Anyhoo, from FX, we get "Legion", about Professor X's son whose psychic powers drink up the minds of people who were in the room at that moment, and now they're his multiple personalities.
He starts out not knowing he has powers, and thinking he's insane.
The producers assure us this will be Marvel's "Breaking Bad".



From Fox, we get "Hellfire", about the Hellfire Club.
The group of rich evil mutants we saw in "X-Men: First Class".

They're basically The Illuminati that fevered Youtube right-wing wackaloons are so terrified of.


Disney XD


And, there's an animated series of "Guardians Of The Galaxy", that came out in September.
Haven't seen it.


DC


DC/CW/CBS


Arrow is still plugging along.
The Atom has been on, got his suit, got his shrinking power, and has been on Flash, and is getting a spinoff.
Arrow and Flash have had two two-part crossovers, and they're going to be an annual tradition.
Doug Jones (Silver Surfer, Abe Sapian) has appeared as Deathbolt.



Flash is likewise plugging along, and getting better all the time.
Again, two two-part crossovers with Arrow so far.
Atom and Firestorm have shown up.
As have Hawkman and Hawkgirl.
The evil Flash opposite Zoom has been on, and I think it's John Wesley Shipp.
Mark Hamill has been on as the Trickster, and is returning for his second appearance next episode.
Wally West will also be on sometime this season.
Caitlin Snow will either become Killer Frost, or her dimensional opposite will show up as her. 
You may recall Killer Frost was my favorite character in "Batman: Assault On Arkham", which was basically really a Suicide Squad movie.



"Legends Of Tomorrow", will be the third series in the Arrow/Flash universe, and comes out in a couple months.
They're kind of a mini Justice League assembled from characters established in Arrow and Flash.
The lineup is Atom, Firestorm, Hawkgirl, Captain Cold, Heatwave, White Canary, and Rip Hunter.
The tone from the trailers is very "Avengers".

The CW is reportedly going to develop a solo series for Hawkgirl once "Legends" gets rolling.



Constantine was cancelled, but he crossed over to Arrow, and will be a main cast member of season 2 of "Legends", if it gets picked up.
Fingers crossed.



There's been an animated web series called "Vixen", that also exists in the Flash/Arrow-verse.
Haven't seen it yet.



I-zombie has been on, and I dug it a lot, but I've missed this (the second) season, and there are so many shows, I don't know when I'll ever catch back up to it if ever.


There's going to be a DC universe sitcom called "Powerless".
No graphic to go with it, cuz it's not based on a comic.
About a law firm that handles the aftermath of super battles.
Sounds like they pulled it out of their asses to compete with "Damage Control".
Meh, could still be good anyway.
I'm skeptical.



Supergirl has been on, and it's pretty good.
Bright, and fun, and hearkening to the DC animated days.

Amazingly, I don't hate Callista Flackhart as Kara's boss.
Helen Slater and Dean Caine have been on as Kara's step parents.
Owen Yeoman is going to be the villain Vartox.
In the comics, his appearance is based on Sean Connery in "Zardoz", which Vartox is clearly a mutation of.
Lexi Alexander will direct an episode.

Supergirl might crossover with The Flash.
It was dependent on if they ordered the full season for Supergirl, and they just did.


DC/Fox


Gotham is still plugging along, and getting better all the time.
They had an arc with a kid who seemed like he was The Joker, but they copped out, and made him fake.
BOOOOOOO!!!

Chris Chalk has joined Gotham as Lucius Fox.
Lori Petty will join when it returns for the second half of the season.

Paul Reubens (A.K.A. Pee-Wee Herman) is playing Penguin's dad on a future episode.
This will be the first crossover with the movie continuity for Gotham.
Arrow and Flash have done it a bunch already.



"Lucifer", is going to be a show.
A spinoff of Sandman, so the first onscreen thingy of the Sandman-verse.

Tom Ellis has been cast as Lucifer.
Joining him are D.B. Woodside as Amenadiel, an angel, Rachael Harris as Linda, Lucifer's therapist, Nicholas Gonzalez as Dan, an LAPD detective, and Lauren German as Cloe Dancer.


DC/AMC


"Preacher", is a real thing now, and coming soon.
Dominic Cooper (Howard Stark) is the titular Preacher.
Ruth Negga (Raina on "Agents of SHIELD") will play Tulip.
Ian Colletti will play Arseface.
Joseph Gilgun will play Cassidy.


DC/TNT


Can't get a straight story on whether or not the live action Teen Titans will be called "Titans", or "Blackbirds", but the lineup is supposedly Nightwing, Starfire, Raven, Barbara Gordon, and Hawk and Dove.


(Network unknown, assuming Cartoon Network)


More animated Justice League TV is on the way!


Wow, DC's come a long way from just two years ago, when all that existed for them was "Arrow", and "Man Of Steel".


All the rest




"Heroes Reborn", was a thing.
I abstained.



Stan Lee is producing a show called "Lucky Man", about a guy with a magic luck amulet.
It's going to be a Britsh show from the producers of "Downton Abbey", and starring James Nesbitt.



There's going to be a series based on Dreadstar.
...I never read it. Here's a link.
A space opera set far enough into the future that the Milky Way Galaxy is gone.



There's going to be a series based on "Sex Criminals", about a couple who discovers that having orgasms together causes them to freeze time, which they use to commit robberies.
I hope it goes to premium cable so they can go full-force with the nudity.



They rebooted Electra-Woman and Dyna-Girl as a web series.



A TV series will be made of "Lazarus".
From Image.
Yet another title I've never read.
About a dystopian future where rich families each own a Lazarus, which is a genetically engineered super solider to protect them.
Forever Carlyle is the Lazarus the story follows.



Universal is making a TV series of "The Wicked And The Divine".
About Gods and Demons that come to Earth in human form every century or so, and this time around, they're celebrities.



"American Gods", is going to be a TV series.
Based on a novel.



"The Boys", is being developed for TV.
About a gang of super strong goons who kill superheroes that go rogue.



Hack/Slash is being developed for TV.



They're remaking "Greatest American Hero".



MST3K is coming back thanks to Kickstarter.
Felicia Day and Patton Oswalt will be the new Mads.



There's talk that Rambo 5 will be a TV series instead of a movie.



Samurai Jack is coming back!



And finally, a new Star Trek series is finally in development.


I don't how I'm gonna watch all this shit!
I'm in the unique position of having to be choosey about what superhero/sci-fi shows I watch!
They always used to be such a thin trickle, I had to watch them all to sustain myself.
Now we're in a golden age.
Holy fucking shitballs.


Anyway, that's pretty much the end.
See you at Christmas.

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